Fic: Sixth Sense - R/L - PG-13
This one sort of freaks me out. In a good way? Possibly. I don't know how I came to write this, it just happened. I swear, these things have a life of their own!
Title: Sixth Sense
Pairing: Rimmer/Lister
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: Don't own Red Dwarf. Don't make money from this.
Notes: Written as part of the fanfic100 challenge - my table is here.
“Lister!”
Rimmer’s voice rang out in the darkness of the sleeping quarters. There seemed to be something odd about it, Lister thought groggily, as he slowly achieved consciousness. “What?” There seemed to be something odd going on with his voice too.
“What are you doing to my body?”
Oh, right.
“Lister, are you listening to me?”
“Yeah man, relax, will ye?” Lister sat up in bed, wincing as his - or rather Rimmer’s - hologramatic head went straight through the ceiling of his bunk. “I’m not doing anything to your body. I was asleep.”
“Liar!”
“What?”
“I have a sixth sense about these things, I can tell. I could always tell, even back in cadet-school. Especially then, actually.” There was a note of worry in Rimmer’s voice as it emerged from the larynx of Lister’s body.
“Rimmer, what are you on about?”
“I can tell. I can tell when people… You know…” There was a significant pause. “Actually, never mind. Good night!” The light in the lower bunk was turned off again almost immediately, and there was a flurry of blankets being tucked hurriedly around a body.
Realization dawned in Lister’s mind. “No!” He suddenly became acutely aware that his hands were lying in his lap. “No way, man!” Panic-stricken, he thrust them underneath him, which unfortunately, led to them ending up cupping his ass. He tried to clutch the sides of his bunk, but his hands went right through them. “Why would I do that? In your body? That’s disgusting!” He’d have to calm himself down, or he’d forget to concentrate and fall straight through the mattress down onto the bunk below, which didn’t bear thinking about just now. Or ever.
“I said, ‘never mind’,” came the hurried and nervous reply from the bunk below. “Forget I ever mentioned it.”
“Forget you mentioned it?” Lister desperately searched for ways to occupy his hands, wondering what Holly would say if he asked him to simulate a pair of hand-cuffs for him. “Those images are burned into my brain now, man!”
“Well,” Rimmer replied dryly, “I’m flattered that you find my body so appealing.”
“That’s not it, you know that’s not it,” Lister moaned, trying to tie the sleeves of his t-shirt together, “It’s just that you’re a complete and utter smeghead.”
“Muchos gracias then.” The light was turned back on again. “But you admit it?”
“What?”
“Look, I told you, I have a sixth sense for these things. There’s no point lying about it.”
“You have a sixth sense,” Lister noted disbelievingly, “that tells you when people are having a wank?”
Rimmer coughed. “As always, Lister, you have such a delightful way with words.”
“Rimmer, that’s not a sixth sense, that’s called ‘not being smegging blind and deaf’!”
The hologram snorted. “Well yes, obviously, if you’re being obvious, then yes, obviously anyone could tell, obviously.”
Lister stopped pulling at his shirt, and settled down expectantly. This should be good for a laugh. “And you know a way of not being obvious then, do you?”
“Obv… But of course!” Rimmer cheerfully replied.
“Right then, let’s hear it!”
There was some shuffling of bedclothes, and the somewhat muted clearing of a throat. “Well… It’s rather personal. I wouldn’t want to divulge any details just like that.”
Lister chuckled, and shook his head. “Give it up, man, there’s no such thing as making love to yerself with someone else in the room and not getting noticed. What, you think you’ve got some sixth sense - I notice every time too.”
“You do?” There was a note of worry in Rimmer’s voice.
“’Course I do. And yeah, I know about that sock you used to bite down on to stop from making any noise, and what you were doing when you were in the shower for half an hour. It doesn’t help, you know. Makes it easier to tell, actually.”
There was a sudden, chilling silence from below. “What?”
Lister sighed. This was getting them nowhere, and he was sleepy and depressed. Not having a body really was horrible. He couldn’t wait for this swap to be over. “Look, you were right, let’s just forget about this. It doesn’t matter anyway.”
“Right.”
“Right.” Lister saw the light go out in the lower bunk, and for a moment, envied Rimmer having the fingers to do so. It was strange to only be able to touch your own body, especially when it wasn’t actually yours. Rimmer was indeed in better shape than he was, Lister was forced to admit, or at least he had been before he died. It was weird though, this actually did feel like a real body. The muscles in the arms were nicely toned, the stomach firm, with just a hint of muscle, and the pecs - Lister froze as he realized he was caressing Rimmer’s body. He let out a silent scream, and turned around to sleep on Rimmer’s stomach, hands clasped behind Rimmer’s back. There was no escape; Rimmer was all around him; he WAS Rimmer! Oh god.
He’d have to talk to Holly about those handcuffs in the morning. Meanwhile, the telling silence in the bunk below spoke volumes.
Title: Sixth Sense
Pairing: Rimmer/Lister
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: Don't own Red Dwarf. Don't make money from this.
Notes: Written as part of the fanfic100 challenge - my table is here.
“Lister!”
Rimmer’s voice rang out in the darkness of the sleeping quarters. There seemed to be something odd about it, Lister thought groggily, as he slowly achieved consciousness. “What?” There seemed to be something odd going on with his voice too.
“What are you doing to my body?”
Oh, right.
“Lister, are you listening to me?”
“Yeah man, relax, will ye?” Lister sat up in bed, wincing as his - or rather Rimmer’s - hologramatic head went straight through the ceiling of his bunk. “I’m not doing anything to your body. I was asleep.”
“Liar!”
“What?”
“I have a sixth sense about these things, I can tell. I could always tell, even back in cadet-school. Especially then, actually.” There was a note of worry in Rimmer’s voice as it emerged from the larynx of Lister’s body.
“Rimmer, what are you on about?”
“I can tell. I can tell when people… You know…” There was a significant pause. “Actually, never mind. Good night!” The light in the lower bunk was turned off again almost immediately, and there was a flurry of blankets being tucked hurriedly around a body.
Realization dawned in Lister’s mind. “No!” He suddenly became acutely aware that his hands were lying in his lap. “No way, man!” Panic-stricken, he thrust them underneath him, which unfortunately, led to them ending up cupping his ass. He tried to clutch the sides of his bunk, but his hands went right through them. “Why would I do that? In your body? That’s disgusting!” He’d have to calm himself down, or he’d forget to concentrate and fall straight through the mattress down onto the bunk below, which didn’t bear thinking about just now. Or ever.
“I said, ‘never mind’,” came the hurried and nervous reply from the bunk below. “Forget I ever mentioned it.”
“Forget you mentioned it?” Lister desperately searched for ways to occupy his hands, wondering what Holly would say if he asked him to simulate a pair of hand-cuffs for him. “Those images are burned into my brain now, man!”
“Well,” Rimmer replied dryly, “I’m flattered that you find my body so appealing.”
“That’s not it, you know that’s not it,” Lister moaned, trying to tie the sleeves of his t-shirt together, “It’s just that you’re a complete and utter smeghead.”
“Muchos gracias then.” The light was turned back on again. “But you admit it?”
“What?”
“Look, I told you, I have a sixth sense for these things. There’s no point lying about it.”
“You have a sixth sense,” Lister noted disbelievingly, “that tells you when people are having a wank?”
Rimmer coughed. “As always, Lister, you have such a delightful way with words.”
“Rimmer, that’s not a sixth sense, that’s called ‘not being smegging blind and deaf’!”
The hologram snorted. “Well yes, obviously, if you’re being obvious, then yes, obviously anyone could tell, obviously.”
Lister stopped pulling at his shirt, and settled down expectantly. This should be good for a laugh. “And you know a way of not being obvious then, do you?”
“Obv… But of course!” Rimmer cheerfully replied.
“Right then, let’s hear it!”
There was some shuffling of bedclothes, and the somewhat muted clearing of a throat. “Well… It’s rather personal. I wouldn’t want to divulge any details just like that.”
Lister chuckled, and shook his head. “Give it up, man, there’s no such thing as making love to yerself with someone else in the room and not getting noticed. What, you think you’ve got some sixth sense - I notice every time too.”
“You do?” There was a note of worry in Rimmer’s voice.
“’Course I do. And yeah, I know about that sock you used to bite down on to stop from making any noise, and what you were doing when you were in the shower for half an hour. It doesn’t help, you know. Makes it easier to tell, actually.”
There was a sudden, chilling silence from below. “What?”
Lister sighed. This was getting them nowhere, and he was sleepy and depressed. Not having a body really was horrible. He couldn’t wait for this swap to be over. “Look, you were right, let’s just forget about this. It doesn’t matter anyway.”
“Right.”
“Right.” Lister saw the light go out in the lower bunk, and for a moment, envied Rimmer having the fingers to do so. It was strange to only be able to touch your own body, especially when it wasn’t actually yours. Rimmer was indeed in better shape than he was, Lister was forced to admit, or at least he had been before he died. It was weird though, this actually did feel like a real body. The muscles in the arms were nicely toned, the stomach firm, with just a hint of muscle, and the pecs - Lister froze as he realized he was caressing Rimmer’s body. He let out a silent scream, and turned around to sleep on Rimmer’s stomach, hands clasped behind Rimmer’s back. There was no escape; Rimmer was all around him; he WAS Rimmer! Oh god.
He’d have to talk to Holly about those handcuffs in the morning. Meanwhile, the telling silence in the bunk below spoke volumes.