Fic: When? - R/L - G
Title: When?
Pairing: Rimmer/Lister (implied)
Rating: G
Disclaimer: Do I own Red Dwarf? Do I kittens. I make absolutely no money from this either.
Spoilers: Stoke Me a Clipper, and to some degree, Blue (Set pre-Blue).
Notes: What I love about Red Dwarf is that this story, while clearly slashy in my mind, is virtually canon, given Blue... Written as part of the fanfic100 challenge - my table is here.
He’s coming back. I know he is. Because that’s the thing; he always comes back. Bastard.
For starters, he died, didn’t he? Thought I’d never see him again, and good riddance, but he came back. I was hopping mad at Holly for picking him. “Why Rimmer?” I’d yell, “there are socks at the bottom of my laundry-basket with more charisma than him!” I used to nag at him for hours every day to get me someone else, but he just kept saying how I was closer to Rimmer than any other person on the ship, and refused. I thought he’d gone mental for sure, but that was it; I was stuck with Rimsy. End of story. So y’see, that’s the thing about Rimmer, you can’t get rid of him, no matter how hard you try. And I’ve tried, man, believe me, I’ve tried. Nothing helps.
Cat had the right idea, didn’t he, when that holoship took him away. Let’s get out of here, he said, and we could’ve - we should’ve! But we didn’t, we stayed, and what happened? Smeghead came back. And soon as he did, he started yappin’ about leaving again, and we’re thinking; right, this is it. And he wins his stupid little contest and gets in, and buggers off. I made plans for re-decorating the sleeping-quarters and everything, Cat was gonna move in, and we were gonna put up a hammock. I thought for sure he was gone for good that time, but no. Came back, didn’t he?
For a minute there, I’d thought we might’ve lost him on that psi-moon he terraformed to fit the landscape of his own sick mind. You have to wonder at a man that hates himself so much his own mind would try to torture and kill him. It was a sick, sick place, but we found him, much good that did us. We’d’ve been stuck down there, killed even, if it hadn’t been some quick thinking on Kryten’s part and some little white lies, not that I felt comfortable telling ‘em. He’s messed up, that man is, and us pretending to like him can’t have helped matters. Still, what could we’ve done? Not one of us really liked Rimmer. That was just the way of it.
He stayed put for a while after that, but just as I was thinking he’d settled down, the goit-faced gimoboid split again. And smegging hell was I aching to smack his hard-light body ‘til he couldn’t see straight after pulling that stunt. He’s a coward, yeah, we all know that. Accepted. Fine. But you don’t betray yer crewmates like that; that’s just not on. We wouldn’t stand for it, none of us. I’ll admit, I was gloating over him having to spend all those centuries alone. If you wanna think that makes me a bad person, go ahead. You have to understand though; you don’t know him like I do. Normally, when you get to know a person, when you’re forced together, like, you can get to liking them. And before he pulled that stunt I almost did, you know, I thought he’d changed. That made it worse, somehow, hurt me feelings, like. Anyway, I figured, you know, five hundred years trapped with clones of yerself is punishment enough for any person, and for Rimmer… Well, it was worse than anything I could have done to him, I’ll tell ye that. After we’d gotten him back he got kinda jumpy, tried to avoid looking at himself in the mirror and that, but he was back, guy. That’s what I’m saying. Back in his bunk, snoring away so as I don’t hardly get any sleep; back to annoying us all with his stupid boring stories; back to being a pain in the derriere.
Rimmer always comes back. God knows why. What’s there here for him to come back too? Maybe he’s too much of a coward to dare settle down somewhere else? I wouldn’t put it past him, not at all, not even now that he’s Ace. It’s ingrained in him. I swear, if you’d’ve taken out his DNA and examined it, you’d’ve found tiny little instructions fer him to smeg off back home whenever things get rough. Home. Heh. I suppose we all’ve started thinking of this stupid little ship as our home, in a way, so maybe he does too. Maybe, in some odd, neurotic way, he considers us family. Maybe he does, at that.
Thing is, this place just isn’t the same without him. Holly brought Rimmer back to keep me sane, and some nights I lay awake wondering if, now that he’s gone, I’m slowly losing my mind. I keep having these weird dreams, man. It’s embarrassing to talk about, really, I’m not sure if I want to. Thing is, they disturb me. I don’t understand why I’m having them, and I certainly don’t understand why I keep dwelling on them. It’s not like me; I’m not a dweller. I don’t understand this. I’ve got Krissie now, sort of, but I mean, it’s a woman, yeah? And she’s sort of my Krissie, she’s got some of the same memories, and she kind of looks like her from the right angle. So why’m I hung up on smeghead? Makes me think; did Holly know something I didn’t? Well, he’s gone - she’s gone, whatever; I’ve got no one to ask. All I know, for absolute certain, is; he’s coming back, yeah?
Of course he is. He always does. It’s just a matter of when.
When are you coming back, eh?
Come back, Arn.
Please.
Pairing: Rimmer/Lister (implied)
Rating: G
Disclaimer: Do I own Red Dwarf? Do I kittens. I make absolutely no money from this either.
Spoilers: Stoke Me a Clipper, and to some degree, Blue (Set pre-Blue).
Notes: What I love about Red Dwarf is that this story, while clearly slashy in my mind, is virtually canon, given Blue... Written as part of the fanfic100 challenge - my table is here.
He’s coming back. I know he is. Because that’s the thing; he always comes back. Bastard.
For starters, he died, didn’t he? Thought I’d never see him again, and good riddance, but he came back. I was hopping mad at Holly for picking him. “Why Rimmer?” I’d yell, “there are socks at the bottom of my laundry-basket with more charisma than him!” I used to nag at him for hours every day to get me someone else, but he just kept saying how I was closer to Rimmer than any other person on the ship, and refused. I thought he’d gone mental for sure, but that was it; I was stuck with Rimsy. End of story. So y’see, that’s the thing about Rimmer, you can’t get rid of him, no matter how hard you try. And I’ve tried, man, believe me, I’ve tried. Nothing helps.
Cat had the right idea, didn’t he, when that holoship took him away. Let’s get out of here, he said, and we could’ve - we should’ve! But we didn’t, we stayed, and what happened? Smeghead came back. And soon as he did, he started yappin’ about leaving again, and we’re thinking; right, this is it. And he wins his stupid little contest and gets in, and buggers off. I made plans for re-decorating the sleeping-quarters and everything, Cat was gonna move in, and we were gonna put up a hammock. I thought for sure he was gone for good that time, but no. Came back, didn’t he?
For a minute there, I’d thought we might’ve lost him on that psi-moon he terraformed to fit the landscape of his own sick mind. You have to wonder at a man that hates himself so much his own mind would try to torture and kill him. It was a sick, sick place, but we found him, much good that did us. We’d’ve been stuck down there, killed even, if it hadn’t been some quick thinking on Kryten’s part and some little white lies, not that I felt comfortable telling ‘em. He’s messed up, that man is, and us pretending to like him can’t have helped matters. Still, what could we’ve done? Not one of us really liked Rimmer. That was just the way of it.
He stayed put for a while after that, but just as I was thinking he’d settled down, the goit-faced gimoboid split again. And smegging hell was I aching to smack his hard-light body ‘til he couldn’t see straight after pulling that stunt. He’s a coward, yeah, we all know that. Accepted. Fine. But you don’t betray yer crewmates like that; that’s just not on. We wouldn’t stand for it, none of us. I’ll admit, I was gloating over him having to spend all those centuries alone. If you wanna think that makes me a bad person, go ahead. You have to understand though; you don’t know him like I do. Normally, when you get to know a person, when you’re forced together, like, you can get to liking them. And before he pulled that stunt I almost did, you know, I thought he’d changed. That made it worse, somehow, hurt me feelings, like. Anyway, I figured, you know, five hundred years trapped with clones of yerself is punishment enough for any person, and for Rimmer… Well, it was worse than anything I could have done to him, I’ll tell ye that. After we’d gotten him back he got kinda jumpy, tried to avoid looking at himself in the mirror and that, but he was back, guy. That’s what I’m saying. Back in his bunk, snoring away so as I don’t hardly get any sleep; back to annoying us all with his stupid boring stories; back to being a pain in the derriere.
Rimmer always comes back. God knows why. What’s there here for him to come back too? Maybe he’s too much of a coward to dare settle down somewhere else? I wouldn’t put it past him, not at all, not even now that he’s Ace. It’s ingrained in him. I swear, if you’d’ve taken out his DNA and examined it, you’d’ve found tiny little instructions fer him to smeg off back home whenever things get rough. Home. Heh. I suppose we all’ve started thinking of this stupid little ship as our home, in a way, so maybe he does too. Maybe, in some odd, neurotic way, he considers us family. Maybe he does, at that.
Thing is, this place just isn’t the same without him. Holly brought Rimmer back to keep me sane, and some nights I lay awake wondering if, now that he’s gone, I’m slowly losing my mind. I keep having these weird dreams, man. It’s embarrassing to talk about, really, I’m not sure if I want to. Thing is, they disturb me. I don’t understand why I’m having them, and I certainly don’t understand why I keep dwelling on them. It’s not like me; I’m not a dweller. I don’t understand this. I’ve got Krissie now, sort of, but I mean, it’s a woman, yeah? And she’s sort of my Krissie, she’s got some of the same memories, and she kind of looks like her from the right angle. So why’m I hung up on smeghead? Makes me think; did Holly know something I didn’t? Well, he’s gone - she’s gone, whatever; I’ve got no one to ask. All I know, for absolute certain, is; he’s coming back, yeah?
Of course he is. He always does. It’s just a matter of when.
When are you coming back, eh?
Come back, Arn.
Please.