Confessions

[redgrrl]

My family and friends have all been very sympathetic about Lola, and I expressed gratitude at all the appropriate places, but what I really felt was anger. I just want my damn dog back, ya know

Comments

[cjsmith]

what I really felt was anger. I just want my damn dog back, ya know?

Amen. **hug**

[redgrrl]

Thanks for understanding, Ceej. I just miss her so much.

[lindsaynic25]

I cannot even tell you how worried I am about you momma. I think every day about Lola and want to cry, and i cannot imagine how you feel being at home all the time. It's hard to get used to - even the other night when i watched a movie with you, i caught myself glancing around the corner wanting to call out Lola's name so she could come hang out with us. Whatever you need momma - i'm here for you!

[redgrrl]

Thanks, honey -- I'll be fine. You are a sweetheart.

[kimatha]

I remember all my lost pets VIVIDLY. My first cat - we were both 13 when he disappeared - I can shut my eyes and see his face.

You will never, never forget Lola. I promise.

[redgrrl]

Thank you, Kim. I know you've been through plenty of loss with your animals and know how I feel. I just hope I can somehow see Lola again someday -- I miss her so much.

[lyssandri]

Oh, Wendy!

No, you won't forget Lola. You won't forget the way she moves, or how she looked at you, or what it felt like to snuggle up with her in your arms or any of the rest of it. You won't. Those memories can be bittersweet at times - I'm sitting here right now crying because I can so easily see Sabaka sitting in his spot just by the foot of the bed, looking at me, mustering up all the hope he can that maybe, just maybe, momma's going to give him a treat. And yet I wouldn't trade that memory for anything.what I really felt was anger. I just want my damn dog back, ya know?
I know. Oh, do I know. I still want Baka back, too, and he's been gone well over a year-and-a-half. But I know that even if we could have giving him some kind of treatment to lengthen his life, he wouldn't have understood what was happening to him or why, and it would have been cruel to him to make him suffer the side effects when he couldn't comprehend that what we were doing was trying to make him better, so I have to find comfort in knowing that letting

[redgrrl]

Thank you for all your kind words, Kris. It helps to hear from someone who has gone through something similar. I have had many doubts in my mind about whetehr or not I did the right thing. Would Lola have survived if I'd waited longer, hospitalized her longer? I guess I just have to trust my insticts. She didn't understand why i was abandoning her to a cement cage all by herself and why her tummy hurt and why she couldn't eat or drink anything. I just couldn't risk her dying in that place.

I still can't believe she's gone.

[lyssandri]

I understand about the doubts, too, but from what you've described, it sounds like you did make the best choice for her. Pancreatitis can be very serious - in humans as well as dogs. Seven or 8 years ago, Matt's mom had developed it after going into the hospital for an outpatient test and, while it took a lot longer for her to get the point Lola did, Matt, his brother and their father eventually had to take her off life support because it was clear she would never recover. From what you've written, It sounds to me like Lola was letting you know that she was ready to move on, but wanted to be at home for a while first, and I'm glad you had that last bit of time together

[redgrrl]

Thanks again -- now stop making me cry! :)

I forgot that that was what Matt's mom died of. The pancreas is such a mysteriously important organ!