I want to talk about oppression.
This is probably only vaguely related to this community, but I figure y'all are probably cool with off-topic rants 'n' rambles, and it is a subject that likely affects everyone in some way.
So we all know that it's not cool to use "gay" and "retarded" as insults, or to mean un-cool. So what can we use? Do "lame" and "crazy" oppress alternately-abled people? Does "stupid" oppress people who aren't so smart? I definitely use those latter terms, but thinking about it now through my egalitarian mind filter, I'm thinking they're not so great.
How about sexism. My self-proclaimed male feminist friends would never ever ever use "cunt," "bitch," or "pussy" as insults... but I hear them calling each other "dick" all the time. If we don't use "cunt" or "pussy" (as insults) because they reduce a female-bodied person to one part of their body, objectify that person, and use body parts specific to females as an insult, shouldn't the same hold true for calling someone a dick or dickhead or whatever? Is it okay to call someone a dick as an insult because men generally aren't oppressed (as opposed to women)? I often will use "asshole" as an insult, since it doesn't single out any group of people. Does that still objectify a person? If it's an insult, is it okay to reduce the person you're insulting to one part of their body, as long as it's a body part that everyone has?
And what's up with "douchebag"? I'd feel weird about calling someone a douchebag, primarily because it just doesn't make any sense- "dude you clean vaginas, hahaha ZING!" But is it a sexist term or what? Since we know that douching really isn't great for vaginal health, is "douchebag" a viable insult?
Random sidenote, since I'm on the topic of profane phrases that don't make sense. "I don't give a shit" versus "I don't give a fuck" to mean "I don't care." "I don't give a shit" means something along the lines of "I care so little about this that I couldn't be bothered to take a shit due to it." That makes sense... but "I don't give a fuck"? Giving someone a fuck takes a considerable amount of effort, at least more than shitting does.
What about "breeder"? Within my community, there is a strong tendency towards people choosing not to reproduce for environmental reasons (please let's not argue about this here, I'm just providing background), and this word is thrown around a lot to refer derogatorily to anyone who has had children. However, I was recently reading an online debate wherein some people stated that it is a sexist term because it's historically been used to refer solely to women, as an insult to female baby-makin' parts, and to blame women for the existence of children. Personally, I'd never heard "breeder" used this way before, and it seems kind of sexist to me to choose not to use "breeder" based on the assumption that it can only apply to women, because obviously it takes more than a female to propagate. I've also heard "breeder" in the queer community as an insult to straight people. I never use the word in this way, because being straight isn't in itself a bad thing (just like how being queer isn't a bad thing, it's just a thing).
These same aforementioned male feminist friends (who spell "women" with a y, say "herstory" instead of "history", "shero" instead of "hero", and "womanifest" instead of "manifest") would never call female-bodied people "chicks," but they regularly use "girls" to refer to women who are definitely not pre-pubescent. This seems really demeaning and degrading to me, but I've been told that it's just slang for "young woman", the counterpart to "guy". It also bothers me how people say "you guys" when speaking to a group of people- even if they're all male-bodied, how do you know that everyone in that group identifies as a guy?
The other day, I explained to someone why I don't use the term "motherfucker"- because I see it as sexist and sex-negative (I also had to explain what "sex-positive" means). Similarly, I don't use the word "cocksucker" because it's sex-negative and instills a domination over the person allegedly sucking cock. But if my reasoning behind not using these terms holds to be appropriate, does that mean that saying things like "fuck you," "this sucks," and "fucker" are sex-negative, presenting sexual acts in a negative light, and perpetuating sex as dirty- and therefore these terms shouldn't be used? How about "wanker" and "go fuck yourself"? I'd argue that wanking is awesome and healthy, and therefore these phrases should not be insulting.
Reclaiming. Queer, dyke, fag, tranny. I use "queer" regularly to mean "anyone not 100% straight" because it's a lot easier than saying "gay, lesbian, bisexual, pansexual, asexual, polysexual, et cetera." I never hear "queer" as an insult (though I'm aware of its past as a derogatory term), and it would seem kind of silly to me to hear it intended insultingly; at least within my community, it seems to be reclaimed to the point that it's lost its power to be venomous and hurtful.
I also use "dyke" because I (sometimes) identify as one, and to me it has connotations of both a sexual orientation and of a gender identity (so to me, it's different/more specific than "lesbian"). I thought that I thought of "dyke" similarly to how I feel about "queer", but a friend of mine who identifies as a straight cis-male ally also uses "dyke" and for some reason I really hate hearing him say it. I can't rationally explain it, because he doesn't use it in a negative context at all but it just sounds wrong to me coming out of his mouth. Am I bothered by his usage of "dyke" because it's not quite as reclaimed as I might think? Or is it because he isn't a lesbian? Is it okay to use a reclaimed term only if it applies to you? If I were 100% straight and cisgendered, I would certainly still be a strong queer ally- but would that mean that it wouldn't be okay for me to use "dyke" just because I happened to be straight, even though I'd be using it in the exact same sense as I do now? Or is it okay to use a reclaimed term if you identify as an ally to that group of people?
(This paragraph could apply similarly to "fag" but I can't really speak to that because I don't identify as one and I don't use the word. Also this could apply to various racial terms, but "dyke" is more relevant to me.)
"Tranny." I know that the topic of who can use this word has been discussed in this community before. I seem to recall reading opinions varying from nobody to anyone who doesn't identify as cisgender to only MtFs (did someone say only black MtFs?). I don't know. I don't use it, because to me, it seems demeaning. I prefer to say "trans*" or "gender variant". Again, a lot easier to say "gender variant" than to say "transsexual, transgender, FtM, MtF, genderqueer, twospirit, androgyne, non-transitioning transgender, et cetera et cetera." Thus, my personal phrasing of LGBTQQIABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVWXYZ tends to be "queer and/or gender variant."
Here's something else that bugs me, that I'm guessing some of you don't like either: "opposite gender," "opposite sex," "both genders." My point of view is that there is no such thing as opposite sex, because there is nothing opposite about a penis and a clitoris. The only things "opposite" are society's expected binary genders: strong versus weak, loud versus quiet, working versus nurturing, et cetera et cetera. Of course, this ties in directly with my issue with the terms "both genders" or "either gender", anything that implies that there are two and only two genders to choose from... I don't need to get into this, you all know what's up. And of course "both sexes" or "either sex" completely neglect the existence of intersexed people. (By the way: do "medically transitioning MtF" and "ditto ditto FtM" count as distinct sexes? Does it matter?)
Yet another realm of things to think about: speciesist language. I mentioned earlier that I identify philosophically as egalitarian. I don't think anything is better or worse than anything else (ergo I am vegan). There are a LOT of speciesist terms that sneak their way into English, and I do not like it. One that I hear a lot in my community is calling cops "pigs." This is offensive to pigs, is it not? Nobody deserves the name of their species to be applied derogatorily to oppressors. Similarly, I eschew phrases such as "my room is a pigsty," "quit hogging all the cookies," "fishing for compliments," "goosebumps," "killing two birds with one stone," and the knot known as a "double fisherman." I often say "coldbumps" rather than "goosebumps" (since "goosebumps" refers to a bird's skin after they've been plucked) and "feeding two birds with one seed" rather than "killing..." I've also heard the double fisherman called a "double forestco": the gender-neutral pronoun "co" replaces "man," and I suppose "forest" (-dweller? I don't know) is preferable to referring to a profession based on murder when you're just talking about knots.
This brings me to the topic of what words CAN we use to insult others without oppressing anyone? (Hahahaha what an oxymoron!) How about "asshole" and "piece of shit"? I've heard anti-capitalists say "that banks" rather than "that sucks", or "that's so rich" instead of "that's so lame". Rather than picking on a sector of people who possess a characteristic that really shouldn't be a bad thing, as words like "lame," "gay," or "wanker" do, should we pick on people who DO do things that are bad? Should we suggest "that's rapist" instead of "that's gay"?
ahhhh okay I'm done. Wow that felt good to get this out. I realize this post is way too long, and I realize that I sound ridiculously PC, but I'm just trying to be respectful of everyone. Your thoughts?
So we all know that it's not cool to use "gay" and "retarded" as insults, or to mean un-cool. So what can we use? Do "lame" and "crazy" oppress alternately-abled people? Does "stupid" oppress people who aren't so smart? I definitely use those latter terms, but thinking about it now through my egalitarian mind filter, I'm thinking they're not so great.
How about sexism. My self-proclaimed male feminist friends would never ever ever use "cunt," "bitch," or "pussy" as insults... but I hear them calling each other "dick" all the time. If we don't use "cunt" or "pussy" (as insults) because they reduce a female-bodied person to one part of their body, objectify that person, and use body parts specific to females as an insult, shouldn't the same hold true for calling someone a dick or dickhead or whatever? Is it okay to call someone a dick as an insult because men generally aren't oppressed (as opposed to women)? I often will use "asshole" as an insult, since it doesn't single out any group of people. Does that still objectify a person? If it's an insult, is it okay to reduce the person you're insulting to one part of their body, as long as it's a body part that everyone has?
And what's up with "douchebag"? I'd feel weird about calling someone a douchebag, primarily because it just doesn't make any sense- "dude you clean vaginas, hahaha ZING!" But is it a sexist term or what? Since we know that douching really isn't great for vaginal health, is "douchebag" a viable insult?
Random sidenote, since I'm on the topic of profane phrases that don't make sense. "I don't give a shit" versus "I don't give a fuck" to mean "I don't care." "I don't give a shit" means something along the lines of "I care so little about this that I couldn't be bothered to take a shit due to it." That makes sense... but "I don't give a fuck"? Giving someone a fuck takes a considerable amount of effort, at least more than shitting does.
What about "breeder"? Within my community, there is a strong tendency towards people choosing not to reproduce for environmental reasons (please let's not argue about this here, I'm just providing background), and this word is thrown around a lot to refer derogatorily to anyone who has had children. However, I was recently reading an online debate wherein some people stated that it is a sexist term because it's historically been used to refer solely to women, as an insult to female baby-makin' parts, and to blame women for the existence of children. Personally, I'd never heard "breeder" used this way before, and it seems kind of sexist to me to choose not to use "breeder" based on the assumption that it can only apply to women, because obviously it takes more than a female to propagate. I've also heard "breeder" in the queer community as an insult to straight people. I never use the word in this way, because being straight isn't in itself a bad thing (just like how being queer isn't a bad thing, it's just a thing).
These same aforementioned male feminist friends (who spell "women" with a y, say "herstory" instead of "history", "shero" instead of "hero", and "womanifest" instead of "manifest") would never call female-bodied people "chicks," but they regularly use "girls" to refer to women who are definitely not pre-pubescent. This seems really demeaning and degrading to me, but I've been told that it's just slang for "young woman", the counterpart to "guy". It also bothers me how people say "you guys" when speaking to a group of people- even if they're all male-bodied, how do you know that everyone in that group identifies as a guy?
The other day, I explained to someone why I don't use the term "motherfucker"- because I see it as sexist and sex-negative (I also had to explain what "sex-positive" means). Similarly, I don't use the word "cocksucker" because it's sex-negative and instills a domination over the person allegedly sucking cock. But if my reasoning behind not using these terms holds to be appropriate, does that mean that saying things like "fuck you," "this sucks," and "fucker" are sex-negative, presenting sexual acts in a negative light, and perpetuating sex as dirty- and therefore these terms shouldn't be used? How about "wanker" and "go fuck yourself"? I'd argue that wanking is awesome and healthy, and therefore these phrases should not be insulting.
Reclaiming. Queer, dyke, fag, tranny. I use "queer" regularly to mean "anyone not 100% straight" because it's a lot easier than saying "gay, lesbian, bisexual, pansexual, asexual, polysexual, et cetera." I never hear "queer" as an insult (though I'm aware of its past as a derogatory term), and it would seem kind of silly to me to hear it intended insultingly; at least within my community, it seems to be reclaimed to the point that it's lost its power to be venomous and hurtful.
I also use "dyke" because I (sometimes) identify as one, and to me it has connotations of both a sexual orientation and of a gender identity (so to me, it's different/more specific than "lesbian"). I thought that I thought of "dyke" similarly to how I feel about "queer", but a friend of mine who identifies as a straight cis-male ally also uses "dyke" and for some reason I really hate hearing him say it. I can't rationally explain it, because he doesn't use it in a negative context at all but it just sounds wrong to me coming out of his mouth. Am I bothered by his usage of "dyke" because it's not quite as reclaimed as I might think? Or is it because he isn't a lesbian? Is it okay to use a reclaimed term only if it applies to you? If I were 100% straight and cisgendered, I would certainly still be a strong queer ally- but would that mean that it wouldn't be okay for me to use "dyke" just because I happened to be straight, even though I'd be using it in the exact same sense as I do now? Or is it okay to use a reclaimed term if you identify as an ally to that group of people?
(This paragraph could apply similarly to "fag" but I can't really speak to that because I don't identify as one and I don't use the word. Also this could apply to various racial terms, but "dyke" is more relevant to me.)
"Tranny." I know that the topic of who can use this word has been discussed in this community before. I seem to recall reading opinions varying from nobody to anyone who doesn't identify as cisgender to only MtFs (did someone say only black MtFs?). I don't know. I don't use it, because to me, it seems demeaning. I prefer to say "trans*" or "gender variant". Again, a lot easier to say "gender variant" than to say "transsexual, transgender, FtM, MtF, genderqueer, twospirit, androgyne, non-transitioning transgender, et cetera et cetera." Thus, my personal phrasing of LGBTQQIABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVWXYZ tends to be "queer and/or gender variant."
Here's something else that bugs me, that I'm guessing some of you don't like either: "opposite gender," "opposite sex," "both genders." My point of view is that there is no such thing as opposite sex, because there is nothing opposite about a penis and a clitoris. The only things "opposite" are society's expected binary genders: strong versus weak, loud versus quiet, working versus nurturing, et cetera et cetera. Of course, this ties in directly with my issue with the terms "both genders" or "either gender", anything that implies that there are two and only two genders to choose from... I don't need to get into this, you all know what's up. And of course "both sexes" or "either sex" completely neglect the existence of intersexed people. (By the way: do "medically transitioning MtF" and "ditto ditto FtM" count as distinct sexes? Does it matter?)
Yet another realm of things to think about: speciesist language. I mentioned earlier that I identify philosophically as egalitarian. I don't think anything is better or worse than anything else (ergo I am vegan). There are a LOT of speciesist terms that sneak their way into English, and I do not like it. One that I hear a lot in my community is calling cops "pigs." This is offensive to pigs, is it not? Nobody deserves the name of their species to be applied derogatorily to oppressors. Similarly, I eschew phrases such as "my room is a pigsty," "quit hogging all the cookies," "fishing for compliments," "goosebumps," "killing two birds with one stone," and the knot known as a "double fisherman." I often say "coldbumps" rather than "goosebumps" (since "goosebumps" refers to a bird's skin after they've been plucked) and "feeding two birds with one seed" rather than "killing..." I've also heard the double fisherman called a "double forestco": the gender-neutral pronoun "co" replaces "man," and I suppose "forest" (-dweller? I don't know) is preferable to referring to a profession based on murder when you're just talking about knots.
This brings me to the topic of what words CAN we use to insult others without oppressing anyone? (Hahahaha what an oxymoron!) How about "asshole" and "piece of shit"? I've heard anti-capitalists say "that banks" rather than "that sucks", or "that's so rich" instead of "that's so lame". Rather than picking on a sector of people who possess a characteristic that really shouldn't be a bad thing, as words like "lame," "gay," or "wanker" do, should we pick on people who DO do things that are bad? Should we suggest "that's rapist" instead of "that's gay"?
ahhhh okay I'm done. Wow that felt good to get this out. I realize this post is way too long, and I realize that I sound ridiculously PC, but I'm just trying to be respectful of everyone. Your thoughts?