Studies

[redliner]

One thing I have come to believe is that heterosexual women prefer mates with slightly lower IQs than their own, although it doesn't seem there are many studies out there to support this. I think that this lack of information is caused by the questions researches aren't asking. They ask questions about the patterns and preferences of men, or they

Comments

[willstronghold]

This could be true, but I always see it as a predator/prey situation. At least in the younger years. Men look for behavior patterns in women and take advantage of them for his own gain

[redliner]

I think predation and courtship are each so complicated that too much would be lost in the metaphor of one for the other. I've also always felt in my own life that women generally choose me before I've ever chosen them. By that I mean I have my own preferences and type, however I have never won the physical affection of a woman who didn't first send a signal, and I meet women who I find beautiful every day. Most are not interested in bearing my seeds or enlisting me to provide for their children

[willstronghold]

I think you maybe right, for at least this age demographic. I last shopped for a girl years ago and since then have fathered three girls. So I probably see it through fear for my daughters than anything else.

It makes sense that a girl would choose a mate more often than a man. She attracts the man on a level she may not even be aware of. Balto once talked about "The Twinkle"--a girl's unconscious signal that she wants you to make a move. Thus the move is really made by the girl in the first place, though the onus is on the man to step up and thus feels in control.

Damn. Maybe there's a riddle to be unraveled.

[redliner]

Although there are all sorts of things about your situation which I envy, fending off the unworthy suitors of my three beautiful daughters is not one! I don't know how I'd cope with it, but my gut tells me teach your daughters to demand respect and maintain a good sense of humor.

[tdaschel]

not sure what to make of this information. i certainly haven't encountered it elsewhere. thinking back, i have a long history of relationships with competitive, highly-intelligent women who - at one time or other - "ooh" and "ah" over what they mistake for my alleged "brilliance." don't get me wrong: i'm *not* stupid, just kinda s-l-o-w and, pretty often, a dreadful verbal communicator. but they don't get it and .. end up accusing me of being some kinda sekrit genius "playing dumb" so as to manipulate them (believe me -- if i could do all that, i just might). i guess that would be a variation of what the Irish call "putting on the poor mouth" (i.e., pretending that one's circumstances are worse than they are).

in any case, i need t'put substantially more thought on your post. it's an intriguing one, sure !

[redliner]

"Putting on the poor mouth". I love this phrase.

Playing dumb is a skill I wish I had mastered at a young age.

[inertiacrept]

I see the controlling dynamic not as intelligence but self-esteem. Assertiveness and self-belief have a lot more to do with core relationship dynamics than IQ. I don't think your SAT score ends up doing much to your overall relationship probabilities, and I also don't see "deviousness" as relying on the same skillsets and aptitudes as IQ.

Also: Conventionally smart women are not necessarily better at managing mate behavior than women with lower SAT scores.

I think you might be on to something but "intelligence" isn't the word you're looking for.

[redliner]

You're right. I thought a bit about difference "types" of intelligence, although I think that idea is pretty murky. For the sake of simplicity I just said intelligence. But maybe a blend of self-awareness, empathy, cost/benefit analysis, and an ability to avoid short-sightedness is what I mean women have more of.

And yeah I regret even typing "IQ".

Considering self-esteem, and assuming there's some truth to this idea that women possess significantly more of something, do you believe that women possess more or less self-esteem in general? I'd like to hear more specifically how you think self-esteem plays into sexual selection and relationships.

th word is hotness

[lostcosmonaut]

it's good-looking women who are th heavyweight champions of "managing" mate behaviour

--mza.

See also: Jealousy, Musicality, Spontaneity, Flammability

[inertiacrept]

The war between the sexes is multifaceted, fren. Hotness is only one of the many tools in yr box.

gentle nurturing cuckolds

[lostcosmonaut]

even if th man is less smart, he has to be more something than th woman, otherwise she won't be attracted to him

A woman might manipulate a dumb man, but I doubt her greatest attraction is for men who are easily manipulable. I'm pretty sure "easily manipulable" is a turn-off, actually

--mza.

Re: gentle nurturing cuckolds

[redliner]

Yes. More rich, more connected, more vinyl in his collection. I'm thinking the intelligence thing is like just barely less, like a sweet spot where she knows they'll be compatible and he'll do a good enough job being a mate but won't throw too many surprises her way.

Possible interesting contrast regarding hotness which you mentioned: wouldn't you say cheating men often cheat with less attractive women, but cheating women almost always cheat with more attractive men?

I am defining cheating as secret sex outside the relationship with the intent of maintaining the relationship, not trading up to a hotter model.

[tindronomel]

i need to admire the person i'm sleeping with/seeing, we need to be equally intelligent/insightful or no deal. if i don't respect you i probably won't be with you!

[redliner]

Into what percentile of intelligence and insight would you place yourself? 90%, 95%, greater? Don't be modest.

[tindronomel]

i have a pretty bad memory but i'm very perceptive and have great analytical skills. i'd say 95% sounds about right.