whee!
varia crackfic, bel-pov? belcentric?. 1007 words. orz i should be doing my thesis xD
Bel was five when his brother turned into a cockroach. Bel hated cockroaches, so it had to die. Really. It was a cockroach, not his brother. His brother was killed by the cockroach, and the cockroach took over his body, so he had to avenge him! And the blood on his arms was really pretty. It was red! He didn't know that red could be so nice and thick and dark and tasted like copper and metal and salt and yet be so so so nice and pretty! And delicious, but when he told Mama that she screamed so he didn't say it again.
He was actually six when he learned about the Varia and joined them (because his family was taken over by cockroaches so they had to go, too). Pretty neat since everyone who joined was old and wrinkly and smelly. And very, very loud as was the case of one Superbi Squalo. But that was okay, Belphegor could kill him easily if he got annoying, but he was told that was a Bad Idea because Squalo killed the previous boss of the Varia and he was on a leader candy date, whatever that was. Bel wanted to go on a candy date too! So maybe he should ask that Xanxus person one day because he looked like he was the Leader with a capital L.
It was also a bad idea because Xanxus looked at him all scary-like and Squalo had to bribe him with candy to shut him up (maybe that was a candy date?).
Bel was six-and-a-half when he became part of Xanxus' Inner Circle. He didn't know how that happened because everyone else told him he was a bad boy, but everyone who told him that disappeared (that was a lie, they didn't disappear. Bel turned them into cactuses and porcupines and hedgehogs and pin cushions!). When he was six-and-a-half, Bel met more funny people. Lussuria, who Squalo said was happy ("Gay," said Squalo), and Levi A Than, who was always constipated ("Guy with a stick up his ass," said Squalo). There was also Marmon who Bel didn't like at all because he was tinier than he was and probably younger and he didn't like that at all because he was supposed to be the tiniest and the youngest in all of the Varia but at least he was a prince and Marmon wasn't, HAH.
On his seventh birthday, Marmon gave him cake that turned into snakes. Bel thought that was pretty cool until Lussy (Lussuria was too long to say!) yelled at Marmon and told him to cut it out, so the snakes changed back into cake. So Bel threw a knife at Lussy who dodged it but wasn't able to dodge the slice of cake Bel threw at him after. Levi didn't get cake because Bel was afraid his constipation would get worse (of course, he learns that he wasn't exactly constipated, but that doesn't happen for the next three years). Xanxus told him to go jump off a building on his birthday, but that was okay. Bel learned that every mean thing that Xanxus said meant that he loves you. That's what Squalo told him approximately one hundred and thirty two nights ago when Bel got up from bed late at night to go potty and heard Xanxus calling Squalo a string of bad names ('Trash' was repeated a couple of times) mixed up with a lot of Bad Words. Squalo gave him fifty cents for a present because he was a cheap bastard.
Three days later was Christmas, and Squalo gave him fifty more cents because he was a very cheap bastard. Bel got angry because Squalo gave Xanxus something shiny so he yanked Squalo's hair and threw sharp objects at him. Xanxus laughed, so he must have done something good. Lussy gave him a stuffed rabbit (which Bel promptly dismembered because it was pink) and Levi gave him a yellow umbrella with yellow birdies. Bel threw that away because it was a girly umbrella. Marmon didn't give Bel anything because he said the birthday cake he got three days ago was expensive. Bel kept the awesome Gundam figure he was going to give Marmon as a present.
A little after his eighth birthday, the Cradle Affair happened. Bel was told they were going to punish Xanxus' daddy because he was treating Xanxus badly. Bel got angry because no one's supposed to mess with Xanxus, and whoever messed with Xanxus messed with the Varia, so he went along and kicked some ass with Xanxus and Squalo and Marmon and Lussy and Levi.
But things didn't go so well. Xanxus was turned into a block of ice, and they had to retreat. Everyone was pretty beat up and sad about this. Except Bel thought that Xanxus was kind of like Han Solo so he was extra cool. He also thought that the position he was in when he got frozen was funny, but everytime he laughed, Squalo hit him. Bel laughed anyway.
One day, when Bel was almost nine, he found himself visiting Xanxus. He was wearing the tiara Xanxus gave him on his eighth birthday. He didn't want to wear it because tiaras were for girls and he wasn't a girl. But he was wearing it now because he thought that Xanxus would be happy if he did and would finally get out of the ice. But Xanxus didn't.
Bel spent the rest of the day sitting down in front of Xanxus, pouting and frowning and telling him aaaaall about how Squalo was being mean and stealing his gelato, how Lussuria always bawled over the lack of Xanxus at the dinner table, how Levi keep insisting he bring an umbrella everywhere, how Marmon kept stealing his Gundam, and that he wanted a pet, could he have a pet pretty please? Eventually, Bel got tired of talking to Xanxus and fell asleep. Squalo found Bel there, lying in front of Xanxus's frozen body, carried him to his room and tucked him in bed.
Bel was five when his brother turned into a cockroach. Bel hated cockroaches, so it had to die. Really. It was a cockroach, not his brother. His brother was killed by the cockroach, and the cockroach took over his body, so he had to avenge him! And the blood on his arms was really pretty. It was red! He didn't know that red could be so nice and thick and dark and tasted like copper and metal and salt and yet be so so so nice and pretty! And delicious, but when he told Mama that she screamed so he didn't say it again.
He was actually six when he learned about the Varia and joined them (because his family was taken over by cockroaches so they had to go, too). Pretty neat since everyone who joined was old and wrinkly and smelly. And very, very loud as was the case of one Superbi Squalo. But that was okay, Belphegor could kill him easily if he got annoying, but he was told that was a Bad Idea because Squalo killed the previous boss of the Varia and he was on a leader candy date, whatever that was. Bel wanted to go on a candy date too! So maybe he should ask that Xanxus person one day because he looked like he was the Leader with a capital L.
It was also a bad idea because Xanxus looked at him all scary-like and Squalo had to bribe him with candy to shut him up (maybe that was a candy date?).
Bel was six-and-a-half when he became part of Xanxus' Inner Circle. He didn't know how that happened because everyone else told him he was a bad boy, but everyone who told him that disappeared (that was a lie, they didn't disappear. Bel turned them into cactuses and porcupines and hedgehogs and pin cushions!). When he was six-and-a-half, Bel met more funny people. Lussuria, who Squalo said was happy ("Gay," said Squalo), and Levi A Than, who was always constipated ("Guy with a stick up his ass," said Squalo). There was also Marmon who Bel didn't like at all because he was tinier than he was and probably younger and he didn't like that at all because he was supposed to be the tiniest and the youngest in all of the Varia but at least he was a prince and Marmon wasn't, HAH.
On his seventh birthday, Marmon gave him cake that turned into snakes. Bel thought that was pretty cool until Lussy (Lussuria was too long to say!) yelled at Marmon and told him to cut it out, so the snakes changed back into cake. So Bel threw a knife at Lussy who dodged it but wasn't able to dodge the slice of cake Bel threw at him after. Levi didn't get cake because Bel was afraid his constipation would get worse (of course, he learns that he wasn't exactly constipated, but that doesn't happen for the next three years). Xanxus told him to go jump off a building on his birthday, but that was okay. Bel learned that every mean thing that Xanxus said meant that he loves you. That's what Squalo told him approximately one hundred and thirty two nights ago when Bel got up from bed late at night to go potty and heard Xanxus calling Squalo a string of bad names ('Trash' was repeated a couple of times) mixed up with a lot of Bad Words. Squalo gave him fifty cents for a present because he was a cheap bastard.
Three days later was Christmas, and Squalo gave him fifty more cents because he was a very cheap bastard. Bel got angry because Squalo gave Xanxus something shiny so he yanked Squalo's hair and threw sharp objects at him. Xanxus laughed, so he must have done something good. Lussy gave him a stuffed rabbit (which Bel promptly dismembered because it was pink) and Levi gave him a yellow umbrella with yellow birdies. Bel threw that away because it was a girly umbrella. Marmon didn't give Bel anything because he said the birthday cake he got three days ago was expensive. Bel kept the awesome Gundam figure he was going to give Marmon as a present.
A little after his eighth birthday, the Cradle Affair happened. Bel was told they were going to punish Xanxus' daddy because he was treating Xanxus badly. Bel got angry because no one's supposed to mess with Xanxus, and whoever messed with Xanxus messed with the Varia, so he went along and kicked some ass with Xanxus and Squalo and Marmon and Lussy and Levi.
But things didn't go so well. Xanxus was turned into a block of ice, and they had to retreat. Everyone was pretty beat up and sad about this. Except Bel thought that Xanxus was kind of like Han Solo so he was extra cool. He also thought that the position he was in when he got frozen was funny, but everytime he laughed, Squalo hit him. Bel laughed anyway.
One day, when Bel was almost nine, he found himself visiting Xanxus. He was wearing the tiara Xanxus gave him on his eighth birthday. He didn't want to wear it because tiaras were for girls and he wasn't a girl. But he was wearing it now because he thought that Xanxus would be happy if he did and would finally get out of the ice. But Xanxus didn't.
Bel spent the rest of the day sitting down in front of Xanxus, pouting and frowning and telling him aaaaall about how Squalo was being mean and stealing his gelato, how Lussuria always bawled over the lack of Xanxus at the dinner table, how Levi keep insisting he bring an umbrella everywhere, how Marmon kept stealing his Gundam, and that he wanted a pet, could he have a pet pretty please? Eventually, Bel got tired of talking to Xanxus and fell asleep. Squalo found Bel there, lying in front of Xanxus's frozen body, carried him to his room and tucked him in bed.