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WoahYouCanRead: Announcer for Premium Blend: AND PUT YOUR HANDS TOGETHER FOR THE MAN OF THIS FINE COMEDY HOUR! GARRETT FINDLATER!
WoahYouCanRead: (calp for me)
WoahYouCanRead: clap*
octocopter flyer: clap clap clap clap
WoahYouCanRead: Oh thanks. Thanks. Great to be here tonight!
octocopter flyer: YAYYYYY
octocopter flyer: CLAP CLAP CLAP
WoahYouCanRead: Man nothing like michigan weather to get your parents pissed off
WoahYouCanRead: im telling ya
octocopter flyer: (chuckles)
WoahYouCanRead: you wanna go to ur friends house and your parents are liek pmsing whores of DEATh
WoahYouCanRead: im not talking like regular menopausal women
octocopter flyer: (laughs)
WoahYouCanRead: MY PARENTS WERE LIKE EVEIL CONIVING ELVES THAT WOULD SIT UP ALL NIGHT HATCHING UP WAYS TO RUIN MY DAY
octocopter flyer: hahhhahaha
WoahYouCanRead: i swear i walked in on then and they were plotting ways to drop an axe to take off my right leg
WoahYouCanRead: ok anyway, i wanna to go to my girlfriends house for her birthday sometime during teh winter
WoahYouCanRead: and she was liek why you gunna snort some crack?
octocopter flyer: hahah
WoahYouCanRead: and i told her i would pull her breathing tube out if she kept on being a relentless bitch all my life
WoahYouCanRead: so i get in teh car
WoahYouCanRead: and she runs out and slashed my tires and i look at her liek wtf is that a dead deer in the road
octocopter flyer: lol
WoahYouCanRead: and she starts crying and says it was suppose to snow 3 feet and roads were gunna be horrible! and she would hate for me to die in a burning wreckage
WoahYouCanRead: it didnt help that i wished to god i would have
WoahYouCanRead: but in teh meantime i wait an hour
WoahYouCanRead: and its fricking 169 fucking degrees outside!
WoahYouCanRead: and little kids are running to teh ice cream madn and those lezbians down the street are fornicvated in the pool and my mom has the heat blasted like fucking hell! in my room and she doesnt want me to catch cold
WoahYouCanRead: i told her i had aids anyway and was gunna die soon enough
octocopter flyer: hahah
WoahYouCanRead: that really helped everything seeing as how to took me to see her freaking gynocologists
WoahYouCanRead: a little weird be handle but a 65 year old man with cold clammy hands trying to feel around for a vagina
octocopter flyer: hahahhah
WoahYouCanRead: after 5 hours of fucking proodding my ass and nut sack and tells my mom he has horribkle news
WoahYouCanRead: apparently girls I DONT HAVE A VAGINA
octocopter flyer: LOL
WoahYouCanRead: oh god my mom was so disapointed
WoahYouCanRead: and my dad just said nothing
WoahYouCanRead: every think why i came out of her vagina with his help?
WoahYouCanRead: couldnt take it
WoahYouCanRead: so i uploaded porno pics of me my girlfriend took and used a little photoshop and lets just say..FOSTER PARENTS
WoahYouCanRead: yerah
WoahYouCanRead: so life was going better, parents in jail, spring was here and love was in the air
octocopter flyer: hahah
WoahYouCanRead: i mean have you ever looked back on life and seen why i actually went out with her?
WoahYouCanRead: or for thsoe latinos in the back him..
WoahYouCanRead: naw im just playing
WoahYouCanRead: unless you knwo u flow taht way
WoahYouCanRead: but anyway
WoahYouCanRead: i remember this one girl
WoahYouCanRead: dated her for a few weeks
WoahYouCanRead: got bored
WoahYouCanRead: and moved on to better gane, like my calc teacher
octocopter flyer: lol
octocopter flyer: hahaha
octocopter flyer: sick
WoahYouCanRead: now there was a quadratic function i could solve with y to find x anyday
WoahYouCanRead: HOLLA!
WoahYouCanRead: anyway
WoahYouCanRead: this girl
WoahYouCanRead: her name was cindy-jane
octocopter flyer: hahahah
WoahYouCanRead: yeah i know sweet name huh?
WoahYouCanRead: yeah i knew it was gunna be bad from the start, even before she bout me the picture frame with a portrait of me made from her own blood
octocopter flyer: hahahah
WoahYouCanRead: anyway i played around witbher and whatever and we went to have sex
WoahYouCanRead: and well it was like a fucking FORREST DOWN THERE
WoahYouCanRead: i swear to go a dfamn jungle saffari
octocopter flyer: yahaahahahahha!
WoahYouCanRead: i saw a few rhionos
WoahYouCanRead: a geraffe
WoahYouCanRead: and george bush
WoahYouCanRead: oh man it was just a mess!
octocopter flyer: hahaha
WoahYouCanRead: after i shot bush with a tranquilizer i weent it
WoahYouCanRead: it was like raiders of teh eraking LOST VAGINA
WoahYouCanRead: eaither it was teh size of a pin tip
octocopter flyer: haha
WoahYouCanRead: or she was a dude without teh fedex delivery
WoahYouCanRead: anyway
WoahYouCanRead: after 40 mniutes of searhing and fighting off indians and weird creatures
octocopter flyer: hahah
WoahYouCanRead: i look her in teh eye and say the few faital words that landed me with teh worst bitch slap EVER
WoahYouCanRead: "so can I call you a cab?"
octocopter flyer: ahahahhhaahh
WoahYouCanRead: it went downhill from there
WoahYouCanRead: lucky i has my calc teacher coming over for the 330 shift
WoahYouCanRead: so i was ok
octocopter flyer: hhahah
WoahYouCanRead: yeah so tiem went on and i lost my mojo, even after cindy-jane hit me in teh crotch with a golf club
WoahYouCanRead: im telling u balls are like kidneys
WoahYouCanRead: only need one of em
octocopter flyer: hahaah
WoahYouCanRead: i told my furture sex partners that it was from a knife fight with a japenese prisioner named
WoahYouCanRead: SU LEE MOY!
WoahYouCanRead: the digged it
octocopter flyer: hahahaha
WoahYouCanRead: and put in a little more effort
WoahYouCanRead: but then like all guys
WoahYouCanRead: i started settleing down
WoahYouCanRead: and found teh one
WoahYouCanRead: her name is sarah and we are happily married with a 3 month old boy named jason
WoahYouCanRead: (clap again)
octocopter flyer: (clapppppppppp)
octocopter flyer: WOOOOOOOOOOOO!
octocopter flyer: WOOOWOOOOOO!
WoahYouCanRead: ah yea thanks
WoahYouCanRead: well if i could change anything
WoahYouCanRead: i would shove that sun of a bitch right back up her v hole and tell taht damn stork to take him backl to teh nest
WoahYouCanRead: i mean i thought my mother in law was a whiney bitch
WoahYouCanRead: but holy shit
WoahYouCanRead: this pushes teh envelope!
WoahYouCanRead: dear garrett HAH YOUR FUCKED
WoahYouCanRead: hah yeah thx
WoahYouCanRead: it started with his birth
WoahYouCanRead: my wife grabbed on to be so hard my taht fucking eyes were pooping outa nd i went into a coma!
WoahYouCanRead: taht bitch can grab
WoahYouCanRead: i mean i didnt marry her for nothing
WoahYouCanRead: worse comes to worse
WoahYouCanRead: wife poped out a blooddy ragdol
WoahYouCanRead: me in a coma with a hot nurse attending me through it all
WoahYouCanRead: lets just say IM ALL BETTER NOW
WoahYouCanRead: but yea the kids great now
WoahYouCanRead: first time her cried i took my belt to him
WoahYouCanRead: never cried sense
WoahYouCanRead: taht kid needs to toughen up
WoahYouCanRead: OK TAHNK YOU LADIES AND GENTLEMEN MY NAME IS GARRETT FINDLATER AND IM OUT!