(no subject)
I need to go to bed, and to brush my teeth, but not in that order.
Now, in the vein of Dickenson (hahaha, I wish!)
Some things from my beautiful mole skin book I got in Santa Fe...
"It's beautiful here"
It's beautiful here
watching the sun set
bleeding all over the water
but my heart's not here
The colors in the sky that
have been painted on the ground
are gorgeous and pristine
But it doesn't really move me
There is not sand'; my desert has drowned
There are no mountains; they're all worn down
The sky just rains; the suns's gone for good
All the green, all the trees, the rain, the clouds, the lake
Gorgeous, yes,
There is no spirit here
I left that behind
"I stood where..."
I stood where the great River begins its journey down the land
I thought of that Journey, words on Rivers
And I thought of You
How odd, I thought, to think of You
I could have stood nearly at both sides, but you moved the River, I remembered
Passive dominance and active force
What a pair, Stand and Move, we were
Like the Canyon and the River
You wore me down, yet I changed Your path
You took parts of me, but I controlled you
Like limestone I made you acidic, yet was less for it in the end
You and I, like two tectonic plates
Grating so hard, unable to get away
Holding the world, being the world
Yet shaking it with our force
We slipped along our fault lines
Threw cities to their knees
Made wrecks of mens' poor sand castle dreams
Now spread apart, continents moved
Though we now move to others,
the other's mark is still there, too
So look on your path dear River
Powerful, mighty movement
See me in you, the steady giving canyon
Fault lines we have walked and slipped
Now both scared and built
from the other
Think well on me, your canyon
My River
I think well on you
"Letter to my greatest critic"
I was always too good, too happy, too much better than you
I am not sorry for this, but am deeply sorry for you
I was lectured on my sins, but you were the one brought low
I was the one moving so far by while you never moved on
I tried to clear the air and forgive ou, but you were still too arogant
I must admit my biggest fault, is being unable to pitty you
I really do feel like you got what you deserved but still
I hope you make something out of yourself but
I know now you have no hope of ever being close to me
I am so sorry for you, never being able to measure up to me
"Hey baby"
hey baby, i'm falling down
seems the pop i've been leanin' on
has gone away into the night
i fell down in the shower
waiting for you to wash my back
waited till the hot, hot water
turned into falling ice
i fell down and hit my head
and cried diamonds of fear
so beautiful as they washed away
by flowing ice daggers
from the shower that scrubbed me clean
and the ice diamonds grew around me
(baby it was so beautiful, too bad
you weren't there to see it)
the freezing mirror showed me
the ice was giving me back the spine
you had washed away
scrubbed away for me in the shower
washed my back away in the shower
so baby i fell down
since the prop i was leanin' on
has left me for the lights/nights
and now baby
i'm frezzing back my back
with platinum diamond tears
"It's raining again"
It's raining again. My umbrella broke.
The rain is cold, misty bad. The sky and I,
almost weeping all day, drowning in the clouds
I want to go home and sleep, to go anywhere but home
My chest aches, thinking of the things I've said
I know I hurt him, didn't mean to though
I can see my fault disgracing me
Maybe this is why
It's raining again. On me.
"To myself"
To myself...
When the train is barreling down and you're tied to the tracks
Stop and breathe
Know you are loved, and love
When the worry pulls you low and you can't see the day
Stop and breathe
Tomorrow can be soon enough, and things will find a way
When the darkness in your heart whispers evil lies
and you can't help but listen
Stop and breathe
You are worthwhile, and doing well, no matter what your demons say
When the train is barreling down ...
...
knock it off the track
And remember heaven's here,
with you, with him
And everything will be okay
"If you knew"
If you knew
lines, the name, and again I am there
dirtyashamedworthlessdeadviolated
porcelain to cleanse
giving so much so much gone
lines, dark lines
lies, brave lies
how can you still leave me so cold
dead inside and hollow?
no, the dead do not feel this
searingshameangerdisgustsomuchmore
I would be so overjoyed relieved
to scrub you out of my life, my mind
didn't you take enoug? dirty enough?
why must you bring it all back again?
rub my nose in the shame like an errant puppy? (for that is all I was)
Legal has nothing to do with it
I hope hell has a special place for you
you piece of shit whore
of all th things in my life
you are the only part
I would gladly give limbs, sight, anything
to blot forever away
So yeah... there are some others, but they don't make much sense to me now.
I am doing better. This is part of the process. Call it catharsis if you must.
Now, in the vein of Dickenson (hahaha, I wish!)
Some things from my beautiful mole skin book I got in Santa Fe...
"It's beautiful here"
It's beautiful here
watching the sun set
bleeding all over the water
but my heart's not here
The colors in the sky that
have been painted on the ground
are gorgeous and pristine
But it doesn't really move me
There is not sand'; my desert has drowned
There are no mountains; they're all worn down
The sky just rains; the suns's gone for good
All the green, all the trees, the rain, the clouds, the lake
Gorgeous, yes,
There is no spirit here
I left that behind
"I stood where..."
I stood where the great River begins its journey down the land
I thought of that Journey, words on Rivers
And I thought of You
How odd, I thought, to think of You
I could have stood nearly at both sides, but you moved the River, I remembered
Passive dominance and active force
What a pair, Stand and Move, we were
Like the Canyon and the River
You wore me down, yet I changed Your path
You took parts of me, but I controlled you
Like limestone I made you acidic, yet was less for it in the end
You and I, like two tectonic plates
Grating so hard, unable to get away
Holding the world, being the world
Yet shaking it with our force
We slipped along our fault lines
Threw cities to their knees
Made wrecks of mens' poor sand castle dreams
Now spread apart, continents moved
Though we now move to others,
the other's mark is still there, too
So look on your path dear River
Powerful, mighty movement
See me in you, the steady giving canyon
Fault lines we have walked and slipped
Now both scared and built
from the other
Think well on me, your canyon
My River
I think well on you
"Letter to my greatest critic"
I was always too good, too happy, too much better than you
I am not sorry for this, but am deeply sorry for you
I was lectured on my sins, but you were the one brought low
I was the one moving so far by while you never moved on
I tried to clear the air and forgive ou, but you were still too arogant
I must admit my biggest fault, is being unable to pitty you
I really do feel like you got what you deserved but still
I hope you make something out of yourself but
I know now you have no hope of ever being close to me
I am so sorry for you, never being able to measure up to me
"Hey baby"
hey baby, i'm falling down
seems the pop i've been leanin' on
has gone away into the night
i fell down in the shower
waiting for you to wash my back
waited till the hot, hot water
turned into falling ice
i fell down and hit my head
and cried diamonds of fear
so beautiful as they washed away
by flowing ice daggers
from the shower that scrubbed me clean
and the ice diamonds grew around me
(baby it was so beautiful, too bad
you weren't there to see it)
the freezing mirror showed me
the ice was giving me back the spine
you had washed away
scrubbed away for me in the shower
washed my back away in the shower
so baby i fell down
since the prop i was leanin' on
has left me for the lights/nights
and now baby
i'm frezzing back my back
with platinum diamond tears
"It's raining again"
It's raining again. My umbrella broke.
The rain is cold, misty bad. The sky and I,
almost weeping all day, drowning in the clouds
I want to go home and sleep, to go anywhere but home
My chest aches, thinking of the things I've said
I know I hurt him, didn't mean to though
I can see my fault disgracing me
Maybe this is why
It's raining again. On me.
"To myself"
To myself...
When the train is barreling down and you're tied to the tracks
Stop and breathe
Know you are loved, and love
When the worry pulls you low and you can't see the day
Stop and breathe
Tomorrow can be soon enough, and things will find a way
When the darkness in your heart whispers evil lies
and you can't help but listen
Stop and breathe
You are worthwhile, and doing well, no matter what your demons say
When the train is barreling down ...
...
knock it off the track
And remember heaven's here,
with you, with him
And everything will be okay
"If you knew"
If you knew
lines, the name, and again I am there
dirtyashamedworthlessdeadviolated
porcelain to cleanse
giving so much so much gone
lines, dark lines
lies, brave lies
how can you still leave me so cold
dead inside and hollow?
no, the dead do not feel this
searingshameangerdisgustsomuchmore
I would be so overjoyed relieved
to scrub you out of my life, my mind
didn't you take enoug? dirty enough?
why must you bring it all back again?
rub my nose in the shame like an errant puppy? (for that is all I was)
Legal has nothing to do with it
I hope hell has a special place for you
you piece of shit whore
of all th things in my life
you are the only part
I would gladly give limbs, sight, anything
to blot forever away
So yeah... there are some others, but they don't make much sense to me now.
I am doing better. This is part of the process. Call it catharsis if you must.