Schmoop Bingo - Blackout
Title: Off By Heart
Author: Redsirenfiction
Fandom: CWRPS (J2)
Schmoop: Blackout
Prompt: Fireworks
Medium: Fic
Rating: PG-13.
Warnings: Will rot your teeth.
Disclaimer: Don't own them. This is all a mirage.
Summary: It might all be coming to an end and Jensen simply cannot deal. |SOUNDTRACK|
Word Count: 3181
They land at YVR on the morning of July 1st, Canada Day.
Despite the long flight, both of them are feeling more than rested thanks to their impromptu vacation. The next few weeks will see them fielding calls from their agents and see Jared go off to do House of Wax with Paris Hilton. Whereas most of the season-especially the last few months-Jensen had been sure of where they stood in their relationship, doubt now began creeping into his thoughts.
For one, they don't know if they're coming back next season although, if he's honest with himself, he can pretty much bank on there being a message either on his cell phone or on the answering machine of his apartment saying either congratulations on being picked up or, 'it was nice working with you this past year, but unfortunately the network has passed'.
Either one he can deal with.
What he can't deal with, is having things fall apart; Having the show come to an end before it really begins and seeing Jared go his own way to do other movies or TV shows.
Jared, of course, is oblivious, smiling and glad to be home, or at least what he's been calling home for the last year. His smile is as bright and warm as it always is, and Jensen wonders how in the world he can always be so happy without pulling a muscle or something.
As they walk by the Duty Free-which is basically a glorified LCBO-Jared picks up the magazine from the stand reading 'Take one, it's FREE!' and begins to flip through it. Eyebrows going up, he pushes the article close to Jensen's nose and says,
“Look! Did you know all this stuff? '143 Ways We Have Influenced the World; A Canada Day Special.' All these things about Canada. Like, did you know, that they invented Crisco? Or that Harlequin novels are Canadian? Or Spawn, man. Spawn!”
“Yeah, that's nice.” Jensen says absently, not really sure where Jared is going with this or how it has anything to do with them just being back in Vancouver.
“Dude, I had no idea that Rachel McAdams was Canadian.” He practically squeals, flicking his finger against her picture on the page, “And Neil Young. Bet you didn't know he was Canadian.” He smirks, looking over at Jensen.
Jensen merely nods, trying his best to at least look enthusiastic, even though he really doesn't want to talk about frivolous things at this point. They have one week left, and that one week needs to count, needs to mean something.
“Oh dude, gross! They invented Miracle Whip.” Jared quips, still not realizing that Jensen's being more reserved than usual.
“Yeah, that's nice.” He murmurs, walking a few steps ahead to go get their luggage which is already going around and around the carousel, blocking people's paths even though some of them have even bigger luggage than they do; How that works, Jensen will never understand.
He grabs their bags and, without so much as looking at Jared, starts to head out to the car park where they'd left Jensen's truck. They'd shared a ride over and Jensen is pretty sure that the ride back will be just as quiet as the one to the airport had been; On the way to Bora Bora, it had been silent because Jared was trying to focus and guess where they were going. On the way back, he's sure it will be a very different emotion filling the car.
Jared's only a few steps behind him, still reading the damn article, fascinated-clearly-by the fact that one of the biggest countries in the world has invented so much stuff.
“Dude. They invented the paint roller.” Jared calls out, making Jensen stop and turn around, fixing Jared with a gaze that says, 'I really don't care'. Jared is taken aback by this and stops momentarily, looking at Jensen.
“Are you okay?” He asks. Jensen just gives a dismissive nod.
“Yeah, I'm fine. I just wanna go home, so let's get a move on, okay? Come on.” Jared nods, the smile completely gone from his face, magazine crumpled in his big hand and for a moment, Jensen feels like a complete and utter asshole.
“So...” Jared ventures after a few moments of uncomfortable silence, “I was thinking, um, since it's Canada Day and all, and I'll be gone on the 4th, that maybe, you know, we could stop by, pick up some fireworks somewhere? Grab some barbecue and have our own little Canada Day celebration, though we're not...really...Canadian?”
Jensen feels his gut twist. He really, really, wants to have a great, carefree night just like all the weeks before. Where everything is kisses, hugs, little touches and looks and yeah, great sex. But he feels empty, as though it's already being taken away from him slowly, with enough time to let him get used to the feeling of being alone. Again.
He takes a deep breath, looking up at the person that has made his life so wonderful over the last few months. Has made him feel like things are worth it; Made him realize that it is okay to give over, love and be loved in return.
Jensen can't break Jared's heart. No matter how insecure or sad he's feeling, he can't be the one to make that smile disappear; So he merely nods, relenting, and tries to remember if Jared lives in an area that won't catch fire if they shoot Sparklers or whatever kind of fireworks they'll be getting.
“Are you sure it's okay to shoot them off in your neighborhood.” He asks Jared as he gets in the car and starts the engine.
“Yeah, dude. You don't remember? My backyard is huge. There's nothing around, not even a tree for a couple of miles.” Jensen nods, the answer cinching the deal.
“Okay. Well then, let's get going.”
Jared's still a little leery, but he seems happy enough, and when Jensen backs out of the parking spot, Jared takes his hand and holds it the rest of the way.
----------------
Walmart really does sell everything, including fireworks, at least this time of year. Jensen snorts at the 'no smoking' signs hanging off the boxes of Roman Candles, Sparklers, and Spiders. The fireworks are in the middle of the store and he's pretty sure the crotchety old man at the door would definitely not let someone in with a cigarette in their hand, let alone anything remotely resembling a Walmart bag that didn't have a little orange return sticker on it.
He stands back and lets Jared rifle through all the different kinds; Picking out a box of this and a canister of that, picking out Roman Candles, sparklers and things he didn't even realize had names. Jensen wonders if this is the last time that they'll go shopping together, the last time that they'll enjoy a night of absolute freedom; No work, no agents, no friends. Just the two of them doing what they want to do. He vows not to cry, not to show any of what's going on in his head; Not yet. They still have four days.
After Jared has a good twelve different kinds of fireworks in the cart, they swing around to the food section of the store and pick up some steaks and wings, a little barbecue sauce, chips and other accoutrements to their little party.
Jared does everything with enthusiasm, and whereas Jensen would normally join in, if only a little, he now seems to be going through the motions as if on auto-pilot; Trying not to see, trying not to feel. Trying not to smile.
Self-checkout is one of the greatest inventions ever because it lets him bypass the woman with the eight kids all screaming for candy, the woman who can't figure out why her cat food isn't the same price it usually is, and the guy that brings fifteen items to the express lane that has a max of eight. He runs everything through the scanner as though he's been working the register for years as opposed to being an actor and Jared watches, chuckling, a joke bubbling up. One look at Jensen's face however and he gives up, all the humor dying on the spot.
“You sure you're okay?” He asks, practically feeling the waves of unrest roll off his boyfriend.
“I told you already, I'm okay.” Jensen says gently, not wanting to be upset and definitely not wanting to have a fight in the middle of a Walmart. Jared takes a deep breath and nods, his smile disappearing yet again. It's the second time today that Jensen's been the cause of it. They need to get home soon, because he does not want a third time. Can't handle a third time, especially with only four days left.
Harley and Sadie greet them at the door, all wagging tongues and tails, half jumps missing the Walmart bags by inches. Jensen lets Jared deal with them and scurries off to the kitchen to separate the fireworks from the food, not wanting his steak to taste like gunpowder or whatever it is they put in the things.
As he always does when he's stressed or nervous or feeling out of control, he begins to prepare dinner. Efficient and with the same methodical process his mother taught him years ago. Once Jared has the two dogs shuffled out the door to the backyard to run around and expel some of the energy that built up while they were waiting for Jared to get home from vacation, he finally pads back into the kitchen and fixes Jensen with a hard stare, arms crossed over his broad chest.
Jensen knows that look all too well. They've only been together a few months and he knows that look.
“Out with it.” Jared says plainly, jerking his chin up in Jensen's direction as though saying, 'you talk now, or we're gonna have something to talk about in a few minutes.'
Jensen grips the knife that he's holding tightly, as though it's some sort of razor-edged comfort blanket and keeps his gaze fixed on the onions he's chopping.
“Do we know if we've been picked up for next season?” He starts in, looking up at Jared only briefly and then grabbing his own phone out of his back pocket, rifling through the voice mail and not surprised in the slightest when there's none from Eric or Sera or any of the other execs. Jared does the same and also checks his voice mail on the house phone.
“Nope, nothing yet. I'm sure they're waiting until the last second to keep us in suspense.” He replies with a sweet smile, the kind that pulls Jensen's heartstrings so taught they could snap at any moment.
“Yeah, well, I'm just...I'm wondering where we go from here, if the show doesn't continue.” Jensen says pointedly, his words making it obvious there's more than one meaning to them. Jared's eyes widen and he looks incredulous.
“What are you talking about?”
“I mean, am I just...Am I just a spring fling, or just someone that you can have fun with while you're in a different country shooting a TV show?”
Jared looks hurt at the words. Not hurt as in, 'you're gonna make me cry', but hurt as in, 'how dare you?'
“When I told you that I loved you Jensen, all those months ago, I didn't take it lightly. Even if the show ends, we're both going back to L.A. or Texas...or both. What makes you so sure that the minute we get back state-side I'm gonna drop you?”
Jensen looks down at his hands, shrugging a little bit. His eyes feel heavy and he knows that if this keeps going on the path that it's on, that soon enough he's going to be a little worse for wear, emotionally.
“Let's just say that...I learned from experience.”
“Yeah, well your experience is shit.” Jared says matter-of-factly as though Jensen's the biggest idiot in the world which...he might very well be at this point.
“I love you, Jensen. It's not, I love you for a few months; It's, I love you forever. For as long as you love me and want me in your life.” Jared states, his voice small and tinny, as though he's trying to talk Jensen off a ledge or something.
Jensen manages a smile even though there's tears in his eyes and before he realizes it, he's surging forward, his face pressing tightly against Jared's chest as the tears slip into the fabric of his shirt.
“I just...you're so...You're perfect, Jared. You're absolutely perfect and I don't-”
“Shh.” Jared cuts him off, shaking his head. “Neither of us are perfect, Jen. Far from it. What we are is, perfect for each other. You mean everything to me. You were there when I needed someone the most. You didn't shy away, try to placate me with platitudes or fake feelings. You held me when I cried, when I was hurt and that means more to me than you'll ever know.”
Jensen nods and sniffles, feeling a bit like a small child.
“I know, I just...I've always been that way to everyone I've been with and it...doesn't really count for much after a while. Especially when the opportunity to get away presents itself.” Jared cups his face in his hands, forcing Jensen to look at him, thumbs brushing under the wet eyes, eyelashes together in little tiny triangles.
“I know. Trust me, I know. And you know I know. You saw what happened.” Jensen nods, rubbing his nose, barely reaching over Jared's forearm.
“I know, I just...didn't think I...You mean everything to me, Jared. Everything.”
----------------
An hour or so later, they're sitting out on the back deck, beer in hand and barbecue almost halfway gone. The sun's just begun to set and now the sky is that murky pink and purple, navy flowing in on top and darkening everything around. Their hands are entwined and they're looking up at the sky, watching the clouds and pointing out shapes.
Jensen has his guitar and after Jared points out that one of the clouds looks a bit like Cousin It, if Cousin It had a face, Jensen takes it as his cue to try and entertain his boyfriend in a different way. He makes sure it's tuned up and then begins to strum, warming up his fingers.
He's been listening to a lot of acoustic, folksy music lately; Very anti-Dean, but it works for what he's been feeling. The song is mellow and has a beautiful harmony, not to mention lyrics and Jensen focuses on where his fingers fall on the frets as he starts to sing.
Jared's face is priceless, eyes wide and expressive, looking awed and more than a little touched; So happy that Jensen himself can't help smiling brightly. The song he's singing is about love and desperation of the best kind. The kind he's been feeling with Jared since the beginning, since he walked into the casting room that first read.
Jensen sings along quietly, his eyes never leaving his boyfriend's and as he sings, he realizes that Jared is right; This isn't a short, one-year thing. This is forever, or for as long as neither of them gets bored or suitably pissed off at the other, which is more than he could even ask for at this point.
As the last note fades out, Jared's smile brightens and he bites his lip, looking so proud of Jensen that it makes him blush, makes his heart feel like it's going to burst. Before he can even set the guitar back in its case, Jared's jumping up and heading for the fireworks, grabbing a couple and walking out onto the wet lawn, still wet from the morning's rain. It's more than empty; Harley and Sadie sit on the deck, looking uninterested in their owner's antics, more than used to it at this point.
Jared looks back over his shoulder at Jensen as though asking for permission, eyes excited and lighter waving frantically in the air as though saying, 'Can I? Can I? Can I?'. Jensen stands up and moves to the very last step on the deck before nodding. Jared lights the first one and then runs back to the deck, knowing that the fuse will catch the second and the third, having set it up in such a way that they'll go in succession.
He wraps his arms tightly around Jensen from behind, holding him close and keeping at least on ear pressed to his skin so the noise isn't so loud. Jensen watches as the sky explodes in an array of purple and green, blue and red and he leans back against Jared, feeling how solid, how warm, how alive, he feels.
Jensen closes his eyes, tries to picture them doing this every year. Maybe not in this yard, but definitely in some backyard here in Vancouver. Tries to picture them a little older, a little wiser, a little more settled in their love.
He lets his imagination roam a couple years further down the road, where it's not just him and Jared anymore, but a couple of little ones too, all of them wearing heavy-duty, noise-cancelling headphones, seated at the very back of their deck in front of their fathers, watching as the sky lights up and rains down sparks of color so bright and so beautiful that you can't help but look away, just for a moment, so the image is burned into your eyes and you'll never forget them. Jensen closes his own eyes again briefly, after a strike of red so vivid, he's sure he'll never see it again.
His chest heaves once and Jared feels it in a heartbeat, wrapping his arms tighter around Jensen, eyes glued to his boyfriend's face as the tears of relief and overwhelming joy slip down his cheeks, across his smile to land in the collar of his shirt.
“Can we do this every year?” Jensen chokes out, his words thick with emotion, with a desire to never let this moment, this burst of color and love and beauty to ever end.
Jared nods, tucking his face into the crook of Jensen's neck, pressing a kiss there before giving him another squeeze.
“Every year so long as you'll have me.” He whispers back and Jensen's surprised to hear that Jared sounds like he's about to let the dam burst as well.
The last firework shoots off in a dazzling array of pink and red and white; The colors of their love. Jensen knows that no matter what happens, they'll always have this. This indescribable, unimaginably beautiful thing between them and for the first time in at least a week's worth of fretting and anxiety, Jensen just...lets go.
Author: Redsirenfiction
Fandom: CWRPS (J2)
Schmoop: Blackout
Prompt: Fireworks
Medium: Fic
Rating: PG-13.
Warnings: Will rot your teeth.
Disclaimer: Don't own them. This is all a mirage.
Summary: It might all be coming to an end and Jensen simply cannot deal. |SOUNDTRACK|
Word Count: 3181
They land at YVR on the morning of July 1st, Canada Day.
Despite the long flight, both of them are feeling more than rested thanks to their impromptu vacation. The next few weeks will see them fielding calls from their agents and see Jared go off to do House of Wax with Paris Hilton. Whereas most of the season-especially the last few months-Jensen had been sure of where they stood in their relationship, doubt now began creeping into his thoughts.
For one, they don't know if they're coming back next season although, if he's honest with himself, he can pretty much bank on there being a message either on his cell phone or on the answering machine of his apartment saying either congratulations on being picked up or, 'it was nice working with you this past year, but unfortunately the network has passed'.
Either one he can deal with.
What he can't deal with, is having things fall apart; Having the show come to an end before it really begins and seeing Jared go his own way to do other movies or TV shows.
Jared, of course, is oblivious, smiling and glad to be home, or at least what he's been calling home for the last year. His smile is as bright and warm as it always is, and Jensen wonders how in the world he can always be so happy without pulling a muscle or something.
As they walk by the Duty Free-which is basically a glorified LCBO-Jared picks up the magazine from the stand reading 'Take one, it's FREE!' and begins to flip through it. Eyebrows going up, he pushes the article close to Jensen's nose and says,
“Look! Did you know all this stuff? '143 Ways We Have Influenced the World; A Canada Day Special.' All these things about Canada. Like, did you know, that they invented Crisco? Or that Harlequin novels are Canadian? Or Spawn, man. Spawn!”
“Yeah, that's nice.” Jensen says absently, not really sure where Jared is going with this or how it has anything to do with them just being back in Vancouver.
“Dude, I had no idea that Rachel McAdams was Canadian.” He practically squeals, flicking his finger against her picture on the page, “And Neil Young. Bet you didn't know he was Canadian.” He smirks, looking over at Jensen.
Jensen merely nods, trying his best to at least look enthusiastic, even though he really doesn't want to talk about frivolous things at this point. They have one week left, and that one week needs to count, needs to mean something.
“Oh dude, gross! They invented Miracle Whip.” Jared quips, still not realizing that Jensen's being more reserved than usual.
“Yeah, that's nice.” He murmurs, walking a few steps ahead to go get their luggage which is already going around and around the carousel, blocking people's paths even though some of them have even bigger luggage than they do; How that works, Jensen will never understand.
He grabs their bags and, without so much as looking at Jared, starts to head out to the car park where they'd left Jensen's truck. They'd shared a ride over and Jensen is pretty sure that the ride back will be just as quiet as the one to the airport had been; On the way to Bora Bora, it had been silent because Jared was trying to focus and guess where they were going. On the way back, he's sure it will be a very different emotion filling the car.
Jared's only a few steps behind him, still reading the damn article, fascinated-clearly-by the fact that one of the biggest countries in the world has invented so much stuff.
“Dude. They invented the paint roller.” Jared calls out, making Jensen stop and turn around, fixing Jared with a gaze that says, 'I really don't care'. Jared is taken aback by this and stops momentarily, looking at Jensen.
“Are you okay?” He asks. Jensen just gives a dismissive nod.
“Yeah, I'm fine. I just wanna go home, so let's get a move on, okay? Come on.” Jared nods, the smile completely gone from his face, magazine crumpled in his big hand and for a moment, Jensen feels like a complete and utter asshole.
“So...” Jared ventures after a few moments of uncomfortable silence, “I was thinking, um, since it's Canada Day and all, and I'll be gone on the 4th, that maybe, you know, we could stop by, pick up some fireworks somewhere? Grab some barbecue and have our own little Canada Day celebration, though we're not...really...Canadian?”
Jensen feels his gut twist. He really, really, wants to have a great, carefree night just like all the weeks before. Where everything is kisses, hugs, little touches and looks and yeah, great sex. But he feels empty, as though it's already being taken away from him slowly, with enough time to let him get used to the feeling of being alone. Again.
He takes a deep breath, looking up at the person that has made his life so wonderful over the last few months. Has made him feel like things are worth it; Made him realize that it is okay to give over, love and be loved in return.
Jensen can't break Jared's heart. No matter how insecure or sad he's feeling, he can't be the one to make that smile disappear; So he merely nods, relenting, and tries to remember if Jared lives in an area that won't catch fire if they shoot Sparklers or whatever kind of fireworks they'll be getting.
“Are you sure it's okay to shoot them off in your neighborhood.” He asks Jared as he gets in the car and starts the engine.
“Yeah, dude. You don't remember? My backyard is huge. There's nothing around, not even a tree for a couple of miles.” Jensen nods, the answer cinching the deal.
“Okay. Well then, let's get going.”
Jared's still a little leery, but he seems happy enough, and when Jensen backs out of the parking spot, Jared takes his hand and holds it the rest of the way.
----------------
Walmart really does sell everything, including fireworks, at least this time of year. Jensen snorts at the 'no smoking' signs hanging off the boxes of Roman Candles, Sparklers, and Spiders. The fireworks are in the middle of the store and he's pretty sure the crotchety old man at the door would definitely not let someone in with a cigarette in their hand, let alone anything remotely resembling a Walmart bag that didn't have a little orange return sticker on it.
He stands back and lets Jared rifle through all the different kinds; Picking out a box of this and a canister of that, picking out Roman Candles, sparklers and things he didn't even realize had names. Jensen wonders if this is the last time that they'll go shopping together, the last time that they'll enjoy a night of absolute freedom; No work, no agents, no friends. Just the two of them doing what they want to do. He vows not to cry, not to show any of what's going on in his head; Not yet. They still have four days.
After Jared has a good twelve different kinds of fireworks in the cart, they swing around to the food section of the store and pick up some steaks and wings, a little barbecue sauce, chips and other accoutrements to their little party.
Jared does everything with enthusiasm, and whereas Jensen would normally join in, if only a little, he now seems to be going through the motions as if on auto-pilot; Trying not to see, trying not to feel. Trying not to smile.
Self-checkout is one of the greatest inventions ever because it lets him bypass the woman with the eight kids all screaming for candy, the woman who can't figure out why her cat food isn't the same price it usually is, and the guy that brings fifteen items to the express lane that has a max of eight. He runs everything through the scanner as though he's been working the register for years as opposed to being an actor and Jared watches, chuckling, a joke bubbling up. One look at Jensen's face however and he gives up, all the humor dying on the spot.
“You sure you're okay?” He asks, practically feeling the waves of unrest roll off his boyfriend.
“I told you already, I'm okay.” Jensen says gently, not wanting to be upset and definitely not wanting to have a fight in the middle of a Walmart. Jared takes a deep breath and nods, his smile disappearing yet again. It's the second time today that Jensen's been the cause of it. They need to get home soon, because he does not want a third time. Can't handle a third time, especially with only four days left.
Harley and Sadie greet them at the door, all wagging tongues and tails, half jumps missing the Walmart bags by inches. Jensen lets Jared deal with them and scurries off to the kitchen to separate the fireworks from the food, not wanting his steak to taste like gunpowder or whatever it is they put in the things.
As he always does when he's stressed or nervous or feeling out of control, he begins to prepare dinner. Efficient and with the same methodical process his mother taught him years ago. Once Jared has the two dogs shuffled out the door to the backyard to run around and expel some of the energy that built up while they were waiting for Jared to get home from vacation, he finally pads back into the kitchen and fixes Jensen with a hard stare, arms crossed over his broad chest.
Jensen knows that look all too well. They've only been together a few months and he knows that look.
“Out with it.” Jared says plainly, jerking his chin up in Jensen's direction as though saying, 'you talk now, or we're gonna have something to talk about in a few minutes.'
Jensen grips the knife that he's holding tightly, as though it's some sort of razor-edged comfort blanket and keeps his gaze fixed on the onions he's chopping.
“Do we know if we've been picked up for next season?” He starts in, looking up at Jared only briefly and then grabbing his own phone out of his back pocket, rifling through the voice mail and not surprised in the slightest when there's none from Eric or Sera or any of the other execs. Jared does the same and also checks his voice mail on the house phone.
“Nope, nothing yet. I'm sure they're waiting until the last second to keep us in suspense.” He replies with a sweet smile, the kind that pulls Jensen's heartstrings so taught they could snap at any moment.
“Yeah, well, I'm just...I'm wondering where we go from here, if the show doesn't continue.” Jensen says pointedly, his words making it obvious there's more than one meaning to them. Jared's eyes widen and he looks incredulous.
“What are you talking about?”
“I mean, am I just...Am I just a spring fling, or just someone that you can have fun with while you're in a different country shooting a TV show?”
Jared looks hurt at the words. Not hurt as in, 'you're gonna make me cry', but hurt as in, 'how dare you?'
“When I told you that I loved you Jensen, all those months ago, I didn't take it lightly. Even if the show ends, we're both going back to L.A. or Texas...or both. What makes you so sure that the minute we get back state-side I'm gonna drop you?”
Jensen looks down at his hands, shrugging a little bit. His eyes feel heavy and he knows that if this keeps going on the path that it's on, that soon enough he's going to be a little worse for wear, emotionally.
“Let's just say that...I learned from experience.”
“Yeah, well your experience is shit.” Jared says matter-of-factly as though Jensen's the biggest idiot in the world which...he might very well be at this point.
“I love you, Jensen. It's not, I love you for a few months; It's, I love you forever. For as long as you love me and want me in your life.” Jared states, his voice small and tinny, as though he's trying to talk Jensen off a ledge or something.
Jensen manages a smile even though there's tears in his eyes and before he realizes it, he's surging forward, his face pressing tightly against Jared's chest as the tears slip into the fabric of his shirt.
“I just...you're so...You're perfect, Jared. You're absolutely perfect and I don't-”
“Shh.” Jared cuts him off, shaking his head. “Neither of us are perfect, Jen. Far from it. What we are is, perfect for each other. You mean everything to me. You were there when I needed someone the most. You didn't shy away, try to placate me with platitudes or fake feelings. You held me when I cried, when I was hurt and that means more to me than you'll ever know.”
Jensen nods and sniffles, feeling a bit like a small child.
“I know, I just...I've always been that way to everyone I've been with and it...doesn't really count for much after a while. Especially when the opportunity to get away presents itself.” Jared cups his face in his hands, forcing Jensen to look at him, thumbs brushing under the wet eyes, eyelashes together in little tiny triangles.
“I know. Trust me, I know. And you know I know. You saw what happened.” Jensen nods, rubbing his nose, barely reaching over Jared's forearm.
“I know, I just...didn't think I...You mean everything to me, Jared. Everything.”
----------------
An hour or so later, they're sitting out on the back deck, beer in hand and barbecue almost halfway gone. The sun's just begun to set and now the sky is that murky pink and purple, navy flowing in on top and darkening everything around. Their hands are entwined and they're looking up at the sky, watching the clouds and pointing out shapes.
Jensen has his guitar and after Jared points out that one of the clouds looks a bit like Cousin It, if Cousin It had a face, Jensen takes it as his cue to try and entertain his boyfriend in a different way. He makes sure it's tuned up and then begins to strum, warming up his fingers.
He's been listening to a lot of acoustic, folksy music lately; Very anti-Dean, but it works for what he's been feeling. The song is mellow and has a beautiful harmony, not to mention lyrics and Jensen focuses on where his fingers fall on the frets as he starts to sing.
Jared's face is priceless, eyes wide and expressive, looking awed and more than a little touched; So happy that Jensen himself can't help smiling brightly. The song he's singing is about love and desperation of the best kind. The kind he's been feeling with Jared since the beginning, since he walked into the casting room that first read.
Jensen sings along quietly, his eyes never leaving his boyfriend's and as he sings, he realizes that Jared is right; This isn't a short, one-year thing. This is forever, or for as long as neither of them gets bored or suitably pissed off at the other, which is more than he could even ask for at this point.
As the last note fades out, Jared's smile brightens and he bites his lip, looking so proud of Jensen that it makes him blush, makes his heart feel like it's going to burst. Before he can even set the guitar back in its case, Jared's jumping up and heading for the fireworks, grabbing a couple and walking out onto the wet lawn, still wet from the morning's rain. It's more than empty; Harley and Sadie sit on the deck, looking uninterested in their owner's antics, more than used to it at this point.
Jared looks back over his shoulder at Jensen as though asking for permission, eyes excited and lighter waving frantically in the air as though saying, 'Can I? Can I? Can I?'. Jensen stands up and moves to the very last step on the deck before nodding. Jared lights the first one and then runs back to the deck, knowing that the fuse will catch the second and the third, having set it up in such a way that they'll go in succession.
He wraps his arms tightly around Jensen from behind, holding him close and keeping at least on ear pressed to his skin so the noise isn't so loud. Jensen watches as the sky explodes in an array of purple and green, blue and red and he leans back against Jared, feeling how solid, how warm, how alive, he feels.
Jensen closes his eyes, tries to picture them doing this every year. Maybe not in this yard, but definitely in some backyard here in Vancouver. Tries to picture them a little older, a little wiser, a little more settled in their love.
He lets his imagination roam a couple years further down the road, where it's not just him and Jared anymore, but a couple of little ones too, all of them wearing heavy-duty, noise-cancelling headphones, seated at the very back of their deck in front of their fathers, watching as the sky lights up and rains down sparks of color so bright and so beautiful that you can't help but look away, just for a moment, so the image is burned into your eyes and you'll never forget them. Jensen closes his own eyes again briefly, after a strike of red so vivid, he's sure he'll never see it again.
His chest heaves once and Jared feels it in a heartbeat, wrapping his arms tighter around Jensen, eyes glued to his boyfriend's face as the tears of relief and overwhelming joy slip down his cheeks, across his smile to land in the collar of his shirt.
“Can we do this every year?” Jensen chokes out, his words thick with emotion, with a desire to never let this moment, this burst of color and love and beauty to ever end.
Jared nods, tucking his face into the crook of Jensen's neck, pressing a kiss there before giving him another squeeze.
“Every year so long as you'll have me.” He whispers back and Jensen's surprised to hear that Jared sounds like he's about to let the dam burst as well.
The last firework shoots off in a dazzling array of pink and red and white; The colors of their love. Jensen knows that no matter what happens, they'll always have this. This indescribable, unimaginably beautiful thing between them and for the first time in at least a week's worth of fretting and anxiety, Jensen just...lets go.