(no subject)
SEVEN
Dinner was Jensen's treat and, knowing his boyfriend's penchant for eating like a horse, he'd smartly picked an all-you-can eat buffet. Jared had pretended to be offended at how cheap Jensen was, but couldn't keep the act up for long and ended up hugging him all the way up to the door of the casino, which only made Jensen laugh softly in amusement.
“Best boyfriend ever,” Jared whispered as they waited to be seated, a gentle kiss pressed just behind Jensen's ear, heat rushing to the spot seconds after Jared's lips had left it.
“Duh,” Jensen answered, his chest shaking with silent laughter as he reached around and goosed Jared. The jump alone was worth the price of admission and Jensen couldn't stop himself from laughing if he'd tried.
“For that, you get to buy us dinner tomorrow, too.” Jared said in mock-seriousness, his face dissolving into a big, goofy grin as he wrapped his arms around Jensen and kissed him soundly.
“I buy us dinner every night, wiseass.” At that Jared blushed, still grinning like an idiot. Jensen always footed the grocery bill, letting Jared take care of the satellite, internet, and phone bills. All three services evened out to just about the same amount that Jensen spent on food, a fact which had struck Jared as hilarious when he'd first been shown the comparison.
“You're just lucky I can cook all that wonderful food you buy us,” Jared shot back, shifting so that he was just holding Jensen's hand as they were led through the somewhat-narrow rows of tables and chairs.
“Your server will be with you in a minute to get your drinks started,” the hostess informed them after showing them their seats, both Jared and Jensen nodding their thanks.
Jared shot a smile at Jensen as they waited, hands still tangled together, arms outstretched on the table. If things got any more perfect, Jensen would think he was dreaming. He was out having a great time with the most amazing guy he'd ever met, and he got to go home with him at the end unlike most vacation fantasies which ended when the taxi got to the airport.
“Holy shit. Padalecki. Is that you, dude?” The voice made Jared freeze and Jensen looked up in confusion.
“I thought you didn't know anyone in Vegas...” Jensen started, looking at their server and trying to place whether Jared had ever talked about the guy.
“I don't, but this asshole's not from Vegas. What's up, man!” Jared stood, hand slipping out of Jensen's as he exchanged a handshake and hug with the blonde man, who hugged him back without any hesitation.
“When'd you get out here, man?” Jared asked, awe clear on his face as he took in his friend's appearance.
“Few months back. Got out of the joint and Lou back in the kitchen told me he had a spot for me, so here I am, playing bitch boy to the public.” He grinned, his eyes finally gazing down at Jensen who sat rooted to his spot, a slight frown marring his features.
“You gonna introduce me to your friend or what, bro?”
Jared came to his senses with a laugh, looking between the two men and completely missing the silent exchange the two were already having.
“Chad, this is my boyfriend Jensen. Jensen, my buddy Chad.”
Jensen bit his lip, hesitating for a moment before extending his hand to meet the one Chad already had outstretched.
“Boyfriend, huh,” was all the greeting Jensen got; Chad seeming unimpressed.
“Yeah, we've been together about a month now,” Jared beamed.
“Congratulations, bro. That's like a record for you, or something.” Chad gave his friend a clap on the back, seeming genuinely happy for him.
Something about the guy raised Jensen's hackles and brought him to the same sort of alertness that he'd been used to in combat. He didn't like the guy one bit, and it didn't help matters that he'd be serving them their meal. Jensen tried to filter out the conversation, focusing on the fact that he was here with Jared and that they were going to have one more day of fun and relaxation before heading home. Chad's next words however, couldn't be missed.
“Dude, we should go out tomorrow night. You and me. Like old times.”
Jensen's heart sank as he watched Jared nod like it was the best idea anyone had ever come up with. Clearing his throat, Jensen decided to put a stop to the train wreck in front of him once and for all.
“He can't. We're going for dinner tomorrow. A really special night, just the two of us.” He fixed Chad with a gaze that clearly read, 'touch my boyfriend and die' and Chad was just about to nod his understanding when Jared broke in.
“C'mon, Jen. It's just gonna be a few drinks. I'll be back in time for dinner. I haven't seen him in years.”
“Yeah, Jen. Years,” Chad echoed, giving Jensen the biggest 'eat shit and die' grin ever known.
“Dude, no. C'mon, man. You know I don't like chicks,” Jared stammered as Chad dragged him towards a club called Solid Gold, a neon sign of a woman going up and down a pole making it clear what kind of place it was.
“I know, Jay. I fucked you for four months, remember? It's male review night. All the cock you could ever want and then some.” Chad leered, smacking Jared's ass as he walked through the door. Scrubbing a hand over his face and through his hair, Jared only hoped that Jensen would never find out about his little outing. What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas and all that shit.
It took exactly half an hour for Chad to get both of them drunk enough for lap dances, and soon Jared had a guy the same size as him all up in his face, cock swinging around like a clock mere inches from his nose. The room was spinning just a little, going the opposite direction of the stripper's dick, and it all made Jared a little queasy. Years ago, this would've been exactly his type of scene. He and Chad would've managed to swindle their way into VIP and he would've ended the night on his knees, getting pounded by a huge cock that left him sore the next day.
Now, however, all Jared wanted was to get out of there, go back to the hotel, and crawl into bed next to Jensen. Chad was blocking his only exit, however, so escape was pretty much impossible. Sitting as far back as he could, Jared just closed his eyes and waited for it to be over.
'Over' took another two hours, eight drinks, and three more Chippendales, by which point Jared was pretty sure he was going to lose his mind if he didn't get back. Looking over to Chad to tell him he was leaving, his got a nice little surprise in the form of a drug deal going down right there next to him. Suddenly all the bullshit Chad had fed him on the way to the bar about being reformed, having an honest job, and looking forward to the future fell by the wayside as he watched his friend receive a full bank roll of hundreds in exchange for a nice big bag full of pills.
Shaking his head, Jared got up and shoved past the stripper trying to feed Chad his cock; the frown on his face making it obvious that he didn't appreciate what had just gone down. Chad, to his credit, got up right away and followed suit, forgetting to tip the dancer.
“Dude, where you going?” he called after Jared as the taller man stalked down the street, rage clear in every fiber of his being.
“Back to the hotel.”
“Dude, we just started having fun!”
Jared spun around at Chad's words, taking three big steps to reach his former friend.
“Fun? You call dealing X fun? Dude, I'm still on probation! If a cop busts you with that shit and I'm there next to you, guess who they're dragging back to jail first? Me! I knew this was gonna be a bad idea, but I believed you, like the idiot I am. I'm going home. Have fun, bro.”
Chad merely laughed, jogging after Jared in a strange sort of zig-zag way, like he was evading a barrage of bullets.
“Okay, okay. I admit, it was stupid. Should've done the deal in the bathroom or something, but c'mon, man. You know full well that the waiter job pays shit. I can't even rent an apartment on that paycheck. I gotta pad it out, you know?” Grabbing Jared's arm, Chad swung him around, smiling ear to ear.
“But it's okay, man. I gotta get out of this town anyways, and you're gonna help me do it. One last favor for your old friend.” The smirk on his face spelled exactly one thing; trouble.
“And what exactly do you need from me, Chad? You've got plenty of cash.” Jared patted down the suit pocket that held the wad of money, his anger still bubbling just under the surface.
“You were always the technical guy. I planned our shit and you executed. I just need you to execute, one last time. Simple boost. Get me in and I can hot wire that baby.”
Jared's eyes narrowed as he understood Chad's request.
“You want me to boost a car for you? In Vegas? Have you lost your fucking mind? You know how many cops there are in this city? How many rich motherfuckers with GPS tracking under the hood? You wouldn't make it two blocks in a hot ride in this city. You want a car so bad? You fucking steal it. I'm done being a criminal, man.”
Jared got two steps before he felt the all-too-familiar sting of glass hitting the back of his head, slicing deep but not knocking him out as was Chad's intention.
“You motherfucker. After everything I did for you,” Chad hissed, the broken bottle still in his hand, his body ready for attack.
“Everything you did for me? Like what? Leave me shot in that fucking convenience store five years ago? Take all my cash and leave me passed out because you fucked me to within an inch of my life?” Jared snorted, arms out to the side, practically inviting Chad to take a stab at him.
“You loved it when my cock was shoved up that pretty little ass of yours, you prick. You're gonna boost the fucking car, or I'm gonna leave you gutted like a pig, laying in the gutter for your boyfriend to find. Plain and simple,” Chad replied, dropping the bottle in favor of the switchblade he'd carried with him as long as Jared had known him.
It was all a blur after that. Fists hit him everywhere and the switchblade sliced just deep enough to burn. Still, Chad was rusty and Jared managed to get in some punches of his own. He was just trying to get up when he felt the cold steel of the knife against his throat.
“Go ahead. Say no again and watch what happens,” Chad growled, and Jared couldn't figure out whether it was the booze or the moonlight that made Chad look really fucking crazy.
The cocking of a shotgun broke both men's attentions and, looking up, Chad found himself face to face with the barrel of a Remington 870.
“Put down the knife and your face stays intact,” Jensen spoke in a low, dangerous tone; his finger on the trigger, ready to fire at even the smallest of flinches towards Jared's person.
Chad backed off in a hurry after that, moving slowly until he was far enough away to start running. When he was out of sight, Jensen took the buck shots out of the gun and set it to the side, helping Jared up.
Jensen's face was a mask of anger as he looked Jared over, seeing that only one slice would need bandaging, and even that could wait until they were back in the hotel. Almost immediately, Jared began to apologize. Drunk as he still was, it seemed pretty flighty and worthless.
“I shouldn't have gone with him, I'm sorry. I knew he was trouble, and...and he hasn't changed. I'm sorry, Jensen. I'm really sorry.”
Jensen could've punched him right then and there, he was so livid. He'd heard more than enough out of Chad's mouth and had seen the two come out of Solid Gold's by sheer chance. Jensen had been out doing a little shopping-a gift for Jared-and he'd taken a shortcut back towards the hotel, hoping his boyfriend would be dressed and ready to go when he got there. Jared always took longer than Jensen to get ready and Vegas was no exception. Instead, what he'd gotten had been his boyfriend looking for all the world like he was trying to get into trouble.
Jared continued to say sorry as Jensen loaded him into the car, checking the area and making sure Jared hadn't left anything important behind. Dinner wasn't going to happen and neither was their third night in Vegas. As he got into the driver's side of the Impala, Jensen brushed his hand over the box in his pocket, the slim black velvet holding a watch that Jared had been eying for a while whenever the ad for it came up on TV. He was going to give it to him over dinner, but now all he wanted was to go home and lock the door; leaving Jared outside.
Jensen packed their belongings and checked them out of the hotel early, citing a family emergency and getting the third night's rate back for Jared. It was more than he deserved, but Jensen knew how much a night in the place cost and didn't want Jared feeling gypped for it later. Only when they were back in the car did Jared seem sober enough to realize what was happening.
The car was dead silent as they drove down Las Vegas boulevard, the colors gleaming off the Impala as though it were a canvas and the lights the paint. Jensen stared straight ahead as the road opened up to the desert, the lights fading into the background as the blacktop gave way only to the car's headlights. It was only once they were ten minutes into the drive that Jensen spoke, his voice carrying an undercurrent of rage.
“What was the one thing I asked of you all those weeks ago when you first started work?” He waited a good three seconds, and when he got no reply, Jensen answered for Jared.
“All I asked was that you not let your past, all the shit that happened with Chino and armed robbery and whatever other crap you dealt with, to get in the way of your future. And yet tonight you almost got killed for hanging out with someone from your past. You almost stole a car, Jared, because you couldn't leave the past where it belonged!" He was fuming now.
“I knew Chad was bad news from the second I saw him. But no, you just had to say yes and go off doing god-knows-what with god-knows-who. I don't even wanna think about what would've happened had I not seen you two walking out of that joint. He was going to fucking kill you, Jared. Do understand how fucked up that is? That he was going to kill you over a damn car?” Jensen's hands shook on the steering wheel as he kept his foot on the gas, waiting for Jared to say something, anything, to defend himself.
All he got was silence.
Jared kept his gaze firmly against the passenger window, willing everything to stop and turn back so he could make the right decision and avoid the entire mess he'd just been in. One eye swollen shut, he nevertheless felt tears prick behind his lashes at Jensen's words. When his boyfriend stopped talking, Jared's anger got the better of him, and the words he spat back were meant to get a reaction.
“Wouldn't be the first time someone's tried.”
“And that's something to be proud of?” Jensen snapped, looking incredulously at Jared for a moment before training his eyes back on the road. “When the hell did it become 'cool' to boast about nearly being killed? What kind of fucked up childhood did you have to make that okay?” he added, a sharp gaze cast in Jared's directions, Jensen's voice still booming over the engine.
“You wanna know what kind of childhood I had? Wanna know why I'm such a fuck up? Why I spent the last five years in jail and most of my adult and teenage life before that in and out of the slammer? Why I can barely function in normal society?” Jared cut in before Jensen could get another word out, his face screwed up in nothing but self-hatred and frustration at being backed into a corner.
“My life was perfect when I was little. I had a mom and dad who loved me, an older brother and a little sister that I played with and got into trouble with every day. We had a great house in a nice neighborhood and on the weekends we'd have block parties with barbeque and line-dancing right in the middle of the street. No one can touch how perfect my childhood was," his voice broke.
“But then dad lost his job and mom began to work two just to make ends meet. Dad took to drinking because he felt like a failure, and mom began to stray because he was turning into a pig. Then one night, mom comes home late from a shift. I was supposed to have been in bed, but I snuck down to get some milk. From where I'm standing behind the cabinet in the kitchen, I hear them start to fight. Dad swears up and down that mom's been out whoring around. Mom denies it, telling him to call her boss. Dad throws a plate, and it crashes against the mantle. Mom throws a vase and it breaks on dad's forehead.
“Next thing I know, Dad's taken out his hunting knife and is slashing my mom's throat. She's choking on her own blood and he just keeps on hacking and slashing, looking like he's gone completely crazy. I'm maybe fourteen at the time and I can only stand there and watch as he butchers my mom. I don't make a sound, because he'll come for me next and I don't want to die. So I stand there, watching my mom try to keep her neck closed, her eyes staring up at dad like she can't believe he did it. I watch while she tries to talk, but just ends up throwing up blood; Watch as it covers her hair and her pretty white uniform." His hands were shaking now.
“The next day Child Protection Services is dragging me, my brother, and my sister into three different cars. I haven't seen them since. To this day, I don't know if they're alive or dead or what the hell happened to them. I get sent to a home where I was beaten every day for every reason under the sun. Finally, after a year, I ran away, figuring life's better sleeping under a bridge than it ever will be in the foster system. So that, Jensen, is why I'm so fucked up.”
It was a wonder Jared could even form syllables by the end, the tears streaming down his face telling the other half of the story, the side that he'd probably never voice out loud. It was the story of a little boy whose world fell apart on a single night; a little boy who just wanted to keep on being the happy big brother to his little sister, the good son to his parents, and the excellent student for his teachers.
The little boy who wouldn't find happiness for years.
Jensen's own eyes hurt from holding back tears, and no matter what Jared did or didn't do back in Vegas, it was no longer worth being mad over. Taking a deep breath, he did the only thing he could think of in place of saying 'it's okay', which he knew would be worthless to a Jared that was pissed and crying, lost and utterly alone. Still staring straight ahead, Jensen wordlessly slipped his hand into Jared's, giving it a squeeze.
They came to a stop at the top of Jensen's driveway and there was no need to ask, because Jensen was right there, letting Jared sob into his shirt, letting years of abuse, neglect, and terror wash away in the tears. Anger gave way to support, which gave way to tenderness as Jensen kissed each of Jared's tears away slowly.
“No one's gonna hurt you again so long as I'm around. No one's gonna lay a hand on you.” Jensen promised after another kiss, his eyes locked with Jared's, needing the younger man to understand.
“Why do you still want me?” Jared cried out, fresh tears streaming down his face in a way that shattered Jensen's heart just a little further.
“Because you make me smile. You make me laugh, make me look forward to work. You remind me that I'm still here and that each day's gonna be better than the one before it,” Jensen answered earnestly, surprised to find his own voice sounding just as thick and rough. The three little words trapped in his heart came out under the sweep of truths; Jensen not wanting to come right out and say it, for Jared's sake. He was freaking out enough as it was.
“You can find that in anyone.”
“I don't want anyone. I want you, here, in my life.”
Jared finally nodded at that, wiping away his tears before standing and making his way up to the door, blood still seeping from his head.
They both fell into bed that night, exhausted from the impromptu fight in Vegas. Just a few simple words, however, managed to keep Jensen awake for the rest of the night; all of it stemming from the whispered conversation they had as they were both trying to fall asleep.
“One of these days, you promise you'll tell me about the military?” Jared had asked, his eyes red-rimmed from all the tears.
“I promise,” Jensen replied, swallowing back the lump of panic in his throat, his brain running from zero into overdrive as he tried to figure out what to say and when to say it.
It took nearly a week before Jared looked closer to his usual self; the swelling of the punches giving way to bruising so severe that people actually stopped and stared. They'd come up with a good cover though; car accident at the rally track not far from Goodsprings. It was a good war story to share with the other men in town, it impressed the ladies, got them a free drink at the Jerk Shack, and it served as a cautionary tale for the children to always wear their seat belts All in all, it worked.
Jensen got little sleep the first three nights back, worried about Jared and more than a little guilt-ridden for not having opened up to his boyfriend like Jared had to him. On day four, Jensen managed to sleep close to the full eight hours recommended by doctors, though the time was spotted with periods of getting up, taking one of the many pills in the medicine cabinet, pacing a little around the kitchen, and finally heading back to bed.
All the time Jensen stayed up, his mind was on one thing; Somalia. One entire night's sleep was devoted to trying to find a way to bring it up in regular conversation with Jared; the next was spent trying to edit out the most gruesome parts, the most heart-wrenching. Night three was spent telling himself just how much of an idiot he was and scrapping the plan altogether. He wanted to tell Jared, he really did, but he just didn't know how.
By the end of the week, Jensen looked like he'd gone six rounds with a cement wall and no one could figure out why, least of all Jared who'd been sleeping like the dead and healing very well thanks his stable routine and comfortable bed. Work took Jensen's full focus, and no one in the shop dared cross him. It was no surprise when he overheard Cam and Jared talking in the office, both their voices hushed whispers.
“We're slipping the Ambien in his beer tomorrow night.” Cam warned. “Last thing I need is to have to pull a damn car off his stubborn ass. You grab the pills tonight and I'll fix it up for ya, okay?”
Jared must have given him a look like he was nuts, because the next words he heard out of Cam's mouth almost made him want to laugh.
“Dude, I was a combat medic, I think I know how to mix drugs.”
Another week went by before Jensen had gotten back to a regular sleeping pattern, the Ambien not having to be mixed into his drink despite Cam's offer; Jared had simply placed it on the night table, a silent threat of what could be done should Jensen decide to lay awake another night. Smart man that he was, Jensen fell and stayed asleep every night thereafter. Things were just starting to get back to normal around the shop, with their usual group of inane customers, and an even bigger group of teenage gawkers now that school was out for the summer. Soon they were back to pranks, in-jokes, and soft, stolen kisses between the cars.
It was a Friday when it all began to fall apart again.
NINE