The Ash amongst the Stars - Chapter 6
In death they were all equal. Jin tongued his lower lip as his eyes, supposedly cast downwards in respect, flickered in the direction of the flames. Four of the village’s men lay within the bonfire. Their bodies had grown cold in death but now they would be filled with heat to the core. This would empower them to make the journey to the heavens and to take their place amongst the stars. Jin pursed his lips remembering the story that he’d told Pi all those years ago. He’d spoken of fire demons in an attempt to frighten his friend, and then in his excitement he’d suggested that they run away together. Had he realised even then that he could never truly belong?
Next to him his father began to speak. He was paying his respects to the dead and praying that their passage to the afterlife be clear, and their journeys be safe. As a young boy Jin had accepted this funeral right as the norm, believing that this was the way in which all of the lands people treated their deceased. However, his time in Hanada had taught him differently. It was his father’s fear of death that had introduced the elaborate custom to the village - for each member of their small community was expected to attend every funeral.
Suddenly his father’s hand landed against his back. He flinched and barely fought back a pained cry; the man had slapped one of the open wounds that he himself had publicly delivered to his son less than an hour earlier. He was talking about the future, and how Jin would one day lead the families, but Jin was barely listening. His mind was with Tomohisa. Concern, it was not a feeling that he was accustomed to, but he was too exhausted and tense to dwell on it. He’d pulled the prisoner close, whispered to him, kissed him. They were too old for such behaviour; he was already way beyond the age that he’d been expected to take a wife. But Jin could barely control his urges. Tomohisa was afraid of him, and so he was allowing Jin to have his way. He felt a flutter in his belly; just how far would Tomohisa allow him to go? But he immediately fought to push such thoughts away. Tomohisa was a vital part of the plan; he could not allow himself to grow too attached. But he knew, even as he began to consider his future actions, that it was already too late. By bringing Tomohisa back into his life, he had ripped open old wounds, allowing his emotions to seep and flow freely. It was dangerous; for himself, for Tomohisa and for the network. Jin allowed himself a quiet smile; for better or worse, change was on its way.
~*~*~*~
He couldn’t be certain but it seemed to Tomohisa that hours had gone by. Not for the first time since he’s been restrained he felt a spasm in the muscles of his arms. He clenched shut his eyes, already hooded in darkness, and willed the agony to pass by. Eventually it did so but not without leaving his eyes prickling with unshed tears. He ground his teeth; he would not cry. And yet, the more that he willed the tears back, the more prominent they became until they were rolling down his cheeks. He was exhausted; almost two days had gone by since he’d last slept and the damp earth and tight bindings were doing little to ease him into slumber. He had wanted to be better than this; brave, tough, unemotional. But now, alone in the night, his true nature was prevailing.
“I…I don’t think that you should…”
“Please Koki!”
Muffled voices, barely even audible reached him. He held his breath. Could one of them be Jin?
“I…I don’t know if he’s allowed visitors…we’ve never had a prisoner in the village before…at least not one from the outsi…”
“Be quiet. If anyone questions you tell them that I ordered you to let me through. Please Koki, it’s important.”
Tomohisa could not make out the response that followed, or the one after that. The two voices seemed to be growing quieter and quieter making him wonder if they were in fact moving away from his tiny prison. His theory was soon proven incorrect however with the scraping of uneven wood against the heavy mud of the ground.
“Are you sure about this?” a whispered voice that Tomohisa didn’t recognize. He held his breath.
“Don’t worry,” a second voice answered. It was Jin. He relaxed, though only slightly. “I know what I’m doing. This is for the good of the families.” There was a pause in the speech, the only sound being some quiet shuffling shortly followed by the scraping of the door once more.
Tomohisa couldn’t bring himself to move, hardly dared to breathe as he heard the gentle fall of three footsteps.
“Pi?” Jin’s voice was barely more than a whisper. “Are you…” he trailed off and Tomohisa heard the gentle ripple of his clothing as he lowered himself to the ground. Tomohisa wanted to feel relieved; in fact he’d been praying that Jin would come to him since the moment he’d been locked up. Now that his hopes had been realised he knew that he should feel less anxious but the feeling did not dissolve so readily. He flinched as cool hands brushed against his collar bones while they worked at removing the sack that concealed his head. Jin paused at the movement but only momentarily before pulling away the suffocating garment and allowing Tomohisa to suck in air not already tainted by the damp, earthy fabric.
Blinking he tried to focus on his old friend but his eyes showed him very little. The absence of light in his small prison should have been expected but Tomohisa in his dazed state of exhaustion still found it unsettling. He could just about make out Jin’s outline, and judging by the way that the assassins hands were roaming over his body, Jin could see just as little of him.
“You’re awake,” Jin spoke again in the same gentle whisper, as his hands found the rope that bound Tomohisa’s arms, “you have been since I got here, I can tell by your breathing.” He hands began to move across Tomohisa bindings.
“What are you doing?” Tomohisa asked quietly, for it felt as though Jin were simply stroking the ropes that held him so tightly.
“Don’t ask meaningless questions,” Jin said shortly, and Tomohisa felt the restraints fall from his arms. Eagerly he went to pull them to his front but Jin’s hold prevented him. “Be careful,” Jin’s voice was almost tender, “you’ll hurt yourself if you move too quickly.” And he began to massage Tomohisa’s arms with his fingers. Tomohisa was unable to stifle a quiet moan; the sensation was both painful and pleasurable. Eventually Jin eased his arms back into their natural position.
“Thank you.” Tomohisa’s words were immediately succeeded by a yawn. “I’m sorry.” He said quickly, “I’m just…”
The force of Jin’s lips pushed him onto his back but the hand that had found its way into his hair cushioned him from the impact. He gasped as he felt Jin’s tongue slide between his lips, while his free hand made its way to his cheek.
Too exhausted to think Tomohisa let it happen and even began to return the kiss shyly. He recognized this desperation in his old friend; he had seen it the last and only time that they had lain together. And then as suddenly as he had started, Jin stopped. He pulled back, though only slightly, and Tomohisa now growing accustomed to the darkness, could faintly detect the sparkling of his eyes.
“I’m sorry,” Jin whispered, his hand still stroking Tomohisa’s cheek, “I shouldn’t…we’re too old…it’s just…”
Tomohisa shook his head and leaned in slowly for another kiss. He was too tired to take it further, too tired to seek explanation or to puzzle over his own feelings. But for reasons beyond his own comprehension he wanted Jin close.
“I’m not supposed to…” Jin whispered quickly when he broke the kiss, “if anyone ever found out…” he kissed Tomohisa again, “Pi…if they ever…” he trailed off and lowered himself to Tomohisa’s side, immediately reaching out to pull the other into his arms.
A voice in the back of Tomohisa’s mind told him to push Jin away. He was a murderer, a liar, a traitor; he wasn’t to be trusted. And yet, as Jin pulled him into his embrace, his heart seemed to jump, and he knew that there was no other place he’d rather be. He hesitated and then gently touched his friend’s hair, not missing the gentle shudder that his action caused. “You were always one of them…a spy…” he whispered, uncertain of what he really wanted to say. He felt Jin nodding, slow and slight as though the assassin feared what he would say next. “Does that mean that we…our friendship…was that all a lie?” his words sounded foolish and childish even to his own ears and his face flushed warm as he spoke.
Jin chuckled lowly and shook his head and then pulled back slightly so that he could meet Tomohisa’s eyes. “You changed everything.” His voice was so serious that Tomohisa barely recognized it. “Pi…sometimes I don’t know whether to love you or hate you.” He sighed and rolled onto his back to stare at the concealed ceiling. “I was supposed to be the perfect assassin, the heir to these families, this village…but you made me into something else.” Tomohisa felt cold as he listened to Jin speak; afraid to believe or jump to conclusions but finding his mind guessing and hoping nonetheless. Jin laughed and raised his hand to his face. “Even before I knew that you’d be so important I was trying to think of a way to make you a permanent part of my life. And then I overheard the truth about you and…and I knew that I had to do something!”
“Everyone’s dead.” Tomohisa knew that he should be speaking with more feeling but he was too tired and bewitched by Jin’s words, “that was because of you…and me?”
Jin shook his head. “My uncle, who posed as my father and raised me, believed that a new circuit of families was being formed and that a large number of them resided within Hanada. I don’t know how he’d reached that conclusion or whether there was any truth in it. After years of blending in and living amongst you, he decided that the village should be destroyed and we left to return to this place. I didn’t know then that it would be two years before we were able to gather enough of our men to…”
“You knew?” Tomohisa felt himself beginning to recoil, “that last night…you knew that you were going to betray us?” Jin didn’t speak but Tomohisa thought that he could sense a change in his breathing. He felt his mind growing numb as the memories that he’d always cherished gradually became tainted. “Why are you telling me this now? What do you really want?” he felt rage starting to bubble deep within.
“Pi…”
“Don’t call me that!” He struggled to sit up, “don’t fuck with me!” He wanted to run but there was nowhere left for him to go.
“I want you to trust me.” Jin began to sit up too. But Tomohisa felt his emotions finally boil over and he lunged at his old friend, successfully pinning him to the ground. Jin gasped in pain as his head hit the floor with unexpected force.
“Tell me the truth!” He spat, seizing Jin by the collar. “What do you want from me?” Despite his anger his voice was still no more than a furious whisper.
“Pi…calm down…”
“Tell me!” He tightened his hold causing Jin to choke as he was denied oxygen. He tried to struggle but it seemed that his head wound had left him disorientated and dizzy and all he could do was claw fearfully at Tomohisa’s hold. “Tell me what you want!”
“Everything!” the answer was almost a sob, and came as such a shock to Tomohisa that he immediately loosened his grip. “I want everything you are. Is that enough for you?” Jin pulled away. “I want you with me. I want you to help me. I don’t want to be alone anymore.”
“You burned my village!”
“And I’d burn a million more!” Jin snapped turning and grabbing his arm. “Don’t you understand?”
Tomohisa froze as the words lodged themselves into his mind. In the darkness it almost looked as though Jin was cowering in front of him, his fingers clutching desperately at his arm. All his life he’d been taught that all men were dispensable for the sake of the Lord and the clan. This he’d accepted readily and had tried to prepare himself for battle and murder and all the horrors that such scenes could bring. But to kill for the love of another man? It was absurd and completely unheard of amongst his class. And yet he could feel his anger gradually beginning to subside and a familiar sort of longing taking its place.
Jin was moving now, sliding away from him and trying to regain his composure. It was as though the very shame that he felt was radiating from him as he started to scramble to his feet. “I shouldn’t have come,” he said quietly, “I’m sorry I just…” his words failed him as he stared helplessly at Tomohisa.
“What’s going to happen tomorrow?” Tomohisa felt as though Jin could see the fear within his very soul as he lowered his head.
“You’ll stand trial.” Jin leaned down and retrieved the sack and rope that he’d not long since removed. “The family heads need to decide what to do…whether you’re worth the risk…” He lowered himself back onto his knees.
“And if they decide that I’m not?” He flinched as he felt Jin hands on his arms, gently guiding them back behind his back.
“Then we’re both going to have one hell of a fight on our hands.” Jin chuckled. Tomohisa twisted his head around in surprise, as Jin began to refasten his bindings, albeit much looser than his predecessor had. “What?” he could hear the sad smile in Jin’s voice, “you think I’d just let them kill you?” he felt hot lips against his neck again.
“You’re one of them…” Tomohisa gasped as Jin moved closer to his throat, his body immediately beginning to heat up at the contact.
“But I belong to you…” Jin whispered pulling him around, “that’s if you want me…”
“I do,” Tomohisa relaxed his lips and allowed Jin to kiss him once more.
~*~*~*~
The sky was white streaked with grey. It looked cold, Jin thought, which was odd as the air was so thick and hot that his entire body felt damp with perspiration. Tomohisa was knelt a short distance away, pale faced, eyes wide, jaw clenched. Jin allowed his arm to drop and his fingers to brush lightly against the weapon concealed within his robes, wondering fleetingly if he would soon be forced to use it.
The events of the evening before threatened to consume his mind but he fought to keep them at bay. He’d completely lost his composure and had let his true feelings known to Tomohisa. He was ashamed of his openness and afraid that Pi would use his confession to his advantage. For as much as he wanted to believe that his feelings could be reciprocated, he was certain that his old friend secretly despised him.
“Jin,” his father’s voice interrupted his thoughts. “Please state your case.”
The setting was ludicrously informal, a simple gathering outside of the Akanishi family’s estate. This fact paired with the conciseness with which his father spoke told Jin that the leader of the families had already reached a conclusion regarding Tomohisa’s fate. Now Jin simply had to play his part and wait patiently for his father to make his decision known publicly.
“Yamashita Tomohisa is the son and illegitimate heir of Nishikido Takeshi.” Jin straightened his back and allowed his voice to ring out clearly to the small audience. All eyes were upon him now, all curious as to what his fate would be should his father deny his request. “During my years in Hanada I grew to become quite closely acquainted with Yamashita and learned of his loyalty to Kamenashi, not Nishikido who abandoned him, but his greatest rival.”
“Is this true?” Jin’s father turned to Tomohisa and Jin felt his stomach clench. But Tomohisa simply lowered his eyes and nodded.
“Yes sir.” He said respectively.
Jin’s father seemed to consider this for a moment before turning back to face his son. “How did you discover this information?”
“I knew Yamashita well and I realised that his life was…different to those of the other village boys.”
“How so?” He could tell that his father was scrutinizing him, searching for the slightest hint of deception. He was relieved therefore that he was in-fact speaking the truth.
“He was being held back from reaching his full potential,” Jin said carefully. He could feel Tomohisa’s gaze but dared not meet it. “The other boys of the village, myself included, would undergo far stricter and harsher training but Yamashita was never included. He would frequently take ill before we were about to leave for a longer training exercise; his parents would demand that he leave practice early though they would never explain why; and his equipment was never up to the standard required for him to be able to rival the other boys…” he could see that his father looked bored and unimpressed and moved quickly to remedy that. “I know that it sounds absurd but there were a huge amount of tiny coincidences, the sort that I’ve been trained to detect.” His father nodded slowly. “So I started to spy on his father and those that he was closest to, his mother too. It took years for me to collect the information that I have…they were very careful…even Tomohisa had no idea.”
“And now you believe that we can use him to our advantage?” His father pressed obviously in a hurry for the meeting to end.
“Yes,” Jin bowed, “father I know that he can help us bring down Nishikido...imagine what Kamenashi would pay us for that…”
“What if he fails?” came the snappy response, anger always lying just below the surface.
“Then we have lost nothing!” Jin smiled and spread his arms casually, “father he knows nothing of our ways, our methods or techniques…he doesn’t even know where we are geographically.” He turned to Tomohisa and was silently thrilled to see the shame that his own ignorance brought to his face. It worked only to strengthen Jin’s argument. “But if he joins our cause and succeeds…”
His father waved his hand, “yes, yes I understand.” Jin felt a flutter of hope; something told him that his father was far more impressed by the idea than he let on.
“I know his skills; his strengths and weaknesses…and he has already sworn his allegiance to me and to you and to our family. Let me train him father. I won’t let you down.”
The man was moving now, his attention no longer on his son but on his prisoner. Tomohisa remained with his head bowed, arms still trapped uncomfortably behind his back. “We have never permitted an outsider before.” He stopped in front of the bound man, the pleasure that he took in his fear obvious to everyone. “If you fail me or stray even slightly I will make you suffer in ways that you can’t even imagine. Is that clear?”
Tomohisa nodded again. “Yes sir.”
“Good.” He turned back to Jin, “keep him out of my sight Jin.” He said coolly, “I don’t want to see him again until he is completely perfect. Understand?”
“Yes father.” Jin bowed again.
The man smirked. “Oh and if he fails…I’ll have your head too my son.” He turned and called to a young woman, one of his concubines to follow him, and left the scene without another word.
No-one, save for the summoned woman, moved for at least ten seconds after their leaders departure and then suddenly everyone seemed to come to life at once. Chattering and whispering and dispersing. Jin wanted to run to Tomohisa and to embrace him but he could still feel the eyes of his subordinates upon him and he wasn’t about to betray his weakness. So instead he approached slowly, and reached to pull his friend to his feet using the rope that bound his hands. He felt the flinch, indicating the pain that he caused but he showed no sign that he’d noticed as he pushed the man in the direction of his new home.