Emo?
So, I went to a wedding today. It was rather nice, Kenny and I were two of the three non-family people there, it was very small. Then we spent a few hours at the happy couple's place with their kids and them and it was again, really nice. I was so tired, though, I went to bed at 6 am and woke at 10 am for it. While we were at their place I found myself nodding off, but it was the odd resting but aware doze I used to use all the time when watching my siblings. Kids in general, it seems, make me go into that mode so I'm ready to wake up if someone sets something on fire, or something ( hey, don't laugh, this actually happened to me at least three times with a mattress, and who knows how many other times with other random stuff with my little brother. )
Kinda amusing, though, that any kids will put me into that mode. Paternal instinct? Who knows.
On our way back Kenny and I were talking about our wedding, we decided a while ago that we wanted a hand fasting. And I want to do it in garb, both of us agreed we look silly in tuxes or whatever, they don't suit us. I was thinking black shirts with silver embroidery and silver sashes. We know we want it outside, as well, and not in some place we have to pay a lot for. And trees are a must. 'S all the planning we've done, because we don't know when we'd want to, but it is exciting thinking about it, really.
Then we went over to Kyle and Tony's place, which is completely usual. I took a little nap, which also means I laid there thinking a bit, which is never a good thing, when I'm alone and thinking I usual end up thinking bad things. Anyway, I got up and saw Kyle working on a graphic in PhotoShop, which is normal, except for him, usually he only does art ( esp. art with hearts. ) for people he really likes, like, he made a few graphics for me and because of me when we first met. There's only one person I can see him making something like that for now, and it saddens me. But, well. I don't know, this time instead of getting jealous and all I kinda sighed to myself and then wondered if he wouldn't be happier spending more time with said person. I don't feel like I make him happy anymore, nor even undepressed as I did there for a while. For good reason, it's hard to feel happiness when someone has hurt you before. But. . . his friend works and goes to school and doesn't have the free time to spend with him I can, I should be happy about this, but instead I found myself wishing I could swap availability with this guy, you know? Like, make him available almost all day almost every day so that Kyle can be happy. I don't think this guy ( Evan, btw. ) would ever hurt Kyle like I have. . . I don't know. I just want him to be happy, and I think I've realised I can't do that for him anymore. I just entertain him by being a WoW bot anymore, I think. I don't know what to think, really.