A TWILIGHT Rant... Warning: It's Ruthlessly Long.
Twilight Rant... It's long overdue. Spoilers for all four books, though I can't really remember much of New Moon and Eclipse... xP meh.
I'm not even entirely sure where to begin. I could start off by leading into how much I think the series is seriously overrated, but then you might not understand my love-hate relationship with it. Well, I don't know if I'd call it LOVE-hate. Maybe like-hate. Or something. I've never felt a particularily strong love for the books. They aren't all that special, so I don't see why people obsess.
Reasons why I sort of like it:
Jacob Black.
I'm not even kidding-- I'm preparing to be shot by a mob of Edward fans, too, but it's true. He was my favorite character since book one (though we saw very little of him), and I was happy to see so much of him in New Moon (other fans felt differently... ahaha.)
I don't know if it was because I read it shortly after one of my classmates died (his name was Jacob), but still. I liked him. He was a fun escape from the perfection of the vampires in the series.
I first heard of Twilight a long time ago before it became popular. One of my upperclassmen friends who shared my love of writing mentioned the book to me in passing and how she loved it (read it multiple times). I trusted her opinion because she seemed like such a good writer to me so I mentally made a note to check out that book later on.
Well, I never really got to it until the series began gaining popularity... but I wasn't completely jaded by the idea of it becoming a fad when I first bought Twilight at Target or some place. I wanted a book to read and I remembered what she had said about it.
I took it home and couldn't put it down. It wasn't necessarily because it was so well written or anything. No. There was just something about it... I'm not sure how to explain.
I was waiting for someone to die; for something tragic to happen. I thought that Twilight was the only one-- that there weren't going to be any sequels, so I was expecting some sort of sound, devastating and yet happy conclusion that would make the book fantastic.
It never came, and though it may sound a little grotesque/sick of me, I was a little disappointed by the lack of any real death (the bad guy doesn't count. pfft, whatever). When Bella was all in her unconsciousness or whatever toward the end of the book and saying that she was feeling what it felt like to die, I was like, ooh, interesting... kill off the main character/the one whose point of view we are seeing. Interesting!
But no, she survived. Gah.
But I still somewhat enjoyed the first book. It might be my favorite of the four books.
So I went about my way, sort of noticing that there were more books to add onto the... saga... -gag-, but I couldn't imagine what more they could add to the story. Everything seemed too happy and perfect for Bella the overly normal, clutsy, mary-sue teenager who thinks she's not good enough for anything and I'm going to make myself vomit if I go on about how typical/cliche/boring she is.
I heard comments about New Moon from my classmates around the time that Eclipse was coming out. I asked about it; a little curious, because a part of me did still want to read. I didn't want to behind on something that everyone else was getting into. It didn't, doesn't, make me a fan-- just gives me all the more right and credibility when discussing/arguing about it if people can tell that I read the books.
People told me that New Moon was so sad. So, so sad. That they cried when reading it.
And I like books that will make me cry or make me sad. It's weird, I know, but I like it a lot more than a usual happy ending. That's not how reality necessarily is. Atonement is the only book I've read that has ever made me cry, however (loved it), but I was hoping that New Moon might too.
Oh my god, I was horribly wrong.
Maybe first I should get into how much I dislike Edward. I'm liking him a little bit more as I go on, but really... REALLY, people-- he has almost no personality. He's overprotective to a fault and just sort of annoying. I can tolerate him more now that Bella is a vampire, too, but my goodness, he's still a little bit wooden of a character.
It was worse though in the first three books. He was sickeningly romantic/perfect and Bella always went on and on about how marvelous and PERFECT he was.
I really got sick of Bella's point of view by New Moon. Twilight was okay, because it was fresh and the first book, but after she describes the sheer brilliance of the most perfectly beautiful and amazing person-- vampire-- she's ever met for the billiionth time... it makes me die a little and want to chuck the book across the room (I never once did, that I can remember, but still).
Okay, but back to the point-- New Moon. I was expecting to be sad and/or cry. The first thing that happens that I can remember is that Edward leaves Bella because he thinks he's not good enough or some stupid reason.
BOO HOO.
Teenage angst was like, leaking off the pages as Bella became totally emo for a good two, three, or four months. (eh, something like that, I didn't keep track). I was just rolling my eyes and screaming inwardly "GET OVER HIM ALREADY. He's just some vampire. He's not really all that great. He's stupid. You're stupid. Get a life while he's gone. MY GOD WOMAN."
So eventually she took my advice or something and went out to La Push to hang out with Jacob.
=D
I fell more in love with the character. He's just so... he isn't boring. Sure there are many lapses in his judgment that are a bit dangerous and immature, which can be frustrating, but that gives his character depth and makes him seem much more real.
He lets Bella live. He doesn't hold her back like Edward does.
And he's a frickin' werewolf-- how cool is that? I'd much rather transform into a wolf from time to time than to be a cold, immortal vampire statue thing forever. Another reason why Bella's an idiot.
Yes, I'm aware that this is all my opinion and that it doesn't mean much, but I feel passionately about it. So passionately that I can't help but put my thoughts together into one and explain my problems with the series.
Like Bella's willingness to just drop the life she has over a guy. This is a good lesson for young girls, and just another excuse to throw a Romeo and Juliet-like romance at your reader's audience (she even acknowledges this as Bella in Twilight and I just eyerolled all the way to the end of that chapter).
There's too much Romeo and Juliet in the world today. Oi. Especially in things I don't like. Twilight. High School Musical. Grease. Etc. Etc. Etc.
What's so alluring about "forbidden" love? >__>;; That's a major source of happiness.
I like the idea of "forbidden" love. Don't get me wrong. I just hate when it changes to OMG YAY HAPPINESS 4EVA W/ EDWARD!!!1!!!1!
Because that's just stupid. It makes me so sick that things are so perfect between Edward and Bella. They hardly ever fight and Meyer just throws in bunches of drama and pointless angst in there to make it appear as if things might fall apart at any moment. Or that they might die. Gasp. But nothing really happens, so whateverrrr.
Anyway, back to Jacob. He's a werewolf and awesome and stuff. Yeah. I was a little bit skeptical with the whole "you have a story, Stephenie Meyer, that revolves around vampires, and now you're going to add werewolves to the mix?!?!?!" thing, but... I like the werewolves, I guess.
But, you know, it's just oh so convenient that Bella happens to be the best of friends with both sides. Teehee. -dies-
And, oh no, who will she really choose? Jacob or Edward? Gasp. Well, of course, she'll go with Edward, who is so much of an idiot that her nearly commits suicide over Bella. (WTF!?!?!??!).
If you love someone, you don't just try to hurt them like that. Edward's a drama king idiot if I've ever seen one. Seriously, he reminds me of a girl o.O
Eclipse was sort of fun when we got to listen in on that conversation between Edward and Jacob while Bella was... unconscious? sleeping? dying (heh, if only)? I can't even remember. I love Edward and Jacob's sort of... hate relationship. Except it isn't entirely hate, it's just sort of envy/jealousy stuff. Unfortunately a a lot of it is over Bella, who's not exactly worth it anyway because she doesn't listen to anybody, but still.
And then at the end of Eclipse when Jacob ran off into the woods as a wolf or whatever? =/ I was so sad, I thought that might mean that he was leaving for good/forever. I hated that. I was so scared. It was the only reason I bothered reading the books anymore after I was sorely disappointed by the "sadness" in New Moon (which was really only a whole lot of Bella/Edward separation angst).
And if Bella/Edward fans are angry that Bella and Jacob were sort of starting to like each other and become friends, then they should blame Bella or Meyer, not necessarily Jacob, because she was sort of in love with him too. People need to remember that they are seeing things through the view of BELLA SWAN. NOT their own point of view. THEY ARE NOT BELLA. OMG. (More rantage on this later).
LOL at all of the fans who were angry when Jacob kissed Bella. Even though she told him too (I think, lol). See my last point for all of my lmaoness on that.
Okay, so Breaking Dawn.
I hate that werewolves can imprint... it's weird. I'm still reading Breaking Dawn, but I'm down to the last 100 pages or so... and thinking WHAT THE HELL!?!?!?
Breaking Dawn is probably the stupidest book in existence... >__> No wonder almost every fan I've talked to dislikes it. At first, I liked it alright, mostly because about a fourth way through the book, it switched over to Jacob's point of view. :D You have no idea how happy that made me. It was such a relief seeing someone else's side, especially my favorite character's side, that I read like crazy. I loved it. He acted so rash, but I think it possibly made Twilight fans appreciate Jacob a little more.
Well, probably not. Die-hard Edward fans are so stubborn. Ehhhh D:
That was cool and all... probably the only thing cool about the book...
Because the rest of the book we had to deal with Bella and Edward having sex and being perfectly happy every five minutes, or else Bella being pregnant with a monster she's too stupid to get rid of, even though it's killing her (I don't even care that I know now that the baby would have been okay along with Bella. I still would have sided with Jacob and just wanted to kill/get rid of the damn thing. maybe that's harsh... oh well xP), Bella drinking blood as a human and liking it (well, that's convenient), TEENAGE ANGST/DRAMA (aka a must for every book in the Twilight series), and yeah. Random mood changes between people being friends/enemies/frienemies.
Don't get me wrong... I like Renesmee (combination of Renee and Esme) alright. She seems like she'd be a cutie, and I like her... superpower thing I guess. She's so much more interesting than her mother and her father put together-- it's insane! And I actually don't mind her name too much... it's sort of pretty. It's different. I can't believe that Meyer wanted to pull the same trick twice, though, and have the middle name be Carlie (Carlisle+Charlie) BLEH. -gags-.
And then Bella will break your friend's collarbone and go apeshit if you so much as call her baby by a nickname. HEAVEN FORBID.
Seriously, though, Nessie's not a horrible nickname or anything. Only Bella would make the connection to the lochness monster. I think she was just PMSing the first time Jacob said it or something. I don't care if she was a vampire by then, she was definately going through some hormones. Because honestly, sometimes other people around her call Renesmee that and she doesn't freak out at them. My goodness.
I haven't gotten to the end yet, but I'm sure that by the end of it, Bella will begin unconsciously calling Renesmee "Nessie" and then she'll be all "teehee! not me too! ahh! well oh well I guess it's cute. maybe I shouldn't have freaked out at Seth and Jacob for that. Nessie... so cute!"
Don't tell me if I'm wrong lol.
I hate that Bella's the perfect newborn vampire. It's almost not fair, I was banking on the idea that she would struggle with it like she was supposed to, but NO: she has the gift of ultimate perfect self-control so she can just skip past the craziness stage (umm, heaven forbid she might actually seem like a real person with real flaws and depth).
So yes, I got into the Twilight series a little while before it became really popular... maybe it wasn't before enough, though. I tend to hate things that get really popular (with the exception of Harry Potter and Pirates of the Caribbean)... I just have a natural tendency to find flaws with it and rebel. I think I'm right though. I don't think it's just because other people like it that I don't. And like I said, I don't hate Twilight, exactly, but I don't love it either. I'm leaning more towards "it makes me sick" than "love" or "hate".
The movie really wasn't too bad either, I have to admit. It stuck to the image in my head almost exactly, which didn't really surprise me because there wasn't too much they could do to stray from it. The storyline was pretty much the same and everything. It was fine. The special effects sucked though, and I was severely disappointed by Edward's sparkling in the sun. I was so prepared to guffaw my way out of the theatre when that would happen, but it wasn't even that big of a deal. He glimmered like a little diamond or like fresh snow on the ground. Whoopie. DISAPPOINTED.
Back to the movie sticking pretty much to what I saw in my head... I'm already forgetting my original mental images of all the characters... =( Edward had black hair and looked like an emo all the time though. Actually, he looked like one of the members of Gorillaz to me ahaha. Not overly perfect or handsome. I'll have to show what I thought Professor Snape looked like too in my head when I read Sorcerer's Stone haha.
The dialogue left much to be desired... but I don't blame Melissa Rosenburg or whatever, the person who wrote the screenplay. (not just because we share names, either). It's not like the dialogue in the books was any better... it made me wince and gag sometimes. Don't even get me STARTED on the lion/lamb quote. I will eat you.
So the movie wasn't really all that great, but at least we didn't hear TOO much of Bella's inner monologue. I would have died if I had to hear how much she thought he was so perfect again and again. The movie was much more tolerable than the book, even if I did enjoy reading the book.
Taylor Lautner was an alright Jacob. I liked him more as time went on... like at the end and stuff. The beginning all I could see was his goofy smile and I was like, what? I was almost really hoping that whoever they'd pick for Jacob would be twice as hot as Robert Pattinson (Edward). I don't really like Pattinson all that much... I mean, he's alright. He was fine as Cedric Diggory, but ... let's just say that he projected the emo/depressed/wooden Edward in my head almost to perfection lmao.
I hate the fans who are like... the girl who plays Rosalie isn't pretty enough! they should have used a supermodel! she's supposed to be the prettiest girl in the world!
STFU already. Fans like this need to be reminded that the book is not in their point of view. It's in Bella's point of view. For all we know, Rosalie could really look like an old hag, but to Bella, in Bella's own opinion, not anyone else's, she's gorgeous-- one of the most beautiful people.
Same with Edward. She views him as perfect, but that doesn't mean he is. Only Bella thinks so.
So unfortunately we're all pretty well swayed to love and hate characters based on what Bella thinks and feels. Great. She's reliable.
Ah, wait! Back to Breaking Dawn for a moment-- I HATE HATE HATE that Jacob imprinted on Renesmee. We already have to see Quil and the infant, Claire, imprinted or whatever, so why does another werewolf have to imprint on a baby? It's sort of gross and wrong... even with Nessie (don't kill me, BELLS lulz) growing rapidly... I don't know. In a way, I like it because it means that Jacob can hang around and be in the story more. But then... that sort of keeps me limited in how I can ship Jacob...
I can no longer sort of ship Jacob/Bella like I had been doing... I knew it'd never happen because Bella is too stupid/stubborn/whatever... and then the slash shipper part of me was always like Jacob/Edward, Jacob/Edward.... and their interaction still excites me, but... now it's just weird if I do that. Jacob's pretty much going to be their son-in-law, bleh. o___o that's so weird and eww. he can have fun explaining to Renesmee later that he kissed her mom and used to think he loved her romantically. lol... and her Daddy can explain how he offered to let Jacob sleep with her Mommy if only to get a perfectly healthy normal child. But then, I guess what Nessie doesn't know won't hurt her... I mean, it's not like she can intrusively read minds like her father (grumble grumble).
Which reminds me-- why is it so damn convenient that Bella is the only exception to Edward/Aro's mind reading stuff? That's so... I mean, as if she weren't mary sue enough... -___-
I could write a research paper on this. My god. Look how long this is already! -shakeshead- I almost want to. My hate for the series is becoming almost an obsession right now which is... weird and contradictory and bizarre. I feel weird. Sort of hypocritcal for giving the series even more attention with my rant/feelings, but I can't help it... I have to let my opinions out before they drive me crazy...
So in conclusion:
Dear World,
I want a Team Jacob shirt. Just to drive the Edward fans batshit every time I walk into the room.
K THNX,
Lissa
Here's a picture to get your attention, lol. and it sort of makes my point.
http://shinga.deviantart.com/art/Head-Trip-Twilight-Sucks-85504254