Aerosmith - Crying
Title: Cut.
Pairing: Taguchi-centric, Rena/Taguchi, Taguchi/faceless female
Rating: NC-17 (violence, psychological themes, het!sex)
Summary: Taguchi’s heart is broken….the rest follows.
Warning: Psychological themes, main character death
Based very loosely on: ”Cryin” by Aerosmith
A slow smile spread across Taguchi's face as she placed the sparkling diamond back in his hand, sympathy written across her face. The hard rock glinted in the light like a beacon in the dark welcoming weary sailors home. For Taguchi, it inspired nothing but a hopeless feeling of being lost. She had been his compass for so long.
"It's not you, it's me," Rena said quietly, her model-perfect features contorted in emotion.
"Of course," Taguchi said, his fist closing over the object.
He could feel the sharp edges of the fitting cut into his skin and he breathed in sharply, the colors around him blurring for a split-second into a beautiful cacophonous symphony of lights.
Taguchi knew it was him.
~
The mirror reflected his latest hairstyle, chosen specifically by Johnny and his image team as everything else was in his life. That was how an idol's life was- dictated down to how long his hair should be in millimeters.
Taguchi was sick of it. Every time he tried to do something outside of the "idol" stereotype, like having an actual girlfriend or hanging out with people he really liked (who were judged as "gangsters") it all came crashing down around him.
It was time to take control.
~
"Holy…wow, what did you do to your hair? Manager's going to flip…" Nakamaru whispered, his eyes fixed on Taguchi's shorn head.
"Dude you stole my swagger," Koki whined, but shut up when he saw the way Taguchi eyed him.
"It's me," Taguchi said and smiled.
Ueda and Kame shared a concerned look but only shrugged in response.
~
Taguchi stared down at the diamond in his hand, shifting it so it glinted in the light.
Clenching his fist again, he hissed inwardly and smiled as the painful prongs poked into his skin, sending adrenaline through his system to fill the void.
~
"Junno, what are you doing?" Ohkura said; staring as his best friend picked up another snifter of brandy, shuddering visibly at the strength solely from the scent alone.
"Who cares?" Taguchi laughed and continued to pour his drink down his throat, the warmth spreading across his chest and burning his insides.
"Me," Ohkura said softly, but Taguchi ignored him.
~
He was unsure whether he preferred the numbness or the sharp shocks of adrenaline rushing through his veins. Both provided a small refuge from the incomplete, hollow, feeling that overcame him if he wasn't otherwise occupied, her words ringing through his head, replaying that night over and over in his head.
Why should he have to let go if he didn't want to? Why was she the one to choose when it was over?
There were so many things that he could do, he realized, to make her realize that she had made a mistake.
He wouldn't sever the tie.
~
"Ouch, Taguchi, that actually hurt!" Kame hissed and clutched his knee as Taguchi stared blankly at him, but inwardly chuckled. Rehearsal for their upcoming tour included many opportunities to "miss" choreography.
Clutching the kendo sword in his hand so hard his knuckles went white, Taguchi shrugged and turned away, and the shocked expression on Kame's face was reflected in the studio mirror.
He could make others feel, too.
~
"Fuck Taguchi, fuck," she said, her eyes glazed over in pleasure as he thrust into her sharply, his breath hot on her neck. He shoved her harder against the counter as she moved back against him.
She was nameless and faceless, but he was making her soar,and her tight heat around him made Taguchi feel alive and in control.
He could make her cry, make her come, anything he wanted.
She told him she would do anything just to be his.
He knew she never could be.
~
When something is dropped from a great height, it not only breaks into a million pieces; there are also small particles that can never be found, lost to the air and never to be put back together again.
Taguchi felt like pieces of him had drifted away when Rena had left him shattered.
~
The diamond sparkled in the dark light, taunting him yet again.
You're a failure, it said to him, his mind playing it on repeat.
Taguchi grabbed it and tried to grind it into dust, but the only result was scratches on every surface.
He liked the scratches on the mirror the best.
~
"Taguchi," Nakamaru said, grabbing his shirtsleeve.
Taguchi looked at him with a frosty smile.
"I'm worried," Nakamaru said softly.
"Me too," Taguchi replied.
~
"I'm so glad that we can still be friends," Rena said, sipping slowly out of her wine glass, eyes soft as she regarded Taguchi.
"I wouldn't have it any other way," he lied.
He watched as her fingers grasped the glass beautifully, curving around the stem with a practiced elegance. The lightness with which she performed all of her movements was one of the reasons he had fallen for her.
"I'm so glad you understand me," she said, her hands light on his arm.
He nodded, reaching in his pocket as she took a phone call.
The stone was cold between his fingers.
~
"You look weird," Jin said with one eyebrow quirked as he regarded Taguchi curiously, having bumped into him while visiting the agency.
"You're one to talk-- you look like a bag lady," Taguchi scoffed with a sneer.
Jin blinked, uneasy with Taguchi being snarky back, used to him just making a terrible pun and shrugging it off.
Taguchi smiled.
~
"We need to talk to you," Kame said.
"There's nothing to say," Taguchi replied.
~
"Taguchi, you've changed," Ohkura said, his voice sharp and somewhat criticizing.
"When things break, they change," Taguchi replied, slurring his words carelessly.
Ohkura hung up and came over only to find him passed out again.
~
The only choice left to make was if he would go down alone or take someone with him.
~
"I can't do this," Nakamaru said as Taguchi appeared on his doorstep yet again smelling of cheap whiskey and sex.
"Fix me," Taguchi whispered hoarsely.
Nakamaru had to turn away before letting out a sob.
~
He knew how, he knew when.
It was just a matter of time.
~
"Junno!"
"Taguchi!"
Nakamaru, Koki, Kame and Ueda's voices all seemed to be coming to him over a loudspeaker, scratchy and unclear.
Somewhere in the back of his mind, he registered that his limbs were moving, that he was standing on the edge; that the lights of Tokyo were glittering and shifting before his eyes. Everything exploded into ribbons of searing brightness the moment he heard her voice.
He fell back into Nakamaru's arms, and then there was nothing.
Pairing: Taguchi-centric, Rena/Taguchi, Taguchi/faceless female
Rating: NC-17 (violence, psychological themes, het!sex)
Summary: Taguchi’s heart is broken….the rest follows.
Warning: Psychological themes, main character death
Based very loosely on: ”Cryin” by Aerosmith
A slow smile spread across Taguchi's face as she placed the sparkling diamond back in his hand, sympathy written across her face. The hard rock glinted in the light like a beacon in the dark welcoming weary sailors home. For Taguchi, it inspired nothing but a hopeless feeling of being lost. She had been his compass for so long.
"It's not you, it's me," Rena said quietly, her model-perfect features contorted in emotion.
"Of course," Taguchi said, his fist closing over the object.
He could feel the sharp edges of the fitting cut into his skin and he breathed in sharply, the colors around him blurring for a split-second into a beautiful cacophonous symphony of lights.
Taguchi knew it was him.
~
The mirror reflected his latest hairstyle, chosen specifically by Johnny and his image team as everything else was in his life. That was how an idol's life was- dictated down to how long his hair should be in millimeters.
Taguchi was sick of it. Every time he tried to do something outside of the "idol" stereotype, like having an actual girlfriend or hanging out with people he really liked (who were judged as "gangsters") it all came crashing down around him.
It was time to take control.
~
"Holy…wow, what did you do to your hair? Manager's going to flip…" Nakamaru whispered, his eyes fixed on Taguchi's shorn head.
"Dude you stole my swagger," Koki whined, but shut up when he saw the way Taguchi eyed him.
"It's me," Taguchi said and smiled.
Ueda and Kame shared a concerned look but only shrugged in response.
~
Taguchi stared down at the diamond in his hand, shifting it so it glinted in the light.
Clenching his fist again, he hissed inwardly and smiled as the painful prongs poked into his skin, sending adrenaline through his system to fill the void.
~
"Junno, what are you doing?" Ohkura said; staring as his best friend picked up another snifter of brandy, shuddering visibly at the strength solely from the scent alone.
"Who cares?" Taguchi laughed and continued to pour his drink down his throat, the warmth spreading across his chest and burning his insides.
"Me," Ohkura said softly, but Taguchi ignored him.
~
He was unsure whether he preferred the numbness or the sharp shocks of adrenaline rushing through his veins. Both provided a small refuge from the incomplete, hollow, feeling that overcame him if he wasn't otherwise occupied, her words ringing through his head, replaying that night over and over in his head.
Why should he have to let go if he didn't want to? Why was she the one to choose when it was over?
There were so many things that he could do, he realized, to make her realize that she had made a mistake.
He wouldn't sever the tie.
~
"Ouch, Taguchi, that actually hurt!" Kame hissed and clutched his knee as Taguchi stared blankly at him, but inwardly chuckled. Rehearsal for their upcoming tour included many opportunities to "miss" choreography.
Clutching the kendo sword in his hand so hard his knuckles went white, Taguchi shrugged and turned away, and the shocked expression on Kame's face was reflected in the studio mirror.
He could make others feel, too.
~
"Fuck Taguchi, fuck," she said, her eyes glazed over in pleasure as he thrust into her sharply, his breath hot on her neck. He shoved her harder against the counter as she moved back against him.
She was nameless and faceless, but he was making her soar,and her tight heat around him made Taguchi feel alive and in control.
He could make her cry, make her come, anything he wanted.
She told him she would do anything just to be his.
He knew she never could be.
~
When something is dropped from a great height, it not only breaks into a million pieces; there are also small particles that can never be found, lost to the air and never to be put back together again.
Taguchi felt like pieces of him had drifted away when Rena had left him shattered.
~
The diamond sparkled in the dark light, taunting him yet again.
You're a failure, it said to him, his mind playing it on repeat.
Taguchi grabbed it and tried to grind it into dust, but the only result was scratches on every surface.
He liked the scratches on the mirror the best.
~
"Taguchi," Nakamaru said, grabbing his shirtsleeve.
Taguchi looked at him with a frosty smile.
"I'm worried," Nakamaru said softly.
"Me too," Taguchi replied.
~
"I'm so glad that we can still be friends," Rena said, sipping slowly out of her wine glass, eyes soft as she regarded Taguchi.
"I wouldn't have it any other way," he lied.
He watched as her fingers grasped the glass beautifully, curving around the stem with a practiced elegance. The lightness with which she performed all of her movements was one of the reasons he had fallen for her.
"I'm so glad you understand me," she said, her hands light on his arm.
He nodded, reaching in his pocket as she took a phone call.
The stone was cold between his fingers.
~
"You look weird," Jin said with one eyebrow quirked as he regarded Taguchi curiously, having bumped into him while visiting the agency.
"You're one to talk-- you look like a bag lady," Taguchi scoffed with a sneer.
Jin blinked, uneasy with Taguchi being snarky back, used to him just making a terrible pun and shrugging it off.
Taguchi smiled.
~
"We need to talk to you," Kame said.
"There's nothing to say," Taguchi replied.
~
"Taguchi, you've changed," Ohkura said, his voice sharp and somewhat criticizing.
"When things break, they change," Taguchi replied, slurring his words carelessly.
Ohkura hung up and came over only to find him passed out again.
~
The only choice left to make was if he would go down alone or take someone with him.
~
"I can't do this," Nakamaru said as Taguchi appeared on his doorstep yet again smelling of cheap whiskey and sex.
"Fix me," Taguchi whispered hoarsely.
Nakamaru had to turn away before letting out a sob.
~
He knew how, he knew when.
It was just a matter of time.
~
"Junno!"
"Taguchi!"
Nakamaru, Koki, Kame and Ueda's voices all seemed to be coming to him over a loudspeaker, scratchy and unclear.
Somewhere in the back of his mind, he registered that his limbs were moving, that he was standing on the edge; that the lights of Tokyo were glittering and shifting before his eyes. Everything exploded into ribbons of searing brightness the moment he heard her voice.
He fell back into Nakamaru's arms, and then there was nothing.