Ke$ha - Blow
Title: Secret Agent Man.
Pairing: Jin/Ke$ha
Rating: NC-17 (cartoon violence,het!sex, pet themes)
Summary: Jin’s on a top-secret special mission. Nothing can distract him. Except cheeseburgers. And boobs.
Warning: het-sex, violence against unicorns ;__; , sparkles overload, this makes no sense
Based very loosely on: “Blow” by Ke$ha
Sir Charles the Unicorn threw particularly spectacular dance parties.
Ke$ha (the unicorns pronounced the $ like a hard /g/ sound) sat on her love seat made of spun gold lamé and regaled the unicorns with tales of her exploits against the terrible tribe known as the Kanjani, who she had settled with golden booty shorts and synchronized dancing.
She was particularly fond of the one called Ohkura. He had awesome thighs.
Resisting the urge to lick the Ambassador’s nose -unicorns wore deliciously scented perfume that smelled of baked goods and sunshine-Ke$ha turned around to scan the crowd.
She sensed eyes on her like lasers that felt like they were undressing her, peeling back every sequin to expose her hot glitter-coated flesh. That kind of attention was usually welcomed, but this particular gaze felt…sinister.
Her agency had warned her that there would be a rogue at this event, that there was someone dangerous on the prowl. This would take drastic measures, even more so than in Bratislava.
Making out with the Minister of Magic (unicorn saliva tasted like beef jerky and tequila) proved to be a handy excuse to search for the nefarious villain.
She was interrupted only by someone holding up an In’N’ Out burger.
“Madame Ke$ha?” the waiter interrupted, holding up a golden tray balanced on a delicate hoof. She didn’t resist and grabbed the juicy burger that was dripping with grease, onions, melted cheese and smelt of mustard and pickles.
“Animal style,” she whispered and bit into it, closing her eyes as it brought her to nirvana.
With the last greasy bite of perfection, her eyes snapped open.
The person who sent this must know what her weakness was.
“Who sent this?” she asked the waiter, her eyes narrowing and frantically scoping for the bastard who took advantage of her love of dairy products and sloppy fast food.
“A person that goes by the name of Akwah-knee-sha,” the unicorn said slowly, stumbling over the unfamiliar syllables.
“Asshole,” she muttered, slipping her fingers up her skirt to ensure her glitter pistol was still there.
That fucker was going down.
--
Jin slumped in his chair, taking a drag from his anise-flavored cigarettes.
Fucking unicorns.
They threw awesome parties, but they also were giant sticks-in-the-mud. They totally balked at the fact that in Jin’s world (and also some parts of Texas and Canada) a bedazzled jean jacket and baggy jeans counted as a tuxedo.
Sticking his tongue out at the waiter that was staring at him, he stubbed his cigarette out on the arm of the couch he sauntered by. Trouble was here; he smelled it.
Or it might have just been the “Animal Style Double Doubles” that passed by…smelled of pickles, cheese, mustard, grilled onions and rainbows….his stomach growled.
He wanted those little fuckers so bad right now that he could taste the mustard on his tongue… but he was on a super-special mission and couldn’t let himself be distracted.
Sometimes being a secret agent was really hard.
Slumping and trying to shuffle over inconspicuously behind the bar to get another glass of tequila, Jin nearly tripped over an ottoman.
Then he saw the target of his mission sprawled out languidly over a big stuffed armchair thingy. Her golden skin blended into the fabric glinting in the light. She was just so fucking sparkly he couldn’t take his eyes off of her.
It was a pity she had to die. But he’d give her a fair chance.
---
“Well well well if it isn’t El Douche Grande,” Ke$ha muttered as she confronted Jin. Their eyes locked across the dance floor and Jin smirked widely, his lopsided grin offsetting his fedora set at a jaunty angle.
“I think you are mixing me up with my partner Shirota, my disproportionate appendage isn’t visible with clothes on, “Jin purred, and it set her teeth on edge in fury yet made electric sparks shoot up her spine.
“Was that a Double Double you sent me?” Ke$ha said, running her fingers over the sequins between her breasts. Jin imagined the texture under his fingers and shivered.
The unicorns paused for a second but didn’t stir much. It was quite common for a young unicorn couple to display affection through battle.
Jin ripped off his jacket sleeves to display his muscled arms. Ke$ha wasn’t sure if he meant to intimidate her, but she felt wet heat pooling between her legs.
She was a secret agent, a consummate professional, and this would not venture anywhere else.
Deciding to taunt him back, she dipped her fingers into her cleavage and retrieved her sparkly black bra, sequined of course.
His jaw dropped for a second, but Jin was quick to recover and delved into the depths of his pants and pulled out a pair of pink boxers with “QUIT HATIN’” in rhinestones on the ass.
She looked at him, bemused, and he took that moment to come closer, his breath hot on her ear.
“Shall we tango?” she whispered.
He smiled, and the game began.
---
Taking the customary five paces back, they turned and nodded at each other.
And just like horses at the races, they were off.
Dodging behind an unsuspecting unicorn sipping on champagne, the glass shattered when Jin fired a laser at her, piercing the porcelain skin of the unicorn. The shards cut him as well, and bursts of rainbow light refracted around the room.
The room soon became nothing but rainbows and glitter.
And the sounds of dying unicorns.
---
“You know I still hate you, Jin,” Ke$ha said, snarling as she shoved him against a wall after the dust had settled from their battle.
“There’s a thin line between love and hate,” he said and chuckled deeply as he smudged the trail of remnant glitter that remained on her cheek. She responded by ripping his jacket in one motion, the fabric tearing easily between her fingers. Rhinestones crashed to the floor in a jangly cacophonous mess.
“That was my favorite jacket,” he pouted and wound his fingers through her blonde curls caked in glitter.
“Dead people don’t need bling,” she retorted and harshly kissed him.
Jin merely whined as she molded her body to his, the thin layers of fabric between them doing nothing to hide the heat that was rising between them. When she bit his lip harshly, he felt spirals of deep resounding need wrapping around his mind, rendering him incapable of any thought but that of driving deep into her.
It was such a shame he had to die, she thought as he grabbed her hips and pressed himself against her, rolling his hips like a well-practiced male stripper. Fire exploded in her chest as he outlined her lips with his tongue, nipping at her lip softly.
Sounds of arousal escaped the pair, deep growls and soft sighs of pleasure that echoed around the narrow hallway. Her fingernails lacquered in gold ran down his bare arms, leaving red marks that had him hissing in pain and pleasure.
“Fuck,” she said as his teeth found the shell of her ear, sending electricity down her spine and groaning loudly, her sounds reverberating against his chest.
“Yes, we should,” he moaned, letting loose of the sensations all over his body, and just letting go, fireworks exploding behind his eyes as her hands dipped into his pants, teasing him with little touches that made him shiver.
He slid the top of her jumpsuit off, her bra earlier tossed aside. Nipples hardening in the cold air, Jin lowered his head and flicked the nub with his tongue, eliciting a growl that made him grind against her, their breath quickening in tempo together.
Jin grunted and slid his hands towards her ass, cupping it. He picked her up and held her while pushing her against the wall. Gasping as his hardness made contact with the center of her arousal, Ke$ha thrust her hips upward against him.
Rolling their hips together in a synchronized manner, Ke$ha bit down hard on his shoulder to stifle the moans that were escaping her mouth at a rapid rate.
“I need you,” Jin whispered, unable to say anything more than that because he felt like he would die from the tension that spread throughout his body like a virus, muscles so tight they ached for release.
“Wrap it or I really will kill you Akanishi,” she grumbled, and he put her down as she stepped out of her clothes and he stripped off the remaining layers. Both tossed their guns to the side, and Jin fished in the pocket of his discarded pants for a condom.
Quickly rolling it on as he plopped down into a squishy armchair, she followed his lead and laughed when she saw where he planned for them to have their tryst.
“Lazy ass,” she scoffed but effortlessly sank down on his erection, facing him as she rode him, her heat tight and intense around him. She took away his breath with every rise and fall of her body.
Leaning into him, she kissed him deeply. He tasted of tequila and something sweet that she was pretty sure was grenadine. She opened her mouth to tease him about girly drinks but his hips then performed a maneuver that left her speechless.
“Fuck,” he whispered harshly, thrusting his body upwards as she brought hers down and they settled into a comfortable yet heated jumble of limbs and glitter. Ke$ha threw her head back as she rode Jin vigorously, her mind going blank except for the golden fireworks exploding behind her closed eyelids.
“I’m close,” Jin hissed, arching his back and driving into her, hitting a spot inside her that sent her over the edge, her screams echoing around the hallway.
“One more time,” she breathed in between shudders.
Jin groaned.
---
After a few more rounds, Jin was slick with sweat and practically melting off the chair, his body spent from her inexhaustible libido. She appeared sated, though, and pulled her underwear back on, regarding him calmly.
“Truce?” he said breathlessly, still sweaty and heated from the exertion of their session. He smiled charmingly and extended a hand.
“Nah,” she said and smiled widely, shooting a tranquilizer dart into his neck.
---
“And so I said, here’s your burger. And that’s how I became Ambassador to Tajikistan,” Ke$ha said, smiling widely as she swung her leg over the arm of her chair. Glancing down, her grin widened.
Her hands reached down and she patted her pet on the head, twirling the silky strands of his dark hair between her fingers lazily.
“He’s beautiful, does he have a name?” the Minister of Breakfast Foods inquired.
She pulled him up by the D-ring on his black collar edged in glitter and kissed him deeply, leaving him panting in want.
“Down boy,” she said, staring at him till he sat back down on his haunches and rested his head on her leather-clad knee.
He stared at her devotedly with large deep brown eyes circled by smudgy eyeliner, his hands bound in front of him in matching black leather bonds.
“If he’s a good boy, I sometimes call him Jin.”
Pairing: Jin/Ke$ha
Rating: NC-17 (cartoon violence,het!sex, pet themes)
Summary: Jin’s on a top-secret special mission. Nothing can distract him. Except cheeseburgers. And boobs.
Warning: het-sex, violence against unicorns ;__; , sparkles overload, this makes no sense
Based very loosely on: “Blow” by Ke$ha
Sir Charles the Unicorn threw particularly spectacular dance parties.
Ke$ha (the unicorns pronounced the $ like a hard /g/ sound) sat on her love seat made of spun gold lamé and regaled the unicorns with tales of her exploits against the terrible tribe known as the Kanjani, who she had settled with golden booty shorts and synchronized dancing.
She was particularly fond of the one called Ohkura. He had awesome thighs.
Resisting the urge to lick the Ambassador’s nose -unicorns wore deliciously scented perfume that smelled of baked goods and sunshine-Ke$ha turned around to scan the crowd.
She sensed eyes on her like lasers that felt like they were undressing her, peeling back every sequin to expose her hot glitter-coated flesh. That kind of attention was usually welcomed, but this particular gaze felt…sinister.
Her agency had warned her that there would be a rogue at this event, that there was someone dangerous on the prowl. This would take drastic measures, even more so than in Bratislava.
Making out with the Minister of Magic (unicorn saliva tasted like beef jerky and tequila) proved to be a handy excuse to search for the nefarious villain.
She was interrupted only by someone holding up an In’N’ Out burger.
“Madame Ke$ha?” the waiter interrupted, holding up a golden tray balanced on a delicate hoof. She didn’t resist and grabbed the juicy burger that was dripping with grease, onions, melted cheese and smelt of mustard and pickles.
“Animal style,” she whispered and bit into it, closing her eyes as it brought her to nirvana.
With the last greasy bite of perfection, her eyes snapped open.
The person who sent this must know what her weakness was.
“Who sent this?” she asked the waiter, her eyes narrowing and frantically scoping for the bastard who took advantage of her love of dairy products and sloppy fast food.
“A person that goes by the name of Akwah-knee-sha,” the unicorn said slowly, stumbling over the unfamiliar syllables.
“Asshole,” she muttered, slipping her fingers up her skirt to ensure her glitter pistol was still there.
That fucker was going down.
--
Jin slumped in his chair, taking a drag from his anise-flavored cigarettes.
Fucking unicorns.
They threw awesome parties, but they also were giant sticks-in-the-mud. They totally balked at the fact that in Jin’s world (and also some parts of Texas and Canada) a bedazzled jean jacket and baggy jeans counted as a tuxedo.
Sticking his tongue out at the waiter that was staring at him, he stubbed his cigarette out on the arm of the couch he sauntered by. Trouble was here; he smelled it.
Or it might have just been the “Animal Style Double Doubles” that passed by…smelled of pickles, cheese, mustard, grilled onions and rainbows….his stomach growled.
He wanted those little fuckers so bad right now that he could taste the mustard on his tongue… but he was on a super-special mission and couldn’t let himself be distracted.
Sometimes being a secret agent was really hard.
Slumping and trying to shuffle over inconspicuously behind the bar to get another glass of tequila, Jin nearly tripped over an ottoman.
Then he saw the target of his mission sprawled out languidly over a big stuffed armchair thingy. Her golden skin blended into the fabric glinting in the light. She was just so fucking sparkly he couldn’t take his eyes off of her.
It was a pity she had to die. But he’d give her a fair chance.
---
“Well well well if it isn’t El Douche Grande,” Ke$ha muttered as she confronted Jin. Their eyes locked across the dance floor and Jin smirked widely, his lopsided grin offsetting his fedora set at a jaunty angle.
“I think you are mixing me up with my partner Shirota, my disproportionate appendage isn’t visible with clothes on, “Jin purred, and it set her teeth on edge in fury yet made electric sparks shoot up her spine.
“Was that a Double Double you sent me?” Ke$ha said, running her fingers over the sequins between her breasts. Jin imagined the texture under his fingers and shivered.
The unicorns paused for a second but didn’t stir much. It was quite common for a young unicorn couple to display affection through battle.
Jin ripped off his jacket sleeves to display his muscled arms. Ke$ha wasn’t sure if he meant to intimidate her, but she felt wet heat pooling between her legs.
She was a secret agent, a consummate professional, and this would not venture anywhere else.
Deciding to taunt him back, she dipped her fingers into her cleavage and retrieved her sparkly black bra, sequined of course.
His jaw dropped for a second, but Jin was quick to recover and delved into the depths of his pants and pulled out a pair of pink boxers with “QUIT HATIN’” in rhinestones on the ass.
She looked at him, bemused, and he took that moment to come closer, his breath hot on her ear.
“Shall we tango?” she whispered.
He smiled, and the game began.
---
Taking the customary five paces back, they turned and nodded at each other.
And just like horses at the races, they were off.
Dodging behind an unsuspecting unicorn sipping on champagne, the glass shattered when Jin fired a laser at her, piercing the porcelain skin of the unicorn. The shards cut him as well, and bursts of rainbow light refracted around the room.
The room soon became nothing but rainbows and glitter.
And the sounds of dying unicorns.
---
“You know I still hate you, Jin,” Ke$ha said, snarling as she shoved him against a wall after the dust had settled from their battle.
“There’s a thin line between love and hate,” he said and chuckled deeply as he smudged the trail of remnant glitter that remained on her cheek. She responded by ripping his jacket in one motion, the fabric tearing easily between her fingers. Rhinestones crashed to the floor in a jangly cacophonous mess.
“That was my favorite jacket,” he pouted and wound his fingers through her blonde curls caked in glitter.
“Dead people don’t need bling,” she retorted and harshly kissed him.
Jin merely whined as she molded her body to his, the thin layers of fabric between them doing nothing to hide the heat that was rising between them. When she bit his lip harshly, he felt spirals of deep resounding need wrapping around his mind, rendering him incapable of any thought but that of driving deep into her.
It was such a shame he had to die, she thought as he grabbed her hips and pressed himself against her, rolling his hips like a well-practiced male stripper. Fire exploded in her chest as he outlined her lips with his tongue, nipping at her lip softly.
Sounds of arousal escaped the pair, deep growls and soft sighs of pleasure that echoed around the narrow hallway. Her fingernails lacquered in gold ran down his bare arms, leaving red marks that had him hissing in pain and pleasure.
“Fuck,” she said as his teeth found the shell of her ear, sending electricity down her spine and groaning loudly, her sounds reverberating against his chest.
“Yes, we should,” he moaned, letting loose of the sensations all over his body, and just letting go, fireworks exploding behind his eyes as her hands dipped into his pants, teasing him with little touches that made him shiver.
He slid the top of her jumpsuit off, her bra earlier tossed aside. Nipples hardening in the cold air, Jin lowered his head and flicked the nub with his tongue, eliciting a growl that made him grind against her, their breath quickening in tempo together.
Jin grunted and slid his hands towards her ass, cupping it. He picked her up and held her while pushing her against the wall. Gasping as his hardness made contact with the center of her arousal, Ke$ha thrust her hips upward against him.
Rolling their hips together in a synchronized manner, Ke$ha bit down hard on his shoulder to stifle the moans that were escaping her mouth at a rapid rate.
“I need you,” Jin whispered, unable to say anything more than that because he felt like he would die from the tension that spread throughout his body like a virus, muscles so tight they ached for release.
“Wrap it or I really will kill you Akanishi,” she grumbled, and he put her down as she stepped out of her clothes and he stripped off the remaining layers. Both tossed their guns to the side, and Jin fished in the pocket of his discarded pants for a condom.
Quickly rolling it on as he plopped down into a squishy armchair, she followed his lead and laughed when she saw where he planned for them to have their tryst.
“Lazy ass,” she scoffed but effortlessly sank down on his erection, facing him as she rode him, her heat tight and intense around him. She took away his breath with every rise and fall of her body.
Leaning into him, she kissed him deeply. He tasted of tequila and something sweet that she was pretty sure was grenadine. She opened her mouth to tease him about girly drinks but his hips then performed a maneuver that left her speechless.
“Fuck,” he whispered harshly, thrusting his body upwards as she brought hers down and they settled into a comfortable yet heated jumble of limbs and glitter. Ke$ha threw her head back as she rode Jin vigorously, her mind going blank except for the golden fireworks exploding behind her closed eyelids.
“I’m close,” Jin hissed, arching his back and driving into her, hitting a spot inside her that sent her over the edge, her screams echoing around the hallway.
“One more time,” she breathed in between shudders.
Jin groaned.
---
After a few more rounds, Jin was slick with sweat and practically melting off the chair, his body spent from her inexhaustible libido. She appeared sated, though, and pulled her underwear back on, regarding him calmly.
“Truce?” he said breathlessly, still sweaty and heated from the exertion of their session. He smiled charmingly and extended a hand.
“Nah,” she said and smiled widely, shooting a tranquilizer dart into his neck.
---
“And so I said, here’s your burger. And that’s how I became Ambassador to Tajikistan,” Ke$ha said, smiling widely as she swung her leg over the arm of her chair. Glancing down, her grin widened.
Her hands reached down and she patted her pet on the head, twirling the silky strands of his dark hair between her fingers lazily.
“He’s beautiful, does he have a name?” the Minister of Breakfast Foods inquired.
She pulled him up by the D-ring on his black collar edged in glitter and kissed him deeply, leaving him panting in want.
“Down boy,” she said, staring at him till he sat back down on his haunches and rested his head on her leather-clad knee.
He stared at her devotedly with large deep brown eyes circled by smudgy eyeliner, his hands bound in front of him in matching black leather bonds.
“If he’s a good boy, I sometimes call him Jin.”