finally a relevant life post LONG
So life... (this needs a cut as it's long) If you read it all congrats.
I'm graduated. Until the Fall. Then it's back to Architecture. I'm very glad I'm back at it. My absence from it has been a blessing in many ways. Many of my classmates that were still in it burned out and didn't want to do it anymore, or taking a break. For some I'm not sure whether it's that they didn't love it enough or just the program that eats too much of your life.
I'm determined to not let it consume my life. I will not pull all-nighters for it. I'm too happy with what I'm doing to let it take that.
So, this summer I had two classes. Most of my time has gone to FCA. This summer has been a huge step up for me. I knew I wanted to help more and it worked just right that one of my friends was graduating that had done a lot of graphic design for them. As such, I'm doing ALL of that. Poster, flyers, banners, etc... are all going through me.
I've started helping setup FCA too. I'm naturally far more of a tech so I've gotten pretty naturally into that.
I'm happy to be involved. I have the gifts and skills. I know they weren't going to get used at church so I feel confirmed that that is where I was supposed to be.
The greater question I'm going to have over this fall is where I might fall for leadership. I was asked this last year to start the leadership process at my church and I turned them down. I saw the choice between them and FCA and knew my heart was for FCA more. My small group leader has a soft spot for them so he's been very supportive. I know next year I'm going to apply for a leadership position of some sorts in FCA. I've even considered becoming a small group leader in the Spring.
I'm going to have to talk to my current small group leader. I know Fall is far too early for me to start, but I would greatly benefit from his thoughts and prayers.
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So girls, it's always been a thorn in my side. For once I'm content. I don't yearn for it at all times idolizing some girl.
Not to say it's not in my thoughts. It just doesn't rule me. I don't feel a tinge of failure anymore that I don't have a girlfriend. Like it's some boy scout merit badge I have failed to get.
I've been praying a lot about it. I've come to an interesting head. Many of the girls I'm attracted to have left. Graduated, off on summer trips, etc... It's oddly been good. I've been forced to reject them, that it's an unobtainable idol in my life to continue to think of them.
There had been some hope. A friend of many of the girls I find attractive in their personality was consistently talking to me. She was playing in the FCA worship band. I vaguely knew her as we have MANY mutual friends. Still, she seemed to always go out of her way to talk to me.
For the first time I felt attractive. Not in a "I'm so sexy" way, lol. More that she saw how I put my heart into being on time to help FCA setup. That my commitment was something she might want. Again as I mentioned she like many other has been away. It's still felt like a promise.
That promise that the more I seek God and finding my role in furthering him, I'll get more than the taste of those feelings.
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This section will be more practical.
I'm moving into the most permenant living situation I've been in since I left high school. I'll be in a house for two years at least.
It's odd. I'm having to think of furniture and having that real opportunity to think of how I want to live. It's not a "how can I pack and easily move this" anymore. I'll have MY room and stuff.
It's one more step in the slow move out to independence of my own life. Not in some rebelious, I'm out of the house deal like my sister, but the slow evolving of life..
I'm graduated. Until the Fall. Then it's back to Architecture. I'm very glad I'm back at it. My absence from it has been a blessing in many ways. Many of my classmates that were still in it burned out and didn't want to do it anymore, or taking a break. For some I'm not sure whether it's that they didn't love it enough or just the program that eats too much of your life.
I'm determined to not let it consume my life. I will not pull all-nighters for it. I'm too happy with what I'm doing to let it take that.
So, this summer I had two classes. Most of my time has gone to FCA. This summer has been a huge step up for me. I knew I wanted to help more and it worked just right that one of my friends was graduating that had done a lot of graphic design for them. As such, I'm doing ALL of that. Poster, flyers, banners, etc... are all going through me.
I've started helping setup FCA too. I'm naturally far more of a tech so I've gotten pretty naturally into that.
I'm happy to be involved. I have the gifts and skills. I know they weren't going to get used at church so I feel confirmed that that is where I was supposed to be.
The greater question I'm going to have over this fall is where I might fall for leadership. I was asked this last year to start the leadership process at my church and I turned them down. I saw the choice between them and FCA and knew my heart was for FCA more. My small group leader has a soft spot for them so he's been very supportive. I know next year I'm going to apply for a leadership position of some sorts in FCA. I've even considered becoming a small group leader in the Spring.
I'm going to have to talk to my current small group leader. I know Fall is far too early for me to start, but I would greatly benefit from his thoughts and prayers.
--------------------------
So girls, it's always been a thorn in my side. For once I'm content. I don't yearn for it at all times idolizing some girl.
Not to say it's not in my thoughts. It just doesn't rule me. I don't feel a tinge of failure anymore that I don't have a girlfriend. Like it's some boy scout merit badge I have failed to get.
I've been praying a lot about it. I've come to an interesting head. Many of the girls I'm attracted to have left. Graduated, off on summer trips, etc... It's oddly been good. I've been forced to reject them, that it's an unobtainable idol in my life to continue to think of them.
There had been some hope. A friend of many of the girls I find attractive in their personality was consistently talking to me. She was playing in the FCA worship band. I vaguely knew her as we have MANY mutual friends. Still, she seemed to always go out of her way to talk to me.
For the first time I felt attractive. Not in a "I'm so sexy" way, lol. More that she saw how I put my heart into being on time to help FCA setup. That my commitment was something she might want. Again as I mentioned she like many other has been away. It's still felt like a promise.
That promise that the more I seek God and finding my role in furthering him, I'll get more than the taste of those feelings.
---------------------------
This section will be more practical.
I'm moving into the most permenant living situation I've been in since I left high school. I'll be in a house for two years at least.
It's odd. I'm having to think of furniture and having that real opportunity to think of how I want to live. It's not a "how can I pack and easily move this" anymore. I'll have MY room and stuff.
It's one more step in the slow move out to independence of my own life. Not in some rebelious, I'm out of the house deal like my sister, but the slow evolving of life..