i don't know if I should be doing this.... but it might be the only way...

[reesenator]

Since this weekend I've had this unsettling feeling... like I'm loosing him. Let's just say I miss him. I really do... I haven't talked to him in over a week. I think he's doing ok, but I don't know. All week all I can do is think about holding him, kissing him, running to his apartment and waiting for him to come home and just hug him. that's all

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[reesenator]

I hate that we have to do this. In the past couple days I've been having these intense feelings for you, love, longing, even lust sometimes. I hope that that means that there's hope for us. And no, I haven't moved on. In fact even when I consider it, I try to push the thought out of my head. I don't know if that's good or bad. I only think that way because I feel like you have written me off. Like if you're trying to move on i should too b.c if you're past me when I want you back then I wasted my time. I can't stop thinking about you. Even when I'm around other boys (not saying I'm pursuing anything, I simply mean when I'm in a social situation with them in my presence). I still feel like you're my everything. I just can't have you resenting me down the line like my parents resent each other. I don't want to resent you either. I'm sorry if this makes you feel worse by writing these posts. I just desperately need you to know how I still feel. I needed to do this b/c it was exhausting taking on the weight of two lives, two futures. I

[reesenator]

i forgot to write... aunt karen told me that the credit union commercial is premiering during the st patrick's day parade this weekend and you made it!!! You say "enough already!" hahahaha after that, it's going into full rotation on cable hahaha i can't wait to see you on TV! I made you a star!