Asato Tsuzuki
Character/fandom: Asato Tsuzuki (Yami no Matsuei)
Author: Majinkarp
Spoilers: Through the Kyoto arc
Asato Tsuzuki: Portrait of Guilt
[Note: Translations here are from Theria's site. If you'd like a brief biography of the character, you can also find one there. Also, this piece appeared previously as an entry in the puppy_shinigami essay contest in a slightly different form, and is archived on Rinoa's Yaoi Playground and Katcom.]
One of the more attractive features of the characters of Yami no Matsuei is the amount of sympathy they evoke in readers/viewers, particularly in the case of Tsuzuki. Perhaps what makes him so sympathetic is the abundance of guilt he feels, whether he expresses it outwardly or to himself. His profuse apologies might seem insincere if they were to come from anyone else, but what is troubling is that Tsuzuki means them each time. Wherever he goes, he carries with him that constant burden of guilt-whether it is over doing his job, his unspecified "sins" of the past, or for simply existing-no matter what his true culpability is.
Despite his skills, Tsuzuki's compassion makes him ill-suited for his job as a Shinigami. Instead of seeing himself as mercifully leading souls into the afterlife, he thinks he is a killer who "devour[s] the lives of others". He fails to see the positive reasons for doing his job, but rather considers it to be "hunt[ing] other people's lives for [his] own purposes". Just what would these purposes be? Does he truly believe he could avert an inevitable death? Does he think he is making up for his own past mistakes through caring for the people involved in his cases? Or does he have a martyr complex? Perhaps he has convinced himself that he deserves to be in this despised role because of his sins, or that it is a job he must take on so that others don't have to. To compare himself seriously with a "vampire" who feeds on the living, as he suggests is the case during the Nagasaki arc, goes against everything we have observed of Shinigami and their duties. It is not only an exaggeration; it is irrational.
It would be wrong to say that Tsuzuki is not responsible for the deaths of individuals he encounters in his cases, but at the same time it is too extreme to consider him a murderer. A murderer acts coldly and calculatedly while taking life in a truly selfish fashion. Tsuzuki does none of these things; in fact, he goes out of his way to prevent deaths. Unfortunately, they follow him everywhere, whether foreseeable or not. In those instances, it is all too easy for him to place blame on himself and his own involvement in the situation: 'had I not been there, it wouldn't have happened; it's all because of me'. It is possible that he cares so strongly about saving others not only for their well-being, but also to assuage his own conscience, so as not to have their deaths on his head.
This reaction probably leads back to whatever happened during his lifetime that presumably caused him to go insane. It is never clear if the incident was Tsuzuki's fault directly, indirectly, or if it was something beyond his control for which he naturally assumed the blame, such as a failure to protect those he cared about. The closest we get to a direct explanation comes from Saagatanasu, who preys on Tsuzuki's feelings of guilt to control him by replaying images of his "numerous guilty crimes", and Muraki, who tortures him further while he is killing Maki by reminding him of "what [had] occurred that night". However, both of these individuals are playing on Tsuzuki's own perceptions of events, in which he would naturally cast himself in a negative light, because they know this is a vulnerability they can use to manipulate him.
Tsuzuki has made numerous attempts at suicide, in part because he feels that "to be living is a crime". He believes his own existence is a flaw, because of mistakes he has made or circumstances he couldn't control. The only viable solution in his eyes is to escape from his life, to spare everyone else the trouble he causes. At the very least, he kills himself a little each time he hides his true self or his feelings, "bur[ying] himself in the darkness". He doesn't want to risk others worrying about him and caring for him and suffering as a result, but there is also a part of him that fears his friends would "despise [him] once [they] knew the truth" about his life. Tsuzuki knows rejection all too well, and as much as he believes he merits scorn, he would also do anything to escape it. During his life, he was targeted for abuse because of his unusual purple eyes. Others' ignorance and disgust bred in him shame, guilt's public counterpart. His low self-worth and fear of rejection are products of the torments he suffered at an early age. Now, with no one to pass judgment on him, he feels it necessary to do the judging himself, proving that he himself is in fact the person he hates the most. During the Kyoto arc, he takes this to the extreme when he attempts to play the part of his own executioner (by summoning Touda).
Suicide is only one possible solution Tsuzuki could choose for resolving his guilt. There is nothing wrong with feeling guilt itself, as it is something sane and ethical people do from time to time, and he could still function as a normal person in spite of it. It is merely how he attempts to deal with his guilt that is problematic. Instead of acknowledging it openly and then working through it constructively so that it eventually passes, he dwells on his actions and considers himself worthless because of them. As a result, he remains stuck in this same frame of mind for most of his life and afterlife. He chooses to lie outwardly, hide, and run away: all methods of escape and denial rather than accepting his shortcomings and being healed emotionally. But perhaps his obsession with guilt is not entirely detrimental.
Memories of his past and visions of what could be haunt Tsuzuki because he is "extremely afraid of hurting others". In this way, his guilt may have a positive outcome, because it keeps him from acting out destructively even though he has the potential to do so. His functioning conscience separates him from individuals like Muraki, who is unapologetic. While others exploit Tsuzuki's predilection toward guilt in order to take control of him, he also knows how to use it to keep control of himself, aware of exactly what the consequences would be otherwise. Additionally, his remorse is proof that he is "a human that possesses a 'heart'", and it reminds those whom he encounters of their own humanity. The caring and gentleness he manifests as a result of his gentle heart are the reasons why he is important to so many people. In this way, his guilt becomes a strength as well as a weakness, and his behavior stands as an example to others.
The sentiment that is the opposite of guilt in Yami no Matsuei, if anything, would have to be thoughts of revenge. Those afflicted with either tend to dwell on the past; the difference is that each puts blame in a different place. Muraki, and to some extent, Hisoka, are both motivated by revenge. On the one hand, Muraki accepts his own nature and feels that his "crimes, no matter how many, can be atoned....Whatever crimes you commit, as long as you 'purify' yourself, it will be alright". He can grasp the concept of sins and forgiveness for them, but still, he does not feel guilt for committing his crimes, and does not desire or expect forgiveness. His method of 'atoning' involves piling further atrocities on top of his crimes. According to his reasoning, two (or more) wrongs make a right, in a cycle that continues without end. Meanwhile, with true guilt, as Tsuzuki has, comes the desire not to repeat the same error twice, and to make amends for the damage that has already been done. The knowledge that one is guilty means that there is room for forgiveness, although Tsuzuki may still think redemption is impossible for himself or believe he is unworthy of it. In this way, his guilty attitude may be considered a healthy one, and may save him yet, if he will allow others to forgive him and if, in turn, he forgives himself.
Author: Majinkarp
Spoilers: Through the Kyoto arc
Asato Tsuzuki: Portrait of Guilt
[Note: Translations here are from Theria's site. If you'd like a brief biography of the character, you can also find one there. Also, this piece appeared previously as an entry in the puppy_shinigami essay contest in a slightly different form, and is archived on Rinoa's Yaoi Playground and Katcom.]
One of the more attractive features of the characters of Yami no Matsuei is the amount of sympathy they evoke in readers/viewers, particularly in the case of Tsuzuki. Perhaps what makes him so sympathetic is the abundance of guilt he feels, whether he expresses it outwardly or to himself. His profuse apologies might seem insincere if they were to come from anyone else, but what is troubling is that Tsuzuki means them each time. Wherever he goes, he carries with him that constant burden of guilt-whether it is over doing his job, his unspecified "sins" of the past, or for simply existing-no matter what his true culpability is.
Despite his skills, Tsuzuki's compassion makes him ill-suited for his job as a Shinigami. Instead of seeing himself as mercifully leading souls into the afterlife, he thinks he is a killer who "devour[s] the lives of others". He fails to see the positive reasons for doing his job, but rather considers it to be "hunt[ing] other people's lives for [his] own purposes". Just what would these purposes be? Does he truly believe he could avert an inevitable death? Does he think he is making up for his own past mistakes through caring for the people involved in his cases? Or does he have a martyr complex? Perhaps he has convinced himself that he deserves to be in this despised role because of his sins, or that it is a job he must take on so that others don't have to. To compare himself seriously with a "vampire" who feeds on the living, as he suggests is the case during the Nagasaki arc, goes against everything we have observed of Shinigami and their duties. It is not only an exaggeration; it is irrational.
It would be wrong to say that Tsuzuki is not responsible for the deaths of individuals he encounters in his cases, but at the same time it is too extreme to consider him a murderer. A murderer acts coldly and calculatedly while taking life in a truly selfish fashion. Tsuzuki does none of these things; in fact, he goes out of his way to prevent deaths. Unfortunately, they follow him everywhere, whether foreseeable or not. In those instances, it is all too easy for him to place blame on himself and his own involvement in the situation: 'had I not been there, it wouldn't have happened; it's all because of me'. It is possible that he cares so strongly about saving others not only for their well-being, but also to assuage his own conscience, so as not to have their deaths on his head.
This reaction probably leads back to whatever happened during his lifetime that presumably caused him to go insane. It is never clear if the incident was Tsuzuki's fault directly, indirectly, or if it was something beyond his control for which he naturally assumed the blame, such as a failure to protect those he cared about. The closest we get to a direct explanation comes from Saagatanasu, who preys on Tsuzuki's feelings of guilt to control him by replaying images of his "numerous guilty crimes", and Muraki, who tortures him further while he is killing Maki by reminding him of "what [had] occurred that night". However, both of these individuals are playing on Tsuzuki's own perceptions of events, in which he would naturally cast himself in a negative light, because they know this is a vulnerability they can use to manipulate him.
Tsuzuki has made numerous attempts at suicide, in part because he feels that "to be living is a crime". He believes his own existence is a flaw, because of mistakes he has made or circumstances he couldn't control. The only viable solution in his eyes is to escape from his life, to spare everyone else the trouble he causes. At the very least, he kills himself a little each time he hides his true self or his feelings, "bur[ying] himself in the darkness". He doesn't want to risk others worrying about him and caring for him and suffering as a result, but there is also a part of him that fears his friends would "despise [him] once [they] knew the truth" about his life. Tsuzuki knows rejection all too well, and as much as he believes he merits scorn, he would also do anything to escape it. During his life, he was targeted for abuse because of his unusual purple eyes. Others' ignorance and disgust bred in him shame, guilt's public counterpart. His low self-worth and fear of rejection are products of the torments he suffered at an early age. Now, with no one to pass judgment on him, he feels it necessary to do the judging himself, proving that he himself is in fact the person he hates the most. During the Kyoto arc, he takes this to the extreme when he attempts to play the part of his own executioner (by summoning Touda).
Suicide is only one possible solution Tsuzuki could choose for resolving his guilt. There is nothing wrong with feeling guilt itself, as it is something sane and ethical people do from time to time, and he could still function as a normal person in spite of it. It is merely how he attempts to deal with his guilt that is problematic. Instead of acknowledging it openly and then working through it constructively so that it eventually passes, he dwells on his actions and considers himself worthless because of them. As a result, he remains stuck in this same frame of mind for most of his life and afterlife. He chooses to lie outwardly, hide, and run away: all methods of escape and denial rather than accepting his shortcomings and being healed emotionally. But perhaps his obsession with guilt is not entirely detrimental.
Memories of his past and visions of what could be haunt Tsuzuki because he is "extremely afraid of hurting others". In this way, his guilt may have a positive outcome, because it keeps him from acting out destructively even though he has the potential to do so. His functioning conscience separates him from individuals like Muraki, who is unapologetic. While others exploit Tsuzuki's predilection toward guilt in order to take control of him, he also knows how to use it to keep control of himself, aware of exactly what the consequences would be otherwise. Additionally, his remorse is proof that he is "a human that possesses a 'heart'", and it reminds those whom he encounters of their own humanity. The caring and gentleness he manifests as a result of his gentle heart are the reasons why he is important to so many people. In this way, his guilt becomes a strength as well as a weakness, and his behavior stands as an example to others.
The sentiment that is the opposite of guilt in Yami no Matsuei, if anything, would have to be thoughts of revenge. Those afflicted with either tend to dwell on the past; the difference is that each puts blame in a different place. Muraki, and to some extent, Hisoka, are both motivated by revenge. On the one hand, Muraki accepts his own nature and feels that his "crimes, no matter how many, can be atoned....Whatever crimes you commit, as long as you 'purify' yourself, it will be alright". He can grasp the concept of sins and forgiveness for them, but still, he does not feel guilt for committing his crimes, and does not desire or expect forgiveness. His method of 'atoning' involves piling further atrocities on top of his crimes. According to his reasoning, two (or more) wrongs make a right, in a cycle that continues without end. Meanwhile, with true guilt, as Tsuzuki has, comes the desire not to repeat the same error twice, and to make amends for the damage that has already been done. The knowledge that one is guilty means that there is room for forgiveness, although Tsuzuki may still think redemption is impossible for himself or believe he is unworthy of it. In this way, his guilty attitude may be considered a healthy one, and may save him yet, if he will allow others to forgive him and if, in turn, he forgives himself.