Tiny Guns, Big Heart
Tiny Guns, Big Heart: Trigun's Meryl Stryfe
Author: Jaina (That’s me!)
Spoilers: More or less the entire series, though I try to be not overly explicit. This focuses on the anime, as that is where Meryl gets more character exploration and depth, but makes a teeny reference to the manga.
Website Pimpage: http://www.vootie.net (Home of my personal schna and the Vash x Meryl fic archive, though this essay is obviously not about that pairing)
Related essays: Vash the Stampede by tiggymalvern, Nicholas D. Wolfwood by mistressrenet
Screencaps: Courtesy Planet Gunsmoke
Meryl Stryfe rocks because she has 50 guns. The end.
What? You want more? Well, if you insist…
Just who is this chick?
Ask a casual/uninformed fan about Meryl Stryfe and you’re likely to get one of two answers:
a) Meryl Stryfe is a boring chick who follows Vash the Stampede around without ever understanding him.
b) Meryl Stryfe is a callous bitch who beats up on poor Vash.
Neither of these begin to accurately describe her.
Picture the planet Gunsmoke. (It’s doubtful that the planet is actually named Gunsmoke, but that’s a rant for another time.) Deserts, deserts everywhere and very few drops to drink. Other than a few kinds of “lost technology” and the larger, more civilized cities, the whole planet has an old west feeling. Most towns have sheriffs and there’s the occasional mention of the “feds”, but it’s a place where outlaws are very common and bounty hunters are more likely to bring them to justice than the local law. For a business such as the Bernardelli Insurance Society, this can be a real problem; too many claims, and they’ll go out of business. Most costly of all is the elusive Vash the Stampede, who leaves destruction in his wake and costs them a lot of money. Bernardelli has to get creative to solve this problem.
Enter Meryl (and Milly). As disaster-prevention agents, their job is to locate and trail the nefarious Vash the Stampede, preventing his disasters and thus reducing the number of insurance claims to be paid out-or at the very least, verify what claims are legitimate for the society. For background purposes, Milly is the junior agent, tall and strong (and, er, well-endowed) and seemingly air-headed but razor-sharp at times. Meryl is the responsible, business-like senior agent. It’s clear from the first time we see her that she thinks that everything in life can be outlined, categorized, and dealt with in a logical, businesslike fashion, and if she can just find the right way to approach Vash the Stampede (in this case, with a box of donuts, which would work quite well if she hadn’t offered it to the wrong man), then she would have everything under control.
“It’s the job. It’s what I do.”
Episode 1: the $$60,000,000,000 Man
This is where the dramatic irony comes in. As the audience, we get the inside scoop-we know from the beginning that the dorky guy in the red coat is the real Vash the Stampede. Meryl doesn’t have that luxury, and it’s clear that the real Vash is nothing like what she expected. During the first few episodes, we get some good insight into Vash by watching the way he acts when people don’t realize he’s the real thing. However, we get just as much insight into Meryl Stryfe. It’s clear that she can’t wait to meet the real Vash-at least, the Vash she thinks exists. Most likely she’s already dreaming of whispered tales of the agent who tamed the Stampede being passed through the halls of Bernardelli. Once she does meet Vash, she’s flabbergasted. He doesn’t fit into her view of Vash-he doesn’t make sense. This is something Meryl can’t deal with, to the point that she denies he is Vash long after anecdotal evidence shows he’s the real thing, simply because it knocks her entire world askew.
”NO! THIS JUST CAN'T BE REAL!”
Episode 5: Hard Puncher
This is where Meryl’s transformation begins. This is why she’s so fascinating to watch. She starts out as a very buttoned down, straight-laced insurance girl, but this is not how she finishes.
A personal kind of evolution
Throughout the anime, Meryl’s story centers around her interactions with Vash. No surprise, considering her job. For a while, she treats him as she would an annoying little brother who just happens to be capable of mass destruction on a goofy scale. The first indication that she is becoming more deeply involved with her job than she expected comes after she witnesses Vash’s first serious fight against an opponent.
”That is not Vash! That is not the same man!”
Episode 12: Diablo
She’s not entirely correct-this darker side is indeed a part of Vash, though she’s right in that it is not truly who he is. Starting here and continuing through the next episode (the deadly recap episode, framed by Meryl’s commentary as she writes her report on Vash), we see Meryl struggle to figure out just what’s going on with Vash. At the same time, she is facing an inner struggle-what about him can she understand, and can she reconcile it with the way she views the world around her?
”This is seriously dangerous.”
“I am well aware of the danger, Milly!”
Episode 16: Fifth Moon
By the time things start getting serious, Meryl is profoundly changed. When Vash orders the girls to stop following them, it’s clear that she is deeply affected, moreso when she can only watch helplessly as Augusta falls, unable to help him as she wishes. When she and Milly receive notice that they are to return home and not search for Vash, she finally breaks down in tears. It’s a highly emotional moment, heightened by the fact that prior to now, Meryl has denied or downplayed any serious emotions on her part. She is finally able to break down and shed tears for her friend.
“No one has the right to take the life of another.”
Episode 25: Live Through
By the end of the series, it’s obvious that Meryl is far more concerned with Vash than with her job. Unable to understand what’s happening to him until she demands the truth and even then overwhelmed by the enormity of it, Meryl can’t let go just yet. An extremely frustrating moment comes just after Vash wakes up after breaking his most sacred vow. Meryl panics and makes an excuse to leave, wincing in pain as she hears Vash scream hysterically behind the closed door, yet still doesn’t go to him. Her need to control and hide from intense emotions hasn’t lifted just yet. It's as if she's paralyzed on her own emotional threshold. At this point, Meryl is fully aware of how much she cares about Vash, and it's obvious that she wants to comfort him; but doing so would not only run the risk of burdening him with her true feelings, but would leave her utterly exposed. At this point, Vash is stripped bare of pretense or false image. If Meryl were to let him break down with her, there would be nothing left to hide behind. It's obvious when she hears him scream that it hurts her deeply. She just doesn't yet know how to show that it matters to her. Only when a gun is pointed at Vash does Meryl find the strength to stand up and say no, it’s not right, he doesn’t deserve this. It's easier for her to risk her life than to simply hold Vash and let him cry, but finally, she shows how far she's willing to go for someone she loves. Meryl accepts the beliefs that Vash himself has temporarily lost, and in doing so declares a permanent change in herself.
So that’s the overview-let me give you some specific reasons why Meryl rocks.
She’s a great straight (wo)man.
Let’s face it. Despite everyone’s Deadly Serious Secrets, Meryl is surrounded by utter loons. Between Milly, Vash, and Wolfwood in his fun-loving mode, Meryl has to feel like the only adult around at times. And that’s okay. The dorkness that is Vash wouldn’t be nearly as funny if it didn’t have Meryl’s seriousness to clash with. The utterly kerflummoxed expressions that Meryl gets have great comedic value on their own. In comedy routines, the straight man never gets any credit, but things wouldn’t be nearly as fun without him. Besides, it’s great fun to see Meryl utterly lose control and spaz out.
She’s a tough, kickass lass.
The woman carries fifty one-shot derringers, people. Don’t tell me that’s not cool. Light as a derringer is, that weight adds up so she’s obviously got some muscle. And they’re not just for show-she can use them too, like in episode 4 when she plays a pivotal role in Vash’s plan to take down the (of course) evil sheriff. The woman shot through a badge after it was tossed in the air-I wouldn’t want to mess with her! She’s also done her share of saving Vash’s ass. BDN had Vash cornered and outgunned until Derringer Meryl and Stungun Milly showed up. In summary: tiny guns rule.
Bravery, loyalty and friendship.
When she ends up in a tough situation, Meryl is not one to back down. When Wolfwood and Vash get sucked into an underground ship, Meryl and Milly come right after them. When an older couple needs help protecting their land, Meryl does her damn best to help them, even though it technically conflicts with her assignment. When she and Milly get sent back out after Vash, Meryl doesn’t hesitate. Don’t listen to her protests, she’s grinning like an idiot in the mirror. When Vash tells the truth about his past and exactly why she shouldn’t follow him, Meryl does so anyway. And though it takes her a while to get there, she stands up to protect Vash, in the process reminding him of just why he believed in what Rem taught him to begin with.
It’s not just about Vash, either. Milly is just as much Meryl’s friend as she is her partner, and despite her emotional reticence, it’s clear that Meryl values this. She’s there for Milly when Milly most needs her, doing her best to be emotionally supportive even though she’s not sure how to do it.
Though this essay is focused on anime!Meryl, she doesn’t lose these traits in the manga, either. There, even though civilization is going to crap and all seems lost, Meryl doesn’t give up. She keeps on keeping on and makes sure Vash gets something important before he faces Knives, along with a bit of hope.
She learns.
The best thing about being a Meryl fan is watching how she changes. In Little Arcadia, Meryl is clearly uneasy when Milly brings up family, and doesn’t really see why it’s important that Milly keeps such regular contact with hers. As she witnesses the dispute between parents and the son who has rejected them but it still loved, she takes it in and considers. By the end of the episode, she’s writing her own letters home. A small change, but one more step towards relaxing the death grip she has on her emotions.
Though it’s never explicitly stated, it’s fairly obvious that Meryl falls in love with Vash over the course of the series, though it can certainly be read as friendship if one wishes. In fact, no matter what one thinks of Meryl’s feelings for Vash (or his for her-but that’s another essay for another community), friendship is a strong element. Meryl goes from being utterly annoyed by Vash to liking him a little bit to getting along with him to admiring him to caring about him a whole damn lot, enough to put her life on the line for him. The very notion of caring about Vash the way she does completely surprises Meryl, and seeing how she deals with unexpected emotions is as interesting as what might eventually come of them. Each step is difficult for her to take and even harder to admit to, but she does it. This, in essence, is why Meryl fascinates me so much. Forgive the cliché, but she blossoms.
Sites
There’s not much to offer in the way of Insurance Girl-specific sites since the Bernardelli Insurance site went down a ways back. There’s a cute little Meryl basics subpage of a Vash/Meryl site. Some manga!Meryl scans can be found here. Last but not least is the Meryl Stryfe fanlisting.
Fics
Sand and Light, by Sholio, is a damn good fic all around, but it has some very nice Meryl, showcasing how she’s changed during the series and the years after.
Night Vision, by Arafel, is a fabulously angsty look at how Knives’ machinations near the end of the anime tormented more than just Vash.
IrenaK has a couple of good Meryl fics--Night, which does not focus primarily on Meryl but in which she definitely contributes as a strong player, and Walking In, a romantic comedy which does focus on Meryl and is a hilarious rendition of how Vash inspires a certain kind of frustration in her. Night is also a Buffy crossover, and it works. No, really.
Amongst Friends, by Edoras, is a nice little Milly & Meryl post-series piece.
Trickygrin’s The Night’s End is a well-done, suspenseful fic that focuses on Meryl. Tricky does good stuff.
Lastly, Kiri’s Years Later is a bittersweet reunion between Vash and Meryl, long after they’ve both moved on.
Author: Jaina (That’s me!)
Spoilers: More or less the entire series, though I try to be not overly explicit. This focuses on the anime, as that is where Meryl gets more character exploration and depth, but makes a teeny reference to the manga.
Website Pimpage: http://www.vootie.net (Home of my personal schna and the Vash x Meryl fic archive, though this essay is obviously not about that pairing)
Related essays: Vash the Stampede by tiggymalvern, Nicholas D. Wolfwood by mistressrenet
Screencaps: Courtesy Planet Gunsmoke
Meryl Stryfe rocks because she has 50 guns. The end.
What? You want more? Well, if you insist…
Just who is this chick?
Ask a casual/uninformed fan about Meryl Stryfe and you’re likely to get one of two answers:
a) Meryl Stryfe is a boring chick who follows Vash the Stampede around without ever understanding him.
b) Meryl Stryfe is a callous bitch who beats up on poor Vash.
Neither of these begin to accurately describe her.
Picture the planet Gunsmoke. (It’s doubtful that the planet is actually named Gunsmoke, but that’s a rant for another time.) Deserts, deserts everywhere and very few drops to drink. Other than a few kinds of “lost technology” and the larger, more civilized cities, the whole planet has an old west feeling. Most towns have sheriffs and there’s the occasional mention of the “feds”, but it’s a place where outlaws are very common and bounty hunters are more likely to bring them to justice than the local law. For a business such as the Bernardelli Insurance Society, this can be a real problem; too many claims, and they’ll go out of business. Most costly of all is the elusive Vash the Stampede, who leaves destruction in his wake and costs them a lot of money. Bernardelli has to get creative to solve this problem.
Enter Meryl (and Milly). As disaster-prevention agents, their job is to locate and trail the nefarious Vash the Stampede, preventing his disasters and thus reducing the number of insurance claims to be paid out-or at the very least, verify what claims are legitimate for the society. For background purposes, Milly is the junior agent, tall and strong (and, er, well-endowed) and seemingly air-headed but razor-sharp at times. Meryl is the responsible, business-like senior agent. It’s clear from the first time we see her that she thinks that everything in life can be outlined, categorized, and dealt with in a logical, businesslike fashion, and if she can just find the right way to approach Vash the Stampede (in this case, with a box of donuts, which would work quite well if she hadn’t offered it to the wrong man), then she would have everything under control.
“It’s the job. It’s what I do.”
Episode 1: the $$60,000,000,000 Man
This is where the dramatic irony comes in. As the audience, we get the inside scoop-we know from the beginning that the dorky guy in the red coat is the real Vash the Stampede. Meryl doesn’t have that luxury, and it’s clear that the real Vash is nothing like what she expected. During the first few episodes, we get some good insight into Vash by watching the way he acts when people don’t realize he’s the real thing. However, we get just as much insight into Meryl Stryfe. It’s clear that she can’t wait to meet the real Vash-at least, the Vash she thinks exists. Most likely she’s already dreaming of whispered tales of the agent who tamed the Stampede being passed through the halls of Bernardelli. Once she does meet Vash, she’s flabbergasted. He doesn’t fit into her view of Vash-he doesn’t make sense. This is something Meryl can’t deal with, to the point that she denies he is Vash long after anecdotal evidence shows he’s the real thing, simply because it knocks her entire world askew.
”NO! THIS JUST CAN'T BE REAL!”
Episode 5: Hard Puncher
This is where Meryl’s transformation begins. This is why she’s so fascinating to watch. She starts out as a very buttoned down, straight-laced insurance girl, but this is not how she finishes.
A personal kind of evolution
Throughout the anime, Meryl’s story centers around her interactions with Vash. No surprise, considering her job. For a while, she treats him as she would an annoying little brother who just happens to be capable of mass destruction on a goofy scale. The first indication that she is becoming more deeply involved with her job than she expected comes after she witnesses Vash’s first serious fight against an opponent.
”That is not Vash! That is not the same man!”
Episode 12: Diablo
She’s not entirely correct-this darker side is indeed a part of Vash, though she’s right in that it is not truly who he is. Starting here and continuing through the next episode (the deadly recap episode, framed by Meryl’s commentary as she writes her report on Vash), we see Meryl struggle to figure out just what’s going on with Vash. At the same time, she is facing an inner struggle-what about him can she understand, and can she reconcile it with the way she views the world around her?
”This is seriously dangerous.”
“I am well aware of the danger, Milly!”
Episode 16: Fifth Moon
By the time things start getting serious, Meryl is profoundly changed. When Vash orders the girls to stop following them, it’s clear that she is deeply affected, moreso when she can only watch helplessly as Augusta falls, unable to help him as she wishes. When she and Milly receive notice that they are to return home and not search for Vash, she finally breaks down in tears. It’s a highly emotional moment, heightened by the fact that prior to now, Meryl has denied or downplayed any serious emotions on her part. She is finally able to break down and shed tears for her friend.
“No one has the right to take the life of another.”
Episode 25: Live Through
By the end of the series, it’s obvious that Meryl is far more concerned with Vash than with her job. Unable to understand what’s happening to him until she demands the truth and even then overwhelmed by the enormity of it, Meryl can’t let go just yet. An extremely frustrating moment comes just after Vash wakes up after breaking his most sacred vow. Meryl panics and makes an excuse to leave, wincing in pain as she hears Vash scream hysterically behind the closed door, yet still doesn’t go to him. Her need to control and hide from intense emotions hasn’t lifted just yet. It's as if she's paralyzed on her own emotional threshold. At this point, Meryl is fully aware of how much she cares about Vash, and it's obvious that she wants to comfort him; but doing so would not only run the risk of burdening him with her true feelings, but would leave her utterly exposed. At this point, Vash is stripped bare of pretense or false image. If Meryl were to let him break down with her, there would be nothing left to hide behind. It's obvious when she hears him scream that it hurts her deeply. She just doesn't yet know how to show that it matters to her. Only when a gun is pointed at Vash does Meryl find the strength to stand up and say no, it’s not right, he doesn’t deserve this. It's easier for her to risk her life than to simply hold Vash and let him cry, but finally, she shows how far she's willing to go for someone she loves. Meryl accepts the beliefs that Vash himself has temporarily lost, and in doing so declares a permanent change in herself.
So that’s the overview-let me give you some specific reasons why Meryl rocks.
She’s a great straight (wo)man.
Let’s face it. Despite everyone’s Deadly Serious Secrets, Meryl is surrounded by utter loons. Between Milly, Vash, and Wolfwood in his fun-loving mode, Meryl has to feel like the only adult around at times. And that’s okay. The dorkness that is Vash wouldn’t be nearly as funny if it didn’t have Meryl’s seriousness to clash with. The utterly kerflummoxed expressions that Meryl gets have great comedic value on their own. In comedy routines, the straight man never gets any credit, but things wouldn’t be nearly as fun without him. Besides, it’s great fun to see Meryl utterly lose control and spaz out.
She’s a tough, kickass lass.
The woman carries fifty one-shot derringers, people. Don’t tell me that’s not cool. Light as a derringer is, that weight adds up so she’s obviously got some muscle. And they’re not just for show-she can use them too, like in episode 4 when she plays a pivotal role in Vash’s plan to take down the (of course) evil sheriff. The woman shot through a badge after it was tossed in the air-I wouldn’t want to mess with her! She’s also done her share of saving Vash’s ass. BDN had Vash cornered and outgunned until Derringer Meryl and Stungun Milly showed up. In summary: tiny guns rule.
Bravery, loyalty and friendship.
When she ends up in a tough situation, Meryl is not one to back down. When Wolfwood and Vash get sucked into an underground ship, Meryl and Milly come right after them. When an older couple needs help protecting their land, Meryl does her damn best to help them, even though it technically conflicts with her assignment. When she and Milly get sent back out after Vash, Meryl doesn’t hesitate. Don’t listen to her protests, she’s grinning like an idiot in the mirror. When Vash tells the truth about his past and exactly why she shouldn’t follow him, Meryl does so anyway. And though it takes her a while to get there, she stands up to protect Vash, in the process reminding him of just why he believed in what Rem taught him to begin with.
It’s not just about Vash, either. Milly is just as much Meryl’s friend as she is her partner, and despite her emotional reticence, it’s clear that Meryl values this. She’s there for Milly when Milly most needs her, doing her best to be emotionally supportive even though she’s not sure how to do it.
Though this essay is focused on anime!Meryl, she doesn’t lose these traits in the manga, either. There, even though civilization is going to crap and all seems lost, Meryl doesn’t give up. She keeps on keeping on and makes sure Vash gets something important before he faces Knives, along with a bit of hope.
She learns.
The best thing about being a Meryl fan is watching how she changes. In Little Arcadia, Meryl is clearly uneasy when Milly brings up family, and doesn’t really see why it’s important that Milly keeps such regular contact with hers. As she witnesses the dispute between parents and the son who has rejected them but it still loved, she takes it in and considers. By the end of the episode, she’s writing her own letters home. A small change, but one more step towards relaxing the death grip she has on her emotions.
Though it’s never explicitly stated, it’s fairly obvious that Meryl falls in love with Vash over the course of the series, though it can certainly be read as friendship if one wishes. In fact, no matter what one thinks of Meryl’s feelings for Vash (or his for her-but that’s another essay for another community), friendship is a strong element. Meryl goes from being utterly annoyed by Vash to liking him a little bit to getting along with him to admiring him to caring about him a whole damn lot, enough to put her life on the line for him. The very notion of caring about Vash the way she does completely surprises Meryl, and seeing how she deals with unexpected emotions is as interesting as what might eventually come of them. Each step is difficult for her to take and even harder to admit to, but she does it. This, in essence, is why Meryl fascinates me so much. Forgive the cliché, but she blossoms.
Sites
There’s not much to offer in the way of Insurance Girl-specific sites since the Bernardelli Insurance site went down a ways back. There’s a cute little Meryl basics subpage of a Vash/Meryl site. Some manga!Meryl scans can be found here. Last but not least is the Meryl Stryfe fanlisting.
Fics
Sand and Light, by Sholio, is a damn good fic all around, but it has some very nice Meryl, showcasing how she’s changed during the series and the years after.
Night Vision, by Arafel, is a fabulously angsty look at how Knives’ machinations near the end of the anime tormented more than just Vash.
IrenaK has a couple of good Meryl fics--Night, which does not focus primarily on Meryl but in which she definitely contributes as a strong player, and Walking In, a romantic comedy which does focus on Meryl and is a hilarious rendition of how Vash inspires a certain kind of frustration in her. Night is also a Buffy crossover, and it works. No, really.
Amongst Friends, by Edoras, is a nice little Milly & Meryl post-series piece.
Trickygrin’s The Night’s End is a well-done, suspenseful fic that focuses on Meryl. Tricky does good stuff.
Lastly, Kiri’s Years Later is a bittersweet reunion between Vash and Meryl, long after they’ve both moved on.