Comments | reflectology: it's all fun and games until someone has the audacity to have a breakdown

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it's all fun and games until someone has the audacity to have a breakdown

Sep 01, 2010 19:42

Hi, I'm Jess! *waves* I'll be guest posting this week because one of my in-laws went and offended me (shocking, I know) so I was inspired with a couple thoughts and questions on kids and sports and when are they old enough to start being mean to them.

( Now I'm not a mother, so that most likely will show. )

Comments 8

becca_radcgg September 2 2010, 00:10:14 UTC

What interesting observations and questions. Honestly, I'm not really sure. I'm a teacher, and I would never expect my kids to run as punishment for not following the rules. They're kids, they're going to cry sometimes, but if they're crying "pity me tears" I tend to ask them to sit out. I think a lot of it is about perspective. If the same kids are constantly crying about the same things like not being able to play midfield or goalie or whatever, if it's about getting their own way, then I agree it needs to be dealt with. Maybe doing laps isn't the answer. Also, it certainly shouldn't be used as a revenge device. They're kids. They're the ones who are supposed to enjoy the sport, not the parents. It's like those little mini beauty queens who are six and seven years old with their teased hair and make-up. It can't be about the parents. It has to be the kid who wants to participate in the game ( ... )

rosie_spleen September 2 2010, 04:45:23 UTC

Well, I don't think head shaking is needed. It seems to be all about attitude and sport, really. You can definitely not want your child to be precocious/soft/whiny/a bad sport on the field, but there are different ways of getting them to learn this facet of life.

Team sport is a fantastic teacher. I'm not just saying this due to my background, but this year, my eldest child started organized sport for the first time. She is a ABSOLUTE perfectionist (in that, if she gets anything wrong or less than perfect, it's a catastrophe). The sport and training she's been attending has been challenging, fun and involving. We've noticed such a huge change to her emotional level when things aren't quite 'perfect' at home - she's not as dramatic, she is more accepting, etc.

Your SIL methods are pretty old school. I see what she wants her team to learn, but yeah, there are less extreme methods. Opinion-wise, I believe that sport should always be fun (it can be disciplined, but still be exhilarating) and once it stops becoming so, it should ( ... )

badboy_fangirl September 2 2010, 16:14:08 UTC

I like what you say about your oldest offspring, Rosie, because I've watched my sister's kids through the years. I think disappointment, and learning to deal with it, is a huge part of the sports league stuff. Life is full of disappointments, we can't throw tantrums every time it doesn't go our way. I've seen this work with my sister's kids (through reinforcement at home, of course), and some of them have stuck with sports as they've grown older, while others have dropped out due to their ability and how much effort they wanted to put forth.

I think your mother was ace for teaching you about sportsmanship. :D It's an important lesson to learn, John McEnroe.

(edited because "through" and "throw" are not the same words)

rosie_spleen September 3 2010, 04:10:41 UTC

I think your mother was ace for teaching you about sportsmanship. :D It's an important lesson to learn, John McEnroe.

YOU'VE GOTTA BE KIDDING ME!

LOL. And you are ace to use ace in relation to tennis and to describe my mean mummy. Seriously, though, I did deserve it.

badboy_fangirl September 2 2010, 16:05:38 UTC

I want to point out first that crying over sports is not an age issue. I've watched grown men cry when they've lost the Superbowl, won an NBA championship, or raced to victory at Daytona ( ... )

wrldpossibility September 29 2010, 23:19:15 UTC

I'm not sure how much time is supposed to pass, but this is a guy training a bunch of 20 year olds for the Olympics. It's a little more serious than voluntary soccer leagues.

Sadly, I've seen parents who take it equally seriously. (My opinion: these parents need to get a life.)

I'm a big sports person, and crying over a loss is a legitimate use of tears, IMO, as long as you can shake it off. Crying because you're whiny needs to stop at some point (but not at 2nd grade!). Poor kids...they're all being forced to grow up too fast.

chatty_cat September 2 2010, 20:53:32 UTC

Hmmm...I'll have to think about this for a bit, but I'll be back.

I have a POV as a teacher and as an aunt as well.

wrldpossibility September 29 2010, 23:16:50 UTC

Just saw this post now, thanks to Candy's round-up of this month's Reflectology!

I won't tell you you'll understand when you're a parent, because I know that non-parents have just as much right to their opinion on kids as anyone else (and it annoys me when moms do that 'mom club' thing...but I guess that's a post for another time, too!).

Anyway, I have three kids in soccer and have coached most of the levels at some time or another. While they're still in 'rec' ball (public league), I think it's too much to make them run for punishment. When I coached, the crying annoyed me to, to be honest, but after checking to see if the kid had a legit excuse for the tears, I'd just ignore it until it passed. It always did. Once competitive play starts (the leagues you need to try out for...here it's not until 5th grade), I think you can expect more of the kids. Discipline is important, and respect for the coach, at every age, but I wouldn't start the punishment-by-exercise until they're older. Just my 2 cents.