Oh, my dear. I cut my early teenaged reading teeth on those things, and let me tell you, they used to be a LOT worse. They were always only from the heroine's POV, she was always reassuringly mousey (when she did her 'ugly duckling transformation', she always barely needed to use lip gloss, as her natural wholesome beautiful would always shine through). The hero was just so awful to her for 90% of the book (apart from the moments when he was trying to sex her up as she tried to hold him off with her delicately girlish strength) that the reader just knew that of course he had to be in love with her from the moment he saw her. There was always an evil slut!girl (who, of course, wore lots of makeup, implying she was evil and bad, and sported long nails and quite possibly smoked) who either had slept with the hero in the past/lied through her teeth every time she saw the heroine in order to imply that she and the hero were lovers - said slut!girl would always get her just desserts in the end, of course. True love wins and there
( ... )
Oh! So it was sort of like Twilight! Wow, early teen years? Did your parents know you were reading porn? Or was it just implied porn? Where there euphamisms? I love bad euphamisms.
From what you've told me, they sound awful! But I guess they were a nice contrast to Trixie Belden.
No, it was nothing like Twilight. No supernatural elements, although they did enjoy making the hero of 'exotic' descent, so he could murmur things to her in another language as he tried to sex her up. I read one once where he said 'Je t'aime' a third of the way into the book, but because the heroine had never, I don't know, picked up a book or watched a foreign movie, she had no idea what he'd said. I was in 9th Grade and knew what he'd said, FFS. *g*
Most of it was implied porn - very purple prose and euphamisms, lots of hard thighs (him) and vaguely defined aching (her) and it was a happy day if they mentioned tongues during the kissing scenes.
This is hilarious. All of it. Hard thighs. I think I need to buy a 'sexy' one seeing I have no idea how porny they get. I'm sure more than what you've described. I think you should write one seeing you do it in fanfic anyway. Just change the names.
I don't think I've had enough wine to deal with your post. I Laughed and laughed at the extremes of everything you've described here. I think I'll re read later and process. lol.
Okay I'm back, having processed what you've said, and finished my own. I think from what I've read, I need to go to some second hand book shops and read some of the older M &B books, back when ecstasy was never used enough and there were shafts and cores aplenty. Thanks for opening my eyes, I think the ones publushed now might be too aware of the past and so they don't go to such extremes. Sad.
OMG YES PENNY JORDAN! I learned very quickly that she wrote the naughtiest love scenes, actually describing things (albeit still vaguely, but at least better than the 'hard thighs' and 'aching in her stomach' kind of thing'.
and when the moment of truth came there was some vague pain then trumpets and I think she orgasmed without difficulty after which she fell unconscious
HA HA HA HA HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA.
*wipes tear*
Man, I think I read that one in my mid-teens. I was annoyed a few years later (coughs TMI) when I discovered that RL didn't offer trumpets *or* fabulous orgasms the first time around. LOL.
For example, one of my favorite books of all time is a Mills and Boon story written by Essie Summers called The House of the Shining Tide. There are orphans and a slutty woman and miscommunication and all of the usual elements and even a dramatic car accident ZOMG, but I don't know, I like it. LOLOh, that sounds delightful! You know, I didn't realise how much I had to say on this subject until Sez told me to come over and
( ... )
So, I think I was about 13 or 14 when I first started reading romance novels--and no, my mom couldn't tell me not to read them since she was my supplier. Should I not have been reading them? Absolutely. But that's another post: Problems I Have With My Mother.
However, I know it was a red-cover book that I was thumbing through at that age when I first learned about oral sex. I had had no idea such a thing went on (imagine that at 14!) but I was instantly intrigued by the idea. LOL.
About ten years ago or so (when I was in my mid-twenties), my mom lent me a book called Kill and Tell by an author called Linda Howard. I fell in love with her style, and I started reading all of her books. Some of her stuff from the '80s and early '90s was very like the tropes you describe, but she evolved a lot in her style (thinking) and I have to say the reason I liked K&T is because the sex descriptors involved actual anatomical titles as opposed to the stupid euphemisms they were made to use back in the day. (K&T's publish date is 1998
( ... )
Hi Candy! Thanks for your input, from the point of view of a reader. I have never read a romance novel, one that's made to be romantic anyway, so this genre is new to me on paper, though fanfic counts, so I can't say I'm a true newbie. Lol that must have been an eye opener about the oral sex! I laughed at your description of the outlaw. I love those 'everything' characters. Thanks for the rec, should I choose to go ahead as a reader of romance!
Yah! I really like Linda Howard, and I still reread "All the Queen's Men" at least once a year (it's the only one I actually own.) What's the storyline of Kill and Tell? I've read so many of hers, I can't keep track!
So, I think I was about 13 or 14 when I first started reading romance novels--and no, my mom couldn't tell me not to read them since she was my supplier. Should I not have been reading them? Absolutely.
I can't remember how I got my hands on my first one, but I think I was about 12 or 13. I always hid them from my mum, mostly because I was embarrassed to be reading something so obviously 'non-brain-improving' (plus the covers were just so cheesy) but I look back now and think that there were a lot worse things I could have been doing than giggling to myself with wide eyes over romantically vague porn. LOL.
Kill and Tell is the prequel to All the Queen's Men...If remember correctly the hero of AtQM helps with the investigation in KaT somehow. Then he got his own story, which is another excellent adventure story. She does well with that sort of thing. KaT is the story of Karen from Ohio, who's estranged father is murdered in Baton Rouge, so she has to go down to identify the body, and the detective investigating the case, Marc, is this judgmental arse at first, but then he realizes she really does love her father, and so he sets about to seduce her, and then someone tries to kill her--it's all part of a bigger conspiracy, of course. That's what I remember off the top of my head. It's been a while since I read it.
I really love Linda Howard, though, and could go on for DAYS about her stuff. Five of my favorites: Midnight Rainbow, Duncan's Bride, Cry No More, The Touch of Fire, and Shades of TwilightAs for that I could have been doing a lot worse of things at that age, I agree, but I also know if I had a fourteen year old daughter, I
( ... )
As far as I know I've never read and M&B. I used to read romance novels pretty often in my late teens/early twenties. I pretty much read whatever caught my eye as far as the cover and then the description on the back.
I don't remember any of them being too graphic. I knew pretty much off the stuff in them were ridiculous. I considered them like candy or bad TV that so bad it's good. Just something to pass away the time. I have a friend that couldn't believe I would waste my time reading them.
I don't consider them a waste of time. Sometimes you need a little fantasy. Plus, if you comes across the right author, the story is actually good. Not full of cliches and stereotypes. And as a teen who wasn't sexually active, it's that escape.
Besides sometimes the ridiculousness of the stories, when I was a teen there weren't too many stories that featured women that looked like me. That was disappointing.
Hi there! Thanks for your thoughts! I guess they were like fanfic before there was internet, a nice way to pass the time and get some romance? I missed all of that, I think I was reading Harry Potter. lol. I think I'm looking for the ultimate cliched romance, for a laugh. I just read a terrible one which was the novella at the end of the baby story I picked up. It was about two snowboarders rekindling their love but it was full of descriptions of rad jumps and things I didn't get and they said ''dude' a lot. It ended in an unconvincing proposal and sort of made me mad because every fanfic writer I know could do a much better story than that.
I don't suppose you get a lot of time to read them nowdays but have you found there's more racial diversity now? I only ever see caucasian women on the covers. Sigh.
I see there's more racial diversity now. If I happen to be in a bookstore, I always go to the romance section even if I don't plan on buying. I just like to see what's out there. I see more books geared towards African-American women than I did before. I don't see much for other groups.
Of those ones I've read that I geared to people like me, I haven't much liked the ones I read.
If I had a dollar for every romance novel I've read in my life, hell even in my teens.... well, suffice to say, I'd be a VERY rich woman. *g*
I was a huge fan of the 'historical romance' genre, usually set in some wind-swept and beautiful but incredibly remote part of Scotland/Ireland, OR some small English village inhabited mainly by farming peasants yet prone to unnanounced visits by rich noblemen who think nothing of bedding young comely virgins, OR the cesspool of life inside the French Court of Louis the 16th, where innocence is about as rare as regular dental hygiene. LOL.
I've never read a Mills & Boon romance though - for me it was Rosemary Rogers, Johanna Lyndsey or Anne & Serge Golon (the Angelique books). I've still got stacks of historical romance books on my bookshelves at home. You can't beat a good bodice ripper for brilliant holiday reading!!
Oh, and welcome to the Reflectology writing team - hope to see you write more - this was great!
Oh Sierra, lol. I could picture you getting into the romance genre, enjoy the ripped and hard men, rough hands. Or were they noblemen rolling in the hay with housemaids? I've realized from this post's replies that I was very behind the times when it comes to reading romance, because I was reading Virginia Andrews in my teens then Harry Potter. I completely missed the part where a young lady picks up a Mills and Boon and never looks back. But there was fanfic, and that even more satisfying a read because there's established characters you love and not much can compare with hot fugitive sex.
Thankyou for the laughs and the welcome. This was fun!
Comments 19
Reply
Wow, early teen years? Did your parents know you were reading porn? Or was it just implied porn? Where there euphamisms? I love bad euphamisms.
From what you've told me, they sound awful! But I guess they were a nice contrast to Trixie Belden.
Reply
No, it was nothing like Twilight. No supernatural elements, although they did enjoy making the hero of 'exotic' descent, so he could murmur things to her in another language as he tried to sex her up. I read one once where he said 'Je t'aime' a third of the way into the book, but because the heroine had never, I don't know, picked up a book or watched a foreign movie, she had no idea what he'd said. I was in 9th Grade and knew what he'd said, FFS. *g*
Most of it was implied porn - very purple prose and euphamisms, lots of hard thighs (him) and vaguely defined aching (her) and it was a happy day if they mentioned tongues during the kissing scenes.
Reply
I think you should write one seeing you do it in fanfic anyway. Just change the names.
If Jameson Rook can write them, you should too.
Reply
Reply
Reply
Reply
and when the moment of truth came there was some vague pain then trumpets and I think she orgasmed without difficulty after which she fell unconscious
HA HA HA HA HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA.
*wipes tear*
Man, I think I read that one in my mid-teens. I was annoyed a few years later (coughs TMI) when I discovered that RL didn't offer trumpets *or* fabulous orgasms the first time around. LOL.
For example, one of my favorite books of all time is a Mills and Boon story written by Essie Summers called The House of the Shining Tide. There are orphans and a slutty woman and miscommunication and all of the usual elements and even a dramatic car accident ZOMG, but I don't know, I like it. LOLOh, that sounds delightful! You know, I didn't realise how much I had to say on this subject until Sez told me to come over and ( ... )
Reply
However, I know it was a red-cover book that I was thumbing through at that age when I first learned about oral sex. I had had no idea such a thing went on (imagine that at 14!) but I was instantly intrigued by the idea. LOL.
About ten years ago or so (when I was in my mid-twenties), my mom lent me a book called Kill and Tell by an author called Linda Howard. I fell in love with her style, and I started reading all of her books. Some of her stuff from the '80s and early '90s was very like the tropes you describe, but she evolved a lot in her style (thinking) and I have to say the reason I liked K&T is because the sex descriptors involved actual anatomical titles as opposed to the stupid euphemisms they were made to use back in the day. (K&T's publish date is 1998 ( ... )
Reply
Lol that must have been an eye opener about the oral sex!
I laughed at your description of the outlaw. I love those 'everything' characters.
Thanks for the rec, should I choose to go ahead as a reader of romance!
Reply
So, I think I was about 13 or 14 when I first started reading romance novels--and no, my mom couldn't tell me not to read them since she was my supplier. Should I not have been reading them? Absolutely.
I can't remember how I got my hands on my first one, but I think I was about 12 or 13. I always hid them from my mum, mostly because I was embarrassed to be reading something so obviously 'non-brain-improving' (plus the covers were just so cheesy) but I look back now and think that there were a lot worse things I could have been doing than giggling to myself with wide eyes over romantically vague porn. LOL.
Reply
I really love Linda Howard, though, and could go on for DAYS about her stuff. Five of my favorites: Midnight Rainbow, Duncan's Bride, Cry No More, The Touch of Fire, and Shades of TwilightAs for that I could have been doing a lot worse of things at that age, I agree, but I also know if I had a fourteen year old daughter, I ( ... )
Reply
I don't remember any of them being too graphic. I knew pretty much off the stuff in them were ridiculous. I considered them like candy or bad TV that so bad it's good. Just something to pass away the time. I have a friend that couldn't believe I would waste my time reading them.
I don't consider them a waste of time. Sometimes you need a little fantasy. Plus, if you comes across the right author, the story is actually good. Not full of cliches and stereotypes. And as a teen who wasn't sexually active, it's that escape.
Besides sometimes the ridiculousness of the stories, when I was a teen there weren't too many stories that featured women that looked like me. That was disappointing.
Reply
I guess they were like fanfic before there was internet, a nice way to pass the time and get some romance? I missed all of that, I think I was reading Harry Potter. lol.
I think I'm looking for the ultimate cliched romance, for a laugh. I just read a terrible one which was the novella at the end of the baby story I picked up. It was about two snowboarders rekindling their love but it was full of descriptions of rad jumps and things I didn't get and they said ''dude' a lot. It ended in an unconvincing proposal and sort of made me mad because every fanfic writer I know could do a much better story than that.
I don't suppose you get a lot of time to read them nowdays but have you found there's more racial diversity now? I only ever see caucasian women on the covers. Sigh.
Reply
Of those ones I've read that I geared to people like me, I haven't much liked the ones I read.
Reply
If I had a dollar for every romance novel I've read in my life, hell even in my teens.... well, suffice to say, I'd be a VERY rich woman. *g*
I was a huge fan of the 'historical romance' genre, usually set in some wind-swept and beautiful but incredibly remote part of Scotland/Ireland, OR some small English village inhabited mainly by farming peasants yet prone to unnanounced visits by rich noblemen who think nothing of bedding young comely virgins, OR the cesspool of life inside the French Court of Louis the 16th, where innocence is about as rare as regular dental hygiene. LOL.
I've never read a Mills & Boon romance though - for me it was Rosemary Rogers, Johanna Lyndsey or Anne & Serge Golon (the Angelique books). I've still got stacks of historical romance books on my bookshelves at home. You can't beat a good bodice ripper for brilliant holiday reading!!
Oh, and welcome to the Reflectology writing team - hope to see you write more - this was great!
Reply
I've realized from this post's replies that I was very behind the times when it comes to reading romance, because I was reading Virginia Andrews in my teens then Harry Potter. I completely missed the part where a young lady picks up a Mills and Boon and never looks back. But there was fanfic, and that even more satisfying a read because there's established characters you love and not much can compare with hot fugitive sex.
Thankyou for the laughs and the welcome. This was fun!
Reply
Leave a comment