mmmmstuff
There is no use in being upset at anyone anymore.
Things are just too complicated for that.
I thought it was going to be different when I went home. Something more focused on family and the wedding and perhaps maybe Mother going crazy about re-arranging things. Something that I was actually expecting.
And perhaps not so much on the frightening evil man with pale skin and red eyes?
I don't even know what my father is saying, but my mother agrees. Something about how he's trying to do good things. They want me to..join him, I suppose? How do I do that? I can't join a man.
Unless there's a following...
...and unless it includes all the people that were at the meeting Ant dragged me to..
His ideas seem right enough, I suppose. Muggles are annoying and all over everywhere, and mudbloods are almost as bad. And it is a way to strengthen purebloods.
But I don't know how I feel about being so pressured about it. Why join if I'm only halfhearted?
..
And what would Remus think?
I can't get him involved. I feel so disconnected, and it's sort of sad. I miss him. But I'm sure he's all right with everything he's doing, right? I'm sure he misses me, but it can't possibly be the same way.
It's too dangerous. He's... it's not safe. He's not like Rodolphus, pureblooded and strong and ready to face that world..
Maybe I should talk to Rodolpus. I miss him, too. more than I should- He understand. He'll know about this. He'll know what to do.
++
Andromeda had her baby. She's adorable. I want to say something, congratulate her, something.. I really do. But what am I supposed to say? Mother said that I shouldn't speak to her anymore, not if I was going to be joining him.
I feel so bad. She needed me. She needed someone.
Hello. Are you still using this? If so, hi. If not, I should probably send you an owl.
I've a question. For whenever.
and i miss you.
Already I want to go back to school. Too much planning. And too much to think about. And my room is so dull.
Amycus! When can I visit? Soon? Hopefully? Tell your mother that mine sends her regards.