when the ropes were pulling you in.
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PRIVATE.
Sirius is such an imbecile. I ask him for help, I practically beg him for help, and all he does is tell me it's my own fault. Like I wanted to end up like he did, outcast, disgraced, a stain on the name of Black. Like I wanted that same fate as him, like I didn't care about the integrity of my family.
Families don't walk out on one another. They don't run away, and they don't forget one another. Or refuse to offer help when it is needed.
I do know that. Families do not desert each other. But.. I'm not sure if I can do what she asks of me. To do what Bellatrix is doing (Mother has told me in detail, proud of Bellatrix as if she was a daughter rather than a niece), and what Rodolphus is doing.
I still cannot get the image of Rodolphus bleeding all over my hands from my mind. In so much pain. I still dream about it. Damn. Is that what they do? Is it worth it?
It isn't enough to simply reply to all of her owls and store away the letters like they were anything else. It seems that Mother is losing patience.
And Sirius won't give me the time of day. Amycus is off somewhere with Crouch. Of all people, why him? There is something intrinsically wrong there.
I wish that there was someone I could talk to about this.
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Rodolphus,
I hope that you aren't over taxing yourself. How are you?
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To-do:
[ ] Complete Transfiguration essay on Human Replacement.
[ ] Find lost leather shoes.
[ ] Speak with Professor Slughorn regarding last week's potion. (possible extension)
[√] Update to-do list.