TDS (act 1, chapter 5)
CHAPTER FIVE: pray your dream, pray you’re dreaming
His military-issue boots rang heavily in the wide corridor. Adam was trying to read the numbers on the doors when, with a start, he realized that Captain Jack was standing a few feet away. He had no idea how the man had managed to creep up on him that quickly. "Shit, you're like a ninja."
This got him a small grin. "I haven't heard that one before. Hey, could you do me a favor? Could you hang on to Martha's pen for me?" Adam nodded, accepted the pen. "You're heading for room 34-c, right? In about ten minutes, Martha is going to walk in. She's going to say something about a planet, first thing she says. Tell her that there are three moons, but only two are visible on the planet surface at any time."
"Um, okay." Adam blinked. The Captain gave him a miniature salute and walked past him, heading in the other direction. Adam shook his head and continued to the door at the far end, which had 34-c written at the top. There were no scanners or keypads; the door slid open with a beep when he got close.
"Ah, there you are!" said Captain Jack, standing next to a large screen. The room looked like a small school room, rows of chairs and a board in front.
Adam stared. "Didn't I just see you outside?"
The corner of Jack's mouth quirked up. "Let's just say that I can move in no time at all if I really need to. Take a seat, please."
Right. Adam went to the front row of seats. The moment he sat down, the door opened and two people walked in - a man and a woman. They were in the UNIT uniform, red cap and everything, and came short of glaring at Jack. The Captain seemed especially amused by their severe expressions.
"General Trace and Colonel Johnson!" he exclaimed, saluting them. Adam got to his feet.
"Captain Harkness," said the woman, her name tag reading JOHNSON. She glanced at Adam. "Mr. Lambert. We won't be here long."
"We just wanted to officially inform you that your leadership in this project has been approved and the base has been instructed to assist you in any way you require," said the man, more than a little sourly. "Dr. Jones has already been temporarily transferred to you."
"Thank you," said Captain Jack, beaming at them all. "I'm glad that has been sorted out. I do apologize for just barging in, bureaucracy has never been my strong point, and I'd gotten used to... my team handling that side of things for me." There was the slightest hesitation, unnoticeable if not for Adam's good ears.
"We are happy to lend what assistance we can so that your project may be completed as soon as possible," said Colonel Johnson, not bothering to hide her dislike of the situation. "I must say, Captain, your connections are impressive. I've never received a memo from the President's office and the British Prime Minister before."
"I have an extensive military record," said Jack.
"Clearly. Very well, doubtless you will let us know if you need anything." The two of them left.
"I may have forgotten to tell them that I was going to be using their base before I showed up on their doorstep," explained Jack apologetically when Adam sat back down.
The door opened again, admitting Martha. She didn't bother with greetings, but handed both Jack and Adam a file. "The planet is named Lisias. Second planet from the sun in a system of six. Conditions comparable to Earth's, down to the gravity and atmosphere. Two moons."
Adam remembered what Jack had said outside. "There are three moons, but only two are visible on the planet surface at any time."
Dr. Jones blinked at him, and glanced at Jack, but carried on, "No record of an intelligent native species, it's currently inhabited by colonies of Trakow, origins unknown."
"Coordinates?" asked Jack.
"No luck. But our best estimate is in your file. Yes, I took into account the gravity of the Senechal's Star."
Jack flipped through the file, face lighting up in a smile. "You're amazing, Martha."
"You say that to everybody," returned Martha easily, slipping into a chair. "So what's the game plan, Captain?"
"Give me a second." Jack rolled back his sleeve, revealing what looked like a watch with a thick strap around his wrist. He pressed a few buttons on it, causing it to beep. "All listening and recording devices disabled."
Adam looked at Martha. "How is Tommy?"
"Resting," she answered. "He gets a couple of hours of sleep at a time, but eventually the dreams - nightmares - wake him up. The lack of sleep will start affecting his health eventually, if nothing else does."
"All the more reason we're going to try and fix this as soon as we can," said Jack drawing their attention back to the front of the room. He nodded at Martha, and she got up, exchanging places with Captain Jack.
The screen turned on, and an image of planet appeared on it, slowly rotating. She pointed to it. "This is Lisias. This is where our subject - Thomas Ratliff, nickname Tommy - was transported by artifact seven-six-b-dash-thirty, nicknamed ‘teleportation disc’, and he was subjected to medical procedures well advanced of contemporary Earth medicine. He appears to be having difficulty assimilating back to Earth, either due to an incompatibility between the physical changes made to him by said procedures, or an issue in the changes themselves. Medical examiner Doctor Martha Jones has deemed his difficulties as likely to be eventually life-threatening, and certainly a danger to maintaining status quo on public awareness of extra-terrestrial life.” She added the last with a meaningful glance at Jack.
Adam realized that his hands were fidgeting on the table-tray, and quickly put them on his lap.
"The main concern," continued Martha, "is a lack of information. The subject has been extensively questioned about his ordeal. However, it is clear that he has little memory of the experience. This can be due to his memory being tampered with or his own mind repressing the memories to protect itself from the trauma. Captain Jack Harkness, project leader, has put forth a plan of action, to be enacted immediately."
A flowchart appeared on the screen. Jack snorted. "Really, Martha?"
"Gwen wanted to know what we were doing," said Martha defensively, "and since I already made it for her, I figured it'd help Adam too."
Adam skimmed over the flowchart as they talked, blinked, and tried to read over it again.
Martha seemed to notice his confusion, and went over the chart. "First, research on the planet. Gwen and I went ahead and compiled what information we could gather from UNIT and Torchwood's files, and also from the American space database, which they very kindly allowed us to use." She threw another meaningful look at Jack. "All that's in the folders I gave you. Second, Captain Jack Harkness and Mr. Tommy Ratliff will travel to Lisias discreetly, and attempt to locate the medical facility that administered Mr. Ratliff's medical treatments."
So Adam hadn't read that part wrong. "Your great plan is to take him back there?"
Martha seemed to anticipate his objection. "It’s the easiest way. Keeping him here hasn't helped, Adam," she said gently. "He's getting worse. You’ve said that you hadn’t witnessed him sleeping before you came here, so there’s no way to know for sure, but I suspect that the sleep seizures only started when he came here. It’s the pains that concern me most, because there’s absolutely no reason for them. Sure, I can prescribe him medication to ease the symptoms, but without knowing what’s causing the problem, it might make it worse in the long run."
"Like I promised you at the beginning," Jack spoke up. "I'll be with him the whole time. If I could do it on my own, I would, but I need him to tell me where he was taken. We don't have that much information on the planet, and he's been there."
"He went through shit so bad that he's repressing memories of it and you want to take him back?" demanded Adam.
"We won't force him to go," said Jack. "In the end, it's his choice. He'll decide whether or not he can handle it."
"But you need to get my approval first, right?" Adam narrowed his eyes at Jack. "Isn't that what you said? He's fixated on me. He won't go unless I say it's okay. That means a part of him trusts me to keep him from making bad choices."
"He's good," said Martha, raising an eyebrow at Jack.
"Yes. Which means he won't dismiss the idea out of hand." Jack kept his eyes on Adam. "You're right, he won't even consider the idea unless you are on board. Which is why we came to you first, and why we're giving you all the information we have."
Not all, never all, thought Adam. "And how long will this little trip take? You said 'two weeks’, Captain, and it's already been one."
"Ah, this part is something that's not in the file." Jack sprang to his feet, looking unreasonably excited. "You're definitely going to need to pay attention. Now, due to my rather extensive and colorful history, I have a number of advantages that are not available to your average twenty-first century guy. One of them is this," he held up one hand and pointed at the thick band around his wrist, "this baby is called a vortex manipulator. Very long story short: it lets me travel through space and time."
A long silence followed. "Wait, what?" said Adam.
"As long as I have coordinates, or at least some idea of where I want to go, I can use it to transport myself - and passengers - to a specific point in space and time. To demonstrate." Jack twisted around to look at Martha. "Doctor, may I please borrow your pen?"
Martha pulled out a black pen with her initials engraved around one end. Adam stared, forgetting to breathe as his mind joined up the dots. Jack held the pen up so he could see it clearly. "Observe."
He did something on the wrist-strap that resulted in a series of beeps. Then Jack stood up, shimmered briefly, and disappeared. Adam could only stare numbly at the empty space where Jack was. And after exactly thirty seconds, a vague outline glowed in the air, and Jack reappeared, exactly where he’d left.
Jack looked pleased with himself. "Adam, if you could give Martha her pen back?"
Adam handed it over. Martha cast him a sympathetic glance, like she understood exactly how he was feeling. If Jack was like this all the time, she very probably did.
"Impressive, huh?" continued Jack, seemingly undaunted by Adam's speechless reaction. "So the plan is to travel to Lisias with Tommy, figure out what happened, find a way to fix him, etc. etc. and then come back one day after we left, regardless of how long we end up staying on that planet. Pretty simple.”
"Of course," chimed Martha, "when he says 'one day, it could be anywhere from half an hour early to a few days late."
"Hey!" protested Jack. "This is my personal vortex manipulator that I've been wearing for- for a really long time, I'm pretty accurate. It's not the TARDIS."
"Don't let the Doctor catch you impugning his ship," said Martha warningly.
"More like his driving," muttered Jack. "Though the old girl does get ideas of her own. My point is," he met Adam's eyes, "I'm reasonably sure I can get him back exactly one day after the time of departure."
Adam covered his face with his hands. "All right- let me think about this? And please stop waving that thing around.”
Tommy was watching TV on the wall screen when Adam returned to his room. He shifted to make room for Adam on the bed, and Adam instinctively put his arm around Tommy. At his touch, Tommy melted against him and tucked his head into Adam's neck. "How are you holding up?" Adam gently asked him.
"Better, actually," answered Tommy. His hair tickled the back of Adam's neck. "Like, I feel pretty lost and overwhelmed, but at least I'm meant to be, you know? Not like back home, when I felt lost and overwhelmed in my own fucking apartment. That freaked me out more than anything."
"Yeah. We'll figure out what happened to you, and then we can find a way to make you better." He tried to put as much optimism as he could in his voice. Sitting like this was so familiar, comfortable, like countless nights on a bus or hotel room. Adam ran his fingers through Tommy's hair.
"What if- what if this can't be fixed?" whispered Tommy, giving voice to the fears that they'd both been carrying ever since things had started to go wrong.
"Don't say that," said Adam. He pressed a light kiss to the back of Tommy's head. "You'll be okay.”
Martha found him at the windows overlooking the central compound. She stood next to him for a long time, sharing the companionable silence.
Eventually, she said, "You know, all of this - aliens, other planets, traveling through time and space - they're not really that important. All flash and fantasy, people acting like they're clever and showing off their toys."
"You seem different from everyone else," said Adam, still gazing at the view. "I'm pretty good at reading people, you know. And you... I can feel that you've gone through a lot, seen a lot."
"I have. At least, when it comes to this space-and-time travel business. The only one who has more experience than me is Jack."
"You trust him," Adam said; statement, not question.
"With the fate of the world," answered Martha. There was an odd note to her voice, and Adam glanced down to see the shadow of sadness pass over her features. "But… he's a soldier, our Jack."
"Well, I'm not."
"I think that's why he likes you." Her lips quirked up in a small smile. "You remind him - and me, too, actually - of someone we know. You've got the same spirit; a soul of kindness, compassion. Just don't be distracted by all of this," she gestured to indicate the whole base, "because the important things are things you already know. I think that Tommy could be the least of your friends and you'd still come because he needed you. That's the part that's real; none of this frippery can change it."
Adam breathed in, slowly. Nodded. She reached out and briefly squeezed his hand, and left him alone.
“What aren’t you telling me?” asked Adam quietly.
It was just him and Jack again, on their nightly vigil over Tommy.
Jack breathed out - a long, deliberate exhale. “It’s worse than you know.”
“I kinda guessed that.” Adam anxiously chewed on his bottom lip. On the other side of the glass, Tommy was sleeping soundly. It would probably be another hour before the seizures start. “I need to know, Jack.”
“No, you don’t. Tommy’s even asked me not to tell you. But.” Jack nodded at the restless figure on the bed. “I think you need to know. Even if you hate me for it after.”
“Tell me.”
“He was gone for an hour,” Jack’s voice was quiet, and yet still seemed to echo in the closed space, “because I brought him back to one hour after he last saw you.”
Adam felt the chill of the room seeping down under his skin. “How long was he gone?”
“It took me a few days to even repair the artifact. His trip had shorted it out.”
“How. Long.”
“Anything from two to four months.” The words spilled out of Jack, like an avalanche. “He can’t remember, I was too busy getting him out alive to check. Plus the length of days is different on that planet. I didn’t lie - when I first found him, he was shaking and chanting your name. After we got back, he stayed in our Torchwood base for a week, where we did our best to rehabilitate him. Finally, he seemed to be okay. All he would talk about was getting back to you. I’d hoped that, if he was reunited with you, he’d heal the rest of the way.”
Four months. Adam’s hand passed through a floating display when he reached out to lean against the glass. “Does that… does that mean he was missing for four months, and then you… rewrote history, or whatever, and now I only remember him missing for an hour?” Four fucking months.
“Doesn’t work like that. I can’t change my own personal timeline, you see. Just think of it like, for you, he was always only gone for an hour. Right now, he exists both here and on Lisias. When we leave, I’m going to aim about a year ahead just to make sure we miss his window of time there.”
The room was looking distinctly hazy now. The Captain’s voice sounded like it was very far away. Adam’s head felt full of fog. Fog. Damp. A woman appearing out of nowhere. Coffee that didn’t taste only of coffee.
”Jack, I don’t think he’s ready to be out in public. He hasn’t even spoken yet!”
“Are you going to pry him off his friend? Look at how hard he’s holding him. This is the most responsive he’s been to anybody.”
“And what if he starts attacking people? I hadn’t heard of Adam Lambert before but I looked him up, he’s pretty high-profile.”
“He won’t attack anyone, Gwen. And I thought you hated putting people in Flat Holm.”
“Tch. All right, but don’t pretend you’re doing this out of the kindness of your heart. I saw you take the key. It’s the Doctor’s, isn’t it?”
“Not his current one. But I have to know how he got it.”
“You guys fucking drugged me,” Adam groaned out, before he lurched into Tommy’s room. He managed to make it into the tiny, featureless bathroom before throwing up everything he’d ever eaten that day.
It seemed a long time before he was aware of his body again, and there was a familiar hand rubbing soothing circles over his back. “Guess he told you,” said Tommy quietly.
“Shit,” coughed Adam. “Did I wake you?”
“I’ll take the sound of you vomiting over the nightmares any day, no joke,” said Tommy drily. “Not that, you know, I want you vomiting.”
“I’m sorry,” whispered Adam miserably. “Tommy - I’m so fucking sorry.”
“You idiot,” said Tommy affectionately, draping his smaller frame over Adam’s back and wrapping his arms around Adam’s middle. “None of this is your fault. I should say sorry to you for dragging you into this. Which, you know, I am.”
Well, that was kind of stupid too. Adam sighed and squeezed Tommy’s arms. “If you want to follow Captain Jack’s plan, if you think it’s the best course of action, then you should do it. But… make sure it’s what you want to do, okay? Don’t do it for me.”
He felt the curve of Tommy’s smile against his neck. “Okay.”
“Adam,” mumbled Tommy, close to sleep. “If something happens to me, can you make sure my mom’s okay? Jack says he’ll make it look like I’ve been in a bad car accident. Going out like a rock star, in a blaze of glory, you know? Better than some fucked up half-alien thing.”
“He thinks he’s going to die.”
To his credit, Captain Jack met Adam’s eyes directly. “He’s scared. Considering the circumstances, he’s holding up pretty well. But who knows what’ll happen when we get there? I’ll protect him with my life, but surely you know that there’s always a risk.”
Adam started pacing the length of the observation deck. "He knew. Even back home, before you brought him here, he knew there was a chance he wouldn't be coming back."
"I think a part of him knew, or at least suspected, what had happened," said Jack. "If I'd thought... well, maybe I would have given you the false hope, anyway. He certainly tried to."
"Why are you doing this? If it’s dangerous to you, too."
"I’ve told you. Because it's my job to keep these things from happening, so all of this is my responsibility," answered Jack. Adam wondered if he’d ever be able to lie that well. But maybe iit meant this was at least a partial truth.
"Aren’t you worried about not coming back?"
"I’ve been a soldier for a very long time. And it’s not my body that’s been messed with." Jack sighed. "Also... let's just say that I always, always come back." An expression flashed on his face, just for a moment - sadness, and regret, old enough to have hardened to stone. It could have been a trick of light, but Adam had good eyes when it came to faces.
"I can't take us directly to the Lisias itself," explained Captain Jack. "It’s an unfamiliar planet, so we have an approximate idea of its location but not enough for me to risk it. It would really suck to materialize ten miles underground, or a thousand feet above the planet surface. So I'm going to take us to the nearest star system, forward a year, where there’s a spaceport I know, and we can hitchhike on a ship from there."
In the end, it was decided that Captain Jack would transport Tommy and himself out via vortex manipulator from Tommy’s room. Adam was surprised that they were going to leave from there, but Jack shrugged and explained that it didn’t make any difference to his wriststrap, it was the one room totally given over to their use, and he’d rather have as few people as possible know about his manipulator.
While Martha and Captain Jack were having a quiet discussion to one side, poring over the computer, Adam and Tommy stood near the bed and stared at each other. Adam couldn’t take his eyes off Tommy. There were suddenly too many things they’d left unsaid, too many possibilities they’d turned away from. Regret felt like a sting to the heart, a lead weight he might end up carrying for the rest of his life.
Too soon, Captain Jack came to stand in the center of the room, hefting a black backpack with supplies. Tommy finally looked away and stood next to Jack, picking up his own backpack, and rested a hand on Jack’s shoulder. Jack pressed a quick series of buttons on his wriststrap, which emitted a long beep. He paused, asked, "Ready?"
Adam felt like Jack was directing the question at him, even though he looked at Tommy. Tommy, in turn, met Adam’s eyes again. "So, I guess this is goodbye for now."
Adam could only nod. It would have to do for both Jack and Tommy - he couldn’t trust himself to speak.
"Be careful, Jack," said Martha with a warning tone.
"Aren't I always?" replied the Captain. "A quick trip to a peaceful planet, pleasant conversation with the natives, and a beautiful boy on my arm - it's practically a holiday."
"Like I haven't heard that before," said Martha, but she stepped back and saluted them. Jack saluted her in return.
There was a last hesitation, then Jack's fingers pressed down on his wriststrap.
And Adam moved, like his muscles had been primed to it all along. Two steps and a raised hand - a relatively tiny move for a huge, life-changing decision.
He dug his fingers into Jack's arm, and the world dissolved around them.
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