Year Two: Reality Bites
I know I didn't post a lot last year to illustrate my first year of Grad School, but that in itself is telling. I don't even remember the whole month of November because I sat down on the 2nd to start a paper and didn't finish assignments until the 3rd of December. I remember we had some fun - I met Mellissa at the first Graphic Novel meeting, just because I happened to be in the SIM lounge and like graphic novels. I didn't say much, but she and I somehow managed to bond, went for a milkshake, and were fast friends (I didn't tell her this, but I had to stop in at a public restroom after I left her because the milkshake went through my system better than a laxative). With Mellissa came Jaime, Lizz, and Cindy. Though I had talked with Lizz and Cindy a few times in my own awkward way, I barely knew Jaime except as the woman with the loud laugh in class (who Moukdaddy picked on). So while I don't remember much of November, I do know we had some fun during it. There was Halloween, my BDay party, Cindy's BDay party, and the end of the year "sexy librarian" martini night. I think there were also a visit to Mexicali Rosa's, Fireside, and Rogue's Roost for trivia in there somewhere as well. I also remember going to see Zack and Miri make a Porno.
My point is, that if I had taken a few moments like I'm doing now to write those things down, I wouldn't be sitting here trying to remember them. My point also is, that I'm going to try to be proactive about journaling in the future.
That was not actually the point I was trying to make with this entry. It kind of got off on me there. The point I was going for is that I'm starting to dread going back to school in a major way. I can't figure out what to take as my fourth class, and I'm starting to feel like this decision could influence my entire future. What if I don't take Cataloguing but need it for a job? What if I take GIS and hate it? What if I take Collections Management and the 9-hour day effects all my marks and I FAIL (like the smart-retard I am).
I don't know what's wrong with me today. Usually I'm involved in my own little stories in my mind - my story plots, plans on what house I'll buy on some undisclosed future date when I'm an adult. Well this morning I was walking to work, really thinking about my life and reality. I realized this was my last year at Dal, the place I've loved and made my home (as well as safe-haven) for the last 6 years. I'll never have reason to be on campus again.
And then reality crashed down.
I think this clarity is what real people experience, and I don't like it. I want back in my catatonic caccoon and ineffable fantasies about men who aren't real.
Panic's set in.
Ethan Hawke, Winona Rider: Reality does Bite. So frigging hard.
My point is, that if I had taken a few moments like I'm doing now to write those things down, I wouldn't be sitting here trying to remember them. My point also is, that I'm going to try to be proactive about journaling in the future.
That was not actually the point I was trying to make with this entry. It kind of got off on me there. The point I was going for is that I'm starting to dread going back to school in a major way. I can't figure out what to take as my fourth class, and I'm starting to feel like this decision could influence my entire future. What if I don't take Cataloguing but need it for a job? What if I take GIS and hate it? What if I take Collections Management and the 9-hour day effects all my marks and I FAIL (like the smart-retard I am).
I don't know what's wrong with me today. Usually I'm involved in my own little stories in my mind - my story plots, plans on what house I'll buy on some undisclosed future date when I'm an adult. Well this morning I was walking to work, really thinking about my life and reality. I realized this was my last year at Dal, the place I've loved and made my home (as well as safe-haven) for the last 6 years. I'll never have reason to be on campus again.
And then reality crashed down.
I think this clarity is what real people experience, and I don't like it. I want back in my catatonic caccoon and ineffable fantasies about men who aren't real.
Panic's set in.
Ethan Hawke, Winona Rider: Reality does Bite. So frigging hard.