A Series of Notes From 2021 Or: Some Notes From 2021
COMMENTS WRITTEN AFTER THE NOTES IS FROM LATE DECEMBER 2021
January 1st, 2021: “For myself, 2020vision was applying what I had learned in 2019. In the most physical way I’m happy I stayed the same weight and kept growing my hair. In the metaphysical way, shit was kinda ‘insane as fuck’ in some obvious ways and in some not obvious ways. But because of 2019, everything in 2020 was stupidly sense-making. The personal terribleness I experienced was felt and reflected on a global scale. How nuts is that? Well, you all learned how to empathise with me and myself. If you haven't realised it by now, you will later this year. I ended up exactly where I needed to be and so did everybody else. That can be a difficult pill to swallow. But it’s going to keep going that way. The New Age is real and it’s pretty wild. And pretty dang beautiful, if you let it be. We are going to be dealing in metaphysics and metaphysical from here on out. That means your emotions and feelings and the energies inside all of us. This is called elevating the conversation. Above gender and faces. It must and will be done nationally and globally. I will be fulfilling my part. Lots of people are like… pushing for some very not good stuff. And it’s foundation is a bunch of half truths, to give it some kind of integrity. It happens on ‘both sides.’ Left and right. Up and down. ‘All sides.’ Half truths. Guess where the Truth is? And these half truths are manipulation have never been uncommon for what has to be decades. Generations. Well, that time is no more. And it’s really funny how that is all playing out. But it’ll go that way anyway. No matter what. Rage will not be building, but will be transforming. You cannot stop progress, growth, change. You cannot stop what you will become. And it is up to you to decide what that will be. Even the most deformed creature can be perfection in its deformity. Many people say many words for many reasons. And these people do not know what they spread or why. But it is obvious to everyone, including the spreader, who has simply blinded their own self. The greatest trick played was to have you believe that you are not worthy of nothing or anything. You are worthy. Blessing and peace to you and all whom you encounter this year.” This sounds pretty good. My housemate was a total crock-fraud though, which will probably be coming out in these notes. At least by November 2021 it comes out.
January 2nd, 2021: “So at the end of the day we’re nothing more than representations of consciousness divinely created and we are very fortunate to have some kind of say in how that looks to all of us.” That sounds pretty good.
January 2nd, 2021: “5 truths to transform/slay a demon/devil. Truth the 1st every heart is cherished every single heart. If the heart is not cherished it ceases to be. Truth the 5th a demon is not really a demon and a devil is not really a devil. Nothing is the way it seems.” The meaning here kinda is don’t believe lies. That’s basically what it comes down to, but you are the judge of that. It’s interesting. And there’s been a massive increase in folks talking about demons and stuff now, so, that’s either scary or pretty cool depending on how you look at it. And I never filled in truths the 2nd through 4th, so, there’s some room for you.
January 26th, 2021, titled Shopping: “Fabric. Butt wipes. Tooth paste whitening fancy. Outside lights. Sound bar.” This was a shopping list. Fabric was for the walls and ceiling and floor of what was dubbed the Sacred Room in the place I was living at. And outside lights were for fun colors all year round. Fun colored lights aren’t just a Christmas time only kind of deal.
January 27th, 2021: “Ladybird swallowed rawhide treat.” This was a new thing for both of us and a reminder for me to make sure I checked her poop. It’s funny caring about other living things. Checking their poop is a regular kinda thing.
February 26th, 2021, titled M: “I can. I must. I will. I have.” This was a positive affirmation, mantra kinda thing. I forgot about it very quickly.
February 28th, 2021: “You’re not pushing me away. You’re pushing yourself away to satisfy your ego. Just a little part of your brain.”
February 28th, 2021: “This is going to sound however it sounds so please feel however you feel.” I’m not too sure what this is, but it sounds very good and is possibly a perfect opening to say something necessary when you are concerned about reactions. And maybe this is not disarming but almost the opposite of that.
March 23rd, 2021: “Metaphysician. Magician. Metaphysicion.” Hey look at me trying to invent a new word.
April 4th, 2021: “I overcame what I was told about Christianity and believed in what made sense and behaved a certain way and then the thing in the chest did some stuff.” Just going over the same thing that you’ve read about maybe two dozen times now.
April 14th, 2021: “Since you are a Christian now dear brother and are requesting a new flock to seek you out please share with me your understanding of the strength of Christ. Everything is evident.” Okay, I think this is part of an e-mail I sent to Milo Yillanopolis. And all of those will be appearing here. He did write back once. That guy is massively full of shit. And his book and him showing up in my home town played a very large part in getting all of us to where we are now! Life is crazy bitching awesome.
April 21st, 2021, titled XCom Pools: “Citizens- rich, have served. Servers- enlisted military. Forces- more on the cop side. Evols- anti authority, rogues. Civilians- just us. Cobra- should not be trusted.” There’s this video/computer game called XCOM 2. And I spent over one thousand hours playing it in 2021 and that’s all I’m going to try and say about that. Other than I also made a bunch of videos and I’m not that great at the game but I love it so very much.
May 24th, 2021: “It’s possible we all have gaps in our life. Places where things seem missing or gone. And it’s up to you to fill in those gaps. And the options are endless. Find your truth and the gaps are gone.” And to not be offensive, you do this with God or without, depending on your beliefs. But you are not doing it alone. You do it with yourself at the very very very least.
June 1st, 2021: “In Mass Effect 2 having the relationship with Jack the bad girl and getting her to open up was amazing and the best. And then the good girl Miranda was a duh. But then when you could just fuck Jack and not talk to her that made me feel so bad that’s all I wanted to do. Something like that.” Okay, so this is deep and dark and wonderful.
June 6th, 2021: “How much chaos do you sew? Fuck yourself right off this planet. Please and thank you.”
June 16th, 2021: “To unfuck is to good fuck and good fuck can be more than sexual.” Fun with the word ‘fuck’.
June 23rd, 2021: “I let me go and embrace myself.”
June 29th, 2021: “Depths Above. Rock Flag & Eagle. Forever Midnight. Question Eternal. Inside Outside. Softly Hello. Brightside. Mystic Love. Forever Love. Forever Sight. Forever Universe. Infinite Mind. Universal Breath. As Above. So Below. Vogue Void. Lovely Void. Void Eternal. Infinite Void. Infinite Love. Infinite Light. Slightly Vogue. Delicate Breath. Boundless Passion. Limitless Question.” These were names for different bracelets I made.
July 1st, 2021: “You have been dealing with abandonment since you were a little guy. First with your father, then your mother, then following your Grandparents deaths, especially Grandma who was your world. Then when you need love, empathy and compassion the most, your aunt goes out of her way to abandon you in the worst way. She should have been there to support you and instead she pulled the rug from under you. I’m deeply sorry you had to experience that and my heart is heavy for your loss.” Okay, this was also not something I came up with. This was actually a person or friend from high school who I reconnected with in 2018 shortly after Grandma went into assisted living and this person just so happened to have moved to Arizona as well, almost a year before me. This was one of those easy to see messages from the universe. I needed to clear stuff up with her. And I did. And before any of that, she gave me this. Which is pretty accurate. And really negative. Yeesh.
July 4th, 2021: “Going to see how this goes. You hardly threatened to slap me. It was just words and it was something like ‘I could slap you and you would not like it’ and my thought was just like, but what if I would? And that’s not a very healthy thought. So I rebelled from my Grandparent sand I didn’t do what they told me or asked me or wanted me or whatever. I don’t know a better way to put it, but I rebelled. And in my perspective [REDACTED] didn’t do that, or in a different way, maybe. She most likely listened to her mother and went to college and got an education and then just started working herself to death. I could say that’s a version of me that my Grandparents wanted. But that was [REDACTED]. And I was on the train with her back in like 2008 or 09 or something, headed to SLO from LA, not when she got diagnosed with Addison’s, but it was like Christmas time and she was not doing good and went to the hospital… and that’s when like mystery illness or something was coming up, I don’t know. I could be way off on a lot of this. Then some years pass and my Grandpa dies and [REDACTED] is in town at that time and she’s the first person I even attempt to open up to about my feelings-I feel weird, was as deep as I could go. But she spent time with me and we went to the fair and it meant an awful lot to me, partly because of our train meeting. And that’s when she tells me she’s going to Mexico, but all of that is a blur to me, loke, anything we talked about. Then it was after meeting you when you told me that [REDACTED] was in Mexico for healing, basically. You were much more detailed than that and it sounded beautiful and amazing. But, I understand now that just because surfacely it looks loke something is happening, the deeper things might be different or the same. And then that just comes down to honesty and truth. And then being honest and truthful with yourself is the most important thing. So looking back, I can see myself being right and wrong. That [REDACTED] probably has taken your advice or guidance on things, but then if your heart is not in to what you are doing, then, you might get different results than you were expecting, if you were expecting something.” This is a message or an email to the mother who I fell in love with and blah blah blah. You can get some good stuff out of this.
August 5th, 2021: “Gain dryer sheets. Aluminum foil.” I think it’s funny when I make a shopping list.
August 6th, 2021: “When you see or hear people behaving in a certain way, you want to correct it. 9/11 was an attempt at correction. The subsequent war on terror was retaliation attempt at correction.” Oooo. This is a big controversial type deal. Keep your fingers out of pies. Whatever.
August 9th, 2021: “An idea became a faith, Capitalism is an evil as it replaces belief but not a bad idea, so it truly depends what supersedes the individual. And a healthy individual will cause harm to none.” I don’t think this makes sense but it seems close to something.
August 30th, 2021: “Adam is He-Man’s lesser self. Time is stronger than magic. One other line of bullshit.” Okay, these were my fun little complaints about the Kevin Smith version of the He-Man cartoon. So, a lesser-self is a lame concept. And time being stronger than magic also seems stupid. Time is magic, as in an illusion or a creation and not so much as a natural thing. I mean, it’s creation was natural but magic, the creation, was before time. I don’t remember the other line. And the show was okay I guess. This was also my birthday and I took a couple people I knew out to dinner, one being the dude I lived with.
September 21st, 2021: “In Destiny the game when the female robot mysterious stranger squishes the vex tummy is it,,, we have become the monsters.” This is about this video game called Destiny. I played that a lot at one point a few years ago.
October 12th, 2021: “Undone-go back in personal small ways, lots of memory gaps. Does not account for collective conscious/unconscious(yet). Future/Past- tears Wolverine’s conscious apart, constant healing required. Ego torn apart? Too mind bending? Go back but change but forward is different. New forward?”
October 15th, 2021: “Getting your own understanding of how you came to be, to an extent, is beyond wonderful. The family ties that bind and motivate. And after you came to be then what? You caused the worst things to happen. But you didn’t. You were part of them, yes. But were you the cause? The tool? Wielder? Or the solution? A solution? Perhaps a third or fourth option, to simply be. Be not the problem or the solution and simply be. Be and flow between the two, fulfilling your role, identifying yourself in whichever state you are currently flowing in until next you get to simply be. But even to be is to be consistently flowing until to be is to simply be.”
October 21st, 2021: “Good morning [REDACTED]! I’m headed back to Arizona today. Checked on the memorials and I’m afraid they’re still misplaced. But maybe just slightly! I informed [REDACTED] and she assured me she would take care of it so I don’t have to worry. I don’t know if you’ll remember that ordeal or not. But, I’ve been literally keeping an eye on it every time I’ve gone back to Cali/SLO. I’m still planning on seeing you the 29th. But if you keep up your behavior, I’m just going to send a letter to your parents. And I’ll pay for special handling and the signature and everything. And I’ll just be simple and honest with them, as I am. You must accept you apologized to me for your behavior in 2019 but you did not mean it. The apology did not come from your heart. If it did, things would be much different between us and with everyone in the world. The thing in your chest is not a joke, but what takes place in your head is. As long as you have a healthy sense of humor.” This was a text message to my cousin, the pseudo spiritual guy. And it’s just like my aunt, with having the dominate ego type stuff. Like, pushing back with that and like, weird overbearing treatment so you don’t get treated like that. I have no real good idea. But it’s a personality thing I’m not a huge fan of.
October 25th, 2021: “Because according to you I am your favorite cousin I will do you the honor of giving you a sample. You demonized your sister. You demonized [REDACTED]. You demonized [REDACTED] You demonized them all. And I never agreed. Now you are trying to demonize me. You talk about demons first thing in the morning-wow, look how history repeats Asmodeus. Your parents are angels and the only reason you’re able to live how you choose. [REDACTED], my ‘predatory gay friend’ is a younger man and was drunk and confused and that experience lead up to my higher-self connection. That means it happened before April 26th, 2019. I thought so much of you and so highly of you and I was wrong. This does not mean you are bad. It means I was wrong believing you were ready to heal. But you will be when you choose to. After you start becoming honest with yourself.” This was another message to my cousin, and also not exactly on the level. I’m still doing the dominant thing here, and I’m also kind of trying to intimidate him. But it’s true, so it’s weird. I guess because it's a spinnable truth. Huh, so, thinking now, if someone spins the truth and you spin with the truth then what happens? The point of spinning the truth is to create confusion. I guess also by spinning with it I mean redirecting the spin. The letter I did send his parents was one of the best things I’ve ever written, as far as getting a point across without being all ‘up in ya face’ like most of this is. And he told me his parents threw the letter away without reading it because I am a drama creator. Well, thanks to that the letter gets to make it in here. Yay.
November 3rd, 2021: “Me don’t matter and I barely matter and as for myself that’s up to you.”
November 7th, 2021: “How I Met Your Mother. When a show is good and working too well on you it has a hypnotic effect. And that’s kinda awesome."
November 22nd, 2021: “Hummingbird food. Drinks. Creamer. Mushroom soup. Friend onion bits. Green beans. Dog food. AA batteries (lots). Chips/crackers.”
November 23rd, 2021: “Isokinetic structure inside our bodies.”
November 27th, 2021: “Do your best to see things as they are and not the way you want them to be. Call a thing it’s name. Know the correct label. It can apply itself.”
November 28th, 2021: “Indirect. Disingenuously. Unauthentic.”
December 7th, 2021: “The reason I paid you monies was due to you exposing yourself to me after I initially moved in. You used taking a hit of THC as your excuse, but you were also very drunk. And your behavior after that was volatile but nonviolent, which was caused from your drug and alcohol abuse.” Oh no, here we go for seriously like at least the third time. My housemate, the guy I had lived the last year with, decided to kick me out just because I stopped paying rent. The nerve of that guy. Yeah, I am the asshole in the words I’m writing here, but, that message there is also true. Living there was really weird. And some more of that is coming out now. But the dude isn’t a bad dude. He just makes bad decisions while drunk. So maybe drinking is also a bad decision. Well, anyway, we’re about to start ripping again. Oh, and I never sent a message worded this exact way. This was my initial furious reaction when he decided he would rather kick me out than speak with me. And so that made leaving incredibly easy.
December 9th, 2021: “I really really appreciate getting to clear the air with you. I’m going to spend a series of shorter text messages to be easy to read. First, [REDACTED] is great and that’s surprising and super awesome. I’ve really liked him being around and getting to know him a little. I was very confused if he was basically living here again though. You said [REDACTED] does not live here and it’s not his home. That doesn’t seem totally truthful and that’s why I wanted to go out to dinner to talk about the living situation, away from the house. [REDACTED] has basically been living here again for over a month, but that doesn’t mean he’s here everyday. And basically I wanted to know that yes he’s basically back living here again. And since there is another person living in the house, that means things change. And I wanted to give up my sacred room and turn it back into something closer to what it was before. And then I would pay you less money because I was only using one room. I have no desire to stay where I am unwanted. So I am fine with leaving. But, I genuinely do not have a place to go. Your place is great, the little dogs are great and Ladybird totally loves you and this place too and I think even all the other little dogs and I think she’s gotten used to [REDACTED] and totally likes him too. So, I am fine with leaving if I am still unwanted and I am happy to pay you less money for renting one room. And I’d like it if it was okay for [REDACTED] to be considered living here. I have thought of the Christmas card-thing from last year with you and me and all of the dogs and how it would blow minds if you made another one that was you and [REDACTED] and me and all of the dogs.” So this was pretty well put, I think. But it fell on deaf ears. My housemate was not having any of it and also insisted that the dude who lived there with us was not living there with us. And the next one is going to get worse.
December 11th, 2021, titled Mr. [REDACTED]: “Good morning Kraken! Yes, I saw your Facebook post before you deleted it. Here is what I wrote for you over Thanksgiving… In the past year, how many times have you gotten drunk/intoxicated enough to forget what happened? IE black out, brown out, passed out. When first moving in I took a picture of you passed out when I thought you were more emotionally exhausted. I turned out to be incredibly wrong. It was drugs and alcohol you were passed out from. I also made your bed with you and you had no recollection the next day. And we watched an episode of What We Do In The Shadows and you replayed it and I said we just watched it and you had to pretend we didn’t or you were so drunk you honestly did not remember just watching it. I did not know you were an addict and alcoholic. You are a functioning alcoholic though and not a terrible one. When you offered me poppers you acknowledged them as ‘fucked up.’ That was halfway decent of you. You care more about being a filthy liar than living up to your true potential. It would be nice if you would want to change that. When you took a hit pf weed and used that as an excuse to pull your dick out you traumatized me. That was rude and uncalled for. All men are disgusting unappealing trash because of you. [REDACTED] and I have a lot in common. We both have a very difficult time with your mentality of doing whatever you want and never apologizing correctly-that means for the right reasons and doing it sincerely and from the heart. It is different from ‘sorry you feel that way.’ Did you have your mother fly out here to make it easier for you to lie about yourself in court? The truth about what was going on in the house as far as drug use. …And now back to today. Today is 2 years since my Grandma passed away. And you are loved, [REDACTED].” So this is like a mic drop kinda moment. It sucks, but again, all true. This dude is not going to react well to this.