Strange and Beautiful Part 4
Part 4
Then:
Lawrence, Kansas 1997
Mother’s Day was celebrated in the Winchester household by a visit to Mary Winchester’s grave followed by a special dinner prepared by John, Dean, and Sam. John cooked Mary’s favorite chicken fried steak, while Dean and Sam prepared anything they could. As kids, it was usually something instant: cream of mushroom soup from a can, microwavable mac and cheese, sometimes even store-bought slices of pie that the kids just decorated with M&Ms or Oreos.
As they grew up, Sam learned to cook tomato rice soup (another of their mom’s favorites), and Dean continued to buy pies and decorate them with candies. It didn’t matter that Sam was too young to remember their mother, or that Dean had to look at old photo albums just to be reminded of Mary’s face. Every Mother’s Day was celebrated happily.
Cas never once celebrated Mother’s Day. He grew up without his mother, and though he was tight-lipped about things that involved his mom, Sam and Dean could tell she wasn’t dead. She just wasn’t there.
So on Mother’s Day of 1995, a week after Sam’s 12th birthday, the brothers decided to invite Cas to spend Mother’s Day with them. Cas went with them to Mary’s grave and said a short prayer, and when he arrived at their place for dinner that night, he brought with him a container of Mac and Cheese (not the instant kind) that he cooked himself.
For the next couple of years, Cas celebrated Mother’s Day with the brothers as if he were one of Mary’s own children. They never asked about Castiel’s own mom, and Cas never mentioned her.
Mother’s Day of 1997 went off without a hitch, but what happened a few months after that was something Sam would never forget.
+++
Sam was more excited than nervous to enter high school. Cas told him several times that just in case he didn’t have a place to sit come lunch time, he could sit with them. He was kind of short for his age, and Cas was afraid he might get bullied, but Dean just laughed at Cas’ worries since he was positive Sam could take care of any bully. And if Sam couldn’t take care of them himself, Dean would just step in and ‘rip their lungs out.’
But Sam didn’t have any problems making friends on his first day, and though there were the occasional bullies here and there, he wasn’t bothered by them much. He made a lot of new friends during the first few weeks of high school. He spent lunch breaks with them and every afternoon he waited for Dean and Cas so they could catch the bus together. When Sam made it onto the soccer team with Dean, it was Cas who waited for them to finish practice. After Cas’ regular Journalism Club meetings, he’d sit by the bleachers and do some homework while they practiced.
One afternoon, though, Cas didn’t show up to watch them during practice. Dean was going out on a date with Amanda Heckerling, a pretty blonde girl in his History class, so he went on ahead. Sam took the bus alone. He didn’t think too much about Cas not being there. And with Amanda’s sticky sweet glances directed his way, Dean didn’t even seem to notice Cas was gone.
+++
Sam had just gotten out of the shower and changed into sweats when the doorbell rang. Hair still dripping wet, he rushed downstairs to open it and found Cas on the other side.
“Hey, where were you-“ Sam was about to ask, but he stopped when he saw Cas’ face. He was smiling, but his eyes looked puffy and his voice waivered when he said ‘Hi.’
Sam pulled him inside and had to almost drag him to sit on the sofa. “What’s wrong?” he asked. “You didn’t get a C on your paper, did you?” he asked.
That actually got a chuckle out of Cas. “No,” Cas scoffed. Then when his eyes fell on Sam’s concerned face, something broke in him and he cried.
In that moment, when Cas’ face crumpled, Sam felt his world dissolve, and the only thing left was this boy, older and taller, but still a boy, crying his heart out in front of him. He hugged Cas and let him sob on his shoulder for what seemed like an eternity. He tried asking what was wrong, but Cas couldn’t form words. When Cas lost his energy, he fell asleep on Sam, and Sam stayed there until he woke up half an hour later.
Only when Cas asked why Sam’s eyes were red did Sam realize he had been crying as well.
He tried to ask Cas what was wrong, and as if remembering why he was crying in the first place, Cas’ face fell. This time, though, he finally had the energy to speak. “My mom…” he stopped to take a deep breath, and from there, the words came tumbling out of his mouth. “She died. This morning. My dad was talking to my uncle on the phone. I have an uncle. I didn’t even know I have an uncle. An uncle, Sam! And he has a family. I have cousins,” he said, standing up from the sofa and pacing back and forth, like he had to move, to release the extra energy that was now suddenly coursing through his body, all the while tears continued to flow down his face. “Now I have a mom, too, or I had a mom. She’s gone now. I mean, I never got to see her but I always hoped, you know? I always wanted to see her. See what she’s like. What her life is like. I’ve always imagined I’d meet her someday. I have this whole speech planned out too. I’d ask her why she left dad and me. I’d ask her… I’d ask her why she wasn’t happy with us. Why we were never good enough for her.” He stopped pacing, but his hands were shaking, and choking on the words, he turned to Sam. “Why I wasn’t good enough for her.”
Sam opened his mouth to speak, but he couldn’t find the words. What do you say to someone whose world was falling apart before you? “Hey, you know it’s not your fault, right? Cas, it’s not your fault,” Sam finally said.
“Dad said she’d been sick for a year now. Cancer,”Cas continued, this time he started pacing again and biting his nails. “Sam,” Cas said with pleading eyes. “She knew she was dying. She knew. Yet she didn’t even bother to tell us. She didn’t even want to see me before she died.”
Sam heard enough. He stood up and pulled Cas’ hand from his mouth to stop him from biting his nails. “That’s not true, Cas. Come on. You shouldn’t be thinking like that right now.”
“Then how am I supposed to think, Sam?” Cas asked.
“Like yourself,” Sam answered. He pulled Cas’ jacket up where it fell from one shoulder and zipped it. “Like Cas. Who thinks of other people before himself. And who always thinks the best of people, even when they don’t deserve it,” Sam said with a smile, before grabbing Cas’ hand again and pulling him.
Cas blinked and wiped the tears from his eyes with the back of his free hand. “I’m sorry,” Cas apologized. “I’ll stop now. I shouldn’t have stormed in here and cried on you like that.”
When the front door clicked shut behind him was when Cas registered they were already outside the house and Sam was leading him somewhere. “Where are we going?” he asked in confusion.
“Burgers,” Sam said. “We’re getting burgers.”
“Sam…” Cas pleaded as the boy who was 4 years younger and half a foot shorter than him lead him off the lawn and onto the street.
“I don’t know how else to make you stop crying. So we’re gonna go and eat burgers because burgers make you happy,” Sam explained. “And we’re gonna eat them at the restaurant so you’d think twice about crying in public.”
“Sam, you don’t have to do this. I’ll… I’ll be fine eventually,” Cas reasoned out.
Sam looked back, even as he continued to drag Cas down the street. “Yeah, I know you’ll be fine. But until then, I’m keeping you company,” he said, looking in front of him again. He swallowed and gripped Cas’ wrist tighter, but not tight enough to hurt. If Cas wanted, he could rip his hand away. He could tell Sam to shove it and he could leave. But he didn’t, and soon enough he stopped letting Sam drag him and started walking beside Sam.
“You can let go of my hand now. I won’t run away,” he said, offering a weak smile at Sam’s concerned face.
He let go of Cas’ wrist and apologized. Cas just shook his head, and for a few minutes they walked in silence until they reached the burger joint.
It was only after they were seated on the bright red booth in the restaurant that Cas spoke again. Sam watched him unwrap his burger and take a large bite out of it. Then Cas sighed and looked at him from across the table. Eyes still red but dry of tears, and smiling despite the half-masticated food in his mouth, Cas said, “Thanks, Sam.”
And that, right there, was the moment Sam would never forget. The moment he knew for certain that this wasn’t just hormones or infatuation or some teenage crush.
It was love.
He was in love with Cas.
+++
Now:
Sam was getting his cherry popped.
At least that was what Jo affectionately called Sam’s first case: a pro bono wrongful termination suit, assigned to him by Castiel himself.
Cara Roberts entered a relationship with the CEO of her company, Carl Monroe. Carl ended up divorcing his wife for Cara, but then ‘Dave happened,’ and by Dave, Cara meant the hot intern that worked in the Marketing department. When Carl found out, he fired her from the company. It was almost like a story tailor-made for soap operas, and was eerily similar to a plotline from Dr. Sexy MD. And no, he didn’t watch the show. Not willingly, at least. He was forced to endure marathons of it whenever Dean crashed at his old apartment. It hadn’t been easy for him.
After they got Dave to testify on Cara’s behalf, the case was a piece of cake and Sam won a nifty little settlement for Cara, plus got her reinstated in the company. She was thankful, of course, and possibly too thankful, with the way she smiled sweetly at Sam and kept on touching him unnecessarily. “You don’t need to thank me. It was part of the job,” Sam said awkwardly when she hugged him outside the courthouse and refused to let go for one uncomfortable minute.
“Still, Sam, I wouldn’t know what to do know if it weren’t for you. Thank you so much,” she said again, finally peeling herself away from Sam. “And, uh,” she began, sounding embarrassed all of a sudden. “Dave and I, we’re not together anymore. If you want some company…” she said, batting her long eyelashes at him, “you know my number.”
Sam chuckled awkwardly. “I don’t sleep with clients, sorry.”
“Well, I’m not your client anymore,” she argued. “Think about it,” she said with a wink, before she turned around and walked down the stairs with a little more sway in her hips.
“Looks like your case went well,” Sam heard Cas say before he saw him.
Cas walked down the hallway towards Sam, briefcase in hand, following Cara with his eyes.
Sam looked at Cara then back at Cas and laughed nervously. “That was… yeah, that was…” Sam tried to explain, but Cas fixing his serious gaze on him was too unnerving. “…she was really thankful,” Sam finished lamely.
“I saw that,” Cas said. A pause, and then, “You can’t sleep with-“
“I know!” Sam blurted out. “You didn’t really think I’d…” Sam said. “I won’t, okay. I’m not that stupid.”
Cas nodded, seemingly pleased with Sam’s reaction. “Good. Now let’s go. I have a class action to win.”
Like a light bulb, Sam’s face brightened when he realized Cas wasn’t even supposed to be at court with him. “You were waiting for me to finish?” he asked.
“No,” Cas answered, and Sam was disappointed he still couldn’t get past Cas’ poker face and tell whether he was lying or not.
“What were you doing while I was in there, anyway?” Sam asked.
“I had business to attend to. Less talking and more walking, Sam,” Cas said. Sam followed obediently.
+++
“I need to what?” Sam asked incredulously. Jo cornered him in the bullpen and delivered the surprising news.
“Celebrate your first time,” Jo repeated happily. It seemed she just loved being the bearer of bad news.
“By taking everyone out for drinks? Is that right?” Sam asked.
“That’s right,” Alfie, one of the other associates, chimed in. He was the rookie before Sam came to the firm, and though he looked almost like a teenager lost in the office, he could recite the constitution while doing a handstand on a table (there was video proof; it went viral at the firm). “It’s a tradition. When I won my first case, I had to treat everyone for several rounds at this bar. Blew a chunk of my salary on that.”
Sam cringed. “Eeesh. I had no idea… when do we have to do this?”
“Tonight. It’s a Friday, and it’s a celebration so it’s always better to have it immediately,” Jo told him. “You could have your cherry popping party at the Roadhouse. My mom will give you a special discount,” Jo suggested. “You up for it?”
“Do I have a choice?” Sam asked.
“Great!” Jo beamed. “I’ll tell everyone,” she said, whipping out her phone to do just that. “You don’t mind if Adam comes, do you?” she asked.
“Why not?” Sam agreed. “Wait... by everyone, does that include the partners?”
“Yup,” Jo answered distractedly as she typed on her phone. “You could invite them but most of the older guys won’t go anyway.”
“Will, uh… will Cas go?” Sam asked, looking at something on his computer screen to make it seem like he wasn’t too concerned about Jo’s answer.
“Oh yeah, definitely,” Jo said. “It’s his precious Sam, of course he’d come,” she said with a wink.
Sam smiled awkwardly at that. He didn’t know whether to be happy that Cas would be coming, or worried that Jo seemed to know more than she was letting on.
“If he’s in a partying mood or not remains to be seen, though…” she said, biting her lip as she thought about how Cas’ class action was going.
“He’ll win the case against Niveus Pharmaceuticals, you’ll see,” Sam said with confidence.
Jo laughed. “That’s the spirit. He said something like that to me earlier today too. ‘Sam will win his case, you’ll see’,” she said in her usual gruff Cas-voice. She looked at her watch, “They should be done by now, though. You wanna go see if they are?” she asked Sam.
“Yeah,” Sam said, rising from his seat quickly.
“I thought you were confident he’ll win this? Why are you looking so worried now?” Jo teased as they made their way to the conference rooms.
“I’m just afraid if we lose, people might go depressed-drinking. It would cost me a fortune tonight.”
+++
Jo’s timing was perfect.
Just as they were approaching the conference room, the doors opened and old men in suits from Niveus Pharmaceuticals rushed out, followed by some of the plaintiffs sharing handshakes and cheerful pats on the back. It was obvious Cas won.
Cas stepped out of the conference room and Sam walked up to him, eager to congratulate him on his win.
“Congra-“
“Sam Winchester,” a familiar voice interrupted him. “Didn’t think I’d see you here.”
Sam stopped and watched as Brady, his old law school classmate (or arch-nemesis as Dean once put it) stepped out of the room, followed by a slimy looking old man that looked less like a lawyer and more like one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
“How have you been, Brady?” Sam asked, trying to keep his tone as polite and neutral as he could.
“I’ve been better,” Brady said. “You’re an associate here? I didn’t realize you’d already landed a job.” Which, in Brady speak meant more like ‘I didn’t think anyone would even hire you.’
“Yes, he is one of my best associates,” Cas interjected.
Brady smiled. “I’m sure he is. Sam here is pretty skilled,” he said, which actually meant ‘he’s good at bending over for people.’ It made Sam’s skin crawl.
“You never know, Brady,” the older man spoke. “It could be purely based on connections that he got his job. Lots of cases like that these days, undeserving people getting jobs because they’re related to someone high up,” he said.
Sam thought the man was insinuating that he only got his job because of Cas. But then again, he couldn’t have known they knew each other before Sam got the job. Plus, his sneer was pointed at Cas, and Sam was surprised by the glacial stare Cas threw his way.
“You can’t get by without connections nowadays, Green,” he said, and though his tone was level, Sam knew Cas must’ve been seething inside.
“Words you live by, huh? Castiel?” he said with a pleased smile.
Cas squared his shoulders and returned Green’s smile with one of his own. “Yes. I keep telling myself that every day. Thank god for connections, otherwise I won’t be here to wipe the floor with my opponents’ faces. I do love being able to crush the gigantic egos of lawyers twenty years my senior.”
Sam’s jaw dropped. He didn’t know who was more surprised-Green, at being burned so bad by Cas, or Sam, at witnessing that Cas actually had it in him to be vicious towards someone. That was something the younger Cas would never do. Not that Sam minded it. Because Cas putting dicks like Green and Brady in their rightful place? Definitely one of the hottest things Sam had seen in a long while.
A pleased smile formed on Sam’s face as Green glared at Cas before turning around and walking away. Brady gave Sam a glare of his own, and Sam just nodded, “See you again sometime.”
“Looks like your case went well,” Sam remarked to Cas, mimicking Cas’ earlier words to him.
“Of course,” Cas said as they walked back to his office.
“I hope you didn’t make the old men cry, Cas,” Jo chimed in.
“A few tears were shed, I’m afraid,” Cas said.
“What were they on about anyway? Connections? Are they serious?” Sam asked with a scoff. When Jo stiffened and Cas didn’t even react, Sam stopped. “Wait… you mean…?”
“I think I have a few calls to make,” Jo said, promptly scurrying to her desk.
“Cas?”
“It is not of import,” Cas said as he walked into his office.
“Hey!” Sam said in protest, following Cas inside. “Was Green telling the truth? Was that why you were so angry at him earlier? You can tell me, Cas.”
Cas occupied himself with looking through the folders on his desk. “I wasn’t angry,” Cas said.
Sam scoffed. “Sure you were.”
Cas stopped messing with the folders and looked at Sam. “Yes I was,” Cas admitted. “You didn’t get this job because of me, Sam. You got here of your own merit.”
“Wait, what?” Sam asked in confusion. “You were angry because he insinuated I got my job through knowing you?”
Cas nodded. “You are a very competent associate, Sam. I do not want you to think otherwise.”
Sam didn’t know what to say to that. Cas wasn’t angry because Green tried to insult him. He was angry because Green tried to insult Sam. It made him feel light headed. “I… I’m fine,” Sam managed to say. “I wasn’t insulted… and I know you didn’t get me this job.”
Cas’ brows furrowed in confusion. “You do?”
“Yeah. Nobody could fake that shocked expression on your face when you saw me again," Sam said with a fond smile, recalling his first day at the office.
It was Cas’ turn to smile. “I don’t take surprises very well after a 13-hour flight,” Cas said. “And I’m glad there’s no confusion about the reason you were hired.”
“Yeah, we’re cool there. But seriously? You weren’t mad Green was saying all that stuff about you?” Sam asked.
Cas shrugged. “I’m used to it.”
“Used to it?” Sam repeated.
“Yes. Green spoke the truth.”
“About what?”
“My mother was a Milton. She founded this firm. Michael Milton is my uncle,” Cas revealed.
“Your… mom?” Sam asked in disbelief.
“Yes. You asked why I became a lawyer before, right? This is the reason. I wanted to know about my mother, and I found this,” Cas said, gesturing to the office in general. “My mother’s legacy. I’m here to continue what she started.”
Sam stared at Cas’ face for a few seconds before huffing out an awed sigh. “So you did reconnect with your mother’s family…” Sam said thoughtfully. “I never knew. I mean, you always said you’d try… you actually did it.”
“Yes,” Cas said. “It was… difficult at first. I resented my mother for a lot of things… as you were well aware.”
Sam nodded. “Yeah, I remember.”
“But I got over them eventually. I grew up,” Cas told Sam. “I realized it was… unproductive… to be mad at someone who can’t defend herself from my criticism,” Cas paused, before sighing and leaning his hip on the edge of his table. “Now you know.”
“I get it,” Sam said. “Thanks… for telling me.”
Cas shrugged. “You would have discovered it eventually. I just hope you did not lose faith in me as a superior.”
Sam scoffed. “That’s ridiculous, why would I do that?” Sam asked in confusion.
Cas cocked his head to the side in apparent confusion as well. “Because many believe that I am only a senior partner in this firm because I am a Milton. It is a very understandable assumption, one that I am used to hearing, as I am the youngest senior partner in the history of this firm.”
“Come on, Cas. You’re a helluva lawyer. I’ve seen you work. You got your job because of your skills,” Sam told him. “Anyone who believes otherwise is lying.”
“Thank you for your confidence in me, Sam,” Cas said, smiling once more.
“No problem,” Sam said with a grin. He stood there just looking at Cas for a few seconds. He always noticed how different this older Cas was from the younger one, but now he could see all the ways they were the same. This was the same boy that celebrated Mother’s Day for somebody else’s mom, and the same boy who loved a mom he never knew. He had grown up and worn a suit, but he was still the same.
And Sam was still in love with him.
Part 5