Di Saval Chronicles [6]
Verse 5 must be read before you embark on this latest entry of wonder and goodness, else what you will witness on this page will make very little (or, littler) sense than it should.
The great misadventure of
darkwings08 , and silentdizo and yours truly continues.
silentdizo , before you ask, you are getting your own awesome sidestory in part 7.
Disclaimer: This is all for shits and giggles, written by me when a plotbunny whacked me over the head with a spoon of epic proportions. All characters mentioned in this piece (not including Sa, Diz and I) are only used for fun, same applies to all quotes posted: no copyright infringement was intended at all and no offence was meant. All ideas for freakishly weirdo plotlines were taken from actual conversations between darkwings08 and I... some things were just born out of my tired, overworked and incredibly random brain.
Made purely for enjoyment so... go forth and enjoy!
BE WARNED this part is epically long, very random and may contain traces of nuts. Also, I think this is the worst part to date... so be prepared for that... My apologies, but I'm not in the best mindset to write Di Saval right now.
For
darkwings and silentdizo , as an apology to how I acted last night.
--~*~--
Verse 6 - All those damned horses
--~*~---
…Then everything goes black.
By the time I come to, I notice three things:
1. There are far more people in my mind than I remember first having in there
2. They’re all yelling at me
3. Sebby the ghost cat is no longer transparent and licking my face.
This can only mean one thing: I’m dead.
Then I actually start listening to what the voices are yelling at me…
“Can’t believe she saved him!”
“What’s the queen gonna say now huh?”
“Oh I can hazard a guess…”
I keep my eyes closed, trying to figure out where I am and what they’re complaining about, but can’t seem to be able to get up. And then I hear the camera click.
“Diz,” I mumble, my mouth far too dry for no reason. “Diz if you take one more photo, I swear…” three more clicks follow before I hear Diz mumble something in an annoyed tone. I sigh, trying in vain to move again. Sa offers up advice.
“Something fell on you."
“Thank you, captain obvious. Can you get it off me?”
“I told you I didn’t envy the weight on your shoulders…” she continues as though I hadn’t spoken. Suddenly the weight shifts. The noise around me increases and I finally open my eyes.
I promptly close them again.
“You’ve got to be kidding me…”
The deck-of-cards soldiers that cluster around me are all different suits, mostly clubs though, or maybe they’re just the ones closest to me that I can make out. There’s also a very familiar smell of farms. Sebby tries licking my face again but I push him away.
“So much for interaction,” he scoffs. “And here I thought I was being kind and gentle and… kitty-like. I don’t go physical for just anyone you know.”
“Thank you,” I manage before pushing myself up. “But I’m allergic to you, don’t take it personally.”
“To spite you I think I shall. Expect fur on your clothes from now on.”
“Joyous.”
My head’s ringing from the fall, the argument around me and the incessant camera clicks that are coming from Diz’s direction again. How she got that damned Canon Rebel XS through customs is a mystery to me. I should up the security. Or lower the VIP security clearance. After a few seconds I reach my limit.
“SHUT UP!!”
Now my head’s ringing with the silence. Does anything go RIGHT in this damned head?
“OK,” I say, addressing the nearest card-soldier. “Out with it. Who in heck are you, who did I save and what in all good slash are you all doing in my brain??”
“We are all the Queen’s men.” The card answers as proudly as a 3 of spades can manage.
“The Queen has 54 men?”
“Why 54? She has 40 men.”
v
“And 40 horses!” pitches in a passing 9 of clubs.
“And what are you all doing out here? Around me? In my head?”
“I think they’re here for him,” says Sa, pointing to something over my head. I turn. And suddenly things make sense.
“Humphrey D Eggel,” it has a deep voice. “And I owe you my life, good lady.”
“Don’t call me a girl.” I mumble, before accepting a pudgy hand and standing up.
To call it a ‘him’ would only be part-true. It has a deep voice, and male mannerisms, but otherwise it looks like a huge, slightly cream-coloured hard-boiled egg. Dressed in medieval garb complete with a velvet hat and feather. Epic.
“If it wasn’t for you, I would be in many pieces right now.”
“Yea, and we’d be putting him back together again.” Mutters a 4 of diamonds.
“And failing,” shoots back the 3 of spades.
“…you’re Humpty Dumpty?” I ask, choking back a laugh.
The egg pales. The 40 Queen’s Horses and Men all gasp collectively, causing some of the smaller cards to fall over from shock and airflow. Diz finally stops taking photos and Sebby bristles.
My mind rings with shocked silence yet again. Only to be pierced by a sudden, very shrill shriek:
“OFF WITH YOUR HEAD!!”
This is way messed up. Sa and I exchange glances and sigh.
“OFF WITH HER HEEEEEEEEEEEAD!!”
The Queen herself isn’t really all that impressive, she’s very short, very broad and apparently, very stupid.
“OOOFF WITH HER…”
“Look lady,” Diz finally steps in, hands on hips, Sebby by her side. “You may be miss high-and-mighty in your little imaginary kingdom and all that, but if you go all off-with-her-head on Val’s ass then your little kingdom isn’t going to exist anymore. Now can you shut up for a minute and help us out? We’re looking for someone.”
That last comment is far too confusing and mind-boggly to even THINK about explaining. Figure it out on your own.
The Queen seems to agree. She shrugs.
“Hurts my throat to yell anyway.” With that, she pulls out a pink cigarillo box and a heart-shaped lighter and lights up.
“What can I do ye for?”
v
“We’re looking for a man, someone named Dave.” Sa says, stepping forward and motioning the Queen to light her cigarette for her. Diz jabs her painfully in the ribs. Sa lights up anyway and looks at me. I point to the “No Smoking Inside This Head” sign hanging in the sky that everyone seems to be ignoring.
They continue to ignore it.
“Dave eh?” the Queen flicks ash off her cigarillo. “Yea I heard of ‘im. Passed through these parts bout ten years ago, before I met you honey,” she smiles coldly to Humphrey D Eggel who crosses his arms defensively. Or tries to. He settles for flailing them in an annoyed manner by his curved sides.
“Do you know where he went?” Diz continues as Sa and the Queen of Hearts share a tobacco break.
“Last I heard he passed through the Well.” The Queen replies, stomping out her cigarillo butt with her pink shiny stiletto that - by laws of nature - she should not be able to balance on.
“The Well, as in the WTLTOPOTH?” Sebby asks, rubbing himself absently against Diz’s legs.
“The one and the same,”
“WTLTOPOTH??” ask Sa and Diz and I in unison. Another Backstreet Boys moment.
‘Well That Leads To Other Places Other Than Here,” sighs the Queen as though it’s the most obvious thing in the world. And in this world, it probably is. “It’s around the next bend, just follow the path. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to take my Humpty back home before he falls and my men and horses have to put him together. Which would be SUCH a tragedy.”
With that, Humphrey, the Queen, her horses and men, all depart the meadow. Leaving Diz, Sa, Sebby and I to follow the path around the bend.
“So er… Sebby,” Sa tries to make smalltalk. “What exactly is the WTLTOPOTH?”
“It’s a well that makes magical things happen, and non-magical things turn normal.”
“Really? How odd…”
“No one who goes through it comes back,” Sebby says mysteriously.
“Unless they make a cameo,” I mutter darkly. I hate that all these things I made up when I was younger are coming back to haunt me in my mind. It’s very annoying.
“Then why would anyone want to go through it?” asks Diz, hoisting Sebby up on her shoulder. He digs in his claws and she regrets her decision.
“Because,” I say, as we reach an old-looking moldy well. “We have to.”
Diz and Sa stand shoulder to shoulder with me as we look down into the well.
“Anyone care to go first?” I ask, knowing the answer already.
“I went first last time.” Said Diz.
“This is your imagination, Val.” Adds Sa. As though that makes a difference.
“Cowards.” I mutter, covering my own fear with cockiness. My good looks aren’t useful here. I take a step closer to the well and hoist myself onto the edge.
“Well, Well That Leads To Other Places Other Than Here. Prepare for awesomeness.”
And I jump in.
When Sa and I stand up in the high-speed train we landed in and look around, we notice something mightily important.
“Val,”
“Sa,”
“Umm, where’s Diz?”
Awesomeness continues in Verse [part that comes after six]
The great misadventure of
darkwings08 , and silentdizo and yours truly continues.
silentdizo , before you ask, you are getting your own awesome sidestory in part 7.
Disclaimer: This is all for shits and giggles, written by me when a plotbunny whacked me over the head with a spoon of epic proportions. All characters mentioned in this piece (not including Sa, Diz and I) are only used for fun, same applies to all quotes posted: no copyright infringement was intended at all and no offence was meant. All ideas for freakishly weirdo plotlines were taken from actual conversations between darkwings08 and I... some things were just born out of my tired, overworked and incredibly random brain.
Made purely for enjoyment so... go forth and enjoy!
BE WARNED this part is epically long, very random and may contain traces of nuts. Also, I think this is the worst part to date... so be prepared for that... My apologies, but I'm not in the best mindset to write Di Saval right now.
For
darkwings and silentdizo , as an apology to how I acted last night.
--~*~--
Verse 6 - All those damned horses
--~*~---
…Then everything goes black.
By the time I come to, I notice three things:
1. There are far more people in my mind than I remember first having in there
2. They’re all yelling at me
3. Sebby the ghost cat is no longer transparent and licking my face.
This can only mean one thing: I’m dead.
Then I actually start listening to what the voices are yelling at me…
“Can’t believe she saved him!”
“What’s the queen gonna say now huh?”
“Oh I can hazard a guess…”
I keep my eyes closed, trying to figure out where I am and what they’re complaining about, but can’t seem to be able to get up. And then I hear the camera click.
“Diz,” I mumble, my mouth far too dry for no reason. “Diz if you take one more photo, I swear…” three more clicks follow before I hear Diz mumble something in an annoyed tone. I sigh, trying in vain to move again. Sa offers up advice.
“Something fell on you."
“Thank you, captain obvious. Can you get it off me?”
“I told you I didn’t envy the weight on your shoulders…” she continues as though I hadn’t spoken. Suddenly the weight shifts. The noise around me increases and I finally open my eyes.
I promptly close them again.
“You’ve got to be kidding me…”
The deck-of-cards soldiers that cluster around me are all different suits, mostly clubs though, or maybe they’re just the ones closest to me that I can make out. There’s also a very familiar smell of farms. Sebby tries licking my face again but I push him away.
“So much for interaction,” he scoffs. “And here I thought I was being kind and gentle and… kitty-like. I don’t go physical for just anyone you know.”
“Thank you,” I manage before pushing myself up. “But I’m allergic to you, don’t take it personally.”
“To spite you I think I shall. Expect fur on your clothes from now on.”
“Joyous.”
My head’s ringing from the fall, the argument around me and the incessant camera clicks that are coming from Diz’s direction again. How she got that damned Canon Rebel XS through customs is a mystery to me. I should up the security. Or lower the VIP security clearance. After a few seconds I reach my limit.
“SHUT UP!!”
Now my head’s ringing with the silence. Does anything go RIGHT in this damned head?
“OK,” I say, addressing the nearest card-soldier. “Out with it. Who in heck are you, who did I save and what in all good slash are you all doing in my brain??”
“We are all the Queen’s men.” The card answers as proudly as a 3 of spades can manage.
“The Queen has 54 men?”
“Why 54? She has 40 men.”
v
“And 40 horses!” pitches in a passing 9 of clubs.
“And what are you all doing out here? Around me? In my head?”
“I think they’re here for him,” says Sa, pointing to something over my head. I turn. And suddenly things make sense.
“Humphrey D Eggel,” it has a deep voice. “And I owe you my life, good lady.”
“Don’t call me a girl.” I mumble, before accepting a pudgy hand and standing up.
To call it a ‘him’ would only be part-true. It has a deep voice, and male mannerisms, but otherwise it looks like a huge, slightly cream-coloured hard-boiled egg. Dressed in medieval garb complete with a velvet hat and feather. Epic.
“If it wasn’t for you, I would be in many pieces right now.”
“Yea, and we’d be putting him back together again.” Mutters a 4 of diamonds.
“And failing,” shoots back the 3 of spades.
“…you’re Humpty Dumpty?” I ask, choking back a laugh.
The egg pales. The 40 Queen’s Horses and Men all gasp collectively, causing some of the smaller cards to fall over from shock and airflow. Diz finally stops taking photos and Sebby bristles.
My mind rings with shocked silence yet again. Only to be pierced by a sudden, very shrill shriek:
“OFF WITH YOUR HEAD!!”
This is way messed up. Sa and I exchange glances and sigh.
“OFF WITH HER HEEEEEEEEEEEAD!!”
The Queen herself isn’t really all that impressive, she’s very short, very broad and apparently, very stupid.
“OOOFF WITH HER…”
“Look lady,” Diz finally steps in, hands on hips, Sebby by her side. “You may be miss high-and-mighty in your little imaginary kingdom and all that, but if you go all off-with-her-head on Val’s ass then your little kingdom isn’t going to exist anymore. Now can you shut up for a minute and help us out? We’re looking for someone.”
That last comment is far too confusing and mind-boggly to even THINK about explaining. Figure it out on your own.
The Queen seems to agree. She shrugs.
“Hurts my throat to yell anyway.” With that, she pulls out a pink cigarillo box and a heart-shaped lighter and lights up.
“What can I do ye for?”
v
“We’re looking for a man, someone named Dave.” Sa says, stepping forward and motioning the Queen to light her cigarette for her. Diz jabs her painfully in the ribs. Sa lights up anyway and looks at me. I point to the “No Smoking Inside This Head” sign hanging in the sky that everyone seems to be ignoring.
They continue to ignore it.
“Dave eh?” the Queen flicks ash off her cigarillo. “Yea I heard of ‘im. Passed through these parts bout ten years ago, before I met you honey,” she smiles coldly to Humphrey D Eggel who crosses his arms defensively. Or tries to. He settles for flailing them in an annoyed manner by his curved sides.
“Do you know where he went?” Diz continues as Sa and the Queen of Hearts share a tobacco break.
“Last I heard he passed through the Well.” The Queen replies, stomping out her cigarillo butt with her pink shiny stiletto that - by laws of nature - she should not be able to balance on.
“The Well, as in the WTLTOPOTH?” Sebby asks, rubbing himself absently against Diz’s legs.
“The one and the same,”
“WTLTOPOTH??” ask Sa and Diz and I in unison. Another Backstreet Boys moment.
‘Well That Leads To Other Places Other Than Here,” sighs the Queen as though it’s the most obvious thing in the world. And in this world, it probably is. “It’s around the next bend, just follow the path. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to take my Humpty back home before he falls and my men and horses have to put him together. Which would be SUCH a tragedy.”
With that, Humphrey, the Queen, her horses and men, all depart the meadow. Leaving Diz, Sa, Sebby and I to follow the path around the bend.
“So er… Sebby,” Sa tries to make smalltalk. “What exactly is the WTLTOPOTH?”
“It’s a well that makes magical things happen, and non-magical things turn normal.”
“Really? How odd…”
“No one who goes through it comes back,” Sebby says mysteriously.
“Unless they make a cameo,” I mutter darkly. I hate that all these things I made up when I was younger are coming back to haunt me in my mind. It’s very annoying.
“Then why would anyone want to go through it?” asks Diz, hoisting Sebby up on her shoulder. He digs in his claws and she regrets her decision.
“Because,” I say, as we reach an old-looking moldy well. “We have to.”
Diz and Sa stand shoulder to shoulder with me as we look down into the well.
“Anyone care to go first?” I ask, knowing the answer already.
“I went first last time.” Said Diz.
“This is your imagination, Val.” Adds Sa. As though that makes a difference.
“Cowards.” I mutter, covering my own fear with cockiness. My good looks aren’t useful here. I take a step closer to the well and hoist myself onto the edge.
“Well, Well That Leads To Other Places Other Than Here. Prepare for awesomeness.”
And I jump in.
When Sa and I stand up in the high-speed train we landed in and look around, we notice something mightily important.
“Val,”
“Sa,”
“Umm, where’s Diz?”
Awesomeness continues in Verse [part that comes after six]