i live for you
but never through you
i am, afterall, my own being
doesnt matter if im broken
never has before, at least
i can stay broken if youll stay sane
if youll be okay
than part of me's okay
i need not your assistance
nor your pity
nor your help

drink your glory ( Read more... )

i need you to love me
i need you to need me
i need you to be happy
i need you to be okay with who i am
im sorry if ive changed,
but i need you to accept me
i need you to go along with my stupidity
not get pissed at it
its all in good fun
ill change
ill be who you want me to be
ill be what you need me to be
to you, i give of me

i feel like something in me died... i dont know whats wrong with me anymore, i really dont. its scary not to know what the fuck is happening in your own head and i dont talk to people anymore. i think this might be bad, but i dont even know..

so i lied. right to his face, but not to hurt, to help.  now the only one who could possibly hurt is me and thats okay. id rather me anyway, thats why i did it.

its been awhile, but thats how these things usually are for me. always so much to write and say and do, but never the strength to do anything i guess. i dont even know. well, my first love is no more. the relationship that is, not the love. i love him as deeply as ever, but i think this may be for the best. i mean, i do hate that look he gets in ( Read more... )

back to back shrinks today, tons of fun i swear. so, just like everytime i go to the phsych, i got MORE meds. im already on 300mg of effexor so now im taking this boobspir (great name even though that isnt exactly it) shit or something like that. apparently out of a scale of 1-10, 10 being the best, my depression is like a 5. i tihnk my moms ( Read more... )

just had a long conversation with eliza and sofia... i love my visioneers. it was fun and all, but it ended with me trying to explain my self hate; never goes over too well. eliza is right, its definately time to stop bringing up/joking about this shit, whatever it may be. and im going to try. i know i bring stuff up sometimes so people will ask ( Read more... )

blob is a cool word. think about it. i think blob and this gooey green thing comes up in my head. derranged, i know, but very...me i guess. then again im a little too 'random' for arianna... but whatever. that relationship seems to be on the way up which is a huge relief. brendan almost broke it off the other night. he was really confused ( Read more... )

i dont know what to do anymore. she was my ONLY absolute; my only one for the past year and a half, and now thats shattered. i have nothing but my razor to fall back on... she doesnt like my 'randomness'? i dont get it, its just me being...me. i though she embraced that. now she just gets angry whenever i do anything thats different or weird or ( Read more... )