Parent quiz
I did this with mwalton yesterday and feel the need to preserve it for posterity and use in the future.
Are you the Best Booj Parent?
Smoking while pregnant
Yes: -5, No: +10, Only Pot: 0, Crack: -50
Drinking while Pregnant
Often: -5, Never: +10, Once in a while: 0 , Featured on Springer : -50
Delivery
Homebirth: +10, Birthing clinic: +5, Hospital: 0, Back of Cab: Gold star
Delivery assistance
Unassisted: +5, Midwife: +10, OBGYN: +5, Homeless Guy: Rolled up newspaper
Medical intervention
Natural: +10, Epidural: 0, C-section: 0, Aliens: Anal probe
Breastfeeding
Formula: -5, Combo: 0, Breastfeeding w/bottles: +5, Breastfeeding boob only +10 , Wet nurse: Here, hold my kid
Length of breastfeeding
None: -5, 0-6 months: 0, 6-12 month: +5, 1-3 Years: +10, 3+ years +5, Until High School graduation: Special feature on TLC
Diapers
Cloth only: +10, Combo: +5, Disposables: 0, EC: +5, Duct tape and newspaper: Rug Doctor
Cosleeping
Yes: +10, No: 0, Combo: +5, Crate training: Rhinestone studded collar
Circumcise
Yes: -5, No: +5, NA: 0, FGM: Execution by firing squad
Baby wearing
Constant: +10, Occasional: +5, Never: 0, Avoid touch all together: Session with a family therapist
Solids
Before 3 months: -5, 3-6 months: 0, 6+ months: +5, 5 years: Sippy cup with straw
Crying it out
Before 1 year: -5, After 1 Year: 0, Never: +5, It's still crying: White noise generator
Vaxinations (Flu not included)
Regularly scheduled: +5, Delayed: +10, Selective: +5, Anti-Vax: -5, Experimental vaccines: 100 lashes with a wet noodle
School
Homeschool: +10, Private/Charter: +5, Public: 0, Unschool: -5, Military school: Drop and give me 25 pushups
Home Situation
Stay at home: +10, Work at home: +5, Work out of home: 0, Prostitution: Free STD screening
Punishments
Timeout/Grounding: 0, Spanking: -5, Natural Consequences: +5, Chained to the radiator: Visit from CPS
When did you teach your child about sex?
0-3 years: 0, 3-7 years: +10, 7-12 years: +5, 12+ Years: -5, Day after their wedding: Copy of the Joy of Sex
Bonus Questions:
Are you Poly: +5 (FLDS: -50)
Are you Gay/Bi: +5
Are any of your children adopted: -5 each
Is your carseat a Britax: +5
Is your pump a Medela PIS/PISA: +5
Do your kids watch Disney Movies: -5
Are you religious: -5
Do you live in Canada or Scotland: +5
Are you a Duggar: -500
Are you a Vegetarian/Vegan: +5
Do you extend rear face your car seat: +5
Do you eat all organic: +5
Ethnicity-Anything besides Caucasian(Please note according to the 2010 US census Latino/Hispanic is not a race): +5
Is your snowflake special: -5
Is your child beautiful: +10
Super Bonus Essay Question, please respond in Iambic Pentameter:
Give us “The Talk”
Post your score in your subject line.
Essay to be judged by an English Major and a drugged up cripple.
Debate question: Do you think my assessment accurately describes the ideal Booj parent?
Are you the Best Booj Parent?
Smoking while pregnant
Yes: -5, No: +10, Only Pot: 0, Crack: -50
Drinking while Pregnant
Often: -5, Never: +10, Once in a while: 0 , Featured on Springer : -50
Delivery
Homebirth: +10, Birthing clinic: +5, Hospital: 0, Back of Cab: Gold star
Delivery assistance
Unassisted: +5, Midwife: +10, OBGYN: +5, Homeless Guy: Rolled up newspaper
Medical intervention
Natural: +10, Epidural: 0, C-section: 0, Aliens: Anal probe
Breastfeeding
Formula: -5, Combo: 0, Breastfeeding w/bottles: +5, Breastfeeding boob only +10 , Wet nurse: Here, hold my kid
Length of breastfeeding
None: -5, 0-6 months: 0, 6-12 month: +5, 1-3 Years: +10, 3+ years +5, Until High School graduation: Special feature on TLC
Diapers
Cloth only: +10, Combo: +5, Disposables: 0, EC: +5, Duct tape and newspaper: Rug Doctor
Cosleeping
Yes: +10, No: 0, Combo: +5, Crate training: Rhinestone studded collar
Circumcise
Yes: -5, No: +5, NA: 0, FGM: Execution by firing squad
Baby wearing
Constant: +10, Occasional: +5, Never: 0, Avoid touch all together: Session with a family therapist
Solids
Before 3 months: -5, 3-6 months: 0, 6+ months: +5, 5 years: Sippy cup with straw
Crying it out
Before 1 year: -5, After 1 Year: 0, Never: +5, It's still crying: White noise generator
Vaxinations (Flu not included)
Regularly scheduled: +5, Delayed: +10, Selective: +5, Anti-Vax: -5, Experimental vaccines: 100 lashes with a wet noodle
School
Homeschool: +10, Private/Charter: +5, Public: 0, Unschool: -5, Military school: Drop and give me 25 pushups
Home Situation
Stay at home: +10, Work at home: +5, Work out of home: 0, Prostitution: Free STD screening
Punishments
Timeout/Grounding: 0, Spanking: -5, Natural Consequences: +5, Chained to the radiator: Visit from CPS
When did you teach your child about sex?
0-3 years: 0, 3-7 years: +10, 7-12 years: +5, 12+ Years: -5, Day after their wedding: Copy of the Joy of Sex
Bonus Questions:
Are you Poly: +5 (FLDS: -50)
Are you Gay/Bi: +5
Are any of your children adopted: -5 each
Is your carseat a Britax: +5
Is your pump a Medela PIS/PISA: +5
Do your kids watch Disney Movies: -5
Are you religious: -5
Do you live in Canada or Scotland: +5
Are you a Duggar: -500
Are you a Vegetarian/Vegan: +5
Do you extend rear face your car seat: +5
Do you eat all organic: +5
Ethnicity-Anything besides Caucasian(Please note according to the 2010 US census Latino/Hispanic is not a race): +5
Is your snowflake special: -5
Is your child beautiful: +10
Super Bonus Essay Question, please respond in Iambic Pentameter:
Give us “The Talk”
Post your score in your subject line.
Essay to be judged by an English Major and a drugged up cripple.
Debate question: Do you think my assessment accurately describes the ideal Booj parent?