L'ETRE ET L'AME -- CHAPTER 4 (A Twilight fanfiction)

[rennaise]

Fire slides down the back of Bella’s throat like molten glass. In her mind’s eyes she sees the delicate tissues there stripping away, curling like birch bark.  She snaps her eyes open and nearly chokes with horror. The air is fuzzy. Had her vision been impaired somehow? Suddenly she realizes that she’s merely seeing the dust motes in

Comments

[miaokuancha]

Wah, don't be blah, this is brilliant!

"And even as she stood there, comforted against Emmett’s bulk, Bella felt overwhelmed by her loneliness and fear and self-recrimination. Then she wondered if the emotions were solely her own."

Brilliant.

I love the way you describe the thirst. And her senses.
I love the way that you have conveyed almost entirely BETWEEN the lines, instead of by explicit statements, the pathos and loss inherent in Bella's transformation. The orphaned moose calf. Brilliant again, since Bella is now, in a real sense, an orphan also.

Just wow.

[rennaise]

Yay! It takes a savvy reader to pick up on the unwritten things. Glad you can appreciate them. It makes me feel like I managed. Sometimes a writer just misses, but to know you saw them. . .that's edifying :)
Renn