im sorry you feel like you lost yourself somewhere while growing up. ive felt like that for a long time too. but i honestly think, that someday ill look back, and know that i finally found who i am, and hopefully be happy with myself. but for now, we're still young, and just need to wait it out... no matter how long it takes. and try not to analyis people so much, that would probably help you focus on who you are, and what improvments you want to make with yourself.
I kind of started obsessing over the state of the world I think as another way to blind sight myself from myself...I mean there are things going on over the last few years that I should care about...but I shouldn't have been so stupid about it...
1)I don't really focus on my exterior presentation (consciously anyways)...it was like I created a pattern and just got caught on it... 2)I added the stoning bit as kind of a comic relief/pointing out out how bad human interaction has been with me since a young age...I don't think I'd get joy out of thinking that they grew up into anything but semi-decent human beings... 3)It's not that I really didn't feel human...it just has to do with the fact that I know I don't have certain gears in my head that a lot of people do...and also that I have the tendency to go completely numb... 4)I'm pretty sure the person inside is better than the one outside...so I don't really have any concerns on that part...Thank you though...
I don't know much about your past...or, really, know you all that well in the grand scheme of whatever. You're The Joey. The Protector. To a large extent, The Doormat. Cameron and I were talking about this the other day and we both sort of admire you for what you are, that you project no ego while also managing to project no lack of a sense of self. If that makes sense. I'd just like to see you happy. The Joey Giggle is pretty badass, and it's contagious. I wish I had something constructive to add, but I don't, so I'll just sit here and hum 'gravity well' to myself for a while.
I'm trying to weed out so much of the doormat...I don't mind doing things for others...in fact I like to most of the time...but sometimes it becomes an automatic reaction...I would rather do it by choice...than just doing so out of response to a request... I guess my biggest concern is the fact that my personality always feels drained...I don't know how that works or why...
I'm trying to convert "Gravity Well" into a whistle so that I can teach it to my bird...
We all go through our perionds where we lose our way. Those times are usually a good time to sit down and take stock of your life and decide whether what you were doing before was the right thing to do.
But that's the problem I don't really see any stock in my life...I'm still at BC...my job is pretty cool...but also the perks are pretty easy to get trapped in...I'm not really doing anything to be able to be doing right or wrong...
I'm trying to figure out what the heck I want to shove on towards...
you know what keeps me sane in those crazy times? knowing that there isn't one single person in this world who has the slightest idea what's going on (myself included). that way, I don't place my emotional security in other people's opinions. it's all an experiment, no one's got it all figured out. don't be so hard on yourself. try a different approach, you'll find a nitch, and make it golden.
That's kind of my problem when I think too much about it...is that there are lots of people who think or claim that they do...and so many people are acting on that assumption and judging each other on that assumption...
But then again I have a major problem with not taking actions because I realize these facts...
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i hope that helps... sorry if it dosent :/
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2)I added the stoning bit as kind of a comic relief/pointing out out how bad human interaction has been with me since a young age...I don't think I'd get joy out of thinking that they grew up into anything but semi-decent human beings...
3)It's not that I really didn't feel human...it just has to do with the fact that I know I don't have certain gears in my head that a lot of people do...and also that I have the tendency to go completely numb...
4)I'm pretty sure the person inside is better than the one outside...so I don't really have any concerns on that part...Thank you though...
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have you heard from ian lately?
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I haven't heard from Ian in a few weeks...I don't really talk to that many people at school anymore...primarily because the cootie pool got worse.
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I guess my biggest concern is the fact that my personality always feels drained...I don't know how that works or why...
I'm trying to convert "Gravity Well" into a whistle so that I can teach it to my bird...
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Those times are usually a good time to sit down and take stock of your life and decide whether what you were doing before was the right thing to do.
Then you suck it up and shove on.
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I'm trying to figure out what the heck I want to shove on towards...
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I'm a mite busy at the moment trying to come to grips with the way things are to actually do much in the way of "shoving on".
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But then again I have a major problem with not taking actions because I realize these facts...
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