2PM
Title: all you need to save me
Focus: Taekyeon/ 2PM
Word Count: 1295
Notes: Happy birthday, Nat (envoler)! ♥
(7 May 2010)
"Looking back on it now, I was... I guess I was in a really bad place. I mean, I knew I was sad, I knew I felt guilty, but we were all sad, we all felt guilty. It wasn't any of our faults, but we felt like that especially because we couldn't take the blame for it. We would have done anything for him, you know. [pauses] ...Anyway. I guess I just didn't realise I felt that way more than anyone else. That it was eating away at me from inside. I was... [laughs] I was two people from normalcy, three months past sanity, and four minutes from destroying myself with guilt." - Ok Taekyeon
*
PATIENT NAME: Ok Taekyeon
PSYCHIATRIST: Dr. Kim Minsoo
APPOINTMENT DATE: 19 February 2010
TRANSCRIPTS & RECORDS: (include interviews with close acquaintances)
Kim Junsu: [shouting] No one can replace Jay! What do you think you're doing?
Ok Taekyeon: Trying to protect 2PM.
(6 December 2009)
"It was hard enough that Jaebum-hyung was gone, without Taekyeon-hyung having to step in and act like he could take charge of five people he knew would never really follow his lead. Taekyeon-hyung hadn't wanted to do it, of course not, but Jinyoung-hyung had lectured about team morale and told us to do it for the media. And Taekyeon-hyung had only agreed because he isn't as selfish as Junsu-hyung, who turned down the proposal flat-out. ...I'm sorry, can we forget about that last part?" - Hwang Chansung
Ok Taekyeon: Jay. ...Jay, I'm sorry.
Park Jaebum: Hey. It's okay. I know it's not easy. You're doing the best you can.
Ok Taekyeon: I'm sorry.
(21 December 2009, telephone conversation)
"Taekyeon-hyung thought about the what-ifs a lot, especially after he came back from America. We heard it all the time from him, what if he hadn't listened to Jinyoung-hyung, what if he'd gone to Seattle. He told us how he'd spent hours every day just clicking around on the internet, looking at tickets and imagining what would happen if he bought them, boarded the plane, and showed up at Jaebum-hyung's house. In the end, he called Jaebum-hyung instead." - Jang Wooyoung
Ok Taekyeon: Jay, it wasn't your fault. You know that, right?
Jang Wooyoung: Hyung, wake up. You're dreaming. ... Wake up!
Ok Taekyeon: Jay? Listen, I'm sorry.
Jang Wooyoung: [to Kim Junsu] Is he like this every night? Can't we do something?
(17 January 2010)
"Starting when Taekyeon came back from America, he had nightmares a lot. Some nights he would yell and inadvertently wake the others, but I share a room with him, and I know he often woke up in the middle of the night, shaking and sweating. He was always really confused, like sometimes he couldn't remember that he was in the dorm and not his house in Boston. He also talked in his sleep a lot... Taekyeon said Jaebum-hyung's name a lot." - Kim Junsu
Jo Kwon: So we'll be on Family Outing together.
Ok Taekyeon: I shouldn't have said yes.
Jo Kwon: As if Jinyoung-hyung would have let you say no. Come on, it'll be fun.
Ok Taekyeon: [silence]
Jo Kwon: You know, you deserve some things, too.
Ok Taekyeon: It should have been Jay.
(25 January 2010)
"I'm not saying that we expected this, because nobody expects their friend to just go crazy - I mean, look, I'm sorry, can we start again? I just mean that if it was going to be anyone, of course it'd be Taekyeon-hyung. Since Jaebum-hyung left, there's been a lot piling up on Taekyeon-hyung. You're a doctor, so I guess you wouldn't know, but he wasn't this popular before... All of a sudden, he's part of Family Outing, he's doing a drama, who knows what's still to come? His popularity has shot up right next to Nichkhun-hyung's. I'm just saying, this could have happened to any one of us if we'd been in his shoes." - Lee Junho
(31 January 2010, conversation between Dr. Kim and patient)
Dr. Kim: How are you feeling today, Taekyeon?
Ok Taekyeon: Fine. I'm fine.
Dr. Kim: Lately, your friends have noticed that you seem a bit different. Is everything okay?
Ok Taekyeon: What? I'm exactly the same. Nothing's different. And I told you, I'm fine.
Dr. Kim: It's all right if you're upset over Park Jaebum's withdrawal. There's nothing wrong with that.
Ok Taekyeon: Jay's the leader of 2PM.
Dr. Kim: Yes, I'm aware that Park Jaebum was the leader of 2PM until... certain things happened in Septem-
Ok Taekyeon: [sharply] I said is.
Dr. Kim: ... I hear that you haven't been sleeping well. Nightmares, talking in your sleep, waking up disoriented. Has this happened before?
Ok Taekyeon: Honestly, I'm perfectly fine.
Dr. Kim: Taekyeon, I'm asking these questions so that I can help you.
Ok Taekyeon: Can I go?
Hwang Chansung: Good morning. What's up?
Ok Taekyeon: Nothing's up. What do you want?
Nichkhun Horvejkul: Morning, Taek.
Ok Taekyeon: [mockingly] Morning, Khun.
Nichkhun Horvejkul: What's going on, are you okay?
Lee Junho: Taekyeon-hyung?
Ok Taekyeon: What have you all been telling that doctor? Why does he think there's something wrong with me? Look at me, I'm fine.
(7 February 2010)
"Of course we were all hit hard when Jaebum-hyung left. I wouldn't even say that it impacted Taekyeon-hyung the most - that would probably be Wooyoung - but the thing is, how do I explain this... Taekyeon-hyung is trying to fill Jaebum-hyung's shoes even though he doesn't want to be leader, just because he cares so much for Jaebum-hyung. He wants to protect 2PM, like he said, for Jaebum-hyung's return. We're... Jaebum-hyung's band, you know. That's why. And I guess that would be okay, only now Taekyeon-hyung feels like he's replacing Jaebum-hyung, that's why this is happening. He doesn't know what to do, he's scared. ...But you can help him, right?"
- Nichkhun Horvejkul
(19 February 2010, conversation between Dr. Kim and patient)
Dr. Kim: I last saw you on the 31st of January. Has anything changed between then and now?
Ok Taekyeon: No.
Dr. Kim: All right. However, your behaviour has been a cause for concern during the past two months, Taekyeon.
Ok Taekyeon: Everything's fine. There's nothing to be concerned about.
Dr. Kim: I've heard from your members-
Ok Taekyeon: They're not my members.
Dr. Kim: I apologize. ... I've heard from the 2PM members that you aren't allowed to contact Park Jaebum.
Ok Taekyeon: Yeah, that's right.
Dr. Kim: And how do you feel about that?
Ok Taekyeon: It's fine. We're used to it now.
Dr. Kim: Do you miss him?
Ok Taekyeon: [silence]
Dr. Kim: You can borrow this phone, I won't tell Jinyoung.
Ok Taekyeon: Oh.
*
Ok Taekyeon: Jay?
Park Jaebum: Taek, hey. What's up?
Ok Taekyeon: Nothing, we're all fine. How's Seat-
Park Jaebum: Bullshit. How are you really?
Ok Taekyeon: [silence]
Park Jaebum: Taek?
Ok Taekyeon: [silence]
Park Jaebum: Hey, man, talk to me. I miss you guys a lot, you know.
Ok Taekyeon: We, ...I miss you too. And I'm sorry.
Park Jaebum: Don't give me that. You're doing the best you can, and I know that. I appreciate it. Look, I've told you, it's not your fault.
Ok Taekyeon: But-
Park Jaebum: Taek. It's okay.
Ok Taekyeon: ... Thank you.
*
Ok Taekyeon: Thanks. I- thanks.
Dr. Kim: You're welcome. ... Are you going to be all right?
Ok Taekyeon: I... I think so, yeah. I'll be all right.
DIAGNOSIS: Patient is overworked and stressed, resulting in heightened feelings of guilt.
TREATMENT: Medication not necessary. Doctor suggests the following, administered as needed - an extended period of rest, a well-balanced diet, and the presence of one Park Jaebum.
Focus: Taekyeon/ 2PM
Word Count: 1295
Notes: Happy birthday, Nat (envoler)! ♥
(7 May 2010)
"Looking back on it now, I was... I guess I was in a really bad place. I mean, I knew I was sad, I knew I felt guilty, but we were all sad, we all felt guilty. It wasn't any of our faults, but we felt like that especially because we couldn't take the blame for it. We would have done anything for him, you know. [pauses] ...Anyway. I guess I just didn't realise I felt that way more than anyone else. That it was eating away at me from inside. I was... [laughs] I was two people from normalcy, three months past sanity, and four minutes from destroying myself with guilt." - Ok Taekyeon
*
PATIENT NAME: Ok Taekyeon
PSYCHIATRIST: Dr. Kim Minsoo
APPOINTMENT DATE: 19 February 2010
TRANSCRIPTS & RECORDS: (include interviews with close acquaintances)
Kim Junsu: [shouting] No one can replace Jay! What do you think you're doing?
Ok Taekyeon: Trying to protect 2PM.
(6 December 2009)
"It was hard enough that Jaebum-hyung was gone, without Taekyeon-hyung having to step in and act like he could take charge of five people he knew would never really follow his lead. Taekyeon-hyung hadn't wanted to do it, of course not, but Jinyoung-hyung had lectured about team morale and told us to do it for the media. And Taekyeon-hyung had only agreed because he isn't as selfish as Junsu-hyung, who turned down the proposal flat-out. ...I'm sorry, can we forget about that last part?" - Hwang Chansung
Ok Taekyeon: Jay. ...Jay, I'm sorry.
Park Jaebum: Hey. It's okay. I know it's not easy. You're doing the best you can.
Ok Taekyeon: I'm sorry.
(21 December 2009, telephone conversation)
"Taekyeon-hyung thought about the what-ifs a lot, especially after he came back from America. We heard it all the time from him, what if he hadn't listened to Jinyoung-hyung, what if he'd gone to Seattle. He told us how he'd spent hours every day just clicking around on the internet, looking at tickets and imagining what would happen if he bought them, boarded the plane, and showed up at Jaebum-hyung's house. In the end, he called Jaebum-hyung instead." - Jang Wooyoung
Ok Taekyeon: Jay, it wasn't your fault. You know that, right?
Jang Wooyoung: Hyung, wake up. You're dreaming. ... Wake up!
Ok Taekyeon: Jay? Listen, I'm sorry.
Jang Wooyoung: [to Kim Junsu] Is he like this every night? Can't we do something?
(17 January 2010)
"Starting when Taekyeon came back from America, he had nightmares a lot. Some nights he would yell and inadvertently wake the others, but I share a room with him, and I know he often woke up in the middle of the night, shaking and sweating. He was always really confused, like sometimes he couldn't remember that he was in the dorm and not his house in Boston. He also talked in his sleep a lot... Taekyeon said Jaebum-hyung's name a lot." - Kim Junsu
Jo Kwon: So we'll be on Family Outing together.
Ok Taekyeon: I shouldn't have said yes.
Jo Kwon: As if Jinyoung-hyung would have let you say no. Come on, it'll be fun.
Ok Taekyeon: [silence]
Jo Kwon: You know, you deserve some things, too.
Ok Taekyeon: It should have been Jay.
(25 January 2010)
"I'm not saying that we expected this, because nobody expects their friend to just go crazy - I mean, look, I'm sorry, can we start again? I just mean that if it was going to be anyone, of course it'd be Taekyeon-hyung. Since Jaebum-hyung left, there's been a lot piling up on Taekyeon-hyung. You're a doctor, so I guess you wouldn't know, but he wasn't this popular before... All of a sudden, he's part of Family Outing, he's doing a drama, who knows what's still to come? His popularity has shot up right next to Nichkhun-hyung's. I'm just saying, this could have happened to any one of us if we'd been in his shoes." - Lee Junho
(31 January 2010, conversation between Dr. Kim and patient)
Dr. Kim: How are you feeling today, Taekyeon?
Ok Taekyeon: Fine. I'm fine.
Dr. Kim: Lately, your friends have noticed that you seem a bit different. Is everything okay?
Ok Taekyeon: What? I'm exactly the same. Nothing's different. And I told you, I'm fine.
Dr. Kim: It's all right if you're upset over Park Jaebum's withdrawal. There's nothing wrong with that.
Ok Taekyeon: Jay's the leader of 2PM.
Dr. Kim: Yes, I'm aware that Park Jaebum was the leader of 2PM until... certain things happened in Septem-
Ok Taekyeon: [sharply] I said is.
Dr. Kim: ... I hear that you haven't been sleeping well. Nightmares, talking in your sleep, waking up disoriented. Has this happened before?
Ok Taekyeon: Honestly, I'm perfectly fine.
Dr. Kim: Taekyeon, I'm asking these questions so that I can help you.
Ok Taekyeon: Can I go?
Hwang Chansung: Good morning. What's up?
Ok Taekyeon: Nothing's up. What do you want?
Nichkhun Horvejkul: Morning, Taek.
Ok Taekyeon: [mockingly] Morning, Khun.
Nichkhun Horvejkul: What's going on, are you okay?
Lee Junho: Taekyeon-hyung?
Ok Taekyeon: What have you all been telling that doctor? Why does he think there's something wrong with me? Look at me, I'm fine.
(7 February 2010)
"Of course we were all hit hard when Jaebum-hyung left. I wouldn't even say that it impacted Taekyeon-hyung the most - that would probably be Wooyoung - but the thing is, how do I explain this... Taekyeon-hyung is trying to fill Jaebum-hyung's shoes even though he doesn't want to be leader, just because he cares so much for Jaebum-hyung. He wants to protect 2PM, like he said, for Jaebum-hyung's return. We're... Jaebum-hyung's band, you know. That's why. And I guess that would be okay, only now Taekyeon-hyung feels like he's replacing Jaebum-hyung, that's why this is happening. He doesn't know what to do, he's scared. ...But you can help him, right?"
- Nichkhun Horvejkul
(19 February 2010, conversation between Dr. Kim and patient)
Dr. Kim: I last saw you on the 31st of January. Has anything changed between then and now?
Ok Taekyeon: No.
Dr. Kim: All right. However, your behaviour has been a cause for concern during the past two months, Taekyeon.
Ok Taekyeon: Everything's fine. There's nothing to be concerned about.
Dr. Kim: I've heard from your members-
Ok Taekyeon: They're not my members.
Dr. Kim: I apologize. ... I've heard from the 2PM members that you aren't allowed to contact Park Jaebum.
Ok Taekyeon: Yeah, that's right.
Dr. Kim: And how do you feel about that?
Ok Taekyeon: It's fine. We're used to it now.
Dr. Kim: Do you miss him?
Ok Taekyeon: [silence]
Dr. Kim: You can borrow this phone, I won't tell Jinyoung.
Ok Taekyeon: Oh.
*
Ok Taekyeon: Jay?
Park Jaebum: Taek, hey. What's up?
Ok Taekyeon: Nothing, we're all fine. How's Seat-
Park Jaebum: Bullshit. How are you really?
Ok Taekyeon: [silence]
Park Jaebum: Taek?
Ok Taekyeon: [silence]
Park Jaebum: Hey, man, talk to me. I miss you guys a lot, you know.
Ok Taekyeon: We, ...I miss you too. And I'm sorry.
Park Jaebum: Don't give me that. You're doing the best you can, and I know that. I appreciate it. Look, I've told you, it's not your fault.
Ok Taekyeon: But-
Park Jaebum: Taek. It's okay.
Ok Taekyeon: ... Thank you.
*
Ok Taekyeon: Thanks. I- thanks.
Dr. Kim: You're welcome. ... Are you going to be all right?
Ok Taekyeon: I... I think so, yeah. I'll be all right.
DIAGNOSIS: Patient is overworked and stressed, resulting in heightened feelings of guilt.
TREATMENT: Medication not necessary. Doctor suggests the following, administered as needed - an extended period of rest, a well-balanced diet, and the presence of one Park Jaebum.