GO BIG OR GO HOME: well, shit

[researchgrrrl]

The good news is I'm no longer being rushed into surgery for this thing in my neck. The crappy news is because today we discovered my right leg fails as badly at the knee and ankle as my right arm does at the elbow and wrist. That was a little on the difficult side for me, I admit. I was very glad the doctor left for a few minutes so I could try

Comments

[bubblesbrnaid]

That was a little on the difficult side for me

Clearly your right side *is* the difficult side.

(Sorry. So sorry. But as somebody else who is falling apart, I find sarcasm helps displace the frustration to a shiny, more deserving home.)

[researchgrrrl]

No apologies necessary. I personally prefer sarcasm to finding myself struggling not to snivel in a doctor's office. True story.

[bubblesbrnaid]

Been there. *understands*

[weaselmom]

Oh man. Have you ever had a nerve conduction study? It was not pleasant. You'll get through it fine (it's just sensation, not damage) but maybe you can create some story in your head to help distract yourself. Like, you're undergoing this treatment to save the entire planet. DO IT FOR THE FERRETS.

I keep hoping that one of these specialists will find an overlooked and easy to fix problem. Like you have a sparkplug wire loose or something, and nobody bothered to check. Ask them to jiggle the wires again!

[researchgrrrl]

I had the NCS done once, years ago, but it was not over my entire body as this one is. I may call in and ask if I arrive early enough, is it all right if I sit around and get drunk first. If they say no, I might not care and do it anyway just on principle.

I was so unprepared for my leg to fail -- he hadn't quite settled his hand on my shin when my knee buckled -- that I almost started dry-heaving. I'm still not certain that he didn't deserve to have me horffling in horror. It never once occurred to me entire right side, and not just my arm, could be affected by whatever is affecting my arm. That'll teach me to get all excited about getting a really good specialist again. My day would have been much better had I had someone a little less competent.

Gaby is going to be lucky if I don't steal his trashcan to hide in for a little while myself. Hmmph.

[eustacia_vye28]

*hug*

I'm so sorry, Kim. Hopefully they figure out what this is, and it's easy enough to fix.

[researchgrrrl]

This has been a brutal few weeks, what with being caught completely unprepared first by my arm's weakness and now by my leg's. It nudges against the old horror of the dissociative fugues I would have when the PTSD was at its worst. I'd come to and have no idea where I was, how I'd gotten there, how much time I'd lost, and occasionally who I was with. Whatever this is didn't happen while or because of a blackout. It's just that not knowing how I could not know something was this wrong is a little too adjacent to that old hell.

I am so tired of every appointment revealing some new plot twist. I hope we can get this sorted with the next round of tests.

[eustacia_vye28]

At least you're talking with the experts, so they should be able to figure out how it happened and how to fix it. In the meantime, the little weirdos can do their thing and distract you a bit.

*crosses fingers*

[kefiraahava]

Fuck. I'm so sorry.

[aerynvala]

I am so, so sorry for the additional stress and pain you're going through. My thoughts are with you.