day three
go back to yesterday....
Oct 14th day three
No matter who was right brittny is not going to be in my life right now. No matter what she wont be there for me. I have to make my life improvements, I have to take what I learned and apply it to my life. Maybe there will be another time one day where shes in my life maybe even how I want her to be and then again maybe not. Maybe she will meet an amazing person who changes everything for her and if she does I’ll congratulate her, she deserves it. the bottom line is she will not be a part of my life not even as a friend for a while, if not forever. I still need to function I still have urgent issues like housing I need to be able to deal with. There’s no rule you cant love someone and still move forward with your own life without them there. I know it’s going to be tough and I know its extra work but I can do it. what would quitting get me? Certainly wouldn’t get me brittny and it certainly wont get me any of the other things I want.
I know plenty of people, my age and older who have been left, divorced, etc who after some time did get back together, did work it out but sometimes it really honestly takes time. I feel like I’m setting myself up for another big let down sometime in the future but I’m being realistic. I still believe that we are meant to be but It may take some time and some trials with other people for brittny to understand that because of the damage I did. Or maybe she will realize it and ill have moved on, you just never know. All you can do is take it one day at a time and try. Try for everything. My mistake with brittny was not trying because I took it all for granted. The same can happen at work or with any other aspect in life. The one thing I learned most was TRY at everything. Like brittny does.
I intend to give her some time completely absent of me. No texts, no ims, no emails. I already imed her last night and she completely ignored it. but I need to leave that alone she cant be without me if im popping up bothering her. If I push she will be pushed away. If I want to have her in my life at all ever one day I need to give her the time to be free and do whatever she needs to find herself fully and I need to do the same thing for myself. Shes grown into a strong intelligent person and I trust her and I love her. And because of that I have to give her the space shes requested and I have to work on my life to get to where I need to be to be in a relationship and secure be it with her or with someone else one day.
Im going to miss her, its inevitable. It’s going to hurt probably for a long time and there will be this empty void she used to fill perfectly for me. But im not special people get hurt everyday and they survive. People get left, people die, people cheat they all move on and some end up together anyway. The key is time. Time to move on and get over the pain or time to understand that maybe that person was really the one and we just didn’t work hard enough the first time. Maybe even time for me to realize she wasn’t the one and no amount of work would make us be as happy as we should be.
Whatever it may be im going to give it my all to give her the time she needs. Maybe in a month or two we can go to a movie or go get dinner.
You have connected
8:13
| guitar |
AIM
8:51
all i do is go over us in my head. i think you're wrong. i think we were right. there's a tiny almost invisible string im holding on to where you'll see that sometime. and you'll text me and say you want to see me. we weren't the best but i didnt know so much i know now about myself ad about my actions. i cant see anything but success with us if i was all there and 100% like you wanted before like you wanted to be yourself. i know you wont change, not soon. you were very strong on your thoughts. i still dont know exactly why unless you saw me and realized you didnt love me anymore....but i see great things with us. one day you will too. call me, text, email i dont care when it is. i'll be on my way. i'e been hurt and i've been dumped and i've been in love and none of them were like this because none of them were the person i want to be with forever. none of them would make me happy until my last breath. im going to leave you alone i promise. i didnt even want to do this but i felt like i had to. i have to leave you alone. but tis so hard.i dont have anyone to talk to about it except myself. i love you so much i cant express it. i dont know what to do without you in my future its blank. you brought it life and i built it around you. i know you desperately want to be free, i put you in a cage to try to keep you rather than just treating you like you deserved and you'd always be there. but i dont want to be free i just want to be yours. im not into dating, picking girls up, going to clubs....im just into you. you know everything about me and still loved me. you are a once of a kind and i know 99,99% chance i completely wasted you and i lose....but theres that .01% and im holding so tight my knuckles are white. i dont know when or how. but one day you'll remember why you loved me and that you still do. dont hold back on that day. i'll drop what im doing for you. drop it that day and all the rest of my life for you. i was scared for years and im not anymore and i wont be ever again because i know the truth now. you are my happily ever after.
(for the record i took a shower after writing that above)
Oct 14th day three
No matter who was right brittny is not going to be in my life right now. No matter what she wont be there for me. I have to make my life improvements, I have to take what I learned and apply it to my life. Maybe there will be another time one day where shes in my life maybe even how I want her to be and then again maybe not. Maybe she will meet an amazing person who changes everything for her and if she does I’ll congratulate her, she deserves it. the bottom line is she will not be a part of my life not even as a friend for a while, if not forever. I still need to function I still have urgent issues like housing I need to be able to deal with. There’s no rule you cant love someone and still move forward with your own life without them there. I know it’s going to be tough and I know its extra work but I can do it. what would quitting get me? Certainly wouldn’t get me brittny and it certainly wont get me any of the other things I want.
I know plenty of people, my age and older who have been left, divorced, etc who after some time did get back together, did work it out but sometimes it really honestly takes time. I feel like I’m setting myself up for another big let down sometime in the future but I’m being realistic. I still believe that we are meant to be but It may take some time and some trials with other people for brittny to understand that because of the damage I did. Or maybe she will realize it and ill have moved on, you just never know. All you can do is take it one day at a time and try. Try for everything. My mistake with brittny was not trying because I took it all for granted. The same can happen at work or with any other aspect in life. The one thing I learned most was TRY at everything. Like brittny does.
I intend to give her some time completely absent of me. No texts, no ims, no emails. I already imed her last night and she completely ignored it. but I need to leave that alone she cant be without me if im popping up bothering her. If I push she will be pushed away. If I want to have her in my life at all ever one day I need to give her the time to be free and do whatever she needs to find herself fully and I need to do the same thing for myself. Shes grown into a strong intelligent person and I trust her and I love her. And because of that I have to give her the space shes requested and I have to work on my life to get to where I need to be to be in a relationship and secure be it with her or with someone else one day.
Im going to miss her, its inevitable. It’s going to hurt probably for a long time and there will be this empty void she used to fill perfectly for me. But im not special people get hurt everyday and they survive. People get left, people die, people cheat they all move on and some end up together anyway. The key is time. Time to move on and get over the pain or time to understand that maybe that person was really the one and we just didn’t work hard enough the first time. Maybe even time for me to realize she wasn’t the one and no amount of work would make us be as happy as we should be.
Whatever it may be im going to give it my all to give her the time she needs. Maybe in a month or two we can go to a movie or go get dinner.
You have connected
8:13
| guitar |
AIM
8:51
all i do is go over us in my head. i think you're wrong. i think we were right. there's a tiny almost invisible string im holding on to where you'll see that sometime. and you'll text me and say you want to see me. we weren't the best but i didnt know so much i know now about myself ad about my actions. i cant see anything but success with us if i was all there and 100% like you wanted before like you wanted to be yourself. i know you wont change, not soon. you were very strong on your thoughts. i still dont know exactly why unless you saw me and realized you didnt love me anymore....but i see great things with us. one day you will too. call me, text, email i dont care when it is. i'll be on my way. i'e been hurt and i've been dumped and i've been in love and none of them were like this because none of them were the person i want to be with forever. none of them would make me happy until my last breath. im going to leave you alone i promise. i didnt even want to do this but i felt like i had to. i have to leave you alone. but tis so hard.i dont have anyone to talk to about it except myself. i love you so much i cant express it. i dont know what to do without you in my future its blank. you brought it life and i built it around you. i know you desperately want to be free, i put you in a cage to try to keep you rather than just treating you like you deserved and you'd always be there. but i dont want to be free i just want to be yours. im not into dating, picking girls up, going to clubs....im just into you. you know everything about me and still loved me. you are a once of a kind and i know 99,99% chance i completely wasted you and i lose....but theres that .01% and im holding so tight my knuckles are white. i dont know when or how. but one day you'll remember why you loved me and that you still do. dont hold back on that day. i'll drop what im doing for you. drop it that day and all the rest of my life for you. i was scared for years and im not anymore and i wont be ever again because i know the truth now. you are my happily ever after.
(for the record i took a shower after writing that above)