so i found a house
Oct 29th
which wasn’t too bad just uncomfy couch I slept on hurt my neck really badly. Got up several times like usual and for good at 1 after going to sleep around 5:30…hung out around the house the rest of the day downloading on her wireless so I can have things to watch while trapped in my room at matts. I miss that house. Cynthia was in shower and left me alone with the baby thing and it started crying and I voluntarily held it cause she said it would help, it did, it stopped, imagine that. I held a baby and it stopped crying. I stayed there till watched the “obama infomercial” at 8 and then went to middle of nowhere fincastle to see this house. It is wayyyy out there but gorgeous inside, terrifying from outside. It used to be a mill and the owner has redone the entire house to rent rooms out and the part id have is in the bottom and back and my room and the girl I went to meet in that section. Then if you go in front top there is another section with several more rooms. She was really nice, very country and fairly attractive. 26 teaches kindergarten in Roanoke. She has what I assume some rich boyfriend because hes always out of town on business or hunting trips she said. His name is Austin and I never known anyone with that name that I liked. Its about 30 minutes from work and maybe little bit more to poolhalldowntown/etc. but I don’t think I’ll mind the drive as long as living environment is good there is wireless coming in and cable in my room and she like I said seems very nice though I am a bit nervous about her bf.
My shoes came in today and brittny was home and I told her I wanted them and if she’d like can leave them outside and I’ll just grab them and go but she went ahead and kept hold and I came in and saw her for a few minutes for first time since the park. I wasn’t sure if ti would be awkward or what but it was fine I think. Talked for a bit about the house and her life and such couple hugs and left so she could go to bed. I mostly assumed it was pity since she doesn’t appear to have much will to see me so I didn’t want to overstay because probably could have just talked all night, it was great to see her and talking still seems to come easy to us and her bed was comfy (because I was on the good side) and im tired. Her hugs are still the best, shes still super cute, and I still miss the fuck out of her. I unfortunately noticed as she was getting covered up and I was leaving a nice cum stain on her sheets but not like I didn’t know there was fucking just not my favorite thought. I actually found myself earlier trying not ot think of their party because I know how much she likes to fuck once shes drunk and that costume is hot, im sure be a very fun time and jealous it wouldn’t be me having the fun but im getting more used to keith thing, or as used to as I can get. i feel so tired like it was a long day but I’ve only been up 11 hours and haven’t done much. Nervous about my new place but I think I’ll like it, I’ll get pictures because its so unique and gorgeous inside and so creepy from outisde its an 1800’s building all original brick and such with completely redone interior and wood stove heating. Im going to be texting her to move some stuff in though I don’t have much to move…most of stuff in brittny’s basement still have nowhere to go there I only have a room and the stuff at cynthias isn’t bedroom stuff and the bedroom stuff I need I don’t have so that will be interesting….probably get air mattress out of brittny’s for time being to sleep.
So I’ve been thinking, what makes people so attracted? I mean like why am I so attracted to brittny? Obviously something beyond physical to be this attached but what? I cant pinpoint any one thing and anytime people have liked me they cant pinpoint one thing but there has be something right? Or is it just the whole package has something about it? well actually im tired and don’t want to try to dissect anything in my head tonight. Have to be up at 8 tomorrow anyway…blah/
Its almost Halloween what am I going to do? I really don’t want to end up at a fucking bar or the pool hall but I cant seem to find other options. I don’t have any kind of a costume so I really cant do any parties even if I knew of any. Hell might even be expected to dress up at a bar. Awfuls has run dmc and guns n roses cover bands that could be interesting but just so tired of going to places like that alone and playing pool by myself all night. There has to be some other options. Im tired of the real world I want out.
Oh yeah, this was in my head too…”I think you need to wear your new suit a bit longer till it becomes part of you”…im pretty sure she just meant she wanted to see me continue not being shitty because like I said no one really believes im going to change but the new thing is I do believe it. not only that I will but that I have and in the past I never saw myself doing anything positive I just said “I should” or “I will” etc etc bullshit. Im serious this time and it can tell it in my head and I guess no one else is in there but I see the difference already and normally I get upset when people don’t trust me or believe me but I think its fair enough for someone to be skeptical, hopefully it shows outwardly though, the changes that is.
Tangent back to the above….why do I want brittny so much there are lots of fucking beautiful girls in this world and smart ones and ones with strong wills and good attitudes but for some reason nothing seems to be as interesting to me as brittny. I like science and provable things and this heart and mind stuff bothers me because there aren’t answers. No right and no wrong no reasoning just these feelings. Feelings all over the place and no pattern or cause or options.
I like my new shoes. I hope these fit.
And even after a full month, I still miss AND love brittny.
which wasn’t too bad just uncomfy couch I slept on hurt my neck really badly. Got up several times like usual and for good at 1 after going to sleep around 5:30…hung out around the house the rest of the day downloading on her wireless so I can have things to watch while trapped in my room at matts. I miss that house. Cynthia was in shower and left me alone with the baby thing and it started crying and I voluntarily held it cause she said it would help, it did, it stopped, imagine that. I held a baby and it stopped crying. I stayed there till watched the “obama infomercial” at 8 and then went to middle of nowhere fincastle to see this house. It is wayyyy out there but gorgeous inside, terrifying from outside. It used to be a mill and the owner has redone the entire house to rent rooms out and the part id have is in the bottom and back and my room and the girl I went to meet in that section. Then if you go in front top there is another section with several more rooms. She was really nice, very country and fairly attractive. 26 teaches kindergarten in Roanoke. She has what I assume some rich boyfriend because hes always out of town on business or hunting trips she said. His name is Austin and I never known anyone with that name that I liked. Its about 30 minutes from work and maybe little bit more to poolhalldowntown/etc. but I don’t think I’ll mind the drive as long as living environment is good there is wireless coming in and cable in my room and she like I said seems very nice though I am a bit nervous about her bf.
My shoes came in today and brittny was home and I told her I wanted them and if she’d like can leave them outside and I’ll just grab them and go but she went ahead and kept hold and I came in and saw her for a few minutes for first time since the park. I wasn’t sure if ti would be awkward or what but it was fine I think. Talked for a bit about the house and her life and such couple hugs and left so she could go to bed. I mostly assumed it was pity since she doesn’t appear to have much will to see me so I didn’t want to overstay because probably could have just talked all night, it was great to see her and talking still seems to come easy to us and her bed was comfy (because I was on the good side) and im tired. Her hugs are still the best, shes still super cute, and I still miss the fuck out of her. I unfortunately noticed as she was getting covered up and I was leaving a nice cum stain on her sheets but not like I didn’t know there was fucking just not my favorite thought. I actually found myself earlier trying not ot think of their party because I know how much she likes to fuck once shes drunk and that costume is hot, im sure be a very fun time and jealous it wouldn’t be me having the fun but im getting more used to keith thing, or as used to as I can get. i feel so tired like it was a long day but I’ve only been up 11 hours and haven’t done much. Nervous about my new place but I think I’ll like it, I’ll get pictures because its so unique and gorgeous inside and so creepy from outisde its an 1800’s building all original brick and such with completely redone interior and wood stove heating. Im going to be texting her to move some stuff in though I don’t have much to move…most of stuff in brittny’s basement still have nowhere to go there I only have a room and the stuff at cynthias isn’t bedroom stuff and the bedroom stuff I need I don’t have so that will be interesting….probably get air mattress out of brittny’s for time being to sleep.
So I’ve been thinking, what makes people so attracted? I mean like why am I so attracted to brittny? Obviously something beyond physical to be this attached but what? I cant pinpoint any one thing and anytime people have liked me they cant pinpoint one thing but there has be something right? Or is it just the whole package has something about it? well actually im tired and don’t want to try to dissect anything in my head tonight. Have to be up at 8 tomorrow anyway…blah/
Its almost Halloween what am I going to do? I really don’t want to end up at a fucking bar or the pool hall but I cant seem to find other options. I don’t have any kind of a costume so I really cant do any parties even if I knew of any. Hell might even be expected to dress up at a bar. Awfuls has run dmc and guns n roses cover bands that could be interesting but just so tired of going to places like that alone and playing pool by myself all night. There has to be some other options. Im tired of the real world I want out.
Oh yeah, this was in my head too…”I think you need to wear your new suit a bit longer till it becomes part of you”…im pretty sure she just meant she wanted to see me continue not being shitty because like I said no one really believes im going to change but the new thing is I do believe it. not only that I will but that I have and in the past I never saw myself doing anything positive I just said “I should” or “I will” etc etc bullshit. Im serious this time and it can tell it in my head and I guess no one else is in there but I see the difference already and normally I get upset when people don’t trust me or believe me but I think its fair enough for someone to be skeptical, hopefully it shows outwardly though, the changes that is.
Tangent back to the above….why do I want brittny so much there are lots of fucking beautiful girls in this world and smart ones and ones with strong wills and good attitudes but for some reason nothing seems to be as interesting to me as brittny. I like science and provable things and this heart and mind stuff bothers me because there aren’t answers. No right and no wrong no reasoning just these feelings. Feelings all over the place and no pattern or cause or options.
I like my new shoes. I hope these fit.
And even after a full month, I still miss AND love brittny.