numb
I'm just...numb.
Went to French class yesterday, and as much as I try to defend Virginia as my "home," having never actually resided in Louisiana, but rather visiting on winter breaks and over the summer semesters, it was hard to sit through a discussion (in English, since it's a beginning class), about the destruction going on in New Orleans, how the French Quarter was affected, has anyone been to New Orleans? At that point I still hadn't heard from my family, so I had to leave. It was just too real and I couldn't handle it.
Left French class early anyway since I had a psych appt (or a dentist appointment, depending on whether you ask me or the french prof). His family (my psych's) is from Louisiana, so it was just...awkward, sharing little "have you heard from so and so" stories, "what about this part of town," etc. Also too real, but somewhat safer than french class. I'd venture it was safe to say that there was someone else who understood what it was like to constantly be checking CNN.com and various other sites for updates.
Went to group, thought it would be a good distraction, I could vent, maybe cry, be scared for a bit, and it would be okay. Instead it was totally fucked up. Same old shit when it's run by this particular person. Nevermind that I'm in there crying, completely dissociating, and these girls know that my family lives in nola. But it's the same petty, whiny "where should I go IP this time," crap. One girl was talking about how she is ignoring calls from her mother, for some reason, blah blah. And I lost it. Told her that at least she can fucking talk to her mom, at least she knows that she's alive and well, with a roof over her head.
Then I left group, because I was pissed off, drove around for a bit. Mad that everything is okay here. That people have electricity, that trees are still standing, that the only gripes people have is that gas prices are going up (pretty much by the hour). What about the people that lost everything? What about the people who are fucking stranded, still locating missing people, who can't get back into their houses, who don't know when they will be able to get back to work, or even if they still have a job?
My dad called that night, drove to Baton Rouge to get a signal (about 2 hours west). Said they are all okay. They have some water, food, bottled water (tap is unsafe to drink), and gas appliances so they can cook, but they are running low on food, so they are leaving tomorrow (which would be today). And no electricity. But that everything was good, considering. And that he would call me later (voicemail).
Couldn't sleep last night. Kept tossing and turning, thinking about all the things I had to be doing (homework, laundry, dishes...the normal life stuff), plus all this going on (need to get the phone # of the relatives in Florida so I can call, list of my parents friends that Mom gave Dad to give to me to notify, since cell and landlines are down, will they even be able to *get* out of LA? What happens to my dad's job?).
Spent the day mad and tired; mad that everyone was going on with their lives, that my friends and classmates were able to attend classes and take notes and all I wanted to do was go home and curl up underneath my down comforter and watch CNN, wait by the phone.
Got a call around 1300 today, they were on the road. My brother had gone ahead to MS, since they got separated somewhere, my parents turned back into LA to look for him, and were back near Baton Rouge when they finally got cell signals to call him and find out that he was near Hattiesburg. They were running out of gas, so they had to stop and wait for a gas station to open up (along with about 200 other LA residents wanting the hell out of Dodge). They said they'd call me the next time they had cell reception. It's 2308, and I haven't heard anything.
Been checking http://www.nola.com/newslogs/breakingtp/ for news updates. The Times-Picayune has short news blogs that they are updating frequently...in little paragraph-like sections, which is about all I can handle at this time. Anything longer than that and my brain wanders, I lose focus.