Love Without End, Amen
Pairings: allusion to Quatre x Dorothy
Period: March 17, 197
Summary: Songfic. Quatre discusses his father with his uncle.
See all parts at the Table of Contents.
Love Without End, Amen
by Arabian Princess
"Every father should remember that one day his son will follow his example instead of his advice." -Anonymous
"My father was often angry when I was most like him." -Lillian Hellman
17 March AC 197-Bonne Fortune, St. Gaudens, Haute-Garonne, Province of le Midi-Pyrénées, former France
I got sent home from school one day with a shiner on my eye.
Fightin' was against the rules and it didn't matter why.
When dad got home I told that story just like I'd rehearsed.
And then stood there on those tremblin' knees and waited for the worst.
Quatre fidgeted in his bedroom. It felt strange to be here. He was in a stranger's house, his uncle's house. The fact that his uncle was his mother's brother still intrigued him. He was not sure how he felt about it really.
"Need to talk?" offered his uncle Fortune. He stood at the doorway leaning on the frame.
Quatre shrugged. "I don't know, Kháal Fortune. I'm just confused I guess. My father apparently kept a lot from me. I'm so mad at him. He lied to me my whole life. I accused him just making me to continue the Winner family, and he just let me believe it!" He sat on his bed staring at the floor helplessly.
"I don't think he meant to hurt you," said his uncle. "He was trying to keep you safe. He didn't want you blaming yourself for what happened. When your mother died, he went into a downward spiral. He started drinking, not heavily, but more than he usually did. He stopped returning my calls. I came to see you and your sisters a lot in that time period, so did your uncle Gibril, and others, I might add. You look so much like your mother. You have her hair and eye color. We were afraid Alim might abandon you since he missed her dearly and you had to remind him of her every time he looked at you.
"However, he didn't abandon you. In fact, we had to pry you out of his arms to hand you to your wet nurse."
"I remember her vaguely," Quatre remembered. "I don't think Father liked her that much."
"No, he didn't. It wasn't anything about her personally. He was just upset with God that his wife couldn't nurse their son, and he was a bit jealous he couldn't provide you with everything you needed. He also blamed himself for getting her pregnant. He tried very hard to keep it from happening, for he loved your mother dearly."
"What was her name?"
"In French? Catherine," his uncle informed. "But she changed the spelling to Quatrine, I think. I never understood why."
"Oh," he sighed. "I'm just so mad at him still. I shouldn't be. He's dead, contrary to what my sisters think. I was mad at him when he was alive, and now I just have more reasons to be mad at him. No wonder he saw me as a...as a...."
"I don't think he saw you as a mistake or a disappointment," Fortune assured. "I know you went and fought, but something as trivial as that wouldn't change his love for you. Alim was scared for your life. He didn't want to lose you or any of his daughters the way he lost Catherine."
And he said, "Let me tell you a secret about a father's love,
A secret that my daddy said was just between us."
He said, "Daddies don't just love their children every now and then.
It's a love without end, amen; it's a love without end, amen."
"That was a poor way of showing it," Quatre commented.
"Alim was well with words when he was a diplomat and spoke very eloquently, but when it came to his children and their lives...words failed him and he spoke from his heart, which wasn't always so eloquent," Fortune explained. "He loved you dearly, Quatre, and he wanted you to grow up and stay safe and near him."
Quatre snorted at the paradoxical statement. Still, he remembered the last night he spent with his father, when they had forgotten their differences briefly. His father had held him close and told him how much he loved him and that someday he would understand why his father acted this way.
When I became a father in the spring of '81
There was no doubt that stubborn boy was just like my father's son.
And when I thought my patience had been tested to the end,
I took my daddy's secret and I passed it on to him.
"Don't dismiss it so lightly," chastised his uncle. "When you're a father, you'll understand and probably do the same."
"That's what Father said," he told, "but I don't want to be like him. He always made me feel like I couldn't do anything because I was a 'child.' And I can do a lot! He lied to me my whole life. He kept things from me, like my mother. I don't see how he could do that."
"What if Dorothy dies giving birth?" inquired his uncle.
"She can't!" he exclaimed quickly. "She's going to live. She has to!"
"Surely you can understand it better now," Fortune asked. "If you do have a son eventually, I'm sure you'll have just as hard a time as you gave your father." He chuckled, and Quatre smiled, but that scared him as he knew how much grief he gave his father over the years.
And he said, "Let me tell you a secret about a father's love,
A secret that my daddy said was just between us."
He said, "Daddies don't just love their children every now and then.
It's a love without end, amen; it's a love without end, amen."
"Maybe...but now I can't tell my father how much...he means to me and how sorry I am," Quatre said solemnly.
"You'll meet him in Heaven," Fortune assured.
"You believe my father and I are allowed in Heaven?" Quatre asked light-heartedly.
"Christian...Muslim...Jew...I let God decide who's allowed in and who's not," his uncle confided, "but your father was a good man. I have no doubt he's up there."
"My father will be up there, yes, but I won't be. I'll burn in Hell. I guess it won't be so bad. Duo says he'll be there, and if he's there, things have to be better."
"I don't know about your friend Duo, but why won't you go to Heaven?"
"I've killed too many people. I went to war, and it wasn't in Allah's name. The Koran forbids it. I'll be sent to Hell for it," he informed.
Last night I dreamed I died and stood outside those pearly gates.
When suddenly I realized there must be some mistake.
If they know half the things I've done, they'll never let me in.
And then somewhere from the other side I heard these words again.
"You were fifteen, and I believe God is more understanding than we give him credit for," Fortune said, "but do not worry about your eternal soul just yet. Do as your heart tells you. God gave you that voice to guide you through life. Your father never told me you would burn in Hell, and while I do not know much about Islam, he did."
"I don't know..." Quatre said uncertainly. "It's pretty clear in the Koran about that."
"I won't go into a religious discussion right now, my nephew," Fortune told him, "but I think you should focus more on the task at hand. God will forgive you, and He, just as your father, still loves you. This much I know. Search your heart to know for certain."
Quatre did as told and smiled at what he found.
And he said, "Let me tell you a secret about a father's love,
A secret that my daddy said was just between us."
He said, "Daddies don't just love their children every now and then.
It's a love without end, amen; it's a love without end, amen."
« Oversight at the Senate | Vive la Révolution! »
Period: March 17, 197
Summary: Songfic. Quatre discusses his father with his uncle.
See all parts at the Table of Contents.
Love Without End, Amen
by Arabian Princess
"Every father should remember that one day his son will follow his example instead of his advice." -Anonymous
"My father was often angry when I was most like him." -Lillian Hellman
17 March AC 197-Bonne Fortune, St. Gaudens, Haute-Garonne, Province of le Midi-Pyrénées, former France
I got sent home from school one day with a shiner on my eye.
Fightin' was against the rules and it didn't matter why.
When dad got home I told that story just like I'd rehearsed.
And then stood there on those tremblin' knees and waited for the worst.
Quatre fidgeted in his bedroom. It felt strange to be here. He was in a stranger's house, his uncle's house. The fact that his uncle was his mother's brother still intrigued him. He was not sure how he felt about it really.
"Need to talk?" offered his uncle Fortune. He stood at the doorway leaning on the frame.
Quatre shrugged. "I don't know, Kháal Fortune. I'm just confused I guess. My father apparently kept a lot from me. I'm so mad at him. He lied to me my whole life. I accused him just making me to continue the Winner family, and he just let me believe it!" He sat on his bed staring at the floor helplessly.
"I don't think he meant to hurt you," said his uncle. "He was trying to keep you safe. He didn't want you blaming yourself for what happened. When your mother died, he went into a downward spiral. He started drinking, not heavily, but more than he usually did. He stopped returning my calls. I came to see you and your sisters a lot in that time period, so did your uncle Gibril, and others, I might add. You look so much like your mother. You have her hair and eye color. We were afraid Alim might abandon you since he missed her dearly and you had to remind him of her every time he looked at you.
"However, he didn't abandon you. In fact, we had to pry you out of his arms to hand you to your wet nurse."
"I remember her vaguely," Quatre remembered. "I don't think Father liked her that much."
"No, he didn't. It wasn't anything about her personally. He was just upset with God that his wife couldn't nurse their son, and he was a bit jealous he couldn't provide you with everything you needed. He also blamed himself for getting her pregnant. He tried very hard to keep it from happening, for he loved your mother dearly."
"What was her name?"
"In French? Catherine," his uncle informed. "But she changed the spelling to Quatrine, I think. I never understood why."
"Oh," he sighed. "I'm just so mad at him still. I shouldn't be. He's dead, contrary to what my sisters think. I was mad at him when he was alive, and now I just have more reasons to be mad at him. No wonder he saw me as a...as a...."
"I don't think he saw you as a mistake or a disappointment," Fortune assured. "I know you went and fought, but something as trivial as that wouldn't change his love for you. Alim was scared for your life. He didn't want to lose you or any of his daughters the way he lost Catherine."
And he said, "Let me tell you a secret about a father's love,
A secret that my daddy said was just between us."
He said, "Daddies don't just love their children every now and then.
It's a love without end, amen; it's a love without end, amen."
"That was a poor way of showing it," Quatre commented.
"Alim was well with words when he was a diplomat and spoke very eloquently, but when it came to his children and their lives...words failed him and he spoke from his heart, which wasn't always so eloquent," Fortune explained. "He loved you dearly, Quatre, and he wanted you to grow up and stay safe and near him."
Quatre snorted at the paradoxical statement. Still, he remembered the last night he spent with his father, when they had forgotten their differences briefly. His father had held him close and told him how much he loved him and that someday he would understand why his father acted this way.
When I became a father in the spring of '81
There was no doubt that stubborn boy was just like my father's son.
And when I thought my patience had been tested to the end,
I took my daddy's secret and I passed it on to him.
"Don't dismiss it so lightly," chastised his uncle. "When you're a father, you'll understand and probably do the same."
"That's what Father said," he told, "but I don't want to be like him. He always made me feel like I couldn't do anything because I was a 'child.' And I can do a lot! He lied to me my whole life. He kept things from me, like my mother. I don't see how he could do that."
"What if Dorothy dies giving birth?" inquired his uncle.
"She can't!" he exclaimed quickly. "She's going to live. She has to!"
"Surely you can understand it better now," Fortune asked. "If you do have a son eventually, I'm sure you'll have just as hard a time as you gave your father." He chuckled, and Quatre smiled, but that scared him as he knew how much grief he gave his father over the years.
And he said, "Let me tell you a secret about a father's love,
A secret that my daddy said was just between us."
He said, "Daddies don't just love their children every now and then.
It's a love without end, amen; it's a love without end, amen."
"Maybe...but now I can't tell my father how much...he means to me and how sorry I am," Quatre said solemnly.
"You'll meet him in Heaven," Fortune assured.
"You believe my father and I are allowed in Heaven?" Quatre asked light-heartedly.
"Christian...Muslim...Jew...I let God decide who's allowed in and who's not," his uncle confided, "but your father was a good man. I have no doubt he's up there."
"My father will be up there, yes, but I won't be. I'll burn in Hell. I guess it won't be so bad. Duo says he'll be there, and if he's there, things have to be better."
"I don't know about your friend Duo, but why won't you go to Heaven?"
"I've killed too many people. I went to war, and it wasn't in Allah's name. The Koran forbids it. I'll be sent to Hell for it," he informed.
Last night I dreamed I died and stood outside those pearly gates.
When suddenly I realized there must be some mistake.
If they know half the things I've done, they'll never let me in.
And then somewhere from the other side I heard these words again.
"You were fifteen, and I believe God is more understanding than we give him credit for," Fortune said, "but do not worry about your eternal soul just yet. Do as your heart tells you. God gave you that voice to guide you through life. Your father never told me you would burn in Hell, and while I do not know much about Islam, he did."
"I don't know..." Quatre said uncertainly. "It's pretty clear in the Koran about that."
"I won't go into a religious discussion right now, my nephew," Fortune told him, "but I think you should focus more on the task at hand. God will forgive you, and He, just as your father, still loves you. This much I know. Search your heart to know for certain."
Quatre did as told and smiled at what he found.
And he said, "Let me tell you a secret about a father's love,
A secret that my daddy said was just between us."
He said, "Daddies don't just love their children every now and then.
It's a love without end, amen; it's a love without end, amen."
« Oversight at the Senate | Vive la Révolution! »