Life fanfiction

[retro_grade]

Title: Gilded Cage

Author: retro_grade/Amelius (on ff.net)
Fandom: Life

Rating: G

Spoilers: very mild through to episode 5.

Summary: He’d gotten out of prison. Some days it was hard to remember that.

Notes: I’m not entirely happy with this, but oh well. Let me know what you think.

Gilded Cage

Some days he woke up sweating, and

Comments

[rose_griffes]

Aw... I like this a lot. I think it expresses really well the bits of Charlie's past that still cling to him. We don't see it much on the show but it's there.

[retro_grade]

Thank you. Yeah, I feel that although Charlie tends to be pretty optimistic, there must days when he's really reminded of the impact of 12 years in prison. That's what I was trying to convey.

[cmk418]

I love this, it works as a stream of consciousness fic with the parentheticals being those moments of analysis. You have Charlie's character down.

My favorite part - the look on Reese’s face when he walked through the door at work (torn between reluctant pleasure and aggravation at his presence and he wondered why she thought she had to choose between the two).

[retro_grade]

Thanks! I'm glad the parenthesis works. I wasn't sure - some of the sentences were longer than I was happy with.

[retro_grade]

Thanks, I'm glad it made sense. That's exactly the feeling I wanted to get across.

[broedym]

Beautiful. Pain filled and yet optimistic. Kind like Charlie. Kudos.

[retro_grade]

Thank you, I'm glad it came across that way, that's what I was aiming for.

[creese_fan]

I loved how you incorporated Charlie's thoughts through the parenthetical comments. I think it captures his struggle to want to do the right thing with his desire for vengeance. They were also in character and let us see his observations of others, like Reese.

[creese_fan]

A tiny criticism: the final italicized sentence wasn't in parentheses the way the rest were.

[retro_grade]

I actually did that deliberately, because it wasn't so much a thought as a... I'm not sure, really. It was sort of a statement, not necessarily made by Charlie. Maybe it doesn't work though. I could certainly add the parentheses in.

[retro_grade]

I'm pleased that worked, because I'm never quite sure if the parenthetical comments flow well. And that's what I was aiming to capture; every time I watch an episode I see the juxtaposition of his forgiveness and his optimism against his vengeance. And he always fights so hard not to be angry that I think he must have a lot of rage buried pretty deeply.

Thanks for the review!