Strike up the band and make the fireflies dance
I've had this typed out since the beginning of December.
March - March started off okay. Things with my mom were defiantly at it’s worst. We were fighting really bad, and my tonsils got infected so my mom wouldn’t let me go out, so I freaked out because Chris was in Wakefield and I wanted to go out and Sam was gonna be with him so I was really freaking out, and the neighbors called the police. It was horrible. My mom told me she was going to have me sent away to a group home, like she had been telling me for years then we had a court date. The night before I went to Revere alone. To see Chris. We went over DiGeorgio's house with him and Briana. It was nice, we stayed in the kids room and just had a nice time. yeah anyways, the next day was the court date. we literally waited in the court room for 2 hours. my lawyer couldn't make it, so my mom decided to put me in voluntary placement. which basically means, she got rid of me. DSS had half custody over me, and I had to go to Germaine Lawrence, a group home. I could have killed my mom. I was crying so hard and pulling my hair out and scratching my face, ugh, it was terrible. So my social worker drove me there, and it was probably the worst day of my life. It was also the day my dad died, but 2 years earlier. So yeah, he wouldn't have been proud.I was like so afraid Sam was gonna like steal Chris. That's what I was most upset about lol. STUPID. Yeah so for like the rest of March I was in that place. Me and Chris were doing okay. We talked on the phone alot. And I was so pissed at my mom. I didn't talk to her for 2 whole weeks.
April - April was nice. I was in the group home for the whole time. I had so much fun. I ended up making the most amazing friends. Like Stephanie. She was my favorite person ever. I told her stuff I haven’t even told the other Stephanie. She was crazy, she ran into walls and had voices in her head. Haha Chris thought she was funny. She loved Chris and Derek. It was funny. She had really bad problems, like she cut herself and had every eating disorder. And when I would go away or home for a visit she would get in trouble. She was honestly the first person I had ever cared about more then myself. She understood me. The girl that was room mates with her before me, brought drugs into the dorm and made her do them and made her make out with her on the bed when the staff wasn’t looking. It was horrible. One day she told on her. And then after that whole thing, they made me and her be roommates. We were seriously BEST FRIENDS. We had so much fun, every day. I felt like I had known her my whole life. It was so weird. It was the first time I ever opened up to someone so quickly and let them get to know me like that. I remember the day she left. I tried to ignore it and act like it didn’t bother me. I kinda blocked it out. No one got to really say goodbye because she wouldn’t leave. They had to force her out the door. I was so mad. But then one day she came back, to say goodbye to everyone. She gave me a huge pile of papers. And each paper was COVERED back to back with words. And drawings. It was the cutest thing ever. It was like a diary that she let me keep. Right then is when it hit me. I lost my first “love” if you will. I don’t think I had ever cried that hard in my life. I never want to go through something like that ever again. It was probably worse for her, she had to leave everyone and start all over again in another dorm… for 9months to a year! I was getting out the next month. And I met the big fat lesbian that drew pictures of me when I wasn’t looking, complimented my ass and told people she had a crush on me. Then we became roommates. That, was not fun. At first. Then I annoyed her so bad, she stopped with that stuff and we became really good friends. God, we had the best times. Her name was Jessica. Once, we went to the movies, and the pope in the movie was getting a lap dance and Jessica was like “I wish I was the pope!” hahahahha omg, she was funny. And when I wrote that letter to santa! Haha I got in so much trouble with that. We were so loud and late at night, it was awesome. And we had a news paper fashion show! Hahahah! That was so fun, dressing Henry and Tony up in a news paper dress! I was gonna set Christine up with Henry hahahah! he was a big huge black guy. Chris wanted to have a news paper fashion show. But we never had one. Also in April, Chris told me he loved me. Haha, I remember that day. I was so surprised I was like “no you don’t” I really didn’t know what to say. We saw eachother more then I expected, and it was great, I got to see him as a person, with feelings. I don’t regret any of it, even though sometimes I think I do. I kinda sorta lost my virginity. But I don’t know if I count that as actually losing my virginity. I know everyone else does, but not in my belief system thing. Then I broke up with him, I needed to. I always felt kinda bad for just breaking up with him and never really explaining to him why. But it was because I didn’t trust myself. Whenever I was with him, I would want to stay longer, or put up a big fight with my mom when she said no. And that’s what got me in the place. Not him, but me. And I told my mom that Chris was really Chris, not "steve" She took that better then I expected. And I told her that I really loved him and that he was different from in like January, god she hated him. She still hates him hahha Whatever, April over all was good.
May - MAY! Probably the best month. Besides the summer. May 3rd was my birthday, and the Fall Out Boy cd came out on my birthday! And I got to go out with my mom for 2 days in a row. That was exciting for me haha. I was just having a good time. Even though I was in a group home?! I got my own room! And they let me have the room with the fire escape because I was the only one they could trust to be in there without running away. That room was so cool. There were like stairs in it. Yeah. I saw Stephanie from out the window! And it was the night before I got to go home. So I like, got to say goodbye and I told her that I loved her. It felt so good. Also, that night, for the first time ever, me and Kayla and all the girls were getting along. Usually me and Kayla were fighting or she was yelling at me or calling me gross. HAHAHa. The day I went home, Tony took me and Jessica to Newbury Comics, and I had 50$ to spend. I got the Head Automatica and Emery cds, and I got something for Jessica. I don’t remember what. When we left to go, Tony left a fruit salad on top of the van and drove off with it hahaha And it got all over the street! It was so funny. And on the way back into the dorm, it started to downpour and we had to run into the dorm. Then we had group and we had to write letters to ourselves from the future, like when we got out of there. It was ironic that I had to do that on the day I was leaving. Yeah, then my mom came and it was sad, and I cried and cried and cried. Haha, I cried coming in, and cried coming out. But for the exact opposite reasons! When I got home I called Derek and it was nice. The rest of the month I basically just hung out with everyone.
June - June June June. <3 I was back in school and the classes were so easy. They thought that I needed to be in special classes. HAHAHA. Whatever, but at leaste I passed, with like Bs! I made up with Sam and I had my friends again, and made new ones. Like Pete and Messina and Ryan and Bobby. We had so much fun, like it was something new every day. Haha, I remember my crush on Pete. Gross. And then I found out he liked Bethany and I was like crushed. Whatever, I got over it.
August - <3<3 August was crazy. So much happened. Messina finally asked me out. Then we kinda, stopped talking? It was like Chris all over again. But Messina was stupid when it came to girls. Like he really cared, but didn’t show it one bit. Even though it was fake with Chris, he actually seemed like he had any interest in me(like in January-March) But, Messina, he kinda ignored me. And I kinda ignored him. And me and Arthur would always talk. Then Messina went on vacation again, in Maine. He saw Katie, that girl he sort of went out with last winter. So he saw her there, and everyone told me that he saw her and liked her again. And everyone told him that I liked Arthur. And the whole Warped Tour we didn’t talk. I saw Sam and Chris and Kelly and Rob and John. I saw Sam and Chris the most out of everyone I was with. I think, I don’t know. But I had a good time. Motion City Soundtrack and Fall Out Boy were so good. Me and Sam like danced and some girl like got mad at me, and another girl joined haha the 6 hour drives was fun. Billy drove. So it was like all kids in the car and no adults. And I was yelling turtle boner! On the way there, Ashlee got pick-pocketed and she raised enough money to get in again. I gave her like 15$ and she got the rest from making signs and since the traffic was so bad, peoples cars were basically parked, and they gave her money. It was awesome. And one night, I was mad at Messina and I was talking to Billy and I was like “I should just go out with Arthur” and then Billy was like, “no, I asked Arthur if he liked you and he said no” so I was like dying. Then, like a week later, Billy and Marissa and me and Derek drove to messina’s house so I could talk to him and make things better, but he ended up saying we should go on a break and “see what happens”. I wanted to start over, but I guess he didn’t. For the next couple of days, I flirted with Arthur SO bad in front of him and when he would turn around I would be like DIE DIE DIE! Hahaha. One night, I was on the phone with Julia and I was crying so hard and we talked for like an hour, it was like 12 at night and Messina wasn’t answering his cell phone, and she told me to tell him everything I had just told her.. so I decided to walk to his house at like 1 in the morning. I had no idea where I was going. I just guessed and ended up near his street and I walked to his house and tapped on the window a million times and he was on the computer and I guess he couldn’t hear me. HE WAS ON MYSPACE hahaha. Then he finally noticed that I was there and he came outside. We talked for a while and I told him a lot of what I said to Julia and I told him how much I liked him and how I wanted us to try again and all this stuff, but then he didn’t say anything, and finally he just said no, and that he couldn’t and he still liked Katie and I was crushed. So for a second, I was like speechless.. then I yelled at him. I was like “YOU’RE SO STUPID! WHY DON’T YOU SEE THAT SHE’S JUST USING YOU!” then I got my keys and stormed off. It was pretty funny. And I was crying hysterically. He didn’t even come after me. He didn’t do anything, and that’s what killed me the most. Then I walked to Kelly’s house and we sat in her basement for like an hour and talked. About like everything. It was really nice. Then I had to leave cus it was like 2. So I called Julia and went to her house and we sat and talked for like a half hour and by then I was all calmed down. And I took Chungie’s bike and rode it home. I wonder if he ever got it back hahahahaha and then I called Chris. I don’t remember if it was after that night, or before, but I apologizd to him. I literally called him up, balling my eyes out and I was like, “I know you’ll never admit it that I hurt you when I broke up with you, but now I know how bad it hurts to have someone you really like just dump you” and then he was like “okay? And we hung up” then (SURPRISINGLY!) he called back. And he was like “it’s okay, what is this about?” and I talked to him about everything. And I told him I was really sorry, and he was being so nice about it. And I think he might have fogave me. It felt so good. Then one night, it was me, James, Derek and Arthur, and we were at the dolbeare park, and we were sitting on the slide and talking about stuff. And I was like hinting to Arthur that I liked him, and then me and james were talking about how our bet was kinda ruined and neither of us won. See, at the beginning of the summer, we were laying down and looking up at the stars one night, [whicked corny, I know] and we made a bet, to see who got more action that summer. Neither one of us got any real action. And I was saying how that sucked, and blah blah blah, and Arthur seemed all sad, and recently he told me why he was so sad, and it was because he thought that he would never have me or something. =] and one night, we were at the Greenwood, and there was a couch, in the middle of a sidewalk, well not the middle but it was randomly there. And it was gross so I sat on the big chair, and he had no place to sit and he sat on my lap. It was so nice, we sat there and talked for a while and laughed and the whole time I just wanted to tell him that I was like, IN LOVE with him, but I didn’t because I remembered what Billy said. And then we walked back to the park and we undid out belts to make it seem like we did something hahah and Bobby was like OMG THEY’RE DOING THEIR BELTS! And I guess Derek came over while we were gone and was like “where’s Lisa and Arthur” and Messina was like “I don’t care!” like all pissed off. That made me laugh. I was actually starting to get over Matt. And another night, we were at the yule, and Arthur had to go home, so I walked him home and we talked and stuff and it was all nice, and I asked him who he liked and he said no one, so I was all sad. But when we got to his house, we stood there, outside and his parents had just got home and we watched them walk in and we laughed at a rock. I will never ever forget that. It was so funny, for NO reason. then me him and Derek went to the Dockside one night, we tried to be fancy and they got food and I got a drink, and of course spilled Arthur's all over the table. So much for being fancy. And we colored and it was fun. Then we found everyone, and that night I called Derek's cell phone because I had to go home earlier then everyone else and Marissa took the phone and told Arthur that I liked him and he said he liked me too, and she made him ask me out on the phone. HAHAHHA. it was quite funny. The next day, we tried to be fancy again. Yeah, then the rest of August we basically hung around Greenwood.
September - School started, me and Arthur kinda got closer. I told him I loved him for the first time. It was so cute. We were in Bobby’s basement on the couch and we were like cuddling and listening to The Who’s record, like a vinyl and in that moment, I knew that I loved him. Like, everything was like, gone. I was there, in that moment, and all I could think about and feel was him. It was a good feeling. And then of course, we had our first real kiss. It was a cute moment. We were in the field at the Yule, and we were hugging and then I kissed him. Like makeout kiss.
October - October was good. There wasn't anything really good or really bad. It was nice and calm. Haloween was so much fun though.
November - Lets see, last month. Me and Arthur got caught in his room doing nothing. Absolutely NOTHING. And then we basically couldn't see/talk to eachother besides in school. Very annoying. Then my mom started being crazy psycho bitch again. And I had no one. I was basically going through 1. my mom 2. not being able to see Arthur 3. not having any friends 4. having people piss me off to no extent. I almost had a nervous breakdown. I felt sick every single day, for like 2 weeks straight. Usually if I'm depressed or something, it lasts maybe an hour. So it was way too much for me. And I couldn't talk to Arthur and that made it so much worse. But I got through it. I always do.
December - I'm not all the way through it yet. But in the beginning it was hard. Not seeing Arthur was hard. But I was getting used to it. I got caught stealing at the mall. over 45$ worth of stuff from Claire's. I'm banned from the mall for a year! and me and Arthur broke up. I really don't think we're getting back together. Especially after the way he acted. Me and Christine started talking again, but after what I said to her, I think she really hates me. Me and Chris are talking too. He makes me really happy. I always look foreward to our phone conversations. Me and Julia are good. We had a nice talk. And it felt so nice, saying what I need to hear, but saying it to someone else. But it's true. She really is a good person. She can be VERY annoying sometimes, but she is one of the most amazing people ever. She's the only one I really trust completely. And it felt so nice to help someone. Like she called me balling her eyes out. And eventually she was laughing, and she stopped crying and it made me feel so nice. And when I walk by Kelly's classes and yell "KELLY IS AMAZING!" or "I LOVE YOU KELLY!", she smiles. And for a good amount of time, I'm happy too. Like I'll be having the worst day, and I make someone smile who needs it just as much as I do, maybe even more, it makes me really happy. Me and Chris had a little thing for about a week. Haha, silly us. And me and my mom have been fighting again!. And me and Sam and Briana getting chased by all those crazy kids! hahaha Sam thought we were going to get raped. and all those times I tried to kill myself, good times?!
New Year's Resolution: Be Happy. I'm going to let myself be happy. I'm going to do stuff for myself, like lose ALOT of weight, and get the Cure cd lol.
here's some wonderful pictures.
Alana on halloween =]
I met this boy.
and of course, fell in love with him like an idiot.
we went to Boston. that was a good time.
saw finch!
made out with statues
choked eachother untill we passed out.
formed the GOON SQUAD!
met a girl, MARISSA<3
played in parks alot.
had a few basement shows!
THIS HAPPENED!
and this =/
AND THIS! <3
made a dinosaur cake for Messina, but ate it instead! hahahha
and there was a dance!
WHICH I HAD ABOUT 4 DATES!
and I got a little brother!
and this happened while I was in jail.
and I made some new bestest friends.
and I went to the library alot.
saw Chris and Amanda! hahahah
fell in love with these people.
got a digital camera!
danced like crazy!
had some good times.
RYAN FELL OUT OF A TREE!
found a BLUSH BRUSH!
did this alot.
had the best class ever.
didn't see her much.. =/
ps. this stuff happened too.
- MET EMILY! James's girlfriend. She's a doll.
- became friends with Ashlee, and her and Jeanie came over my house every morening for like 3 days. then I hated Ashlee. I still hate Jeanie.
- Jeanie cheated on Dick.
- Derek got a girlfriend. She dumped him in a note. We all make fun of it it's a good time.
- I got a cell phone!
- made plans with Laura Noble to drive the WHOLE mass pike.
- drove around with Ali for a million hours at a couple of times and went off the bump wicked fast!
- drove around with Laura Noble! that was alot of fun! do it again?
- slept over Bobby's house. kinda. for Amy.
- snuck out at 2 in the morning!
- Saw Deleware-Chris!
- had the best lunch table in 8th grade and 9th! my heffalump is the mascot
- Rob and Kelly broke up =/
- I MET ALICIA MARSENELLI FROM MYSPACE! hahahaha. =]
- at 2:16 on December 30th I lost my best friend. FUCK YOU, DEREK! WE MADE UP!
- Emma and Messina broke up tonight.
- Me and Derek have been kissing? just on the cheek, haha.
- I want a boyfriend. Lame, I know.
March - March started off okay. Things with my mom were defiantly at it’s worst. We were fighting really bad, and my tonsils got infected so my mom wouldn’t let me go out, so I freaked out because Chris was in Wakefield and I wanted to go out and Sam was gonna be with him so I was really freaking out, and the neighbors called the police. It was horrible. My mom told me she was going to have me sent away to a group home, like she had been telling me for years then we had a court date. The night before I went to Revere alone. To see Chris. We went over DiGeorgio's house with him and Briana. It was nice, we stayed in the kids room and just had a nice time. yeah anyways, the next day was the court date. we literally waited in the court room for 2 hours. my lawyer couldn't make it, so my mom decided to put me in voluntary placement. which basically means, she got rid of me. DSS had half custody over me, and I had to go to Germaine Lawrence, a group home. I could have killed my mom. I was crying so hard and pulling my hair out and scratching my face, ugh, it was terrible. So my social worker drove me there, and it was probably the worst day of my life. It was also the day my dad died, but 2 years earlier. So yeah, he wouldn't have been proud.I was like so afraid Sam was gonna like steal Chris. That's what I was most upset about lol. STUPID. Yeah so for like the rest of March I was in that place. Me and Chris were doing okay. We talked on the phone alot. And I was so pissed at my mom. I didn't talk to her for 2 whole weeks.
April - April was nice. I was in the group home for the whole time. I had so much fun. I ended up making the most amazing friends. Like Stephanie. She was my favorite person ever. I told her stuff I haven’t even told the other Stephanie. She was crazy, she ran into walls and had voices in her head. Haha Chris thought she was funny. She loved Chris and Derek. It was funny. She had really bad problems, like she cut herself and had every eating disorder. And when I would go away or home for a visit she would get in trouble. She was honestly the first person I had ever cared about more then myself. She understood me. The girl that was room mates with her before me, brought drugs into the dorm and made her do them and made her make out with her on the bed when the staff wasn’t looking. It was horrible. One day she told on her. And then after that whole thing, they made me and her be roommates. We were seriously BEST FRIENDS. We had so much fun, every day. I felt like I had known her my whole life. It was so weird. It was the first time I ever opened up to someone so quickly and let them get to know me like that. I remember the day she left. I tried to ignore it and act like it didn’t bother me. I kinda blocked it out. No one got to really say goodbye because she wouldn’t leave. They had to force her out the door. I was so mad. But then one day she came back, to say goodbye to everyone. She gave me a huge pile of papers. And each paper was COVERED back to back with words. And drawings. It was the cutest thing ever. It was like a diary that she let me keep. Right then is when it hit me. I lost my first “love” if you will. I don’t think I had ever cried that hard in my life. I never want to go through something like that ever again. It was probably worse for her, she had to leave everyone and start all over again in another dorm… for 9months to a year! I was getting out the next month. And I met the big fat lesbian that drew pictures of me when I wasn’t looking, complimented my ass and told people she had a crush on me. Then we became roommates. That, was not fun. At first. Then I annoyed her so bad, she stopped with that stuff and we became really good friends. God, we had the best times. Her name was Jessica. Once, we went to the movies, and the pope in the movie was getting a lap dance and Jessica was like “I wish I was the pope!” hahahahha omg, she was funny. And when I wrote that letter to santa! Haha I got in so much trouble with that. We were so loud and late at night, it was awesome. And we had a news paper fashion show! Hahahah! That was so fun, dressing Henry and Tony up in a news paper dress! I was gonna set Christine up with Henry hahahah! he was a big huge black guy. Chris wanted to have a news paper fashion show. But we never had one. Also in April, Chris told me he loved me. Haha, I remember that day. I was so surprised I was like “no you don’t” I really didn’t know what to say. We saw eachother more then I expected, and it was great, I got to see him as a person, with feelings. I don’t regret any of it, even though sometimes I think I do. I kinda sorta lost my virginity. But I don’t know if I count that as actually losing my virginity. I know everyone else does, but not in my belief system thing. Then I broke up with him, I needed to. I always felt kinda bad for just breaking up with him and never really explaining to him why. But it was because I didn’t trust myself. Whenever I was with him, I would want to stay longer, or put up a big fight with my mom when she said no. And that’s what got me in the place. Not him, but me. And I told my mom that Chris was really Chris, not "steve" She took that better then I expected. And I told her that I really loved him and that he was different from in like January, god she hated him. She still hates him hahha Whatever, April over all was good.
May - MAY! Probably the best month. Besides the summer. May 3rd was my birthday, and the Fall Out Boy cd came out on my birthday! And I got to go out with my mom for 2 days in a row. That was exciting for me haha. I was just having a good time. Even though I was in a group home?! I got my own room! And they let me have the room with the fire escape because I was the only one they could trust to be in there without running away. That room was so cool. There were like stairs in it. Yeah. I saw Stephanie from out the window! And it was the night before I got to go home. So I like, got to say goodbye and I told her that I loved her. It felt so good. Also, that night, for the first time ever, me and Kayla and all the girls were getting along. Usually me and Kayla were fighting or she was yelling at me or calling me gross. HAHAHa. The day I went home, Tony took me and Jessica to Newbury Comics, and I had 50$ to spend. I got the Head Automatica and Emery cds, and I got something for Jessica. I don’t remember what. When we left to go, Tony left a fruit salad on top of the van and drove off with it hahaha And it got all over the street! It was so funny. And on the way back into the dorm, it started to downpour and we had to run into the dorm. Then we had group and we had to write letters to ourselves from the future, like when we got out of there. It was ironic that I had to do that on the day I was leaving. Yeah, then my mom came and it was sad, and I cried and cried and cried. Haha, I cried coming in, and cried coming out. But for the exact opposite reasons! When I got home I called Derek and it was nice. The rest of the month I basically just hung out with everyone.
June - June June June. <3 I was back in school and the classes were so easy. They thought that I needed to be in special classes. HAHAHA. Whatever, but at leaste I passed, with like Bs! I made up with Sam and I had my friends again, and made new ones. Like Pete and Messina and Ryan and Bobby. We had so much fun, like it was something new every day. Haha, I remember my crush on Pete. Gross. And then I found out he liked Bethany and I was like crushed. Whatever, I got over it.
August - <3<3 August was crazy. So much happened. Messina finally asked me out. Then we kinda, stopped talking? It was like Chris all over again. But Messina was stupid when it came to girls. Like he really cared, but didn’t show it one bit. Even though it was fake with Chris, he actually seemed like he had any interest in me(like in January-March) But, Messina, he kinda ignored me. And I kinda ignored him. And me and Arthur would always talk. Then Messina went on vacation again, in Maine. He saw Katie, that girl he sort of went out with last winter. So he saw her there, and everyone told me that he saw her and liked her again. And everyone told him that I liked Arthur. And the whole Warped Tour we didn’t talk. I saw Sam and Chris and Kelly and Rob and John. I saw Sam and Chris the most out of everyone I was with. I think, I don’t know. But I had a good time. Motion City Soundtrack and Fall Out Boy were so good. Me and Sam like danced and some girl like got mad at me, and another girl joined haha the 6 hour drives was fun. Billy drove. So it was like all kids in the car and no adults. And I was yelling turtle boner! On the way there, Ashlee got pick-pocketed and she raised enough money to get in again. I gave her like 15$ and she got the rest from making signs and since the traffic was so bad, peoples cars were basically parked, and they gave her money. It was awesome. And one night, I was mad at Messina and I was talking to Billy and I was like “I should just go out with Arthur” and then Billy was like, “no, I asked Arthur if he liked you and he said no” so I was like dying. Then, like a week later, Billy and Marissa and me and Derek drove to messina’s house so I could talk to him and make things better, but he ended up saying we should go on a break and “see what happens”. I wanted to start over, but I guess he didn’t. For the next couple of days, I flirted with Arthur SO bad in front of him and when he would turn around I would be like DIE DIE DIE! Hahaha. One night, I was on the phone with Julia and I was crying so hard and we talked for like an hour, it was like 12 at night and Messina wasn’t answering his cell phone, and she told me to tell him everything I had just told her.. so I decided to walk to his house at like 1 in the morning. I had no idea where I was going. I just guessed and ended up near his street and I walked to his house and tapped on the window a million times and he was on the computer and I guess he couldn’t hear me. HE WAS ON MYSPACE hahaha. Then he finally noticed that I was there and he came outside. We talked for a while and I told him a lot of what I said to Julia and I told him how much I liked him and how I wanted us to try again and all this stuff, but then he didn’t say anything, and finally he just said no, and that he couldn’t and he still liked Katie and I was crushed. So for a second, I was like speechless.. then I yelled at him. I was like “YOU’RE SO STUPID! WHY DON’T YOU SEE THAT SHE’S JUST USING YOU!” then I got my keys and stormed off. It was pretty funny. And I was crying hysterically. He didn’t even come after me. He didn’t do anything, and that’s what killed me the most. Then I walked to Kelly’s house and we sat in her basement for like an hour and talked. About like everything. It was really nice. Then I had to leave cus it was like 2. So I called Julia and went to her house and we sat and talked for like a half hour and by then I was all calmed down. And I took Chungie’s bike and rode it home. I wonder if he ever got it back hahahahaha and then I called Chris. I don’t remember if it was after that night, or before, but I apologizd to him. I literally called him up, balling my eyes out and I was like, “I know you’ll never admit it that I hurt you when I broke up with you, but now I know how bad it hurts to have someone you really like just dump you” and then he was like “okay? And we hung up” then (SURPRISINGLY!) he called back. And he was like “it’s okay, what is this about?” and I talked to him about everything. And I told him I was really sorry, and he was being so nice about it. And I think he might have fogave me. It felt so good. Then one night, it was me, James, Derek and Arthur, and we were at the dolbeare park, and we were sitting on the slide and talking about stuff. And I was like hinting to Arthur that I liked him, and then me and james were talking about how our bet was kinda ruined and neither of us won. See, at the beginning of the summer, we were laying down and looking up at the stars one night, [whicked corny, I know] and we made a bet, to see who got more action that summer. Neither one of us got any real action. And I was saying how that sucked, and blah blah blah, and Arthur seemed all sad, and recently he told me why he was so sad, and it was because he thought that he would never have me or something. =] and one night, we were at the Greenwood, and there was a couch, in the middle of a sidewalk, well not the middle but it was randomly there. And it was gross so I sat on the big chair, and he had no place to sit and he sat on my lap. It was so nice, we sat there and talked for a while and laughed and the whole time I just wanted to tell him that I was like, IN LOVE with him, but I didn’t because I remembered what Billy said. And then we walked back to the park and we undid out belts to make it seem like we did something hahah and Bobby was like OMG THEY’RE DOING THEIR BELTS! And I guess Derek came over while we were gone and was like “where’s Lisa and Arthur” and Messina was like “I don’t care!” like all pissed off. That made me laugh. I was actually starting to get over Matt. And another night, we were at the yule, and Arthur had to go home, so I walked him home and we talked and stuff and it was all nice, and I asked him who he liked and he said no one, so I was all sad. But when we got to his house, we stood there, outside and his parents had just got home and we watched them walk in and we laughed at a rock. I will never ever forget that. It was so funny, for NO reason. then me him and Derek went to the Dockside one night, we tried to be fancy and they got food and I got a drink, and of course spilled Arthur's all over the table. So much for being fancy. And we colored and it was fun. Then we found everyone, and that night I called Derek's cell phone because I had to go home earlier then everyone else and Marissa took the phone and told Arthur that I liked him and he said he liked me too, and she made him ask me out on the phone. HAHAHHA. it was quite funny. The next day, we tried to be fancy again. Yeah, then the rest of August we basically hung around Greenwood.
September - School started, me and Arthur kinda got closer. I told him I loved him for the first time. It was so cute. We were in Bobby’s basement on the couch and we were like cuddling and listening to The Who’s record, like a vinyl and in that moment, I knew that I loved him. Like, everything was like, gone. I was there, in that moment, and all I could think about and feel was him. It was a good feeling. And then of course, we had our first real kiss. It was a cute moment. We were in the field at the Yule, and we were hugging and then I kissed him. Like makeout kiss.
October - October was good. There wasn't anything really good or really bad. It was nice and calm. Haloween was so much fun though.
November - Lets see, last month. Me and Arthur got caught in his room doing nothing. Absolutely NOTHING. And then we basically couldn't see/talk to eachother besides in school. Very annoying. Then my mom started being crazy psycho bitch again. And I had no one. I was basically going through 1. my mom 2. not being able to see Arthur 3. not having any friends 4. having people piss me off to no extent. I almost had a nervous breakdown. I felt sick every single day, for like 2 weeks straight. Usually if I'm depressed or something, it lasts maybe an hour. So it was way too much for me. And I couldn't talk to Arthur and that made it so much worse. But I got through it. I always do.
December - I'm not all the way through it yet. But in the beginning it was hard. Not seeing Arthur was hard. But I was getting used to it. I got caught stealing at the mall. over 45$ worth of stuff from Claire's. I'm banned from the mall for a year! and me and Arthur broke up. I really don't think we're getting back together. Especially after the way he acted. Me and Christine started talking again, but after what I said to her, I think she really hates me. Me and Chris are talking too. He makes me really happy. I always look foreward to our phone conversations. Me and Julia are good. We had a nice talk. And it felt so nice, saying what I need to hear, but saying it to someone else. But it's true. She really is a good person. She can be VERY annoying sometimes, but she is one of the most amazing people ever. She's the only one I really trust completely. And it felt so nice to help someone. Like she called me balling her eyes out. And eventually she was laughing, and she stopped crying and it made me feel so nice. And when I walk by Kelly's classes and yell "KELLY IS AMAZING!" or "I LOVE YOU KELLY!", she smiles. And for a good amount of time, I'm happy too. Like I'll be having the worst day, and I make someone smile who needs it just as much as I do, maybe even more, it makes me really happy. Me and Chris had a little thing for about a week. Haha, silly us. And me and my mom have been fighting again!. And me and Sam and Briana getting chased by all those crazy kids! hahaha Sam thought we were going to get raped. and all those times I tried to kill myself, good times?!
New Year's Resolution: Be Happy. I'm going to let myself be happy. I'm going to do stuff for myself, like lose ALOT of weight, and get the Cure cd lol.
here's some wonderful pictures.
Alana on halloween =]
I met this boy.
and of course, fell in love with him like an idiot.
we went to Boston. that was a good time.
saw finch!
made out with statues
choked eachother untill we passed out.
formed the GOON SQUAD!
met a girl, MARISSA<3
played in parks alot.
had a few basement shows!
THIS HAPPENED!
and this =/
AND THIS! <3
made a dinosaur cake for Messina, but ate it instead! hahahha
and there was a dance!
WHICH I HAD ABOUT 4 DATES!
and I got a little brother!
and this happened while I was in jail.
and I made some new bestest friends.
and I went to the library alot.
saw Chris and Amanda! hahahah
fell in love with these people.
got a digital camera!
danced like crazy!
had some good times.
RYAN FELL OUT OF A TREE!
found a BLUSH BRUSH!
did this alot.
had the best class ever.
didn't see her much.. =/
ps. this stuff happened too.
- MET EMILY! James's girlfriend. She's a doll.
- became friends with Ashlee, and her and Jeanie came over my house every morening for like 3 days. then I hated Ashlee. I still hate Jeanie.
- Jeanie cheated on Dick.
- Derek got a girlfriend. She dumped him in a note. We all make fun of it it's a good time.
- I got a cell phone!
- made plans with Laura Noble to drive the WHOLE mass pike.
- drove around with Ali for a million hours at a couple of times and went off the bump wicked fast!
- drove around with Laura Noble! that was alot of fun! do it again?
- slept over Bobby's house. kinda. for Amy.
- snuck out at 2 in the morning!
- Saw Deleware-Chris!
- had the best lunch table in 8th grade and 9th! my heffalump is the mascot
- Rob and Kelly broke up =/
- I MET ALICIA MARSENELLI FROM MYSPACE! hahahaha. =]
- at 2:16 on December 30th I lost my best friend. FUCK YOU, DEREK! WE MADE UP!
- Emma and Messina broke up tonight.
- Me and Derek have been kissing? just on the cheek, haha.
- I want a boyfriend. Lame, I know.