A response to fecklessness...
Half-Life 2 is tensely shocking so often that the game mind numbs your senses into a lingering novocaine feeling of "Get ready!". Yet, the terror is spread out just enough so that the enemies do no become so ridiculously overwhelming that you just want to pause the game and hide under the bed sheets. [Note: I played on the Normal difficulty setting.]
Half-Life 2 very much has the same effect on me that its prequel did, albeit with many next-generation touches that one could only dream for in a game - like advanced artificial intelligence, realistic portrayal of human facial expressions, lively backgrounds, and a physics engine.
Speaking of physics the Havok implementation is very well done. One can obviously glean that Valve truly fell in love with the gaming possibilities physics can offer a player. For example, you have many opportunities to take ordinary objects, such as a chair, and throw it at your adversary thereby breaking it into parts if enough force is impacted as a result. When bullets and grenades are not at hand, a player has the option of being resourceful.
And that is the genius of the combat gameplay: the oppressor pushes you onto your heels, challenges you to land back on your feet, then reactively you want to tip-toe through it all, only to be gaspingly shoved onto your heels again.
With that said, I will hold off on a purchase till a new computer is constructed. True, in time, I will play and beat the game. That time isn't yet, however, and I am very okay with that due to the following reasons entailed below.
I grew up with the Atari 2600; then the Nintendo Entertainment System; then the Atari 7800; then the Super Nintendo; then the Sony Playstation; then computer games; then back to console gaming which leads to today with the Nintendo Gamecube.
Altogether, I've lived with, followed, and matured as this dynamic industry has gained financial momentum and market size. Now that the media is where it is today, gaining headlines, gathering new fans, and ever exploring the interactive realms once thought inconceivable, my interest has been shimmering dim. The gaming industry is no longer the niche player it once was; no longer the child but an adult, grown up like myself, somberly.
Thousands of games old and new alike are displayed at one's fancy in rental, discount, electronics, online, and yes, even niche gaming stores themselves. The selection is v-a-s-t, too vast for my own tastes. I miss the days of stepping into a store with a only several games released per month, reading about them incessantly in magazines, and playing the one I wanted to its end. No longer.
And from this swarm of selection I have netted games, mostly on the cheaper end of around $20 or less, of which I haven't beaten. This unuseful gaming aggregation is quite an annoying, silly habit. Point is, I am inundated with games I cannot complete because of other duties and interests taking priority.
Even moreso, is that I view life a much more interesting challenge than that of the virtual world, even if i do escape in those worlds momentarily to de-stress. Guitar lessons, digital art, finance, reading, and time management are but a cross-section of my favorite scholarly pursuits of which I will spend more time.
The only conclusion I can draw from this is that I either pack away games I no longer play, sell, or give them away, restraining myself from future purchases (for I no longer want them in my sight). I'm planning to beat game-by-game according to my interest, keeping one game out only.
The alternative, however, is to keep a focus of what I am playing and finish it, maintaining my organized collection in sight untouched.
Nevertheless, the value in gaming is that I complete what I started. Quality over quantitiy. If I can't complete it, I shall be rid of it from my eyes or possession.
I must admit, I was once easily persuaded by status acceptance as a means to fit in and be current with all about me. Now I no longer care to chain myself to such self-consciousness. If I know about the Nintendo Revolution or whatever, great. If not, great. It matters little to me. I will not be buying soon, regardless.
It has been a little over three years since I dropped out of Full Sail. And from that period, I have struggled often finding steady work, going from Washington Inventory Services to Wal-Mart to many temporary jobs while juggling the loan repayments. That is, until I settled into becoming a nursing aide.
I will be gainfully employed, going on a year in late October. This is a feat counting the longest I have ever held a job was a year and a half at Weis Markets late-night stocking shelves with locke_cole.
In addition to this steady employment, my ongoing relationship with Melissa is developing quite nicely. She, by far, is the sweetest girl I've ever dated. Though I carefully maintain reservations about further official commitments until a later time, I can easily say she is someone who I can see myself partnered with for a long time.
From this developing relationship comes a realization that I am getting older than I choose to recognize. On October 23rd, I'll be 27. A decade ago, I was a teenager dating Heather and finishing up high school. Now, I'm an adult dating Melissa looking seeking an education then career. Behind, at all that has since transpired, it is really incredible how much a decade of years has influenced my change to this present day.
With the dimming of my gaming interest and the dawning of a relationship, I am coming upon a crossroads. The idea that I may be moving out within 2 years with Melissa is admonitory. I am now leaning towards assurance and safety rather than risk in a career choice. Physical therapy is seemingly a freshly curious, selflessly beneficial, clean, safe yet profitable next step for schooling.
As for game development, I know I am at short net, short reach to catch my fluttering butterfly. One swift try. One decent game and I'll end my mild fixation. But I won't do it at the risk of sacrificing my goal of being debt-ridden.
This week I'll start with the ye olde "Hello, World." program and take it from there. If the fire truly has died within me - and this will take much internal strife - I may cast another direction, leaving game development behind. There is a time frame for what I want to do and I feel as though the window is closing more and more everyday.