hmmm.
i just finished watching El Crimen Del Padre Amaro- The Crime of Father Amaro, with Gael Garcia Bernal. it was surprising. it was really great. the characters were rich and fascinating. it was disturbing and sad. i cried and cried. the padre natalio character was wonderful.
i know that paul (was it paul?) said that marriage was good but it would be better for you if you were able to remain single. personally, i have always wondered if he meant that it would be better for you personally, if he was saying it would be better for your ministry because you would have nothing to keep you tied to any one place. nothing keeping you from acting despite danger.
it seems to me, that marriage (a good one) is one of the best ways we have to try and get as close to understanding the way God loves us as we possibly can.
i've always understood God's love for us to be intensely personal, creative, and ACTIVE. to be truly loving others is an every day endeavor. it is a difficult undertaking. absolutely it is hard to show love to someone you dislike. there is no question about it. however, you can easily love that person from somewhat of an emotional distance. you can always get away from him/her. in a marriage, on the other hand, there is no distance, no going away. you come home to that person every night and wake up to that same person in the morning. if you have a problem, you must resolve it before you go to sleep. and then you sleep together. to truly, actively, love someone that is so close, i think, is the most sincere, life-altering, and beautiful things of which a human being is capable.
all that said, it seems strange to me that a man of God would be required to separate himself from this possibility, from this gift, from this means of education, really. you learn so much about humility, self-sacrifice, and JOY. how to receive love is just as important.
...
i don't know. sometimes i don't understand certain things. certain things we decide.
...
finally got to try that church today and it was good. he said just what i needed to hear. and i got to take communion FINALLY. other than what we had when i was at home, i can't remember the last time i got to take communion. it was glorious.
...
it's sad when your drawing prof tells you to draw someone you know in profile and you realize that you lead a rather solitary life and that you instead have to resort to drawing the profile shot of saul williams, pg.100, the november issue of FADER.
sigh.
quick new jersey is a hole story:
the other day i had to slam on my brakes to stop at a stop sign i didn't notice at first because the person in front of me drove right through it. well, the woman coming into the parking lot honked real ugly at me, flipped me off, and cussed me out. now, i didn't cut her off or anything! i managed to stop only a couple feet past the sign. not at all interfering with her. so that was annoying. BUT THEN. this dude driving behind the first woman, in other COMPLETELY UNRELATED TO THE EVENT, turns, pulls next to me and has me roll down my window. i was waiting for a "you need air in your front left tire." kind of comment, but instead i got: you need to learn to fucking read, you dumb bitch.. pow. right in the gut. i did nothing to him. nothing at all.
people here are so ugly.
i know that there are ugly people everywhere, but honestly... this is the 7th state i've lived in. and i have never experienced the kind of mean-spirited and hateful things that i have here. i wasn't meant for this place.
i swear, one of these days i will up and leave this place and i will miss a few of you like mad, but other than that... i will never look back.
i know that paul (was it paul?) said that marriage was good but it would be better for you if you were able to remain single. personally, i have always wondered if he meant that it would be better for you personally, if he was saying it would be better for your ministry because you would have nothing to keep you tied to any one place. nothing keeping you from acting despite danger.
it seems to me, that marriage (a good one) is one of the best ways we have to try and get as close to understanding the way God loves us as we possibly can.
i've always understood God's love for us to be intensely personal, creative, and ACTIVE. to be truly loving others is an every day endeavor. it is a difficult undertaking. absolutely it is hard to show love to someone you dislike. there is no question about it. however, you can easily love that person from somewhat of an emotional distance. you can always get away from him/her. in a marriage, on the other hand, there is no distance, no going away. you come home to that person every night and wake up to that same person in the morning. if you have a problem, you must resolve it before you go to sleep. and then you sleep together. to truly, actively, love someone that is so close, i think, is the most sincere, life-altering, and beautiful things of which a human being is capable.
all that said, it seems strange to me that a man of God would be required to separate himself from this possibility, from this gift, from this means of education, really. you learn so much about humility, self-sacrifice, and JOY. how to receive love is just as important.
...
i don't know. sometimes i don't understand certain things. certain things we decide.
...
finally got to try that church today and it was good. he said just what i needed to hear. and i got to take communion FINALLY. other than what we had when i was at home, i can't remember the last time i got to take communion. it was glorious.
...
it's sad when your drawing prof tells you to draw someone you know in profile and you realize that you lead a rather solitary life and that you instead have to resort to drawing the profile shot of saul williams, pg.100, the november issue of FADER.
sigh.
quick new jersey is a hole story:
the other day i had to slam on my brakes to stop at a stop sign i didn't notice at first because the person in front of me drove right through it. well, the woman coming into the parking lot honked real ugly at me, flipped me off, and cussed me out. now, i didn't cut her off or anything! i managed to stop only a couple feet past the sign. not at all interfering with her. so that was annoying. BUT THEN. this dude driving behind the first woman, in other COMPLETELY UNRELATED TO THE EVENT, turns, pulls next to me and has me roll down my window. i was waiting for a "you need air in your front left tire." kind of comment, but instead i got: you need to learn to fucking read, you dumb bitch.. pow. right in the gut. i did nothing to him. nothing at all.
people here are so ugly.
i know that there are ugly people everywhere, but honestly... this is the 7th state i've lived in. and i have never experienced the kind of mean-spirited and hateful things that i have here. i wasn't meant for this place.
i swear, one of these days i will up and leave this place and i will miss a few of you like mad, but other than that... i will never look back.