六十七
[private || offline || thoughts]
So here I am again. It's not really surprising - should've known, really. Ah, but that's not true; I did know. That there had to be a catch to the deal. It was the only logical thing, after all.
And yet, I went anyway. Impatient, selfish, ungrateful - could've cost someone their life, after all. Then I'll have to live with that, too - well, just one more thing. Not the first death I caused, and won't be the last. Gone too far now, no turning back.
And still I'm glad: I was able to finish what I left behind and I think I got rid of a lot of insecurities - what's up with Manji, do we really go back to exactly the time we were taken from, all that kind of stuff. I'm deeply reassured now, and in a way, that's good for my life here, too. While I am here, I might well commit myself to it now.
Strange to think that I have a whole alternate life going on here, and even more strange that I don't remember anything about it at home. Well, that would probably mess with time and space too much. Is this all a dream, after all? Hypnosis? But then... if immortality exists, why not this level of magic? If it is magic. For all I know, what I've seen of the world so far is only the surface of a deeper truth.
Hah, almost sad that I won't likely be able to get to the ground of that; can't lose sight of my real goal, after all.
Just a few more steps, then all of this will come to an end.
[text entry]
I've had a few days to think, and here I am with my network device again.
I feel like I should say something. Suppose I should make a statement. But then, I've hardly been on the receiving end of reproach; I'm a little surprised. Not that I'm mad for punishment, but I certainly would have understood. Too well.
Because I've been impatient and selfish.
Nothing to be done about that now, of course. I'm just thinking - maybe it counts for something that I said it. It's not an excuse, and it also doesn't mean I'll quietly await whatever punishment one may see fit to bestow upon me - I've got things to do and things to live for and I'm not giving it up and away, sorry.
If... if someone died because of me... that was the one thing I wasn't thinking of. Ah, well.
Neither can I say I'm sorry to have gained what I did.
And then... what else I wanted to say: I'm actually sort of glad to be back. To see you all again.
(OOC: And that is that. As for HMD, my thread can be found here!)
So here I am again. It's not really surprising - should've known, really. Ah, but that's not true; I did know. That there had to be a catch to the deal. It was the only logical thing, after all.
And yet, I went anyway. Impatient, selfish, ungrateful - could've cost someone their life, after all. Then I'll have to live with that, too - well, just one more thing. Not the first death I caused, and won't be the last. Gone too far now, no turning back.
And still I'm glad: I was able to finish what I left behind and I think I got rid of a lot of insecurities - what's up with Manji, do we really go back to exactly the time we were taken from, all that kind of stuff. I'm deeply reassured now, and in a way, that's good for my life here, too. While I am here, I might well commit myself to it now.
Strange to think that I have a whole alternate life going on here, and even more strange that I don't remember anything about it at home. Well, that would probably mess with time and space too much. Is this all a dream, after all? Hypnosis? But then... if immortality exists, why not this level of magic? If it is magic. For all I know, what I've seen of the world so far is only the surface of a deeper truth.
Hah, almost sad that I won't likely be able to get to the ground of that; can't lose sight of my real goal, after all.
Just a few more steps, then all of this will come to an end.
[text entry]
I've had a few days to think, and here I am with my network device again.
I feel like I should say something. Suppose I should make a statement. But then, I've hardly been on the receiving end of reproach; I'm a little surprised. Not that I'm mad for punishment, but I certainly would have understood. Too well.
Because I've been impatient and selfish.
Nothing to be done about that now, of course. I'm just thinking - maybe it counts for something that I said it. It's not an excuse, and it also doesn't mean I'll quietly await whatever punishment one may see fit to bestow upon me - I've got things to do and things to live for and I'm not giving it up and away, sorry.
If... if someone died because of me... that was the one thing I wasn't thinking of. Ah, well.
Neither can I say I'm sorry to have gained what I did.
And then... what else I wanted to say: I'm actually sort of glad to be back. To see you all again.
(OOC: And that is that. As for HMD, my thread can be found here!)