二十一
[private || toughts || offscreen]
OH THAT --
OF ALL THE --
I can't believe it. Can'tbelieveitcan'tbelieveitcan'tbelieveit. I can't grasp what happened to me --
And it's something that just happened. Makes one wonder, if it'll ever truly sink in. I think I'll cry then. As if I haven't cried enough.
To be the wife of... of that man. He who killed them. He who condoned mother's rape.
I'm not amused, no, not amused, ahahaha, but LIKE THE CITY CARES. Or the deities. Or fate. Or whatever. Like I fucking care - no wait, I do. I'd really like a scapegoat right now. It's tempting, to blame him, jerk that he is, but I know he had as little to do with it as I did.
A shame, really.
T-to k-k -- and to hold -- bah. Even the words are disgusting to think.
But the sheer, sweet irony! Of something that has not been, never was, never ever will be. If that is the solution to peace - hah. I can't bring myself to actually wish for it, isn't that the most pathetic thing?
I feel I should, somehow, and yet... no. Nonononono.
Manji.
[/thoughts]
Funny, isn't it? How it isn't until something affects you deeply and personally that you truly realize its horror. Thank you kindly, City. That was a lesson for life. If I underestimated you before - well. I'm not going to do that any longer.
Moving on. Does the police keep an eye on types like this? It would be a relief to know.
Thank you, Rosella, for calling the communicator's writing function to my attention. As can be seen, I have practiced diligently. It recognizes most of what I'm writing on the first attempt. I think I'll use that from now on - everyone must be so sick of hearing my voice by now.
Youko, or Ryōga-kun, how about some training? I could use that.
(OOC: Following this and that. Flatmates may have noticed her coming home around midnight in a very gloomy mood. Spent some time locked in the bathroom, swearing, crying and retching. Link is IC. And yep, this entry is written. The time of eternal voice posting is over.)