Bring forth the Jury! ....no really...I'm alive...

[kainasilverbane]

*Stumbles over, blurry eyed and sleepy* Uh? *looks around* Oh, right...I swear to God once Rush is over and school settles in I'll be back to normal...seriously...

Title: Shards
Author/Penname: Kainasilversbane
Rating:pg-13
Chapters: Chapter 12 (Ongoing WIP)
Pairings: Fujitaka/Kaho centered
Summary: Zelda purloinment XD
Warning, Notes: I broke

Comments

[sheila_chan]

My computer hates me. I was to post a comment, when it froze and... all the typing I did became useless. -_-

Anyway, after restarting the computer I went through the whole thing again and noticed some grammar and typo errors:

-Vines,(replace comma with 'and') tree trunks thick (how about: thick tree trunks^^), (remove comma) covered in giant thorns, erupted from the ground right under Sakura and shot straight for her.

-Kaho did a backwards roll to her feet and stood up... (how about: Kaho rolled backwards to her feet and stood up...^^)

-OOOO - I think there's no need to separate the two:)

“HO-EEEEEEEH!” Sakura screamed as she dodged yet another rock solid vine. “Shield!”

-The Shield made it so she wasn’t hit directly by the vines as she flew, but now she had converted herself into a living super-ball.

The Shield made it in time, and Sakura wasn't hit directly by the vines as she flew, but in the process, she had converted herself into a living super ball.-The girl moaned as she tried to focus in(remove in) on her goal

[claire_chan]

NOooooooo... it lost my post and I have to go.. x.x;;

overall summary: you have a couple typos Sheila missed, and some weird sentence structures. Overall, I'd advise you to keep your sentences short so that you don't run into so much grammar trouble.

I loved the ending with Sakura hugging Kaho. It's so Sakura-like.

And concerning Tomoyo, I could see it being her way of dealing with the shock of Sakura-chan being hurt, freezing into the position she'd been in before, filming Sakura.

[anonymous]

wow, that was cool! really violent... but realistic I guess.
I really like this story and it has the best pairing ever!

[kainasilverbane]

*blushes* Uh, thank you! ^_^ I wish anonymous commentors would at least leave some sort of name in their comment, so I can thank them properly. XD

I'm glad you like it. Yes, it is on the more violent side, but I planned for it to be. I think it fits though. Think about it as how a child grows up. When they're young, they see everything as being harmless, and as they get older, they're exposed to things that are of the opposite. This is basically that, Sakura has gotten older, and is experiencing a world that is no longer going to let her just scrape by without a problem.

As for the pairing. *Snickers* It's my weakness. I swear I'm rabid for those two, but very few people can see it working. I've converted several people in the community though, which is a big step. I'm working towards making it a common fan-canon, but I have a long way to go.

Thanks for your encouraging comment! There are two more chapters after this one that I've posted, if you wish to read them, and more on the way. ^_^ I'm glad you like it so much