New CCS Fanfic
I'm a newbie to LiveJournal and I have no idea what I'm doing. BUT I heard LJ is a good place to advocate fanfics so please read and preferably critique it.
Title: Intruder
Author: globmonster1
Rating: T
Chapter(s): 2 (recently added on 4/6/08)
Pairings: None; SxS to come
Genre: Angst/Romance
Summary: There's a saying that says life isn't fair. Sakura ( Read more... )
Title: Intruder
Author: globmonster1
Rating: T
Chapter(s): 2 (recently added on 4/6/08)
Pairings: None; SxS to come
Genre: Angst/Romance
Summary: There's a saying that says life isn't fair. Sakura ( Read more... )
Comments 7
(1) you don't want to overwhelm your reader (because when they do they'll end up having preconceived notions about what your story is about, and/or stop reading altogether);
(2) you want your reader to feel for your character (like she really is a breathing and feeling person).
Grammar-wise, you have a pretty good command of the language (apart from some punctuations that need to be omitted/corrected here and there). What I find jarring about your story though is how plot doesn't follow the story-line (considering that this is fanfiction, and there is no indicator from your notes/labels that this is AU). Regardless of how you think it (the idea of Nadeshiko dying because of an accident, and Sakura being at fault and blaming herself for it) will click, you have to keep in mind that it doesn't change the fact that it is deviating from the original series, making the realization of #2 (for your reader to feel for your character) very difficult, if not impossible ( ... )
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