Losing my religion - Part 1.1/3
Name: Losing my religion
Author: revontulet_iam
Beta: saar_fantasy
Summary: In which Kris is in love with Adam and Adam is in love with Brad
Disclaimer: This a work of fiction
Warnings: It doesn't have a happy ending, butif that doesn't bother you, then you're alright
Notes: Well, hi? I don't know if anyone remembers me. I sure hope you don't because I'm really behind with the updates on my other fics. Anyway, the good thing about this fic is that it's completed and you won't have to wait months for an update. The title is inspired by REM's , 'Losing my religion'. I hope you like it! Cheers!
Part 1
1
It all happens so suddenly it almost feels like a scene taken from a sappy movie, only not quite. Everyone knows that in every good Hollywood movie, the main characters are smitten with each other and when they kiss, the world stops and no one but them exists. The reality, however, is harsh...because Kris is stupidly in love with Adam and Adam is still in love with his ex boyfriend.
Kris knows how wrong this is, that he will get his heart broken into a million shards, and yet he still can’t find a good enough reason to stop it from happening. It starts slowly, so slowly that if you blinked you would have missed the most important moment; the moment when Kris looked at Adam, adoration written all over his face, eyes sparkling at the prospect of having someone like Adam love someone like him.
But it’s all a blatant lie, a love induced mistruth. He suddenly remembers how passionate Adam is about everything. How much heart he puts in every single thing he does. This kiss, however, is nothing like that.
He tries to tell himself that this is not that bad, that he should just settle for those fragments of affection Adam can give to him, and maybe, somewhere in the future, this affection Adam feels for him will turn into love.
From the very first moment they met, Kris knew there would be something more than friendship between them. Despite the fact they were both so different, they somehow clicked. They became best friends and in the process of it, Kris had also fallen in love with Adam.
He has no idea what’s so special about Adam that made him fall head over heels. Adam is fierce and confident and one of the most beautiful people he knows . The fact that Adam is also a man should make a difference, yet strangely enough, it doesn’t. His feelings for his new friend seem natural and it never felt odd to fantasize about being with Adam one day.
So when his fantasies do come true, Kris finds it hard to believe. He knows he's just a second best, that Adam’s heart belongs to someone else, but he’s more than willing to take everything Adam gives to him and enjoy every single moment of it. And yet, he has never quite imagined that it would be like this. A rushed kiss in a dressing room, with people screaming their name and minutes ticking away. It’s kind of awkward, and nothing like what Kris dreamed about, but it’s all so perfect and beautiful.
He cups Adam’s head with his hands and smiles against the kiss. “I love you.” He says breathlessly. It’s probably way too soon, too straightforward and definitely not the right time, but for some unknown reason it feels right. He has waited to say those words since the day they met. He can’t wait another second.
Adam, however, doesn’t reply. He just deepens the kiss and tightens his grip on Kris’ waist. If it weren’t for the euphoria of this moment, Kris would take a moment to think about the consequences of their careless actions, but he’s way in toodeep to think straight.
A knock on the door startles them both. They break the kiss and stare at each other confused. “We should probably go.” Adam says eventually. He seems nervous because he’s fidgeting and doesn’t dare to meet Kris’ eyes.
“Yeah, but we should talk about it after the show.” Kris replies. He’s sure that his cheeks are crimson right now, that he most probably looks ridiculous, but in the end he’s only a man. Not everyone is as perfect as Adam Lambert.
“Yeah, of course.” Adam laughs, his eyes lighting up.
Kris breathes a sigh of relief as he realizes that nothing has changed between them. Yes, they have kissed, but they are still good friends. Despite the fact that he and Adam haven’t known each other for too long, they somehow have become good friends. Maybe it’s true what they say, that opposites attract, because however different they might be, there’s chemistry between them. They bonded from the very first moment they met.
2
His heart starts pounding as he hears the door opening. He could pretend that he’s sleeping so that he won’t have to talk to Kris about what happened earlier in the dressing room, but he knows he can’t avoid Kris forever. And besides, he sort of needs Kris in his life. He can’t explain why he has these kind of feelings for someone he has known for such a short time and if he’s truly honest to himself, he doesn’t really want to think about it.
“I know you’re awake.” Kris says bitterly. Adam rolls onto his side so that he’s facing Kris. Although he turned off the lights, his eyes have adjusted to the dark and he can make out Kris' figure. It’s sad to see him like this. His shoulders are hunched forward, his hands are in his w3pockets, and he’s looking down, as if he’s afraid of what he might see if he looks at Adam.
“Yeah,” Adam replies dumbly. He has no idea what he should say, if there’s anything to be said at all. Kris is an amazing man, but Adam only loves him as a friend. Even earlier, when they kissed, he didn’t feel anything. He’s so far gone for someone who doesn’t reciprocate his feelings that he somehow ceased to care about the outside world. He only sees Brad, all the fucking time. He wants him, needs him like air.
Each time he tries to tell himself that he should move on and find someone else, he starts feeling illogically guilty. He doesn’t understand why. He and Brad had been over for a long time, and although he doesn’t want to admit it, he knows, deep inside, that he and Brad will never be together. That the happily ever after they dreamed of when they were young and naïve is nothing but a distant dream.
“We should talk.” Kris insists, walking towards Adam’s bed. He sits on it and takes Adam’s hand into his. “What are we going to do, Adam?” He asks. There’s a certain bitterness in his voice that makes Adam’s heart break. This shouldn’t have happened. Kris deserves someone much better than him.
“What do you want to do about it?” It’s not the best response, he knows it, but screw it. He’s confused.
“You already know what I want. I told you, I love you and I’m willing to give us a shot.”
Adam sighs. He rises to a sitting position and stares at Kris for a couple of moments. He wishes the lights were on, so he could see him better. He’s always loved watching Kris, studying the faces he makes whenever he's annoyed or happy. There’s something so unique about Kris’ persona that takes Adam’s breath away sometimes.
“I’ll probably make you suffer.” He states simply.
“I know and I don’t care. You will also make me happy.”
“How can you be so sure?”
Kris shrugs. “Because it’s you, and you make me happy.”
Adam smiles at him. Maybe being in a relationship with Kris would be good for both of them. “Are you sure about it?”
“Yes,”
“Alright, then.” Adam says matter-of-fact, as if he’d just agreed to going to a movie. It’s strange that he’s so insensitive and self-involved. He’s always put his friends’ needs above his. The fact that he’s using Kris for his own needs makes his guts churn. His first thought is to stop this while there’s still a chance to salvage their friendship, but then Kris wraps his arms around his neck and the prospect of a relationship suddenly doesn’t seem like such a bad idea anymore. The lines are already blurred anyway. Because of the feelings Kris has for him, they’ll probably never going to be friends, and not having Kris in his life is not an option.
“I promise I’ll try my best to make you happy.”
“I know.” Kris mumbles, his breath ghosting over Adam’s neck.
3
Being Adam’s boyfriend is everything like what he has imagined and more. Adam is tender and sweet and he always cares for Kris’ needs. If Kris didn’t know better he would think that Adam was really in love with him. The way he sometimes looks at Kris, like he’s something precious, makes Kris think that maybe there is hope for their relationship.
“Do you want to make our relationship official?” He asks one night after a concert. They’re in their hotel room, and everything seems so blissfully intimate that he finds it hard to believe it’s true. He’s tucked safely under Adam’s arm, their limbs so intertwined that he can’t tell for sure where he ends and where Adam begins.
Adam rises to his elbows to look at Kris. His expression is unreadable and Kris fears that his question was out of line.
“Do you want to?” He looks serious, but Kris can’t tell for sure whether he likes the idea or not.
“Yeah,” He replies dully then looks away, too afraid to face Adam’s scrutiny. “I mean, if you want to. I won’t be mad if you don’t want it. I just think it would be better if people knew about us. “
Adam looks at him and traces his fingers down Kris’ cheeks. “I’ve been thinking about it too, but I wasn’t sure whether you wanted it or not. Everyone assumes that you’re one hundred percent straight. I don’t want to be the asshole that turned the American Idol gay.” He shrugs, the way he always does when he’s feeling uncomfortable, and tries to fake a smile.
“For your information I’ve never been one hundred percent straight. People were fooled by my good looks. They don’t think someone as good looking as me could be gay.” His answer draws a loud laugh from Adam which makes him laugh back, because regardless of how fucked up their relationship might be, it’s still real and beautiful.
“Oh, I don’t think it’s your looks.” He starts a little breathlessly. “I think it’s your fashion sense, man. Especially the plaid!” Adam states, looking at Kris fondly.
“Don’t mock my style, Lambert.” He says with a mock of hurt in his voice. “For your information, I’m a very fashionable person.”
“Oh yeah? In what universe?” The way Adam looks at him makes Kris feel so damn good. It’s not love, or at least it’s not the kind of love he wants, but what Adam feels for him runs so much deeper. Sometimes he thinks they are soul mates. They get along so good and in spite of their differences they somehow manage to make their relationship work. It never feels wrong when they’re together and there aren’t any awkward silences between them. He’s enough of a dreamer to think that they were meant for each other. Maybe their relationship will not survive, but he’s positive that they’ll find a way to be friends forever.
He gulps down the lump in his throat. He doesn’t know what to say in response, so he just smiles dreamily and stares at Adam dumbly. “One day I’ll make you eat your words, Lambert.” He says, then buries his head in the crook of Adam’s neck. He wishes they could stay like this forever; in their little universe, where no one can tear them apart.
4
The other idols have no problem with them being an item and he’s kind of relieved because of it. Even Gokey seems to tolerate them, which is huge, because the man is so religious and so prejudiced against so many things.
“As long as you don’t blow each other in front of me, I have no problem. It’s better than watching you two giving each other heart eyes all day anyway.” He says over the breakfast table while he’s cutting meticulously a slice of apple. There’s something so intriguing about Danny Gokey. He’s really not the bad guy everyone takes him for. Yes, he is old fashioned and kind of annoying, but once you get to know him, you realize that he is a really nice guy who’s been through a lot and is too afraid to let people in.
Adam laughs in response and steals the slice of apple Danny has so carefully cut. “Damn it, and I was so ready to blow Kris on the breakfast table.” He smiles affectionately at Danny. It’s strange that they’re getting along. Danny is one of the oddest people he knows, which is kind of a big deal considering Adam’s entourage. Danny prays every night and whenever they have a day off, he goes to the nearest church, ‘to find himself.’ Adam finds it hard to understand that a simple building could carry the answers to one’s true self, but who is he to argue. He’s a six foot tall gay man who wears too much makeup and is obsessed with glitter. He really has no right to judge anyone.
“You think you’re funny, Lambert.” He says then cuts another slice of apple. “I’m just saying. I’ve seen your dance moves and they seem pretty…” He stops to think about the right word. He always does that. Sometimes it feels like he’s walking on eggshells. For a guy who talks so much, Danny is probably one of the most guarded people he knows. Although he’s known for making stupid comments, he always tries not to offend anyone. “Sexual?”
“Aww…” Adam replies with glee. “You’re always so sweet Danny. Don’t worry. I’ve been called worse.”
Danny bursts into a boisterous laughter, then takes off his glasses to wipe the tears away from the corners of his eyes. “I don’t even want to know.”
“I’m not going to tell you. Yet.” He quirks his eyebrow, then walks to Kris who is eating his breakfast with the other idols.
“Guess what, pocket idol? Gokey has finally given us his blessing.” He says and kisses Kris’ head. He inhales Kris’ perfume and for a split second he thinks of how different Brad smelled. It’s stupid to even dwell on it. Brad doesn’t belong to him anymore, but he just can’t make his heart understand that he’s with Kris and that he should stop comparing him with Brad.
“Call me like that again and I swear I’ll hide all your hair products.” Kris says simply. Even though he seems to be joking, Adam makes a note to himself to hide his hair products away from Kris. He doesn’t want to take any risks.
“Kristopher, why so grumpy?”
Kris just rolls his eyes in response and smiles softly, his eyes lighting up in a way that Adam’s did whenever he looked at Brad. It’s hard to get used to the way Kris looks at him. It’s almost disturbing that someone can love him like this.
5
It’s crazy. People are screaming their name. They want autographs and pictures and answers. Adam is sick of the well-rehearsed smiles, of the same old questions and of signing his name on each and every piece of paper. He loves talking to his fans and giving autographs, but it just became so hard recently. He’s physically and emotionally drained.
He twines his fingers with Kris’ and almost breathes a sigh of relief at how familiar and comforting this feels. Recently, Kris has been the only one who kept him grounded. He makes Adam laugh whenever he feels blue, he holds him in his arms and sings to him at night. Kris is probably the perfect boyfriend and everything Brad never was. He is caring and supportive, and he always listens. It’s strange that Adam can’t love him. He’s absolutely perfect.
“One more concert and it’s over.” He says in Kris' ear. His boyfriend smiles and gazes at him lovingly.
“You love all the attention, admit it.”
“I did, for like the first month, but I’m so tired. I just want to crawl into a bed and sleep for a month.”
“Why, Lambert,” He covers his mouth with his hand in a mock of shock. “And you would willingly give up the perks of being a star? The LA club scene will certainly miss you.”
He pokes Kris’ shoulder gently and laughs. It’s beautiful, the camaraderie between them. It’s uncomplicated and easy, and Adam doesn’t have to pretend that he is someone else. He can always be himself when he’s with Kris. “Don’t mock me, you asshole. You’re going to sleep with me.” He winks, then bites Kris’ earlobe. Kris’ response is delicious. He closes his eyes for a second, surrendering to Adam, and almost lets out a moan. It’s beautiful how he can make Kris come undone so easily.
“You’re going to pay for this.” Kris says after regaining his composure.
Adam snickers, throwing his head back in laughter. “Bring it on, bitch!”
Author: revontulet_iam
Beta: saar_fantasy
Summary: In which Kris is in love with Adam and Adam is in love with Brad
Disclaimer: This a work of fiction
Warnings: It doesn't have a happy ending, butif that doesn't bother you, then you're alright
Notes: Well, hi? I don't know if anyone remembers me. I sure hope you don't because I'm really behind with the updates on my other fics. Anyway, the good thing about this fic is that it's completed and you won't have to wait months for an update. The title is inspired by REM's , 'Losing my religion'. I hope you like it! Cheers!
Part 1
1
It all happens so suddenly it almost feels like a scene taken from a sappy movie, only not quite. Everyone knows that in every good Hollywood movie, the main characters are smitten with each other and when they kiss, the world stops and no one but them exists. The reality, however, is harsh...because Kris is stupidly in love with Adam and Adam is still in love with his ex boyfriend.
Kris knows how wrong this is, that he will get his heart broken into a million shards, and yet he still can’t find a good enough reason to stop it from happening. It starts slowly, so slowly that if you blinked you would have missed the most important moment; the moment when Kris looked at Adam, adoration written all over his face, eyes sparkling at the prospect of having someone like Adam love someone like him.
But it’s all a blatant lie, a love induced mistruth. He suddenly remembers how passionate Adam is about everything. How much heart he puts in every single thing he does. This kiss, however, is nothing like that.
He tries to tell himself that this is not that bad, that he should just settle for those fragments of affection Adam can give to him, and maybe, somewhere in the future, this affection Adam feels for him will turn into love.
From the very first moment they met, Kris knew there would be something more than friendship between them. Despite the fact they were both so different, they somehow clicked. They became best friends and in the process of it, Kris had also fallen in love with Adam.
He has no idea what’s so special about Adam that made him fall head over heels. Adam is fierce and confident and one of the most beautiful people he knows . The fact that Adam is also a man should make a difference, yet strangely enough, it doesn’t. His feelings for his new friend seem natural and it never felt odd to fantasize about being with Adam one day.
So when his fantasies do come true, Kris finds it hard to believe. He knows he's just a second best, that Adam’s heart belongs to someone else, but he’s more than willing to take everything Adam gives to him and enjoy every single moment of it. And yet, he has never quite imagined that it would be like this. A rushed kiss in a dressing room, with people screaming their name and minutes ticking away. It’s kind of awkward, and nothing like what Kris dreamed about, but it’s all so perfect and beautiful.
He cups Adam’s head with his hands and smiles against the kiss. “I love you.” He says breathlessly. It’s probably way too soon, too straightforward and definitely not the right time, but for some unknown reason it feels right. He has waited to say those words since the day they met. He can’t wait another second.
Adam, however, doesn’t reply. He just deepens the kiss and tightens his grip on Kris’ waist. If it weren’t for the euphoria of this moment, Kris would take a moment to think about the consequences of their careless actions, but he’s way in toodeep to think straight.
A knock on the door startles them both. They break the kiss and stare at each other confused. “We should probably go.” Adam says eventually. He seems nervous because he’s fidgeting and doesn’t dare to meet Kris’ eyes.
“Yeah, but we should talk about it after the show.” Kris replies. He’s sure that his cheeks are crimson right now, that he most probably looks ridiculous, but in the end he’s only a man. Not everyone is as perfect as Adam Lambert.
“Yeah, of course.” Adam laughs, his eyes lighting up.
Kris breathes a sigh of relief as he realizes that nothing has changed between them. Yes, they have kissed, but they are still good friends. Despite the fact that he and Adam haven’t known each other for too long, they somehow have become good friends. Maybe it’s true what they say, that opposites attract, because however different they might be, there’s chemistry between them. They bonded from the very first moment they met.
2
His heart starts pounding as he hears the door opening. He could pretend that he’s sleeping so that he won’t have to talk to Kris about what happened earlier in the dressing room, but he knows he can’t avoid Kris forever. And besides, he sort of needs Kris in his life. He can’t explain why he has these kind of feelings for someone he has known for such a short time and if he’s truly honest to himself, he doesn’t really want to think about it.
“I know you’re awake.” Kris says bitterly. Adam rolls onto his side so that he’s facing Kris. Although he turned off the lights, his eyes have adjusted to the dark and he can make out Kris' figure. It’s sad to see him like this. His shoulders are hunched forward, his hands are in his w3pockets, and he’s looking down, as if he’s afraid of what he might see if he looks at Adam.
“Yeah,” Adam replies dumbly. He has no idea what he should say, if there’s anything to be said at all. Kris is an amazing man, but Adam only loves him as a friend. Even earlier, when they kissed, he didn’t feel anything. He’s so far gone for someone who doesn’t reciprocate his feelings that he somehow ceased to care about the outside world. He only sees Brad, all the fucking time. He wants him, needs him like air.
Each time he tries to tell himself that he should move on and find someone else, he starts feeling illogically guilty. He doesn’t understand why. He and Brad had been over for a long time, and although he doesn’t want to admit it, he knows, deep inside, that he and Brad will never be together. That the happily ever after they dreamed of when they were young and naïve is nothing but a distant dream.
“We should talk.” Kris insists, walking towards Adam’s bed. He sits on it and takes Adam’s hand into his. “What are we going to do, Adam?” He asks. There’s a certain bitterness in his voice that makes Adam’s heart break. This shouldn’t have happened. Kris deserves someone much better than him.
“What do you want to do about it?” It’s not the best response, he knows it, but screw it. He’s confused.
“You already know what I want. I told you, I love you and I’m willing to give us a shot.”
Adam sighs. He rises to a sitting position and stares at Kris for a couple of moments. He wishes the lights were on, so he could see him better. He’s always loved watching Kris, studying the faces he makes whenever he's annoyed or happy. There’s something so unique about Kris’ persona that takes Adam’s breath away sometimes.
“I’ll probably make you suffer.” He states simply.
“I know and I don’t care. You will also make me happy.”
“How can you be so sure?”
Kris shrugs. “Because it’s you, and you make me happy.”
Adam smiles at him. Maybe being in a relationship with Kris would be good for both of them. “Are you sure about it?”
“Yes,”
“Alright, then.” Adam says matter-of-fact, as if he’d just agreed to going to a movie. It’s strange that he’s so insensitive and self-involved. He’s always put his friends’ needs above his. The fact that he’s using Kris for his own needs makes his guts churn. His first thought is to stop this while there’s still a chance to salvage their friendship, but then Kris wraps his arms around his neck and the prospect of a relationship suddenly doesn’t seem like such a bad idea anymore. The lines are already blurred anyway. Because of the feelings Kris has for him, they’ll probably never going to be friends, and not having Kris in his life is not an option.
“I promise I’ll try my best to make you happy.”
“I know.” Kris mumbles, his breath ghosting over Adam’s neck.
3
Being Adam’s boyfriend is everything like what he has imagined and more. Adam is tender and sweet and he always cares for Kris’ needs. If Kris didn’t know better he would think that Adam was really in love with him. The way he sometimes looks at Kris, like he’s something precious, makes Kris think that maybe there is hope for their relationship.
“Do you want to make our relationship official?” He asks one night after a concert. They’re in their hotel room, and everything seems so blissfully intimate that he finds it hard to believe it’s true. He’s tucked safely under Adam’s arm, their limbs so intertwined that he can’t tell for sure where he ends and where Adam begins.
Adam rises to his elbows to look at Kris. His expression is unreadable and Kris fears that his question was out of line.
“Do you want to?” He looks serious, but Kris can’t tell for sure whether he likes the idea or not.
“Yeah,” He replies dully then looks away, too afraid to face Adam’s scrutiny. “I mean, if you want to. I won’t be mad if you don’t want it. I just think it would be better if people knew about us. “
Adam looks at him and traces his fingers down Kris’ cheeks. “I’ve been thinking about it too, but I wasn’t sure whether you wanted it or not. Everyone assumes that you’re one hundred percent straight. I don’t want to be the asshole that turned the American Idol gay.” He shrugs, the way he always does when he’s feeling uncomfortable, and tries to fake a smile.
“For your information I’ve never been one hundred percent straight. People were fooled by my good looks. They don’t think someone as good looking as me could be gay.” His answer draws a loud laugh from Adam which makes him laugh back, because regardless of how fucked up their relationship might be, it’s still real and beautiful.
“Oh, I don’t think it’s your looks.” He starts a little breathlessly. “I think it’s your fashion sense, man. Especially the plaid!” Adam states, looking at Kris fondly.
“Don’t mock my style, Lambert.” He says with a mock of hurt in his voice. “For your information, I’m a very fashionable person.”
“Oh yeah? In what universe?” The way Adam looks at him makes Kris feel so damn good. It’s not love, or at least it’s not the kind of love he wants, but what Adam feels for him runs so much deeper. Sometimes he thinks they are soul mates. They get along so good and in spite of their differences they somehow manage to make their relationship work. It never feels wrong when they’re together and there aren’t any awkward silences between them. He’s enough of a dreamer to think that they were meant for each other. Maybe their relationship will not survive, but he’s positive that they’ll find a way to be friends forever.
He gulps down the lump in his throat. He doesn’t know what to say in response, so he just smiles dreamily and stares at Adam dumbly. “One day I’ll make you eat your words, Lambert.” He says, then buries his head in the crook of Adam’s neck. He wishes they could stay like this forever; in their little universe, where no one can tear them apart.
4
The other idols have no problem with them being an item and he’s kind of relieved because of it. Even Gokey seems to tolerate them, which is huge, because the man is so religious and so prejudiced against so many things.
“As long as you don’t blow each other in front of me, I have no problem. It’s better than watching you two giving each other heart eyes all day anyway.” He says over the breakfast table while he’s cutting meticulously a slice of apple. There’s something so intriguing about Danny Gokey. He’s really not the bad guy everyone takes him for. Yes, he is old fashioned and kind of annoying, but once you get to know him, you realize that he is a really nice guy who’s been through a lot and is too afraid to let people in.
Adam laughs in response and steals the slice of apple Danny has so carefully cut. “Damn it, and I was so ready to blow Kris on the breakfast table.” He smiles affectionately at Danny. It’s strange that they’re getting along. Danny is one of the oddest people he knows, which is kind of a big deal considering Adam’s entourage. Danny prays every night and whenever they have a day off, he goes to the nearest church, ‘to find himself.’ Adam finds it hard to understand that a simple building could carry the answers to one’s true self, but who is he to argue. He’s a six foot tall gay man who wears too much makeup and is obsessed with glitter. He really has no right to judge anyone.
“You think you’re funny, Lambert.” He says then cuts another slice of apple. “I’m just saying. I’ve seen your dance moves and they seem pretty…” He stops to think about the right word. He always does that. Sometimes it feels like he’s walking on eggshells. For a guy who talks so much, Danny is probably one of the most guarded people he knows. Although he’s known for making stupid comments, he always tries not to offend anyone. “Sexual?”
“Aww…” Adam replies with glee. “You’re always so sweet Danny. Don’t worry. I’ve been called worse.”
Danny bursts into a boisterous laughter, then takes off his glasses to wipe the tears away from the corners of his eyes. “I don’t even want to know.”
“I’m not going to tell you. Yet.” He quirks his eyebrow, then walks to Kris who is eating his breakfast with the other idols.
“Guess what, pocket idol? Gokey has finally given us his blessing.” He says and kisses Kris’ head. He inhales Kris’ perfume and for a split second he thinks of how different Brad smelled. It’s stupid to even dwell on it. Brad doesn’t belong to him anymore, but he just can’t make his heart understand that he’s with Kris and that he should stop comparing him with Brad.
“Call me like that again and I swear I’ll hide all your hair products.” Kris says simply. Even though he seems to be joking, Adam makes a note to himself to hide his hair products away from Kris. He doesn’t want to take any risks.
“Kristopher, why so grumpy?”
Kris just rolls his eyes in response and smiles softly, his eyes lighting up in a way that Adam’s did whenever he looked at Brad. It’s hard to get used to the way Kris looks at him. It’s almost disturbing that someone can love him like this.
5
It’s crazy. People are screaming their name. They want autographs and pictures and answers. Adam is sick of the well-rehearsed smiles, of the same old questions and of signing his name on each and every piece of paper. He loves talking to his fans and giving autographs, but it just became so hard recently. He’s physically and emotionally drained.
He twines his fingers with Kris’ and almost breathes a sigh of relief at how familiar and comforting this feels. Recently, Kris has been the only one who kept him grounded. He makes Adam laugh whenever he feels blue, he holds him in his arms and sings to him at night. Kris is probably the perfect boyfriend and everything Brad never was. He is caring and supportive, and he always listens. It’s strange that Adam can’t love him. He’s absolutely perfect.
“One more concert and it’s over.” He says in Kris' ear. His boyfriend smiles and gazes at him lovingly.
“You love all the attention, admit it.”
“I did, for like the first month, but I’m so tired. I just want to crawl into a bed and sleep for a month.”
“Why, Lambert,” He covers his mouth with his hand in a mock of shock. “And you would willingly give up the perks of being a star? The LA club scene will certainly miss you.”
He pokes Kris’ shoulder gently and laughs. It’s beautiful, the camaraderie between them. It’s uncomplicated and easy, and Adam doesn’t have to pretend that he is someone else. He can always be himself when he’s with Kris. “Don’t mock me, you asshole. You’re going to sleep with me.” He winks, then bites Kris’ earlobe. Kris’ response is delicious. He closes his eyes for a second, surrendering to Adam, and almost lets out a moan. It’s beautiful how he can make Kris come undone so easily.
“You’re going to pay for this.” Kris says after regaining his composure.
Adam snickers, throwing his head back in laughter. “Bring it on, bitch!”