four days
I've been remembering to feed my goldfish everyday for almost a week. This is quite the record for the girl who left them be for almost a year until they resorted to canibalism. Darwinism, man, right next to my head as I slept.
I need to clean up my room.
The time is now 11:11, I felt I was too cool for school today. I also felt like the sky down and my head become a black hole and consumed it all in a very painful process. Note to self: do not drink orange juice when you have a migrain. Cuz, it will not taste as wonderful the second tasting. In my opinion, orange juice is the worst vomit thing.
Even though I missed the quiz this morning I find myself still studying, perhaps from guilt of sleeping through it.
Ever have those moments where you hate yourself so much you can't stand the movements or sound of your own breating? So much that the taste in your mouth is sour and nothing about you at all could even be construed as being pretty. Yeah, those moments are fun.
Ever have to hold back so much to the point where it hurts?
I need to find a book to pick up. There are so many that I start then become bored with or distracted from and it's doffed to the side usually with no bookmark or any means of figuring out when my place was. This way I can claim I read it, because technically I did read some of it and "reading it" in no way specifies reading it in its entirety. I mean, who gets every word out of a book walking away from it anyways? That's how people learn, that's the idea. You give them a bunch of words, facts, ideas and super saturate their capacity for knowlege, then they walk away each with a different interpretation and different lessons and peices from it. And its not like the ending is important anyway, right?
"Dont worry about me," she said, almost at a whisper, "I'm strong." As her knees were beginning to violently shake and tremble. That girls's a liar. But hey, lets play along.
I had a dream about in the short time I slept with snakes, they were everywhere in my room, sliding, gliding across me, the coolness of their scales welcomed and their presence felt deeply. There was never a moment of fear, just reassurance by their presence and an calm that seemed unreal.
There was also a dream of a car, traveling quickly, swallowing the yellow lines of the road with voracious gulps. The sky was black, like a liquid asfault puoring over the car, and it was just moving, a lack of scenery as we drove into darkness, the dimming headlights faded into nothing and I glanced over to the driver only to find that I was alone and filled with a feeling of loss and confusion. I hit a tree and woke up. Panicked, I got up and went to the bathroom and stared at my reflection for several minutes. I thought the eyes staring back at me were quite impressive, and there was a novelty about her because of the hair. I was almost impressed. What a shame to lose her, I thought. Then I remembered that, no I was not dead, and hey, there is a real world to come rushing back. This was the point where I realized a migraine was comming. I took a pill and returned to my bed, fully clothed.
I have the best smelling deodorant in the world. I had no idea there was such a thing as a pear scent, the sweetness of it is like nothing else.
I love my beautiful life.
Sometimes I just lose myself and question far too much what it is I have to offer. And far too often I come up with nothing.
Love is such a burden, a weakness. It stays, too, no matter how much sadness and hurt flood over it. It is a weakness that drives a person to things they could never do without the use of that excuse at the time. Love. Its a huge strength as well, when brewed correcty. If it can drive a person mad, it can drive them anywhere. Inspire and motevates, ignites and fills the mind with sensation and drive.
I dont regret anything. Every love I have had I appreciate and any pain has strengthened me. I aprreciate it.
I need to go get ready for school. I really should go. really. I'd like to experience the novelty of attending for an entire week. Maybe next week because I seem to have broken it already. Twice if you count the national holiday.
My cat sneezes with her entire body, she falls over or jerks to the side with every attept to violently exhale whatever dust bothers her. I say she's allergic to cat hair, but, you know.
I feel better. thank you.