Hallows (title may change) prologue

[reyairia]

So I recently decided that I want to get into writing and changed majors appropriately. I'm still super super unconfident about it and I feel like I have a lot of room to improve, so I'll run around looking for critique. Anyway, in my soulsilvershipping fanfic, I mention a bit of my own take of Silver's past

Comments

[reyairia]

Yeah, you're right, now that you look at it.
What word do you think I should use instead? IDK if you can really call a mansion a house, should I use chateau more?

[rax]

In at least some cases you can avoid the use of the word entirely. For example: "Being only four years old, I felt slightly uneasy being alone, and that was a feeling that never really disappeared in that mansion." You could say something like "Being only four years old, I felt slightly uneasy being alone, and that was a feeling that never really disappeared while we lived there." (You might also do something like changing "that was a feeling that" to "that feeling" although some of the stylistic things in here I am not sure if they are just creating a voice for Silver.)

[reyairia]

No, it's not a style, it's an error. It's partly caused by my own writing style, but if I do something in first person I need to make it so that it shows it's Silver thinking it (aka a teenage boy) once I revised that and I didn't do well.

Omg my first critique. <3 Thankyoo