Depressed to the Max

[reyinn]

I am so depressed right now. So, I was just at Solo and Ensemble, and I knew I wasn't going to get a good score, but I was praying that some miracle would happen and I would get a medal. I did, a bronze, which is better than what I thought, but the stickler is that when I was warming up I played fine, almost perfectly, and then, after entering that

Comments

[xiahki]

oh, kia. D: i'm really sorry that this is getting you down so much. but don't feel too discouraged in yourself. there's always next year, not to mention the solo & ensemble thing we're doing later this year. everyone screws up now and again. it's okay. ♥

[reyinn]

I know, but I couldn't play my best. I played so much better (not perfect, but the notes came out) in the auditorium, and then in that room everything just fell apart. If I had played my BEST in the room and gotten participation I would've been happy because I got something, but I played so horribly that I wish I didn't get anything at all. I mean, there will always be this 'what if' factor about this solo, and I kinda hated this solo, meaning I want to know EXACTLY where I stand on it.

Plus, I called both your parents' cell to tell you 'GLUCK' (good luck) but it didn't go through. *pouts*

So, enough of my whining, how are you?

[wish_of_fate]

It's Ok ya know. There's always next year and really, it was just a fluke. You know you can play it, so that's all that matters. Plus, the bronze is a hell of a lot prettier than the gold or silver. At least you don't HAVE 2 GO to fucking state. uuurrrrggghhh. I hate myself in the fact that I guilt trip myself into everything! Kudos to depression, it strikes us all! (and for some odd reason, I'm actually RELIEVED at my own depression. Think of it this way, it's a hell of a lot more real than happiness ever feels. ^^)

[reyinn]

I'm angry because I GOT something. It's like adding insult to injury. It wasn't even worth practicing. I wish they would've stopped me and said, "we've heard enough" and sent me off with a participation. That I could fail so badly and get something, that's an insult. Like pity. I HATE that. I don't want to have anything. I was about to walk out on that solo after the first movement. It was like, "I want to fail, because anything above fail isn't worth it." I don't deserve a bronze, and by getting it, it's like just giving out a party favor. I don't care about new year, only that I got something that I didn't deserve.